The Algae's Always Greener/transcript

File:Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI The Motion Picture 123.png	"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'" This transcript is in need of repair. Please help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by fixing this transcript. Please remove this message when finished.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Algae's Always Greener" from season 3, which aired on March 22, 2002.

[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab with Old Man Walker walking into a pole.]
Old Man Walker: Oh! Pardon me, young lady! [takes his glasses off to get a better look, with small eyes] What a fox...
[Old Man Walker walks over to Condiment Island, and puts a bottle of ketchup on his tray, and Plankton is in the ketchup bottle.]
Plankton: [makes an evil laugh] Ooh! [his machine detects a Krabby Patty, and he laughs evilly] You're all mine you sweet Krabby Patty. Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo! [laughs evilly. An alarm goes off inside the ketchup bottle, and he buckles himself] Initiating launch sequence. [puts on a mask and zips his eye zipper closed, but unzips the mouth zipper] Krabby Patty, here I come!
Old Man Walker: [holding the ketchup bottle unsteadily] Eh, I hope I don't miss again... [presses the bottle but he points the bottle forward, missing the patty and releasing Plankton]
Plankton: Reunited and it's gonna feel so good! [unzips the eye zipper while laughing, then screams as he crashes through the wall. Squidward makes a shocked expression and he looks at the hole] D'oh!
[The scene cuts to Mr. Krabs sitting at his desk, sweating and rubbing his eyes with money.]
Mr. Krabs: [while rubbing his eyes with money] Ooh, ooh, ooh, sweet wampum. [Plankton bounces around his office] Huh! What's that? [hides under his desk for protection] Squidward, where are you? Shield me with your forehead!
[Plankton finally lands right next to the desk, and Mr. Krabs picks him up.]
Mr. Krabs: So, it was just another failed Krabby Patty theft attempt by my [close-up. He spits at Plankton as he talks] arch-competitor, Plankton! [laughs] For a second there, I mistook you for a threat. But you're just a dirty little man. [flicks Plankton away] So long, shrimp!
[An actual shrimp, who is exiting the Krusty Krab, hears him and turns around.]
Plankton: [flies towards the Chum Bucket] Curse you, Mr. Krabs! [collides into the wall of the Chum Bucket] Ow! [lands on the ground] Ouch!
[Bubble transition as Plankton walks into the Chum Bucket, sighing.]
Karen: So, typical day of failure, I see, huh, darling?
Plankton: Oh, can it, computer wife. Can't you see I'm exhausted? Why don't you go make yourself useful and synthesize me up some grub? [opens the fridge to get a can of soda]
Karen: Yes, your majesty. [Holographic meatloaf appears on the table that Plankton's sitting at. Plankton sits at his table]
Plankton: What do we got here? [uses his fork on the holographic meatloaf. Sarcastically speaks] Oh, goody. Holographic meatloaf again! [pounds the table, knocking the meatloaf off the table] When am I gonna get some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's as big as a whale! I wish I could be successful like Mr. Krabs. [opens his can of soda that he got from his fridge] I wish I could somehow just switch lives with him. Just to know what it's like. [drinks some soda]
Karen: Then why don't you just use that "Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier" thing you built last Tuesday?
[Plankton spits out his soda.]
Plankton: What a brilliant idea! Your parents must have been like, part computer or something.
Karen: [sighs as she rolls her eyes]
[Bubble transition as Plankton already sat down in front of the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier.]
Plankton: Now, let's see here. [a picture of a jellyfish shows up on the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier screen] No... [a dolphin appears] no... [a mermaid appears] no... [finally, a picture of a crab in the shape of Mr. Krabs shows up] A-ha! [he is buckled up] Well, I hate to leave you, Karen, but you know what they say... a rolling stone gathers no algae. [presses a button, and then goes through a hole of space and time, screaming]
[Plankton stops to get a drink of soda. He then starts screaming again as the camera fades to black and cuts to Plankton drooling on Mr. Krabs' desk.]
Plankton: Dear Neptune above, what happened last night? Huh, what's this? [picks up a name plate reading "Mr. Plankton" instead of "Mr. Krabs"] Mr. Plankton? [picks up a picture of Pearl] Who the Davey- [looks out the office windows and sees people eating Krabby Patties] Ehh... I'm in the Krusty Krab... and that means the life switcher was a success! The Krusty Krab is mine! [sees himself dressed like Mr. Krabs] Corporate casual!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Order up! Two deluxe Krabby Patties.
Mr. Plankton: [his eye turns into a Krabby Patty] At last!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [delivers food to customer] There you are, sir. Two deluxe... [Mr. Plankton appears at the table] Ahoy there, Mr. Plankton.
Mr. Plankton: Er, um, hey there, uh, SpongeBob. Uh, SpongeBob?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [steam coming out of his mouth] Yes, sir?
Mr. Plankton: I'm gonna need to take one of these Patties back to my office for um, bun inspection.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: I'm afraid you can't do that, Mr. Plankton!
Mr. Plankton: Why- why not?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Because that Patty is for the customer, sir!
Mr. Plankton: The customer? I'll boil the customer in hot oil, and rip out his— [Alternate-Universe SpongeBob's eyes point to Alternate-Universe Nat Peterson, who is the customer, to stop him] I mean, yes, of course, for the lovely... customer.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [gives Mr. Plankton two Krabby Patties] But you can take these Patties, sir. I made them in the off chance that you'd decide to instigate some bun inspection today, Mr. Plankton, sir!
Mr. Plankton: Uhh... yes, uh, very nice. Um, thanks. [runs back to his office] All mine, it's finally all mine! The Patties... [shows his rich wealth in his money vault] The wealth... [shows business award and Clams Magazine award frames on the wall] The notoriety! The... [sees Alternate-Universe SpongeBob in his office] SpongeBob, what do you want?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, sir, and I was wondering if I could have my, um... weekly performance review!
Mr. Plankton: Review?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Oh, yes, please, sir, please!
Mr. Plankton: But I've never reviewed anything... except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Oh, please, sir! I want to make you so happy and proud!
Mr. Plankton: Eh, you're doing fine. Now leave me to my work. [kisses one of the two Krabby Patties]
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: But, sir!
Mr. Plankton: I thought I sent you away, cretin!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [tears up] But, sir, there's gotta be something I need to improve on. Anything!
Mr. Plankton: All right, the sauce.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [gasps] Wh-what?
Mr. Plankton: The sauce. I don't know. You're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [his eyes squint, nose droops, and mouth shrinks. Jerkily moves arms forward and back each time he stutters] Eh, eh, eh...
Mr. Plankton: What?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Eh, eh, eh,...
Mr. Plankton: What's the matter with you? All I said was "A little too much sauce." It's no big deal, really.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [stuttering]
Mr. Plankton: What do you want from me, a promotion?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [his face changes back to normal] A pro- a promot- a promotion?!
Mr. Plankton: Uh, sure, kid, you're uh... you're on register now.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [turns into a bomb and gasps] Register?! [explodes, and Mr. Plankton gets back to the Krabby Patties]
Mr. Plankton: [while squinting his eye] Glad that's over. [kisses the same Krabby Patty]
[Bubble transition to Alternate-Universe Squidward standing at the cash register reading a book, when he realizes that Alternate-Universe SpongeBob is standing right next to him.]
Alternate-Universe Squidward: SpongeBob, do you remember that little talk we had about "personal space?"
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: It's okay, Squidward. I'm official, look! [points out his badge that says "Co-Cashier"]
Alternate-Universe Squidward: Wh- Co-Cashier?!
Mr. Plankton: [he is sitting at a table with the two Krabby Patties] So, have you two known each other long? [candle suddenly extinguishes by itself as the door opens suddenly] Huh?
Alternate-Universe Squidward: [storms into Mr. Plankton's office] You can't do this to me, Mr. Plankton! If you think I'm going to stand out there all day listening to... [cuts to Alternate-Universe SpongeBob, whose mouth splits in two while he talks gibberish]
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [babbling. Cuts back to Alternate-Universe Squidward]
Alternate-Universe Squidward: ...then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!
Mr. Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?
Alternate-Universe Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow, if you know what I mean.
Mr. Plankton: [Alternate-Universe Squidward is now the fry cook, standing in front of the grill] Hope you like gray! [hops off the window between the cashier stand and the grill]
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, I can see you through this little window! [Alternate-Universe Squidward groans]
Mr. Plankton: [heads back to his office] Now, no more intrusions! I'd like to begin writing the memoirs of my success story, so everyone just stay the—
Pearl Plankton: [runs inside the Alternate-Universe Krusty Krab. Mr. Plankton is being bounced up and down as she runs in] Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! [jumps up and down, making him bounce again]
Mr. Plankton: Just tell Daddy what you want! Oof! He's very busy!
Pearl Plankton: Could I please have a um... an advance on my allowance?
Mr. Plankton: If it'll get you out of my antennae. [gives Pearl a one dollar bill] Go crazy.
Pearl Plankton: $1? You hate me! [begins to cry. Mr. Plankton gasps at the closeup of her enormous tears. He attempts to dodge all of the tears, but a drop ends up landing in his mouth, making him a circle]
Mr. Plankton: [falls over] Ow!
Alternate-Universe Nat Peterson: [walks out and angrily flattens Mr. Plankton, getting all of the tears out] You!
Mr. Plankton: Me?
Alternate-Universe Nat Peterson: You think this is funny?
Mr. Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Alternate-Universe Nat Peterson: Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?! [shows Mr. Plankton a regular Krabby Patty]
Mr. Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby-- [the scene zooms in to show the patty made with gross-out items like wood, an eyeball, and more] Oh my goodness! Squidward!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [appears at the table, next to Mr. Plankton] I tried, Mr. Plankton. I really did.
Mr. Plankton: Oh, what now?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! [his eyes shrink, his mouth grows and repeatedly screams out "Soiled it!" for a very long time]
Mr. Plankton: I command you to stop that! Stop that and return to your post! [pushes his hand into Alternate-Universe SpongeBob's chest, in hopes that he will stop] Where's the off button on this thing?!
Pearl Plankton: [walks up to Mr. Plankton] Okay, Daddy. I've decided I'm gonna run away! Run away and find a new daddy!
Mr. Plankton: Make it stop! [a siren horn then goes off and then everyone becomes silent, including Alternate-Universe SpongeBob] What, did I say the secret word?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: No, sir, he's back.
Mr. Plankton: Who's back? What? [something red flashes by] What was that?!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [an alarm sounds] Man your stations! Red alert! Red alert! Take cover! [all the Alternate-Universe customers scream, and run to take cover]
Mr. Plankton: [runs in circles] Take cover from what?!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [he is up in the crow's nest searching for him] He's around here somewhere. [sees the red flash by once again] There he goes!
Mr. Plankton: What? Who? Where? Somebody tell me!
Alternate-Universe Harold Bill Reginald Scott: Some say he crawled out from the lowest trench in the ocean.
Pearl Plankton: He's the saltiest of all the sea dogs.
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: He's the most hated creature in Bikini Bottom. [the red flash then bursts out of the kitchen and we then see it is Krabs holding a Krabby Patty while swinging on a rope]
Krabs: [finishes his introduction to the audience] And he's finally got a Krabby Patty! Ar, ar, ar, ar!
Mr. Plankton: Krabs?! What the barnacles is going on here?!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: It's your arch competitor, Krabs! His goal in life is to steal a Krabby Patty and ruin our restaurant!
Mr. Plankton: [sheds a tear] That's terrible!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Yeah! But the worst part is...
[Krabs lands behind Mr. Plankton, and casts a shadow in front of Alternate-Universe SpongeBob. Shows a Dutch-angle, low-angle shot of naked Krabs and Mr. Plankton is surprised.]
Mr. Plankton: [looking at Krabs] Good grief, he's naked! [a part of Krabs then glints]
Krabs: [laughs as he swings up onto a board on a support beam above] Clothe me if you can, silly landlubbers! [laughs again]
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: I'm gonna make you eat those words, Krabs! [the cash register spins upside down, and turns into a place where a cannon is located. Alternate-Universe SpongeBob shoots a green shirt out of the cannon at Krabs, but Krabs dodges the shirt and runs somewhere else in the Alternate-Universe Krusty Krab while laughing] No shirt, no shoes... no service! [shoots all the other clothes out of the cannon at Krabs, but all of them miss. Mr. Plankton looks at the viewers in bafflement]
Krabs: Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar! [stops laughing, as he realizes that a bra has caught him and he looks at the viewers after he got caught] Huh? Aw, ya got me! Well, at least it's underwire. Here's your stinkin' Patty! [throws the Krabby Patty back to Mr. Plankton]
Mr. Plankton: [catches the Krabby Patty] I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here?
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: Knick-knack, the Patty's back! You did it, Mr. Plankton! Victory screech! [he and all the other Alternate-Universe customers start screeching, except for Mr. Plankton, who is hearing all the screeching]
Krabs: Enjoy your victory screech, Plankton, because someday the Krabby Patty formula will be mine!
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend!
Krabs: Oh, but I will! Even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... [Mr. Plankton's red pupil from his yellow eye shrinks and starts sweating as he starts to become scared] And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, [leaves the Alternate-Universe Krusty Krab, walking backwards] and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
Alternate-Universe SpongeBob: [hands Mr. Plankton a phone] Phone call, Mr. Plankton.
Krabs: [on the phone] And the next day, and the next day, [Mr. Plankton sweats] and the next day, and the next day...
Mr. Plankton: [screams out of madness, then rips off his clothes and becomes the old Plankton again] It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy.
[Plankton presses the button for the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier. He ends up back in the Chum Bucket, and holographic meatloaf is on the table.]
Plankton: Holographic meatloaf? My favorite!
[Plankton starts eating the holographic meatloaf, and is happy again as the episode ends.]