The Ballad of Barnacle Bill

The Ballad of Barnacle Bill is the first comic strip in the SpongeBob Comics No. 55 and continued in SpongeBob Comics No. 56.

Characters

Synopsis

Prologue: The Lonely Sailor

Barnacle Bill the Sailor visits Shady Shoals Rest Home and receives a message.

Chapter 1: Long-Lost Friends

SpongeBob SquarePants goes to Shady Shoals to see if Mermaid Man or Barnacle Boy can sign his copy of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Comics number 38. However, Barnacle Boy comes down with a cold when SpongeBob goes to see them. Mermaid Man says he could use someone to help him fold his socks and fill in for Barnacle Boy. SpongeBob decides to fill in Barnacle Boy's role and help Mermaid Man with his laundry. When SpongeBob and Mermaid Man go to the laundry room, Barnacle Bill catches SpongeBob. Barnacle Bill mistakes SpongeBob for the actual Barnacle Boy and says he has finally found his lost son. Barnacle Bill explains to SpongeBob and Mermaid Man his backstory of losing Barnacle Boy. He explains that a very long time ago, Barnacle Bill was sailing the seas in his ship and came across the horrible White Water Witch. She was trying to kidnap the magical mermaid Cindy Sudds. However, Barnacle Bill punches White Water Witch out of sight. Cindy was so grateful for Barnacle Bill saving her that she granted him a wish. Barnacle Bill wished he was not so lonely all of the time. Cindy waved her magic wand and gave Barnacle Bill a baby. From then on, he was not a lonely man anymore. Barnacle Bill, Barnacle Baby, and Cindy sailed the world together. They lived a life full of adventure and excitement. Unfortunately, the good times ended when they met with the White Water Witch. She wanted Cindy's magical abilities for her own. She locked up Cindy in a tower on Ruff n' Reef. As revenge for Barnacle Bill, the White Water Witch snatched his sidekick. Since then, Barnacle Bill has devoted his life to finding his sidekick and thinks he has found him. Barnacle Bill says that he and SpongeBob can sail to Ruff n' Reef to save Cindy Sudds from the awful witch. Mermaid Man reminds them that Barnacle Boy is now his sidekick and was supposed to be in the laundry room to fold socks. Barnacle Bill and Mermaid Man get into a fight on which one can keep the sidekick. A bunch of Shady Shoals Caretakers enter the room to break the battle. During the fight, SpongeBob realizes he can go with Barnacle Bill while Mermaid Man stays back at Shady Shoals with the real Barnacle Boy. SpongeBob goes up to Barnacle Bill and says he is ready to help him save Cindy. Mermaid Man is confused by this and thinks that his sidekick left him. Suddenly, the real Barnacle Boy comes into the room and reminds Mermaid Man that he still exists.

Chapter 2: Sidekick at Last!

SpongeBob SquarePants and Barnacle Bill are sailing the sea on a ship. Barnacle Bill starts talking about memories of getting a sub tattoo on one of their shoulders. SpongeBob does not have a sub tattoo and quickly draws one on his left shoulder without Barnacle Bill noticing. Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob put their shoulders together for old times' sake. When doing this, they both realize they have a different type of sub-tattoo on their shoulders. SpongeBob talks to Barnacle Bill about being on an adventure, sailing in boats, looking through telescopes, and sleeping in hammocks. However, Barnacle Bill talks about his previous experiences that involved eating nails for breakfast, sailing through 100-foot waves, and fighting with gruesome monsters. Barnacle Bill takes SpongeBob to the under part of the deck and shows him a map of Ruff n' Reef. Barnacle Bill explains that Ruff n' Reef is full of endless jungles, horrifying monsters, and tons of sailors taking orders from the White Water Witch. SpongeBob is confused about why they are going to Ruff n' Reef. Barnacle Bill reminds SpongeBob that they're going there to free Cindy the Mermaid from a tower she has been trapped in for twenty years. Barnacle Bill explains that he has not gone there to save Cindy alone because he was looking for Barnacle Boy the entire time. But with a sidekick once again, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob can keep Cindy no matter what menacing menace waits for them on Ruff n' Reef. SpongeBob is nervous about this, but Barnacle Bill explains it is worth any risk because every swab knows that rescuing a mermaid earns a magical wish. While talking, Barnacle Bill accidentally knocks over a lantern, and it starts a small fire. SpongeBob quickly puts out the fire with a bucket of water. Barnacle Bill says that his magical mermaid wish is for Cindy to reunite with him and Barnacle Boy so they will be a family once again. Barnacle Bill praises SpongeBob for not letting him down. Suddenly, the ship they are on hits a bang. Barnacle Bill looks out of a window of the boat and sees that it is the ruthless and toothless Gangplank Gus that hit them with his shark boat. Barnacle Bill explains that Gangplank Gus has been trying to prove himself tougher than Barnacle Bill since they met ten years ago. The most challenging feature of Gangplank Gus is his stinky breath. Barnacle Bill says he is too busy to feed fish to Gangplank Gus as he is going to Ruff n' Reef to rescue Cindy Sudds. Gangplank Gus angrily says he is tougher than Barnacle Bill, and to prove it this time, he is going to Ruff n' Reef and rescue the mermaid himself. Gangplank Gus mentions that his magical mermaid wish is for Cindy to send Barnacle Bill to Davy Jones' Locker so he can wash the dirty socks. They are now competing on which one can rescue Cindy the Mermaid first. Barnacle Bill's ship breaks in half as Gangplank Gus smashes his boat through it. SpongeBob, holding on to a floating box, questions how they will beat Gangplank Gus to Ruff n' Reef without a ship. Barnacle Bill pulls out strained seaweed caesar salad. The food contains minerals and fiber, which a boy needs to stay healthy. The seaweed caesar salad finally makes Barnacle Bill strong and have muscles. SpongeBob holds onto Barnacle Bill as he starts swimming very quickly. While swimming quickly enough, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob smash through Gangplank Gus' boat.

Chapter 3: Ruff n' Reef

After swimming in the sea for a while, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob have made it to Ruff n' Reef island. Looking through a telescope on the tower, the White Water Witch sees that Barnacle Bill has come to rescue his mermaid girlfriend named Cindy Sudds. Cindy, chained in the tower, is shown to be very old, rather now than when Barnacle Bill last saw her. Cindy explains that she could have escaped from the tower any time she that wanted, but she is an old-fashioned girl who expects a sailor to rescue the mermaid he loves. Even if it takes twenty-years. The White Water Witch warns Cindy that Barnacle Bill has a couple of big surprises for Barnacle Bill on the island. The witch tells her sea scum army crew to stop Barnacle Bill. Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob reach the Ruff n' Reef beach. Barnacle Bill says that he and SpongeBob got too mixed up with too many of sea scum. SpongeBob thinks this means making up a sticky mix that he just so happens to have with him. SpongeBob gives an army crew his saltwater taffy mix. The captain of the crew gives the saltwater taffy mix to everyone. However, the sticky saltwater taffy mix falls on the entire crew and they get stuck together. Barnacle Bill says that is not what he meant by mixing and starts punching away at the army crew. With all of the army crew knocked out, Barnacle Bill explains to SpongeBob about surprises. Suddenly, a gigantic prehistoric pterodactyl comes flying out from the sky and grabs Barnacle Bill away with his beak. SpongeBob is left on Ruff n' Reef island without Barnacle Bill. Gangplank Gus has made it to Ruff n' Reef and his smashed boat gets fixed. Gangplank Gus can now rescue Cindy Sudds and get his wish. Now what will SpongeBob do alone on the island with Barnacle Bill stuck with a pterodactyl?

Chapter 4: "Tuff Ain't Always Enough"

Barnacle Bill, in the jaws of a gigantic prehistoric flying fish. Gangplank Gus, mere steps away from rescuing Cindy Sudds and getting that magical mermaid wish. SpongeBob SquarePants is alone on the island calling for help. SpongeBob realizes that a "call" is just what he needs to help Barnacle Bill. SpongeBob takes out a bubble wand and starts blowing a big bubble. SpongeBob gets on top of the bubble and floats up to the sky where Barnacle Bill is stuck with a pterodactyl. Barnacle Bill is worried and tells SpongeBob that he can't tussle with this monster fish with just bubble. SpongeBob says the bubble is just to get him close to the action. He is here to talk with the prehistoric flying fish. SpongeBob claims he was a champion bird fish caller in the Bikini Bottom Bird Fish Caller Competition. SpongeBob plays his nose like a flute and starts making squeaking sounds. These sounds attracts the flying fish towards SpongeBob and lets go of Barnacle Bill. SpongeBob remembers that the Bikini Bottom Bird Fish Caller Competition was a few years ago, so maybe he is a little out of practice. Barnacle Bill who is falling yells at SpongeBob to watch out as he is about to get eaten by a flying fish. The flying fish chomps SpongeBob. Inside the beak, SpongeBob tells the flying fish his name. The flying fish then opens its beak and lets out SpongeBob who is still floating on the bubble. Suddenly, Barnacle Bill is holding on the flying fish's tail. The flying fish notices Barnacle Bill on its tail and starts approaching after him. Barnacle Bill tells SpongeBob to blow more bird calls with his nose. However, SpongeBob says he can't do it as his nose is full. Barnacle Bill pulls out his hornpipe and starts playing it to calm down the flying fish. Now that the flying fish is calm, SpongeBob asks the flying fish to do him and Barnacle Bill a favor. Meanwhile, Gangplank Gus is just a few feet away from entering the tower and saving Cindy Sudds. Suddenly, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob land on Gangplank Gus after being let go from the flying fish in the sky. Cindy Sudds sticks her heads out a window of the tower and notices who showed up to save her. Barnacle Bill tells Cindy that he arrived to save her and brought a sidekick with him. White Water Witch comes out of nowhere in a whirlpool. Barnacle Bill says it'll take more than White Water Witch to interfere with this rescue. White Water Witch's army instantly shows up. Barnacle Bill says he used to be shellfish about White Water Witch's magic, but this time he brought a sidekick with him. White Water Witch takes off SpongeBob's fake Barnacle Boy hat and reveals his Krusty Krab Employee Hat underneath. SpongeBob admits to Barnacle Bill that he was pretending to be Barnacle Boy so the real Barnacle Boy wouldn't have to leave Mermaid Man. SpongeBob reveals that his sub tattoo was drawn on his arm by a marker. White Water Witch says Barnacle Boy is not his lost son. Barnacle Bill says he has a letter to prove it. White Water Witch reveals that it was her that wrote that message. It was the only way to get Barnacle Bill to Ruff n' Reef so she could finally get her revenge. Since Barnacle Boy is not his son, Barnacle Bill questions on whatever happened to Barnacle Baby. Gangplank Gus reveals that he was Barnacle Baby all along. Barnacle Bill and Gangplank Gus puts their shoulders and they both a have the same type of sub tattoo. Barnacle Bill realizes Gangplank Gus is a grown up Barnacle Baby that has become his worst enemy and thinks Barnacle Baby was kidnapped by White Water Witch. Gangplank Gus reveals that White Water Witch did not kidnap him and he actually ran away. Gangplank Gus explains to Barnacle Bill his backstory when he was a baby. At first Gangplank Gus thought he was the luckiest scupper alive to be a sidekick. Until he got a taste of what life with Barnacle Bill was really like. Barnacle Bill worked Gangplank Gus like a dog and kept him out in all kinds of weather. Barnacle Bill put Gangplank Gus in situations no toddler could handle and if he ever complained, Barnacle Bill told him to toughen up. Life with Barnacle Bill was misery. The only thing Barnacle Bill fed Gangplank Gus was strained Caesar salad and rusty nails. Barnacle Bill always made Gangplank Gus wear a diaper. Then came the day they were attacked by the White Water Witch. Gangplank Gus took his chance and escaped in barrel. In the confusion, Barnacle Bill thought Gangplank Gus had been kidnapped. Gangplank Gus spent weeks in a barrel, just surviving fine on seawater and nails. Eventually, Gangplank Gus was picked up by pirates and earned a place on their crew. Not long after, Gangplank Gus led a mutiny and took command of their ship. That's when Gangplank Gus got his name. Barnacle Bill says he was only being tough on Gangplank Gus because he loved him so much and wanted to raise him right. Gangplanks Gus says to Barnacle Bill that if he loved him, he would've spoiled him and made his life easy. But instead, Barnacle Bill made everything tough on Gangplank Gus. Gangplank Gus then punches Barnacle Bill and he sends him flying straight into the bottom of the tower, crashing through the wall. Gangplank Gus informs Barnacle Bill to sit tight while he rescues Cindy Sudds and make his magical mermaid wish.

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Chapter 5: "Friends in Low Places"

After failing to rescue Cindy Sudds, Barnacle Bill finds himself locked in a dungeon with no hope of escape. Barnacle Bill says to him that his rough n' tough ways turned a baby into a mean sailor and thinks he deserves to rot away in a dungeon lonely and all alone. SpongeBob SquarePants, who has his arms chained, tells Barnacle Bill that he isn't alone in the same dungeon. SpongeBob apologizes for tricking Barnacle Bill, but he couldn't let him take Barnacle Boy away from Mermaid Man. SpongeBob removes his arms from the chains and grows new ones. He explains that Barnacle Bill isn't the roughest and toughest sailor in the seven seas. SpongeBob talks about the fun times he and Barnacle Bill had that involved learning how to dance, steering a ship, reading bedtime stories, scraping off barnacles from the bow of a ship, learning how to water ski, and drinking water. However, Barnacle Bill says he doesn't remember doing any of those things with SpongeBob, except for scraping barnacles. Even if SpongeBob doesn't exactly remember it perfectly, SpongeBob says he still enjoyed being with Barnacle Bill. SpongeBob and Barnacle Bill start to cry, realizing their emotions. Suddenly, SpongeBob notices some previously unseen tattoos on Barnacle Bill's leg revealing what Barnacle Baby (A.K.A. Gangplank Gus) was really like. Barnacle Baby did terrible things that include flinging food in Barnacle Bill's face, putting his dirty feet in drinking water, unscrewing a ship's wheel, ripping a treasure map, destroying a pole, and cutting off a life boat. Barnacle Bill realizes that Gangplank Gus was a low-down bilge rat even when he was Barnacle Baby. SpongeBob thinks Barnacle Bill didn't realize this earlier because he loved Gangplank Gus too much. Barnacle Bill says it's actually because he was just too stupid and all of shipworms eating his wooden brain. Barnacle Bill asks SpongeBob to hand him his last bag of strained seaweed Caesar salad. But SpongeBob cannot reach it. Barnacle Bill is angered by this and kicks a bucket against the wall only for it to bounce back and knock off some of his wooden body parts. SpongeBob notices Barnacle Bill's detached body parts and attaches them together to make an arm long enough of reach the bag of strained seaweed Caesar salad. Once SpongeBob gets the bag of strained seaweed Caesar salad, he and Barnacle Bill eat it. This seaweed Caesar salad makes Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob strong and have muscles. Outside the dungeon, Gangplank Gus commands White Water Witch to open the door so he can go inside to rescue Cindy Sudds and make his magical mermaid wish. Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob abruptly come blasting out from the bottom of the tower. Barnacle Bill talks to Cindy Sudds from the top of the tower while Gangplank Gus is running towards him. Barnacle Bill turns back and punches Gangplank Gus right out of his diaper. Gangplank Gus goes running away without pants, trying to cover himself. From out of nowhere, the White Water Witch and her wicked army of reprehensible rogues attack out heroes. Barnacle Bill starts punching away at the army crew and says that they won't give up without a blow to the skull. SpongeBob takes out his jar of bubbles and starts blowing a bunch of bubbles in the shape of fists. The bubble fists float towards the army and when the bubble fists pop, it knocks out the army crew. When all of the army crew is knocked out, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob notice White Water Witch getting away. Suddenly, a gigantic prehistoric pterodactyl comes flying out the sky and eats White Water Witch with its beak. Instantaneously, Gangplank Gus is back at the tower and has pants on. He breaks though the tower door and goes up some stairs to rescue Cindy Sudds. At the top, Gangplank Gus has come to save Cindy Sudds and make his mermaid wish. As Gangplank Gus makes his wish, a bubble comes on his head. The bubble on Gangplank Gus' head makes him muted when he talks inside of it and Cindy Sudds cannot hear what he is saying.

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Chapter 6: "A Sidekick Shoves Off"

At Goo Lagoon, SpongeBob SquarePants, Barnacle Bill, Cindy Sudds, and Gangplank Gus are on a ship on the sea dock. Barnacle Bill says to SpongeBob that he could always use a sidekick to sail the seven seas with him. SpongeBob says he loved being Barnacle Bill's sidekick, but the Krusty Krab is where he belongs. Cindy Sudds tells Barnacle Bill that he never made his mermaid wish yet. Barnacle Bill is nervous about making a wish, but decides to anyways.

Barnacle Bill wishes that he and Cindy Sudds could go steady. Cindy Sudds thinks this is a ridiculous wish and says she didn't wait in a tower for twenty-years to go steady. She thought Barnacle Bill wanted to marry her. Gangplank Gus informs Barnacle Bill that he needs to spread some ointment on a diaper rash.

SpongeBob leaves the ship and says he needs to get back to work. Barnacle Bill, Cindy Sudds, and Gangplank Gus are now together as a family again.

Epilogue: End at the Beginning

Back at Shady Shoals, Mermaid Man has come down with a cold. Barnacle Bill wonders what he'll do without a sidekick. Suddenly, SpongeBob comes in and decides to fill in for Mermaid Man's role.

SpongeBob and Barnacle Bill go down to the laundry room. Meanwhile, Davy Jones' Locker is filled with dirty socks and there is no one to wash the socks.