Pablum Plankton/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pablum Plankton" from season 15, which aired on March 14, 2025.

[The episode opens inside the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is working on what appears to be a mixture of chemicals in a large pot.]
Plankton: [pouring a light green chemical from a beaker into the pot] Steady, Plankton. Careful... [he is startled by SpongeBob laughing outside, which causes him to drop the beaker] Ooh! [the beaker falls into the pot, which causes the pot to explode. Plankton turns black, and his body disintegrates as his eye falls down. He angrily kicks the kitchen door open] What is all that noise?!
[SpongeBob is with Karen at a table, looking at a book, both giggling uncontrollably at what they see on the pages. When Karen turns the page, both explode in laughter, barely managing to keep themselves in their chairs. Plankton jumps up, demanding answers from SpongeBob.]
Plankton: What is so funny?!
SpongeBob: This!
[Karen flips the book in Plankton's direction. His eyes pop when he sees what's on the pages. It's his baby book. He screams at the sight of his hilarious and unbelievably adorable photos of him as an infant.]
Plankton: [horrified] Hopping hineys! Put those away!
[Plankton jumps on the pages, trying to block his photos from SpongeBob and Karen's sight.]
Karen: Awww! Don't be embarrassed! It's just your baby pictures! [happily gushes as she looks at them] You were adorable!
[Plankton knows looking adorable is not a good sign when you are trying to be a ruthless villain.]
Plankton: I was never adorable! These photos have gotta go!
[He pulls out a blow torch and welder's mask, preparing to burn it, but SpongeBob pulls the book back, causing Plankton to lose his footing and fall off the book and onto the table. Karen looks at it, still giggling.]
SpongeBob: You were such a cute baby! Oh, I can't stand it!
[Plankton has had enough.]
Plankton: [snatching the book from Karen and SpongeBob] Yoink!
[Both their faces fall, sad their fun is over.]
SpongeBob: [depressed] Awww...
Karen: [giving Plankton a thumbs down] Boo!
[Plankton rushes back towards his kitchen with the book in hand. He desperately tries to save his dignity.]
Plankton: I'm not cute and adorable! I'm horrifying and evil!
[As Plankton speaks, he tries to look tough in an extreme closeup, but he only ends up looking like his baby self.]
Plankton: Hmph!
[He leaves with the book to lock it away. But as he jumps, unbeknownst to him, one of his photos falls out of the book. SpongeBob picks it up while he's not looking.]
SpongeBob: Plankton was the cutest baby I've ever seen. And I'm gonna prove it to him! [runs outside laughing]
Karen: Eh, keeps him off the streets.
[A bubble transition occurs, leading to a commercial. A whale father takes a large hat from off his baby.]
Whale Dad: Time to eat, Moby! Oh, you're gonna love this new whale baby food. It's called "Baleen Baby." Baby! [grins] Open up!
Moby: No! [turns away]
Whale Dad: Come on, Moby! Here comes the submarine, into the lagoon!
[Moby continues to dodge the baby food.]
Moby: [pounding down on the table] No! [the jar of baby food flies through the air and lands on top of Moby's head. He starts crying, then a drop of baby food lands in his mouth. He licks his lips in satisfaction, and tilts his head back and swallows a large portion of the baby food] Dada! I want my baleen baby! [jumping on his head] Baby!
Whale Dad: He called me "Dada!"
Announcer: Your kids will call you "dada" as they go ga-ga for the delicious taste of Baleen Baby. Baby! And now it's time to announce the winner [strains and lifts Moby] of Baleen Baby Food's cutest baby contest! [his legs wobble and he drops Moby as they give out. A picture of baby Plankton appears] Baby Plankton!
Karen: [cut to the Chum Bucket] Woohoo! Yay! Plankton, look! [displays the picture] SpongeBob was right!
Plankton: I don't have time for malarkey now, Karen. I just ran out of robot oil. [a large robot falls over. He exits the Chum Bucket.]
Announcer: Look for Baby Plankton's picture on every jar of Baleen Baby baby food. Baby!
Karen: Oh, he's gonna love that.
[Cut to Barg'N-Mart. Plankton enters the establishment with an unhappy face. Several customers are talking about him. He freezes when a customer walks forward and almost crushes him.]
Incidental 27: Oh! Pardon me! After you.
Plankton: Hm. [scratches his head] People usually step on me when I'm shopping. Strange. [the camera pans over to a stack of baby food with Baby Plankton's picture on it. Squilliam is seen shopping nearby] Ah! Robot oil! [groans] Time to get climbing.
Mary: Oh, oh no, let me get that for you! [reaches up and grabs the oil]
Plankton: Uhh, thanks?
Mary: [pinches his cheek] Anytime, cutie! [chuckles]
Plankton: I am not a cutie! [the jar crushes him. Cut to the checkout stand. The cashier scans the robot oil]
Plankton: Okay, what do I owe ya? [pulls out his wallet]
Cashier: [gasps] It's on the house, sir! On account of you being so famous!
Plankton: It's pronounced infamous, but okay. [takes the bag]
Cashier: Have a nice day!
[Plankton grins at the cashier and walks outside. As the cashier waves goodbye, several shoppers take pictures of him as he leaves.]
Incidental 68: Look at him!
Harold: I've seen that butt on the TV!
Female voice: I want my Baleen Baby, baby!
Plankton: What was that? [shocked] Blippin' buttcracks! [a blimp themed after Baby Plankton flies in front of him]
Female voice: Buy some Baleen Baby!
[A neon sign advertising Baleen Baby is shown. Plankton looks around in apprehension and sees Bubble Bass rolling off a bench, revealing a Baleen Baby ad; a truck with a similar ad appears.]
Plankton: Huh? [yanks on his antennae] Karen!
[The screen zooms out to reveal several Baby Plankton merchandise. Cut to the Chum Bucket, where Karen is standing alone by herself. Plankton barges into the door and hops onto her hand.]
Plankton: How dare you give out my baby mugshots without my permission!
Karen: As much as I'd like to, Sheldon, I can't take credit for this one.
SpongeBob: [entering] I did it! Now, aren't you happy knowing that you're still the cutest baby in town?
Plankton: No! I wanna strike fear in the hearts of everyone, not make old ladies pinch my cheek! Look at these pinch marks! [a close-up shows his cheek heavily pulled forward]
SpongeBob: [cringes] That looks painful. Sorry about that, Plankton.
Plankton: [jumps onto SpongeBob's nose and pokes his eye] Sorry is for suckers, SpongeBoob. You got me into this baby picture mess, and you're gonna help me clean it up!
SpongeBob: [runs out of the Chum Bucket and reappears dressed in a janitorial attire] I'm ready! [bubble wipe]
Plankton: [narrating] Here's the plan: we cover up all our baby pictures.
[SpongeBob covers himself with purple paint and covers a billboard with paint.]
SpongeBob: Got it! [billboard shakes]
Plankton: But first, we chop down the billboards. [the billboard falls down and he is revealed to have chopped it down with a chainsaw] Then, we paint over the bus ads. [sticks a funnel into SpongeBob, then pours in a bucket of paint] Fire! [slips and falls into the paint]
[SpongeBob inhales and fires paint onto the bus ad, and Plankton is also launched against the bus. The bus drives away.]
Plankton: I'm okay! [gets run over by Baleen Baby truck]
[Bubble transition to Barg'N-Mart.]
Plankton: And finally, [SpongeBob walks out of the store with a cart full of Baleen Baby food] we buy up the entire supply of Baleen Baby food... [SpongeBob walks up a truck overflowing with Baleen Baby food] ...and bury it in the desert!
[SpongeBob and Plankton are tiredly shoveling Baleen Baby food.]
Plankton: [grunts] Shoo!
[The two fall back on the pile of baby food.]
Plankton: We did it! Nobody will ever see my naked baby photos again!
[The two hear a strange noise and straighten up.]
Plankton: W-w-what the heck was that?
SpongeBob: [stutters] Sea coyotes?
[Baby whales emerge from behind cacti, under rocks, and surround SpongeBob and Plankton.]
SpongeBob: Aww, it's just a buncha whale babies. They're adorable.
[The whales are drooling and have hypnotized eyes.]
Plankton: Why are they staring at me like that?
SpongeBob: [pointing behind him to the pile of baby food] They probably smell the baby food. Say, what do whales eat, anyway?
Plankton: Who cares? Toss 'em a jar and make them go away. [jumps toward the crowd of whales] Break it up, babies, break it up!
SpongeBob: [takes a jar of Baleen Baby and reads the label] Baleen Baby food is made of one hundred percent- [gulps]
Plankton: "Gulp?" What the heck is gulp?
[SpongeBob puts the label up to Plankton's face.]
Plankton: Hundred percent p-p-p-plankton?!
[The camera cuts to the label, and it reads "100% Plankton"]
Plankton: Baleen Baby is plankton!
[pans over the group of hungry whale babies.]
SpongeBob: [falls in front of Plankton] Run!
[SpongeBob and Plankton are running to escape the whale babies. A whale baby sniffs, making him chase after Plankton and SpongeBob while controlling the crib. SpongeBob and Plankton run through a crosswalk, making two whale babies chase after them.]
Plankton: Where are they all coming from?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but I really dig that whale song!
Plankton: Don't listen, SpongeBob! Some say the song of a baby whale is so hypnotic... [SpongeBob's brain turns into the shape of a whale] ...it could turn you into a voracious, plankton-eating... [SpongeBob turns into a whale] whale!
[SpongeBob eats Plankton and lays down on the ground. He makes SpongeBob open his mouth.]
Plankton: I want my mama! [escapes and is chased by SpongeBob and the whale babies. He goes to the Chum Bucket barring the doors] Sweet Neptune!
[The whale babies open the doors and Plankton goes on a chum vat and is grabbed by SpongeBob, using him as a pacifier. They both fall into the vat of chum, turning SpongeBob back to normal.]
SpongeBob: Eww, chum! I must've lost a bet!
Plankton: Help! [a whale baby grabs him] That's a relief! I thought you guys were gonna eat... [the whale baby eats him and spits it out]
Whale baby: Yuck! [Plankton is cornered by the whale babies]
Whale babies: Eww!
SpongeBob: Alright, babies! Leave Plankton alone now! [a whale baby makes him eat Plankton. He then gets nauseated and goes outside to spit him out]
Plankton: Look what they did to my antennas, mommy! [cries]
Announcer fish: I'd know that heinie anywhere! Those are Baby Plankton's famous buns!
Plankton: I'll kick your buns, you weirdo!
Announcer fish: Huh, I'm just here to give you a Baleen Baby contest check for one jillion dollars, baby!
Plankton: [gasps] Well, that's a baby food of a different flavor! I accept.
[The whale babies go outside. One of them whispers to the announcer fish.]
Announcer fish: Huh? What's that? Baby Plankton tastes like chum? Ew! That's not gonna be good for business! [rips the check] Okay, change of plans! We're done with Dr. Cyclops here, so let's go with the second baby photo we have.
Plankton: What the..? Krabs?!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, I forgot! I sent in Mr. Krabs' baby photo too! [laughs]
Plankton: Actually, that's adorable! [gets run over by a bus] My pinchable cheeks!