The Curse of the Hex/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Curse of the Hex" from season 7, which aired on June 11, 2011.

[It's a dark and stormy night at the Krusty Krab.]
Nat: Boy, good thing I remembered my umbrella.
Mabel: Me too.
[Nat and the old fish both walk out of the Krusty Krab and gets swept away by a tornado]
Abigail Marge: Come on, kids. [The family of fish also get swept away]
Dave: [walks outside] Ahh, too bad I forgot my umbrella. [walks away]
Mr. Krabs: Ahhh, the end of another successful business day. You know, Squidward, this kind of day always reminds me of money. [pours the money out of his cash register] Ahhahhahah.... [Pilar gets swept away]
Squidward: Oh, yeah, that's nice. I'll be here working while you... ahh! [sees an old fish at the door] Uh... Uh... Um... I'm sorry, ma'am, [gulps] but were closed. [The hagfish pours saliva out of her mouth] I know you're hungry, but- [the Hagfish pours out more saliva]. Uh... but we really are closed. Thank you, come again.
[Madame Hagfish slides through the door as Squidward closes it.]
Squidward: Hey! Closed means closed, Grandma! [closes the door and the fish is pulled back, the fish slides into the Krusty Krab and sighs] Oh, boy, Some people... [walks to the cash register]
Madame Hagfish: [goes to order] One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: I told you...we're closed! I was supposed to get out of here ten minutes ago! And besides, I already cashed the register out.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, but I-
Squidward: No.
Madame Hagfish: I-
Squidward: No.
Madame Hagfish: I-
Squidward: No way.
Madame Hagfish: Please I-
Squidward: Never...
Madame Hagfish: I brought exact change... [holds out three small shells]
Squidward: [eyes twitching] Ah-ha, that is what they cost... 20 years ago. Krabby Patties cost $4.50, lady.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, dear. Seems I'm just one short.
Mr. Krabs: [looks at her] No way, granny!
Madame Hagfish: Oh, But it's all I have! Please...
Squidward: Nope.
Madame Hagfish: Oh... please.
SpongeBob: [sniffles] How terribly sad.
Madame Hagfish: Please, oh, please...
SpongeBob: [whispers to the Hagfish]
Madame Hagfish: [gasps and slithers to the door] You haven't seen the last of... me! [thunder booms and lightning flashes while she says this. She then leaves]
Mr. Krabs: Well, I've certainly seen enough. [laughs]
Squidward: What a creepy old hagfish, I thought she'd never leave.
Mr. Krabs: Aye, good job there, SpongeBob. Say, what did you tell here that finally drove her out? I may need to know in case she ever comes back. [laughs]
SpongeBob: [begins laughing along] Need to know in case she ever- [laughs again]
SpongeBob: [leaves] Have a good night, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you too, SpongeBob. Have a good- [notices something in SpongeBob's pants]...night?
[Thick fog sweeps across the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: [sneaks behind the Krusty Krab] Old lady? Old lady?
Madame Hagfish: Here I am. [coughs] Right where you told me to meet you.
SpongeBob: Actually, I told you to meet me two paces to the left. [She moves two paces to the left]
SpongeBob: Oh good, you're here! [pulls two delicious Krabby Patties out of his pants] I brought the stuff.
Madame Hagfish: My goodness! This has to be the most kind, most generous, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for-
SpongeBob: You're welcome, just take them before someone sees us.
Mr. Krabs: Too late! [takes the patties]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: So, it's true!
SpongeBob: H-How did you find out?
Mr. Krabs: Find out? Boy, you would have to get up pretty early to sneak a pair of buns past old, Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Or at least before he takes off his sleep mask.
Mr. Krabs: How did you know I wore a sleep mask?
SpongeBob: Ohh please, Mr. Krabs don't fire me. Please! [thunder booms]
Madame Hagfish: [She flies in the air] Eye of newt and frozen sharkskin slab, I hereby curse the Krusty Krab! [She laughs evilly as she disappears and flies away. The clouds clear up]
Mr. Krabs: [throws patties away] We are not a soup kitchen, boy! And these will be coming out of your paycheck. Besides, we don't want to encourage- [shutters] charity...
SpongeBob: But what about the- the- the- the- the- the-
Mr. Krabs: Come on, boy! Spit it out!
SpongeBob: The- the- the- the- the-
Mr. Krabs: Okay, let's see what's under the hood. [reveals a record player in SpongeBob's chest and moves the pin and chuckles] I think that should do it.
SpongeBob: But what about the curse?
Mr. Krabs: The curse?! Boy, let me explain something about curses [holds a book wearing glasses] with a short story me grandpappy used to tell me. [clears throat] Ah, yes. Here we go. Curses are nonsense!
SpongeBob: They are, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Yep. Just totally fabricated superstition. Right, Squidward?
Squidward: You're asking the wrong guy about curses. I live next door to SpongeBob. [shudders]
Mr. Krabs: [laughs, puts claw around SpongeBob] See, boy? Just the bonical ramblings of an old lady. Nothing to worry about.
[Bubble transition to the inside the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is watching out the door.]
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I'm starting to get worried. I've got a funny feeling that the Krusty Krab really is cursed.
Squidward: [with a drink and newspaper] Uh-huh. And why is that?
Mr. Krabs: Well, we haven't seen a single customer all morning!
Squidward: That's not a curse. [sips coffee] That's a blessing.
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Yeah, you're right, there's no such thing as curses. Ha.
[A dish suddenly falls from the top of the Krusty Krab. It startles Squidward, who drops his coffee, starting a fire, which begins spreading and burns a dollar.]
Mr. Krabs: Me money! [the trail burns several dollars in a trail, which leads into his safe, causing an explosion] Aah!
SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! [grabs a dollar bill and begins blowing on it] Oh, Oh Hot, hot! [realizes that it is hot and slowly rips it into pieces, then uses a microscope to split the piece further, making it disintegrate] I don't got it.
Squidward: I just remembered there's a no-curse clause in my contract. [walks away] Nice working with you.
Mr. Krabs: [holds out claw] Squidward, wait! You don't even have a contract.
Squidward: There's a no-contract clause in it, too. [exits]
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs driving to Madam Hagfish's house.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what makes you so sure that even if we find that old lady, she'll lift the curse?
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Don't worry, SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs has a special technique for dealing with situations like these. It's called beggin' and pleadin.'
French Narrator: Many hours later...
[Mr. Krabs is still driving at night.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, I don't think we're ever gonna find--
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, look!
Mr. Krabs: Well I'll be the slimy, son of a slithery, slippery sea slug, boy. [points] It's her!
[At Madame Hagfish's house.]
Madame Hagfish: Give me one good reason why I should lift the curse.
Mr. Krabs: Because if ya' don't, me business will be ruined forever.
Madame Hagfish: I said, give me a good reason.
Mr. Krabs: [crying and on his knees, begging] Oh, please, Madame Hagfish. [crying] Please, I'll do anything, anything at all.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, I like a man who begs.
Mr. Krabs: [to SpongeBob] See, told ya.
Madame Hagfish: I will lift the curse, provided the two of you complete a dangerous task.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, wait a minute, granny, that wasn't part of this--
SpongeBob: Oh, anything, Great Hagfish.
Madame Hagfish: [pulls out a book and reads it] Bring me the sacred gold doubloon from the throat of the Giant Golden Eel!
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Okay?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs at the lair.]
SpongeBob: Well, this must be it. The lair of the Golden Eel.
Mr. Krabs: How could you tell?
SpongeBob: She gave me its [holds up business card] business card.
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs begin walking through the cave.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, SpongeBob. So you think this fudgy stuff we're walking in might be the eel's--
SpongeBob: ...Leftover pudding? Yes, I thought that, too.
Mr. Krabs: Hold it, SpongeBob. Look. [points to the Golden Eel, who is sleeping]
SpongeBob: It's the eel. Well, nappy time always comes after pudding. Let's go get the doubloon from his throat before he wakes up.
Mr. Krabs: Good idea, and be careful not to--
SpongeBob: [trips and falls] Whoa!
[The Golden Eels starts to awaken.]
Mr. Krabs: [points] He's awake!
[SpongeBob screams. The Golden Eel begins to mumble and swings his tail around.]
SpongeBob: Look out for his-- [both duck to dodge the eel's tail] tail! Quick, find something to--
[Mr. Krabs uses SpongeBob as a shield.]
SpongeBob: ...Hide behind... [the eel whacks SpongeBob and he goes flying] Whoa!
[The Golden Eel grabs and strangles Mr. Krabs with his tail.]
SpongeBob: [starting to get up] Morning already? [gasps, climbs up to the eel] I'm coming, Mr. Krabs. Don't go anywhere!
Mr. Krabs: I really don't have a choice. [the eel strangles Mr. Krabs tighter]
SpongeBob: Take this! [pokes the eel with his fist very lightly]
Mr. Krabs: [gets dropped by the eel] Good job, laddie!
SpongeBob: We're not finished yet! [pokes the eel again, the doubloon flies out of his mouth] I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it! [claps his hands together but is unsuccessful in catching it] I don't got it.
[Mr. Krabs shows that he has caught it. Bubble transition back to Madame Hagfish's house.]
Mr. Krabs: Madame Hagfish, we have got the gold doubloon you asked for.
Madame Hagfish: [takes the doubloon] Finally. [deposits the doubloon into her washing machine] Clean freeze.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, now it's time to lift that curse, like you promised.
[Cuts to the Krusty Krab.]
Madame Hagfish: [pulls out a 'closed' sign from the Krusty Krab lawn] There you go, the curse is lifted.
SpongeBob: A closed sign?
Mr. Krabs: That's it? That's the curse?!
Madame Hagfish: You think I'm going to waste good spells on a bottom-feeder like you? [drops the sign and leaves] Have a nice day.
[Many customers immediately drive up. Now inside the Krusty Krab, the customers are all eating and drinking.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's like I told you before SpongeBob, there ain't no such thing as curses, or witches, or magical sea creatures, or- [a very loud rumbling is heard] Uh... do you feel that? [the Giant Golden Eel breaks open the ceiling inside the Krusty Krab, which scares everyone away as the episode ends]