SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up" from season 16, which aired on June 27, 2025.

Act 1

[The episode opens with SpongeBob and Patrick in a barrel floating on a lazy river. SpongeBob drinks his cocktail.]
SpongeBob: [sighs] Nothing beats a cool drink on a lazy river, eh, Patrick?
Patrick: You said it, pal.
[SpongeBob and Patrick clink their drinks and drink from their cocktails. SpongeBob's eyes open up as he notices they are heading straight for a waterfall.]
SpongeBob: [tosses drink, points] Waterfall!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream and rapidly paddle away but fail, then scream as they fall down the cliff]
[A photo of SpongeBob and Patrick screaming while falling in the barrel is taken as the scene changes to them in full body casts in wheelchairs. SpongeBob hands a Glove World employee some money for the photo.]
Employee: Glove World thanks you for riding Contusion Falls. Come again after you've healed.
SpongeBob: Oh, we will.
Patrick: Could be sooner.
[Two nurses appear to push their wheelchairs. Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house, where a Glove World ambulance skids to a halt, sending the duo onto front of the house. The ambulance drives away.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's the best time of the day!
Patrick: [holds up a grill that is on fire] Barbecue time?
SpongeBob: Nope. I'm talking about scrapbooking! [hugs photo] We're gonna save the memory of today forever.
Patrick: [tosses grill into the air] Burner! Oh, boy! [both giggle as they run inside]
Squidward: [exits his house while humming, then sniffs the air and sighs] What the--? [the grill crashes onto him off-screen as the scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick looking at a bookshelf; screams]
SpongeBob: Let's see. [pointing to book spines] The "Old Days," "Good Old Days." Oh, here it is. [takes a book labeled "Classics"] You belong with the "Classics." [inserts the photo into the book, sighs] There. Now I'll always remember today exactly as it happened. [sighs] Memory lane.
Patrick: Wow. I've always wanted to remember to remember things.
SpongeBob: [flips the page to show a photo of him with inflated pants from "The Sponge Who Could Fly"] Remember this, when I could fly?
Patrick: Nope.
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, [flips the page to show him and Patrick performing at the Bubble Bowl] how about this one? When we performed at the Bubble Bowl?
Patrick: [shrugs] No.
SpongeBob: Well, you'll definitely remember [flips the page to show Cecil ripping his pants at Goo Lagoon] when I ripped my pants!
Patrick: You sure you remember it? [points] 'Cause that looks like my dad ripped your pants.
SpongeBob: That's odd. I definitely remember ripping my pants. But I don't remember being your dad. [flips the page to reveal a photo of Bunny holding the spatula from "Neptune's Spatula"] Or your mom. [flips the page to reveal a photo of GrandPat working at the Krusty Krab in front of a wave of anchovies] Or your grandpa.
Patrick: Oh, yeah! I don't remember any of those people!
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you know what that means?
Patrick: SpongeBob! I do not.
SpongeBob: [grabs Patrick's arms] It means something terrible is going on. We have to get to your parents' house right away! [grabs Patrick and runs off]
[A "Precious Memories" book appears in a Mermaid and Barnacle Boy-type transition. At Goofy Goober's, SpongeBob and Patrick are eating ice cream at a table. They lick their lips.]
Patrick: [sighs, then both continue eating ice cream] Garçon! Another round of double scoop sundaes, s'il vous plaît!
Goofy manager: [sweeping] Don't you two have somewhere else to be?
SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh, he's right! Better make those sundaes to go!
[The same transition appears again, this time with a goober sundae. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at the Star house, finishing off their ice creams. They go inside to see the place looking abandoned, and look around.]
SpongeBob: [calling] Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Star?
[A toaster ding is heard.]
Patrick: Oh! The kitchen! Mom must be cooking!
[They turn the kitchen lights on to reveal the room to be a complete mess, with garbage all over the place. More garbage falls out of the cupboard and a shadow of someone appears.]
Patrick: There you are. [rubs hands] Oh, boy. Mom must be making her famous trasherole.
Toaster: [jumps out of the cupboard, barking as it shreds a paper bag]
SpongeBob: The toaster has gone feral! And it seems hungry.
Patrick: Hurry! Let's feed it your wallet! [spins SpongeBob around and takes his wallet to feed the toaster]
Toaster: [catches the wallet and barks, growling as it spins and throws the wallet on the ground to rip the dollar bills to shreds]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [back away whimpering, falling over]
[Patrick sits up and tosses the spool away. SpongeBob stands up.]
SpongeBob: [patting where his wallet was; sarcastically] Quick thinking, Patrick.
Patrick: [as toilet flushing is heard, taps his forehead] Now I'm quick thinking that my family's upstairs! Let's go! [runs off with SpongeBob]
[SpongeBob and Patrick open the bathroom door.]
Patrick: Between my dad and GrandPat, someone's always in the bathroom. Hello? Anyone in here? [toilet flushes] Must be dad. GrandPat never flushes. [turns on the light to reveal Tinkle]
Tinkle: [growls, barks]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream]
Tinkle: [lunges at the duo]
Patrick: [quickly shuts the door, Tinkle's teeth poking through]
SpongeBob: D'oy! Tinkle's gone feral, too. Oh, this is a bit of a mess.
Patrick: [a lightbulb breaks on his head] SpongeBob! That's it! A mess! Come on! [takes SpongeBob with him to his room]
[SpongeBob runs into Patrick as the latter stops.]
Patrick: My old room.
SpongeBob: Ah!
Patrick: [his room is revealed to be a mess] Just like I left it. [foghorn sound]
SpongeBob: Hey, maybe there's clues in here about where everyone went.
Patrick: Yay! We get to play detective! [both put detective hats on and hold magnifying glasses, and begin looking around]
SpongeBob: Remember, no clue is too small.
[The time closet moves around behind them.]
Patrick: Hmm.
SpongeBob: Mm-mm. [picks up a peanut] Is this peanut a clue?
Patrick: [takes the peanut] Good work, detective SquarePants. Let me see. [eats the peanut] Not a clue. But let me know if you find more. [SpongeBob's eye closes; picks up a contact lens] Is this contact lens a clue?
SpongeBob: Uh, no, that's mine. Just fell out. [close-up of him with a realistic eye]
Patrick: Oh! [spits on the contact lens] Here you go. [puts SpongeBob's contact lens back in]
SpongeBob: Why, thank you!
[As the time closet door opens, someone grabs SpongeBob and Patrick. The time closet falls over and consumes the detective hats left behind. SpongeBob and Patrick are taken into a room and thrown onto the ground.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hm?
[A shadowy figure stands up.]
SpongeBob: [gasps]
Patrick: [screams] Step back, you monster! [holds SpongeBob like a shield] SpongeBob knows karate, and I'm not afraid to make him use it!
SpongeBob: [weakly] Hi-ya.
Squidina: Whoa! I don't wanna fight you, I need your help.
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidina, thank goodness. We've been looking everywhere for you and your family.
Squidina: Well, you won't find 'em here. It all started with Patrick's time closet a few weeks ago.
[Fade to Patrick's room a few weeks ago, where Bunny enters with cleaning supplies.]
Bunny: Patrick won't mind if I store some extra cleaning supplies in here. [opens the time closet and shoves the supplies inside, making the time closet activate]
Cecil: Emergency! [shows up with a large calzone] This cold jumbo calzone needs reheating, stat! Perfect, Patrick's walk-in microwave. [shoves the calzone into the time closet and presses some buttons, creating cracks around it]
GrandPat: [appears holding his bladder] Oh, the toilet's on the fritz! I already had my prune macchiato. [picks up Cecil and puts him aside] I can't hold it any longer! Perfect, Patrick's walk-in microwave. [tosses in his newspaper and toilet paper] Alright, I'm gonna need about six hours of privacy, so-- [the time closet eats him and burps; screams as he is sucked into a wormhole]
Cecil and Bunny: [hold each other while screaming, then get consumed by the time closet, screaming in the wormhole]
[Flashback ends. SpongeBob and Patrick are shivering while holding each other.]
Squidina: [shuts book dramatically] And it grabbed 'em like this! Duh! And it chomped 'em like that! [growls, tosses book away] Don't worry, I got a plan to stop the time closet. [pulls down a blueprint] All we have to do is--
[The time closet breaks through into the room and consumes Squidina.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream and run away, then scream again as the time closet breaks through the floor, then again at the front door, and both back away]
[The time closet appears behind them wearing an apron and holding a plate of cookies. The apron rips off.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream and run upstairs into GrandPat's room, then get lifted by a platform and end up on the top glass dome of the house; both pant]
Patrick: I can't believe it ate Squidina. I was just starting to remember I have a sister.
SpongeBob: With her gone, it's up to us. We have to make sure the time closet doesn't get anyone else.
[The time closet chases Granny Tentacles outside.]
Granny Tentacles: [screams] Oh, you keep that all to yourself, you, you-- [gets consumed by the time closet]
SpongeBob: [afraid] Starting now.

Act 2

[SpongeBob and Patrick are back inside the Star house. Patrick is writing on a notepad with a black crayon.]
SpongeBob: We are hunting a closet. Closets have doors. In fact, closets are mostly door.
Patrick: [his notepad reads "CLOSƎT = DOOЯ"] Your math checks out, partner.
SpongeBob: To catch a door, we have to think like doors. But how?
Bedroom door: [shuts] Hey, fellas. I can help you out of this jam. I'm a door!
Patrick: Dutch! You're a door? [pokes the door]
Dutch: Always have been, Patrick. And I can teach you everything you need to know. You just have to open the doors of perception in your mind. [opens his mouth to reveal a brain, which then fades to SpongeBob and Patrick in their hippie outfits with a trippy background]
Patrick: Huh. Sounds kinda hippie-dippie.
Dutch: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Step over the threshold of knowledge. It all hinges on one thing. Unlocking the potential of-- [gets consumed by the time closet]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [yelp as they hide behind a tree]
SpongeBob: Patrick, I get it! All doors love puns! We can use one of those lame jokes to outwit the time closet.
Patrick: Of course! [pause] I don't get it.
[SpongeBob and Patrick get in front of the time closet in striped outfits.]
SpongeBob: Say, Patrick, when is a door not a door?
Time closet: [pixelated hourglass rotates on its screen]
Patrick: [holds up jar] When it's a jar (ajar)! [laughs with SpongeBob, rimshot plays]
Time closet: [shows footage from an old cartoon of an anthropomorphic hippo laughing]
Patrick: [throws the jar at the time closet's screen, which causes it to display old cartoon footage of a man getting bumps on his head and fall over]
SpongeBob: [dancing with a cane] Thank you, folks. We'll be here all night.
Patrick: [laughs with SpongeBob as he drags the time closet with them]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob hammering nails into the broken time closet.]
SpongeBob: There. Good as new. [the time closet sparks]
Patrick: What now?
SpongeBob: [takes out his scrapbook, which shows a photo of SpongeBob being lifted by a glove balloon. It suddenly turns into Squidina being lifted by the balloon while laughing and holding a camera] Your family took my place in the past. Now we go back in time and rescue 'em! First up, Squidina in Rock Bottom.
Patrick: [grabs SpongeBob] Sure, sure, we could do that. Or we could watch some TV.
SpongeBob: Well, I am tired from all that fleeing we did earlier. Ah, what the heck? [presses some buttons on the time closet to display a bus in Bikini Bottom] We'll watch what happened to Squidina and then rescue her.
Patrick: Yippee! TV party! [grabs a sofa for them to sit in, begins eating popcorn]
SpongeBob: Can I have some popcorn?
Patrick: Shh! I'm watching my stories.
Past SpongeBob: [from footage] Patrick, I think we're on the wrong-- [screams with Past Patrick as the bus drives into Rock Bottom, and they hit the windshield when it stops]
[The glove balloon hits the bus driver onto the windshield as well, and all three fall over. The bus driver pushes Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick off the bus.]
Past SpongeBob: But sir, we need to get back to Bikini Bottom!
Bus driver: [hands Past SpongeBob the balloon] Oh, well. [drives off]
Squidina: [the time closet materializes next to them as she falls out of it; gets up] Where am I? When am I?
Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick: Squidina?
Past SpongeBob: What are you doing here?
Squidina: Well, a few years from now-- [roaring is heard as all three scream and whimper] Never mind. Let's just get outta here!
Past Patrick: Where are here?
Past SpongeBob: [points] Look! [displays Rock Bottom sign] Rock Bottom.
Past Patrick: [frantic] I don't wanna be here, SpongeBob, I wanna go home!
Squidina: Okay. You two wait here, [points away] there's a bus station over there. [walks away] So I'm gonna go get a schedule. This place is so creepy. And so cinematic! [grabs her camera, then hears a bus drive off, making her scream through the camera]
Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick: [sticking their heads out from the windows] Hey, Squidina, the bus is here! Squidina!
Squidina: [tries to run up the vertical road but keeps falling down] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, Neptune. Oh, well. I'll grab the next bus to Bikini Bottom and get back to the time closet. [uses her camera] And grab some B-roll.
Receptionist: [gives a skeleton inside a sea anemone a slip of paper, blows raspberry] Next. [gives an invisible man a slip of paper, blows raspberry] Next. [the purple fish takes place of the invisible man's body, blows raspberry] Next.
Squidina: Lookin' bizarre. [points her camera to the restrooms, where a toilet flush is heard as a bunch of baby spiders pile up]
[A giant sea spider exits the restroom and squirts an egg in the pile, then the pile moves away.]
Squidina: Uncanny. [points her camera elsewhere to where some delinquents are hanging out in a broken boat] Ooh, teenage ne'er-do-wells. [a bus stops in front of her camera, lowers her camera] The bus! [the bus takes off] The bus! Oh, great. I missed another one.
[The delinquents all look at Squidina.]
Squidina: Uhh, [chuckles nervously] I don't want any trouble. I'm just waiting for the bus.
Pbbblt: [blows raspberry, takes the camera] Sounds [blows raspberry] boring. [tosses the camera to Pffht]
Pffht: Yeah! [blows raspberry, looks through camera] Buses are for squares. [blows raspberry] Come take a ride with us. [blows raspberry, tosses the camera back to Squidina]
Squidina: Huh? Oh, um, my Rock Bottomese is a little rusty. Um, no [blows raspberry] thank you.
Mike: [from inside camera, blows raspberry] Come on! The next bus isn't for [blows raspberry] hours! [blows raspberry as he enters a skull]
Pbbblt: We're gonna [blows raspberry] pull some pranks. [blows raspberry] It'll be [blows raspberry] fun.
Squidina: It could be great footage. The future will always be there, so I can get back to it later. Okay, I'm in! [silence] Oh, right. [blows raspberry]
Delinquents: Yeah!
Mike: Alright! [blows raspberry as they take Squidina with them into the boat]
Pbbblt: My name is [blows raspberry]. [gestures to Pffht] This is...
Pffht: [blows raspberry]
Pbbblt: [gestures to Mike] And that's Mike.
Squidina: I'm Squidina.
[The boat lifts up as the creature inside lifts its legs and its eyes emerge. It blows a raspberry as it begins to run along, knocking Rock Bottomites away. Bubble transition to Pbbblt placing a dollar bill on the ground attached to something.]
Pbbblt: [giggles and tiptoes back into the boat as everyone else giggles]
Bert: [walks by, whistling] Ooh. [picks up the dollar, and notices that it is attached to a large blue creature; screams as the creature eats him]
Delinquents and Squidina: [laugh]
[Bubble transition to Mike taking a phone from its stand.]
Mike: [laughing as the others giggle, bangs on the stand]
[Elsewhere, the Krusty Krab phone rings. Past Squidward takes the phone and answers.]
Past Squidward: Krusty Krab, make it quick.
Mike: Hi. [blows raspberry] I'd like to order [blows raspberry] 300 Krabby Patties [blows raspberry] hold the Krabby [blows raspberry] and the Patty! [blows raspberry through the phone, getting spit on Past Squidward]
Past Squidward: I told you kids to stop calling here! [tries to hang up the phone, then notices the phone cable is attached to a large purple creature] Huh? [gets eaten by the creature]
Customer: [sips drink] Hey, could I get a refill?
Delinquents and Squidina: [laughing]
[Bubble transition to the boat behind a fat lady on a bench eating a chocolate bar. Mike blows into a glove balloon.]
Pbbblt: This one's [blows raspberry] a classic!
Squidina: I can't [blows raspberry] wait!
[Mike ties the balloon string around the lady, making her go into the air with it.]
Lady: [screams]
Delinquents and Squidina: [laughing]
Squidina: You're the coolest kids I've ever [blows raspberry] met.
Delinquents: Aw, shucks. [blow raspberries]
Squidina: I wanna hang here for days. Bikini Bottom can wait, and so can [blows raspberry] the future. [notices she is tied to a glove balloon in the air] Wait. [blows raspberry]
Delinquents: [laugh]
Squidina: [laughs] Oh, you guys got me. [blows raspberry, laughing] You guys. [laughs as SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the time closet to take her back, yells as her camera drops]
Pffht: Cool! [blows raspberry, picks up the camera which is revealed to be attached to a giant orange monster, and its worm tongue eats them all]
[The time closet returns, and SpongeBob and Patrick faceplant on the floor.]
Squidina: [screams as she is launched into a sandbox, groans and looks around] Aw, man. I lost my footage.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidina. But hey, we fixed the time closet.
[The time closet sparks and sputters.]
Squidina: Uh, good work.
SpongeBob: [holds up book] And look, we fixed my precious memory.
[Squidina fades out from the photo as SpongeBob takes her place.]
SpongeBob: Okay, let's find the rest of your family.
Patrick: Oh! [jumps on SpongeBob's head and takes the book] Oh, oh, I found Dad! [looks at the Cecil ripped pants photo] Hey, Dad, why are you so small?
SpongeBob: Don't worry. He'll be bigger when we bring him back. [presses some buttons on the time closet to activate it, steps back, and the screen shows Goo Lagoon] Aha! Here's Goo Lagoon!
Squidina: Let's go get him!
Patrick: [grabs Squidina by her head] No-no-no-no! [places Squidina between him and SpongeBob on the sofa] It's more fun to watch first. [he and SpongeBob eat popcorn while wearing 3-D glasses]

Act 3

[On the TV, Cecil enters the time period where "Ripped Pants" took place.]
Cecil: Whoa! [faceplants behind the marshmallow fish, then gets up] Hey, pal. Have you seen a jumbo calzone around here?
Marshmallow fish: [shakes head] Mm-mm. [eats a marshmallow on a stick]
Cecil: Well, back to the hunt. [whistles and begins to walk away before seeing Past SpongeBob pop out from the sand]
Past SpongeBob: [takes two marshmallows] Can I borrow a couple of these?
Marshmallow fish: [nods] Mm-hmm. [eats another marshmallow]
Cecil: [pointing away as Past SpongeBob digs away] Say, that was my son's little friend! I wonder if he's seen my calzone. [flips his mustache to turn it into a drill, and drills into the ground]
[Cut to an unimpressed audience in front of Past SpongeBob.]
Past SpongeBob: And now, with the addition of two, count 'em, two, marshmallows. [cracks knuckles then spins his foot before being slapped by Cecil]
Cecil: Heya, sonny! Have you seen a big calzone?
Past SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Star. Uh, I'm kinda in the middle of impressing everyone.
Cecil: [rolls around] Whoo! Pumpin' iron, huh? Yeah, I could give you a few pointers. [appears muscular, then it is revealed a muscular man was actually in front of him as the man walks away]
Past SpongeBob: Well, I suppose--
Cecil: Keep your ankles as wide as possible [stretches Past SpongeBob's ankles], knees locked together, [locks Past SpongeBob's knees together], cross-grip is my preferred method, [crosses Past SpongeBob's arms], back nice and rounded, [stretches Past SpongeBob's head back and up], head high, tongue out, [makes Past SpongeBob's tongue stick out], nostrils flared [stretches Past SpongeBob's nostrils], and [sings] sing!
Past SpongeBob: [sings like Cecil, then coughs and falls over]
[Crickets chirp as the crowd is still unimpressed.]
Cecil: That's alright. [picks up Past SpongeBob and drops him] Let me show you how it's done. Now watch closely. [rubs hands together] This is what they call [flexes his muscles] dad strength! [his belly comes out of his shirt like a door, which he awkwardly pushes back in, then does the same position he did for Past SpongeBob, and sings as he tries to pick up the "barbell"]
[Cecil looks down as a rip is heard.]
Audience: [gasps]
Past Larry and Past Sandy: Huh?
Cecil: [sees he has ripped his pants, covers them up and blushes, chuckling]
Audience: [laughing]
Past SpongeBob: [laughs, wipes away a tear] Mr. Star, that was hilarious!
Past Sandy: I had no idea you were so funny!
Past Larry: Larry [slaps Cecil] likes ripped pants!
Cecil: [makes a happy face similar to Past SpongeBob's] In that case, here's another fatherly tip. [pulls out an extra pair of pants from his pocket] Always carry an extra pair of pants. [he sees a frisbee being tossed, and fakes reaching for it as his pants rip again] Ahh. Oop!
Audience: [laughing]
Scooter: [laughs] If it was anyone else, that joke would grow stale and tiresome before long. But I can watch you rip your pants all day long, dad dude! [laughs and walks away]
Past SpongeBob: [holds up Cecil's arm] Let's hear it for Mr. Star!
Everyone: [cheering]
Cecil: [smiles as his pupils turn into ripped pants, then he rips in half as the scene changes to him at the Komedy Krab]
Audience: [cheering and applauding]
Cecil: [puts the microphone up to his pants as they rip]
[Cecil then rips his pants at The Chortling Clam and The Funny Fish.]
Audience: [cheering and laughing as Scooter rips his pants on his table]
[The screen rips as the words "Ripped Cecil" appear on-screen.]
Announcer: Ripped Cecil [a model posing Cecil appears] Fashion. ["Ripped Cecil" appears again as model Cecil appears again wearing only underwear] Ripped Cecil Fashion. ["Ripped Cecil" appears again as model Cecil appears riding a seahorse, then the words appear again on a stage] Ripped Cecil Fashion.
Cecil: [pulls along a pant rack]
Director: Mr. Cecil, the models are ready.
Cecil: Well, let 'em rip!
[A model appears onstage, ripping his clothes, impressing the audience. Another model appears, ripping his pants to reveal his boxers through his butt.]
Audience: [cheering, ripping off their own clothes]
Cecil: [appears with the two models, doing the splits as he rips his pants]
Audience: [cheering, chanting] Cecil! Cecil! Cecil!
Director: [crying, wiping away tears]
French narrator: [narrating time card] Several thousand ripped pants later...
[Cut to a building named Ripped Pants Inc.]
Cecil: [lounging in his office chair] Who knew ripping my pants would lead to a fashion empire?
Director: Mr. Cecil, there's a large group outside for you.
Cecil: Those must be my adoring fans. [gets up and leaves] Thank you, Linda. [he exits through the front doors] Seasons greetings, everyo-- [gets hit with a snowball and groans] Hey, what was that for?
[A shivering angry mob with protest signs is confronting him.]
Old lady: F-For convincing us to rip all our clothes in the m-middle of winter!
Big fish: Yeah! Now we're all f-f-f-freezing!
Angry mob: [yelling as they corner Cecil]
Squidina: [as SpongeBob and Patrick eat popcorn] Now can we pull him out of there?
Patrick: Shh! It's getting to the good part.
Cecil: Now, now, everyone. I think I get what you all want. You want... the ultimate rip!
Old lady: What?!
Cecil: [inhales, then strains, ripping himself in half] Well, what did you think?
Old lady: [points] Get him!
Big fish: Both of him!
Cecil: Uh-oh. [the angry mob is about to get him when the time closet appears behind him, where SpongeBob and Patrick each grab one half of him before the time closet closes]

Act 4

[SpongeBob, Squidina, Patrick, and Cecil's two halves come out of the time closet.]
Cecil: Thanks for saving me, everyone.
Squidina: [pointing] Ew, Dad, your spleen is showing.
Cecil: I thought I felt a breeze. Let me take care of that. [uses duct tape to put him back together, gives thumbs-up] Perfect!
SpongeBob: [looking at the book] We did it! [the ripped pants photo turns back to normal] My photo's back to normal.
Squidina: [pointing to Bunny holding Neptune's spatula] Yeah, but take a look at this one.
SpongeBob: The time I pulled Neptune's spatula from the grease. But I'm not holding it. Your mom is.
Patrick: My mom is what?
SpongeBob: Let's investigate. [turns a knob on the time closet to show footage of what happened, where he and Patrick are at the museum]
Past SpongeBob: [in footage] Behold, the ultimate cooking utensil. The golden spatula!
Past Patrick: [reading plaque] It says here, many have tried to pull the spatula from this ancient grease, and all have failed!
Past Larry: [tries to pull the spatula, but is sent backward] Whoa!
Past SpongeBob: [reading] Only a fry cook worthy of King Neptune himself can wield the--
Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick: --golden spatula. Wow.
Past SpongeBob: [gets up to the spatula] Take a picture of me with the spatula. [reaches for the spatula as the time closet appears, where Bunny appears]
Bunny: [gasps] Goodness! Where am I?
Past Patrick: Hi, mom!
Bunny: [kisses Past Patrick's eye] Hello, son. [sees the spatula and gasps, slapping Past SpongeBob's hand away] SpongeBob! Don't touch that filthy thing! We don't know where it's been! [sprays cleaner fluid onto the spatula and uses a brush to clean it, and holds it] I'll just scrub it nice and clean. [gives the spatula to Past SpongeBob] There you go, sweetie.
Past SpongeBob: Thanks, Mrs. Star. Ooh, so shiny.
[A spiral thundercloud appears above.]
Past SpongeBob: Huh?
Bunny: Huh?
[Thunder strikes as King Neptune appears from his palace and flies down.]
King Neptune: [laughs] Yes! At last, someone worthy of being the royal fry cook! Who has freed my mighty spatula from the grease? [sees Past SpongeBob] There is no way you pulled the spatula out. You are but a lowly sponge. [pulls Past SpongeBob's nose] Puny. [holds up Past SpongeBob's arm as it droops] An insignificant weakling. [hits Past SpongeBob's weak arm] Why, these feeble little baby arms could never release my divine spatula from its greasy prison.
Past SpongeBob: Oh, sorry, your highness. It wasn't me.
Bunny: Uh, actually, it was me. Bunny Star.
Past Patrick: [waves] Her friends call her Mom.
King Neptune: Ah, yes! You are obviously superior. Why, look at your muscular arms. [holds out Bunny's muscular arm as it shows a close-up]
Bunny: Keeping things clean keeps me fit!
King Neptune: You have the physique of Atlas! Make poses with me!
[Bunny and King Neptune make muscular poses together, then bang into each other's torsos.]
King Neptune: Clearly you possess the strength to become the personal chef of King Neptune!
Bunny: Ooh! I've never cooked for a deity before. [claps hands lightly]
King Neptune: [uses his fingers to materialize a two-seated bicycle] Come, Bunny. Let us depart to my palace [gets in the front seat] in Atlantis!
Past SpongeBob: Good luck, Mrs. Star. [gives Bunny the spatula]
Bunny: [jumps into the back seat]
King Neptune: You'll need to pedal. [Bunny pedals the two upward into the clouds and into King Neptune's palace]
Past Patrick: [waving] Bye, mom! See you at dinner!
Bunny: Ooh! Ahh! [the clouds close]
King Neptune: [the two are in a royal kitchen] Behold my divine kitchen!
Bunny: Nothing like a [tosses things behind her] a kitchen of the gods to whip up a simple whole cooked meal.
King Neptune: Uh... [yelps]
Bunny: [approaches King Neptune with a ladle of green slop] Have a taste! [feeds King Neptune the slop]
King Neptune: [gags and coughs] What is that unusual flavor?
Bunny: Why, it's just the [tugs on King Neptune's cheek] delicious flavor of my famous boot noodle soup. [close-up of the boot]
King Neptune: I just lost my appetite.
Bunny: Oh, nonsense. You're a big, growing god! [feeds the boot to King Neptune]
King Neptune: [spits out some food, stomach grumbles, groans] I don't feel so good. [coughs]
Bunny: Oh, my. [carries King Neptune away] Someone has a case of the rumblies in their tummy wummy. [tosses King Neptune onto his bed] Let's get you in bed, mister, and fix you up.
King Neptune: My kingly docket is incredibly full today. But I'm far too ill to complete my royal duties. Whatever shall I do?
Bunny: Don't you worry. I'll handle all your royal business. But how will I know what to do?
King Neptune: When my kingdom is in peril, [grabs his trident] my mighty trident will glow [Bunny takes the trident] and take you to where you are needed.
Bunny: Thank you, but when was the last time you gave this trident a good scrubbing?
King Neptune: [snatches Bunny's cleaning spray] Please! That trident is an ancient Atlantean artifact! No abrasive cleaners.
Bunny: [her trident gives off a green glow] Oh, my. I have to get to work! Be sure you get lots of rest, sweetie. [gives King Neptune a pink teddy bear and kisses him on the cheek, then leaves through a window] Yoink!
[At Bikini Bottom Elementary, the kids are playing on the playground. Bunny floats to the ground.]
Bunny: Oh, look at the little guppies.
Green kid: [goes down the slide] Whee! [groans as he hits the ground]
Bunny: [her trident glows] Now, why did you take me here?
[Bunny looks up to see an anchor drop from a ship above.]
Kids: [screaming, approaching Bunny]
Bunny: Goodness, we can't have that. [shoots a laser from the trident to launch it into the air]
Past Plankton: [with a paint bucket and brush] Phew! I finally finished repainting the Chum... [the anchor crushes the Chum Bucket] ...Bucket.
Kids: [cheering]
Bunny: [her trident glows and takes her up into the air] Bye, kiddies! [the trident takes her to a dam that has just broken and is spewing water]
Citizens: [running away, screaming]
Bunny: Well, we can't have that either.
Past Plankton: How am I gonna clean all this up? [the water rushes to the Chum Bucket rubble] Hm. That was easy. [gets swept away by the water] Whoa! [screams as he lands underwater as the water starts to flood the city]
Bunny: [in the air holding her trident] You are grounded, Mr. Flood. Go to your room! [uses the trident to turn the flood into a giant bubble, making Past Plankton fall to the ground]
[Bunny uses the trident to put a bandage over the dam and put the flood back into it. The trident glows and sends her somewhere else.]
Bunny: Here I go again!
Past Plankton: Thank someone that's over. [a volcano forms from underneath him] Oh, no. [yelps, opens an umbrella before the volcano erupts, flooding the city]
[A man closes his window as the lava floods past his house. It breaks the house in half, making the top half float on the lava.]
People: [screaming as they run away from the lava flood]
Bunny: [flying to the volcano] Oh, dear. Someone's having a little temper tantrum. [turns herself larger and uses a mop to clean the lava; creates a giant pacifier to cover the volcano] Now, you just settle down, sweetie.
Past Plankton: [covered in lava] I'm okay. If anyone cares.
Fred: Praise Bunny!
All: Praise Bunny! Hooray!
[Bubble transition back to King Neptune, who is eating boot noodle soup while watching Sir Urchin and Snail Fail.]
Sir Urchin: Why you!
Snail Fail: What I do?
King Neptune: Who knew? All I needed to do was fake a bellyache and I'd have my first day off in a millennia!
Realistic fish head: [interrupts the show] We interrupt this program for Bikini Bottom breaking news!
Perch: Perch Perkins here reporting live on Bikini Bottom's newest hero, Bunny Star. [to Fred] Excuse me sir. What do you think of our new guardian angel?
Fred: Who needs King Neptune when we have Queen Bunny?
King Neptune: Queen Bunny?! I won't stand for anyone being more popular than me!
[A thunderstorm forms from the sky, and King Neptune appears in front of Bunny.]
King Neptune: So, this is your new Queen, is it? [laughs] Bunny Star, [points] I challenge thee to the ultimate contest! A herculean task to divine who is the true god of the ocean.
Bunny: Ooh! [laughs] That sounds like a hoot!
Perch: You heard it here first, folks! It's time for a god-off! [bell clangs]
[Bubble transition to the Poseidome, where King Neptune appears in the ring, who takes off his robe. On the other end, Bunny appears with her trident. The audience materializes and cheers.]
Perch: Welcome to the Poseidome... [materializes in the ring, holding up two fingers] where two powerful deities will battle it out for Neptune's crown!
SpongeBob: [in the audience with Patrick] Woo! Woo!
Patrick: You can do it, Mom!
Perch: Their challenge... Which one of these mighty titans can defeat [pan upward to reveal a caged Kraken] the savage Kraken?
Kraken: [roars]
King Neptune: [holds a dusty old trident] I, King Neptune, will defeat the Kraken... and I'll do it using my old trident. [blows off the dust, removing one of the trident's prongs in the process] Uh... bident.
Perch: Release the Kraken!
Audience: [cheers]
[The cage lowers to the ground.]
Kraken: [roars, breaking free]
[The time closet appears, and SpongeBob and Patrick come out.]
SpongeBob: [points] Quick, Patrick, grab your mom!
Patrick: [reaches for the Kraken] I love your new look, Mom.
Kraken: [growls]
SpongeBob: Ahem. That's not your mom...
Patrick: [lets go of the Kraken, and both grab his mom]
Bunny: Oh, hi, sweetie! [gets pulled into the time closet, which disappears]
King Neptune: Looks like it's just you and me, Kraken. [points bident] Taste the mighty fury of Neptune, you foul beast!
Kraken: [roars, his appearance changing] Whoa! Who you callin' foul beast? You're no beauty queen yourself, fella. [rimshot]
King Neptune: [aims his bident at the Kraken, only for one of the prongs to aim at him and zap him instead] Now I remember why I put this old thing in storage. [the Kraken picks him up, then the time closet reappears]
Bunny: Oh, I forgot. [holds trident] I still have your trident! [King Neptune grabs the trident] Oh! And I made sure to give it a good scrubbing. [time closet disappears]
King Neptune: Ho-ho! Feel the might of my invincible trident! [the trident melts] Huh? I told her no abrasive cleaners. [gets eaten by the Kraken]
Kraken: Hey, who knew Neptune tasted so good? I think I'll try him a second time. [spits out King Neptune]
King Neptune: This is what I get for playing hooky from work. [gets eaten again]
Kraken: [burps out a piece of jewelry] Ha! Tastes like chicken [rimshot] a la King!

Act 5

[Back to the Star house with Squidina and Cecil present, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Bunny come out of the time closet.]
Cecil: [giggles]
Patrick: We did it! We rescued Mom!
[SpongeBob and Squidina dust themselves off.]
SpongeBob: Ahh!
Squidina: We'd better check the photo.
[SpongeBob opens the book and notices the Neptune's spatula photo is back to normal.]
SpongeBob: Phew! Thank Neptune it's back to normal!
Squidina: Eh, not sure we should be thanking Neptune for anything. GrandPat is still lost in time!
SpongeBob: Let's check the other photos. [flips the page] Aww, my first day working at the Krusty Krab. [notices GrandPat in his place on the photo] Well, that's not me... It's GrandPat!
Cecil: [looks at the photo] Hm... I didn't know GrandPat could cook!
Squidina: Come on, let's see what happened.
[Squidina boots up the time closet again while Patrick cooks popcorn.]
Patrick: This is gonna be good!
[The time closet shows Past SpongeBob's house.]
Past SpongeBob: I'm ready! [exits his house and starts running to the Krusty Krab] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready...
Past Patrick: [flips up his rock house] Go, SpongeBob! [falls off of his rock]
[Bubble transition to Past SpongeBob standing in front of the Krusty Krab.]
Past SpongeBob: There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. With the Help Wanted sign in the--
[Past Mr. Krabs removes the Help Wanted sign, to Past SpongeBob's surprise.]
Past SpongeBob: Huh? [runs to the window to see Past Mr. Krabs shaking hands with GrandPat]
Past Mr. Krabs: Congratulations, GrandPat, you're our new fry cook. [starts squeezing GrandPat's hand] I hope it's not a problem working for your old frenemy.
GrandPat: I'm not workin' for ya, Krabs. [squeezes his hand tighter] I'm workin' near you. [lets go of his hand, with both of their hands swollen]
Past Mr. Krabs: Whatever you say, old timer...
[GrandPat imitates Mr. Krabs' laugh as he leaves to the kitchen. Past SpongeBob is disappointed.]
Past SpongeBob: [dejected sigh, starts walking away] I was ready... I was ready...
[GrandPat walks towards the kitchen door and notices Past Squidward at the cash register.]
GrandPat: [gives him a slap on the back] Hey, it's the paperboy!
Past Squidward: I'm not your paperboy anymore!
GrandPat: [rubs Past Squidward's forehead] To me, you'll always be my paperboy. [leaves to the kitchen as Past Squidward gets irritated] Paperboy!
Past Squidward: [growls as he looks at his magazine]
GrandPat: [laughs, starts looking around the kitchen] I've worked in the world's finest underwater kitchens, from the fountains of Versailles, to the reflecting pool of the Taj Mahal. [looks over to the eating customers] I can easily handle this dump. I think I'll make myself something to eat. [tosses a patty on the grill]
Past SpongeBob: [keeps walking] I was ready... I was ready... I was ready...
[As he walks, several buses arrive at the Krusty Krab, alerting Past Mr. Krabs.]
Past Mr. Krabs: That sounded like hatch doors! [smells] Do you smell it? That smell... A kind of... Smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... Smelly.
[Both Past Squidward and Past Mr. Krabs look at GrandPat.]
GrandPat: Don't look at me. All I smell are anchovies.
Past Mr. Krabs: Anchovies?
Past Squidward: What?
Past Mr. Krabs: Anchovies!
[A huge crowd of anchovies invades the restaurant. Past Mr. Krabs and Past Squidawrd dive into the register.]
Past Mr. Krabs: Ah! GrandPat, start cooking Krabby Patties! Pronto! [gets dragged away by the anchovies]
[GrandPat makes himself a Krabby Patty and prepares to eat it, before noticing the invading anchovies that begin rocking Squidward's cash register boat.]
GrandPat: Huh?
Past Squidward: One single file line is all I ask!
GrandPat: Eh, the heck with this. Good luck, Krabs! I quit! [throws his employee hat in the grease vat and goes outside to sit on the dumpster and eat his patty there]
Past Plankton: [out of view] Psst.
GrandPat: Huh? Who's "psst"-ing me?
Dutch: It wasn't me.
Past Plankton: Down here. [comes out from behind a tin can] I tell you what, I'll give you one dollar for that Krabby Patty.
GrandPat: Plankton? This patty's too big for a little squirt like you! Your eye is bigger than your stomach! [pokes at Plankton's stomach and laughs]
Past Plankton: I'm not gonna eat it, you imbecilic invertebrate! I need it for... Uh... [mumbles] Something else.
GrandPat: In that case, you can have it... For five hundred smackers.
Past Plankton: What?! Oh, alright. It's still cheaper than a killer robot. [gets a stack of money out of his pocket and gives it to GrandPat, who throws him the patty, which crushes him, as he runs away with it]
GrandPat: Not gonna eat it, eh? [goes to follow him] Hmm.
[In the distance, the Krusty Krab is jumping up and down.]
Past Plankton: [giggles evilly as he runs to the Chum Bucket]
GrandPat: [by the entrance] What'cha plannin' on doin' with that Krabby Patty, short stuff?
Past Plankton: Well, if you must know... I'm gonna rule the world! [the sound of someone screaming is heard as Plankton runs into the restaurant]
GrandPat: [follows him] Oh yeah?
Past Plankton: First, I'll replicate this patty. Then with all the money I make from selling them, I'll raise the terrifying clone army to take over the whole world! [drops the patty into the analyzer] After that, who knows? Maybe, just for the heck of it, I'll burn it all down! [laughs evilly] That last part is just between us.
GrandPat: When's all this fun gonna start?
Past Plankton: [points to a giant red button] As soon as I push that red button.
GrandPat: That button? [walks over to the red button on Karen's control panel] Looks complicated.
Past Plankton: Nah, it's just a simple little button. Any idiot can push it.
GrandPat: Any idiot?
Past Plankton: Any idiot.
GrandPat: This button? Any idiot?
Past Plankton: Yeah, that's what I said. Any idiot can do it!
GrandPat: There's one thing you hadn't planned on.
Past Plankton: [rolls his eye] What's that?
GrandPat: I'm any idiot.
[Past Plankton gets surprised as GrandPat stomps on him and presses the button, copying the formula.]
GrandPat: Ha!
Past Karen: Formula acquired.
GrandPat: [takes his patty out of the analyzer] All hail the Grand Patty!
[Fade to the Chum Bucket, which turns into Grand Patty's, which now has loads of customers in a line.]
GrandPat: [laughs as large stacks of cash are behind him]
[The Krusty Krab turns into a Grand Patty's with another long line. Several more restaurants form in town, and even the mayo billboard turns into a Grand Patty's billboard. Even the Bikini Bottom sign is replaced with a Grand Patty's sign. Bikini Atoll is replaced with a Grand Patty's, and even on the surface several Grand Patty's form. The White House is replaced with a Grand Patty's. A Grand Patty's appears on top of the Eiffel Tower, several appear around the Great Wall of China, and the Taj Mahal. At a Grand Vatty's factory, several GrandPat clones are pushed along a conveyor belt. A Grand Patty's fist and handle form on the Earth itself. GrandPat is now wearing royal clothing and is riding a golden motor scooter in a grand building. He throws a patty to the ground, where a long line of raggedy customers are.]
Three customers: [notice the patty] Huh? [fight over the patty]
GrandPat: [laughing evilly, getting out of his scooter] For my next royal act of destruction, I will set all of creation on fire... again!
GrandPat clones: [exclaiming, clapping as their golden spatulas fall out of their hands]
GrandPat: Suck-ups.
Plankton: By all rights, that idea was mine! [GrandPat pulls away his beard to reveal Past Plankton in a cage on his necklace] They should be sucking up to me!
GrandPat: [laughs, takes the necklace off] You had good taste in plans, tiny. Now let's see if you have actual good taste. [eats Plankton in the cage, then spits him out into a golden pot]
GrandPat clones: [exclaiming, clapping]
Plankton: [weakly emerging from the pot] Pain... Ow.
GrandPat: How'd you like that, Krabsy?
Mr. Krabs: [as a dishwasher] I liked it better when I used to smush him!
[The time closet appears, and SpongeBob and Patrick come out.]
Patrick: GrandPat! The time closet went all wack-a-doodle ding-dong!
SpongeBob: You shouldn't be here, GrandPat. So we've come to return you to your proper timeline.
GrandPat: [sweating nervously] Oh! Intruders! Guards! Take them away!
[The GrandPat clones take SpongeBob and Patrick away on golden spatulas.]
Patrick: [reaching for the patty barrel] Don't we get one last meal?
[A cell door shuts as SpongeBob and Patrick are inside it. Zoom out to reveal the time closet screen as all five are on bleachers.]
SpongeBob: Well, that didn't work out for us. I wonder how the rest of the world did. [pulls away curtains to reveal the same dreary setting, chuckles nervously] Let's not do that.
Man: [screams and hits the glass]
Patrick: Yeah. [pulls out a baseball bat with barbed wire and nails] This time, let's clobber him first.
Squidina: No! I have a better solution. [approaches the time closet] I'll just rewind a bit, and... [rewinds] Everybody, into the time closet!
Past SpongeBob: [walking past the Barg'N-Mart] I was ready... I was ready...
[The time closet appears inside the store next to a store employee. SpongeBob comes out and grabs the hydro-dynamic spatula.]
SpongeBob: A hydro-dynamic spatula with port and [expands the spatula] starboard attachments and turbo drive! [reenters the time closet, which quickly returns so SpongeBob can pay] Sorry, keep the change. [tosses money before leaving again]
Past SpongeBob: [approaching his front door] I was ready... I was ready... [the time closet appears in front of him, where present SpongeBob come out]
SpongeBob: [gives Past SpongeBob the spatula] Here! Take this spatula, fly to the Krusty Krab, [jumps] and save the day!
Past SpongeBob: What?
SpongeBob: [pulls Past SpongeBob closer] Trust me. You got this. We got this.
Past SpongeBob: Who are you, beautiful stranger? You look kinda familiar.
SpongeBob: I'm just a simple sponge... [puts on his employee hat] with a job. [puts the hat on Past SpongeBob] Now you have one.
Past SpongeBob: [touches the hat] Whoa!
SpongeBob: [jumps] Now, who's ready?
Past SpongeBob: [jumps] I'm ready!
SpongeBob: [jumps] Who's ready?
Past SpongeBob: [jumps] I'm ready!
SpongeBob: [pumps fists and jumps] Who's ready?!
Past SpongeBob: I'm ready! [flies away with his spatula]
SpongeBob: [rolls back into the time closet and leaves]
[Past SpongeBob flies to the Krusty Krab and into the kitchen, and GrandPat ducks.]
GrandPat: Huh? Ahh!
[Squidina, SpongeBob, and Bunny come out of the time closet to get GrandPat.]
Squidina: Come on, GrandPat. Let's go back to the present. [pushes GrandPat forward]
GrandPat: No! I was gonna play the stock market and invest in Goofy Goober's! I know who wins the Bubble Bowl! [gets dragged away by Bunny]
Cecil: [carrying Dutch into the time closet] Come on, Dutch.
[Patrick joins SpongeBob in watching Past SpongeBob cook.]
SpongeBob: Just look at me go.
[Past SpongeBob squirts ketchup and mustard on a patty in the shape of a smiley face, then flips it. It lands in an anchovy's mouth.]
Anchovies: [meeping]
Squidina: [reappears from the time closet] Patrick! SpongeBob! Come on! [grabs Patrick by the shorts]
Patrick: Let's go, buddy. [grabs SpongeBob by the shirt as they all leave]
Past Plankton: [emerges from the tin can] What the heck was that all about? [notices the patty left behind] Ooh! A Krabby Patty! [the time closet forms above him] Huh? [gets crushed by the time closet] Ow!
Patrick: [grabs the patty] Five second rule! [leaves]
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Bunny exit the time closet. Patrick is eating the patty.]
SpongeBob: So... do you think we averted the GrandPat apocalypse?
GrandPat: Uh, is that what the kids are calling it?
Squidina: Only one way to find out.
[SpongeBob opens the front door to reveal the outside is back to normal, and some clams fly by.]
SpongeBob: Looks pretty normal to me.
Squidina: [points] Wait, look!
[Pan to the right to reveal Grannyville.]
Patrick: Grannyville?!
SpongeBob: We forgot about Granny Tentacles!
Patrick: There she is!
[Several Squidwards are marching and carrying Granny Tentacles on a golden rocking chair. Regal music is playing.]
Squidward: Make way for Empress Granny!
SpongeBob: [takes a photo and holds it] This one's for sure going in my scrapbook. [the screen irises out on Granny Tentacles' face in the photo, ending the special]