To Dad and Back/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "To Dad and Back/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with a mail lady delivering mail to the Star family home.]
Mail lady: [panting, whistling as she pulls out some mail and opens the Star family's rock-shaped mailbox]
[The mail lady's hand gets stuck in the mailbox.]
Mail lady: Huh? [struggles to pull her hand out, and pulls out Patrick, who is sucking on it]
Patrick: [waving, muffled] Hi.
Mail lady: [screaming, tosses Patrick in the air]
Patrick: [screaming as Squidina opens the upstairs window, then crashes into his room]
[Patrick smiles at the camera with a mouth full of letters, spitting them out and letting them fall to the ground.]
Patrick: [catches a letter] Welcome to "The Patrick Show." It's time for viewer mail! [rips open letter with teeth, then shakes the letter to release a child named Klaus] Oh!
Klaus: [lowers hat] Guten morgen. I'm Klaus.
Patrick: International mail!
Klaus: I vood like to know vat is going on [arm enters his stomach and comes out of his mouth] inside der body. Inside. [giggles]
Patrick: Maybe we should go inside der body und zee. [stretches mouth and lets go, rubs fingers] But where do we get a body?
Patrick and Klaus: [as Squidina wheels in Cecil] Ooh!
Cecil: [waving] Hey, son. Why not take a trip inside your dear old dad?
Patrick: Okay! I'm going in. [laughing as he tries to fit inside Cecil's mouth]
Squidina: [picks up Patrick and tosses him back] No! For this show, you've [pinches tentacle] got to get small first. [opens bedroom door] Now run down the hallway.
Patrick: [laughs and runs backwards down the hallway]
Squidina: Okay, that's far enough. [giggles, picks up Patrick to put in her hand] Aww.
Patrick: [jumps repeatedly and high-pitch laughs]
[Squidina shows Cecil the now-tiny Patrick.]
Cecil: Oh!
Squidina: Dad, can you please [points to Cecil's feet] remove one of your socks?
Cecil: Sure, honey. [takes off one of his green socks, revealing a human foot underneath, which he wiggles, then giggles]
Patrick: [exclaiming with joy as he enters Cecil's body through a trapdoor toenail]
Squidina: [puts on headset] How you feelin', Dad?
Cecil: Like [gives thumbs up] mashed potato underpants.
Klaus: [nervously pokes Cecil's foot]
Squidina: [confused] Okay. [through headset] Patrick, how are you feeling?
Patrick: [walking through damp cave inside Cecil's body] Oh! I'm feeling like mashed potato underpants.
Squidina: [sighs] Like father, like son.
Patrick: [walks around near an elevator room] Ooh. [walks to elevator] Wow. [giggles, looks at Cecil body poster] Whoa, the directory of Dad. [hits elevator button with his head]
[The elevator goes several stories down until it reaches Patrick's floor. It opens, and Rube comes out.]
Rube: Welcome to Cecil Star. Patrick Star, are you here for the big tour?
Patrick: Yes. You know my name?
Rube: Sure do! [points to Patrick] Your dad screams your name whenever he stubs his toe.
Patrick: [whimpers excitedly]
Rube: My name is Rube Goldfish, and I'll be your guide. [both enter the elevator] Where would you like to start? We got [rapidly presses elevator buttons] shin bones, knee bones, funny bones, hip, snips, and total eclipse. The gut, the butt, and how about a jump cut?
[A beep is heard as the screen shows an upside-down arrow with the words "SPLICE HERE" are shown in a jumbled fashion. The scene returns, only this time it is flipped.]
Patrick: Whoa. [looks around] How about we [points up] start at the top and [points down] work our way down?
Rube: Excellent choice. Express elevator going up. [pulls lever labeled "PAINLESS EXPRESS"]
[An alarm goes off as Cecil's eyes turn red. This causes him to drop a concrete brick on his foot.]
Squidina and Klaus: [Squidina covers her eyes] Oh!
Cecil: [yelling] Patrick Star!
[Meanwhile inside the elevator, Patrick and Rube are squashed on the floor as the elevator rapidly goes up. On a screen in front of Squidina, Cecil's pain meter shoots all the way up his body. Cecil's head stretches upwards, and crashing is heard from his body.]
Cecil: [rubs his head in confusion] Huh?
[Cut to Cecil's brean, which is shown to be a mishmash of various objects.]
Rube: [off-screen] Top floor, your daddy's brain. [he and Patrick exit the elevator and into Cecil's brain]
Patrick: Ooh! [looking at a complex tube system] So this is where all my dad's ideas come from.
Rube: [pointing up at an object passing through the tubes] Oh, look, here comes an idea now.
[The cylinder passes through the system and drops down with an icon of Cecil's face as a lightbulb turns green.]
Patrick: Oh. [opens cylinder] Ooh.
Cecil: [from cylinder] A brick in your shoe will help you to chew.
Rube: Ah! [pokes Patrick] Your dad's a genius.
Patrick: [drools, cow moos, walks off] He gets it from me. [points to door labeled "BRAIN OFFICE"] I bet Klaus would love to know what's in here. [opens door, both enter the room]
[In the brain office, three colored Patricks labeled "SILLY," "CONFUSED," and "HUNGRY" are acting stupid.]
Rube: [gestures to colored Patricks] These are the three feelings that rule your dad's behavior.
Silly: I'm feeling silly!
Confused: [hand in mouth] I feel confused.
Hungry: I'm hungry! [punches Confused]
Silly: [hits Confused on the head]
Confused: [pokes Silly and Hungry's eyes with his fingers] Knock it off.
Silly and Hungry: [pull at Confused's mouth, then they all stupidly fight each other]
[A bomb comes out of a pipe above the three feelings. The feelings all put on army helmets in fear.]
Silly, Confused, and Hungry: A remembery!
Hungry: A remembery!
Silly, Confused, and Hungry: A remembery!
[The bomb explodes, making Cecil's head wobble.]
Cecil: Huh? I just rememberied! I have a job, whatever that is. [runs out of the house and breaks through the door riding on a unicycle]
Squidina: [now outside, gasps] Dad, your son is still inside your--ugh, never mind.
[Cecil pedals past a businessman, hitting him. He also runs past two other people, knocking them over. He pedals in the turnstile and comes out the other end in a janitor outfit with a bucket and mop. He begins mopping the floor as an angry catfish approaches him.]
Catfish: [growls] You're half a minute late, Star. This is the Undersea Space Agency, and we demand punctuality!
Cecil: No, thanks. I'm on a diet.
[Back inside Cecil's mind, a several-armed orange sea star is rewiring several signals at once.]
Rube: This is the brain-to-muscle impulse board. If the brain thinks it, then the muscle does it.
Patrick: Amazing. [begins rewiring himself while knocking over the sea star, giggling]
[Cecil's arms begin to cross as Patrick rewires more signals.]
Patrick: Brain to muscle, [rapidly rewires signals] go very fast!
Cecil: [begins rapidly mopping] Huh? What's happening to me?
General Grouper: [appears] Oh, huh? [sees Cecil rapidly cleaning the building] Ah.
Cecil: [panicked muttering while mopping]
General Grouper: We could use a man with that Star's speed and agility in outer space. Send him up to astronaut training on the [pokes the catfish and walks off] double.
Catfish: [salutes] Yes, sir, General Grouper, sir.
Cecil: [sliding on the floor, panting]
[Meanwhile, Patrick and Rube are riding in a Cecil-themed ride along a zip-line.]
Rube: We're riding the optic nerve on our way to the eyeballs.
Patrick: You mean the peepers.
Patrick and Rube: [cheering] Peepers! Whoo-hoo! [pass through a layer of water and end up on the other side, floating] Whoa!
[Meanwhile, Cecil is in a white outfit in a hospital room as a doctor speaks to him.]
Doctor: [writes on clipboard] Please read the chart in front of you, starting with the top line.
Cecil: [covers right eye] Let's see. [looks at eye reading chart, and sees Patrick swimming in his vision] There's my son, Patrick. [Patrick floats by again] My son Patrick. [Patrick swims backwards in his vision] And my son, Patrick. [uncovers eye] Ha, that's strange.
Doctor: [scratching head] Hmm.
Soldier: General wants a rush job on this guy.
Doctor: [deadpan] Perfect. You passed.
Cecil: Woo-hoo! [spins in his chair and laughs]
[Zoom into Cecil's mouth. Patrick and Rube are flying through his mouth in a Cecil-themed helicopter.]
Rube: This here is your daddy's mouth.
Patrick: [sniffs] Ah! I recognize his morning breath.
[The helicopter turns around, and they arrive at Cecil's lungs, where an accordion is playing.]
Rube: This stop is the lungs. [both are now out of the helicopter] Get ready to slide. [both go down the slide] Whoa!
Patrick: Whoo-hoo!
[They both end up entering different holes. They come out on the other side and get blown by various tubes.]
Patrick: Wow! I never knew my dad was such a windbag!
[Cecil, with his mouth attached to a breathing machine, runs on a treadmill in exercise clothing, panting. The doctor is jotting on a clipboard. Cecil lays his head on the treadmill for a moment, then starts running again.]
Doctor: Mm. Hmm.
Cecil: [exhausted] Okay.
[The doctor observes a ball being raised and lowered as Cecil breathes. He then notices Patrick and Rube appear instead of the ball.]
Patrick: Whoa!
Rube: Amazing!
Doctor: Oy gevalt!
Rube: [off-screen as a sputtering engine appears on-screen] I heart this place. It's the heart!
[Patrick and Rube enter a red fleshy room with speakers on the walls.]
Patrick: Ooh!
Rube: Or as I like to call it, [licks hand] the discotheque. [pulls lever, which activates a disco ball from the ceiling]
[Music starts playing as the room changes various colors as its speakers are shown to be playing.]
Patrick: [dancing] I bet Klaus could do a good folk dance in here! [laughs]
[Rube pulls out and hops on a Cecil-themed scooter, and Patrick rides with him as he drives the scooter away. They both cheer and laugh as they pass a sign that says "Liverville." Rube rides the scooter down a spiral road.]
Rube: This is your dad's liver.
Patrick: I know this. De liver is de part of de body that brings you things. [chuckles] That's why it's de liver! [laughs]
Patrick and Rube: [as they ride on a loop] Ooh!
[They ride through some bile, which gets all over them.]
Rube: Oh, don't worry. That's just bile. Bile breaks down fat and fatty acids.
Patrick: Oh, then it should work on my [squishes face] baby fat. [rubs bile on his face]
Rube: Oh.
Patrick: [his head turns into Bill Fagerbakke's face with lipstick and eye makeup] Did it work? Am I pretty.
Rube: [blushing] Yes. [points to Patrick] You know you are. Now hold on tight, 'cause I know a shortcut to the next organ. [uses a rocket launcher to blast a hole in the wall, which they enter]
Patrick and Rube: [falling] Whee! [hole closes up, both scream as they fall into some stomach acid with waffles]
Patrick: [as both emerge on the scooter again, laughs] I know where we are! Dad's stomach. [points to the waffles] Look, there's Mom's waffles.
Patrick and Rube: [stomach begins violently shaking as they and the waffles get pushed to the walls] Whoa! [the stomach acid starts rising] What's happening?
Rube: I don't know, but it sure is amazing.
[Meanwhile, Cecil is being spun around in a centrifuge.]
Cecil: [screaming]
Doctor: [jotting on clipboard]
Cecil: [gagging, covers mouth]
[The centrifuge stops, and Cecil comes out covering his mouth, gagging.]
Cecil: Where's there nearest restroom?
Doctor: [in Cecil's blurred vision] You go down the hall, up the stairs, take the elevator to the top floor. You can't miss it.
[Cecil runs off with his mouth still covered, and pushes a button to get inside the elevator.]
Announcer: Rocket test in ten, [Cecil pushes buttons inside the elevator] nine, eight, [Cecil breaks through the elevator as it arrives, and begins running down the hallway] seven, six, five, four, [Cecil enters the restroom] three, two, [a machine retracts from the rocket that Cecil is now inside] one. All clear. Blast off. [the rocket takes off]
Patrick and Rube: [holding each other as they and the stomach acid get launched upward] Whoa! [grab onto Cecil's uvula]
Cecil: [throws up into a stall toilet]
Announcer: We are in orbit.
Cecil: [opens stall door and flushes the toilet, then gravity pulls him down inside of it and gets launched into space, screaming]
Patrick and Rube: [screaming while holding onto the uvula]
Cecil: [screaming as he spins towards Earth]
Patrick and Rube: [screaming as they are also seen spinning towards Earth]
Cecil: [screaming, breaks through the Star family house's ceiling and lands on the floor, spitting out Patrick and Cecil]
Squidina: [picks up tiny Patrick, giggles, then inflates Patrick]
Patrick: Whoa! [deflates back to normal size, laughs as Squidina ties his hand like a balloon]
Squidina: [she and Patrick high-five] Yeah!
Cecil: [holding tiny Rube] You belong inside. [opens mouth] Aah! [Rube lands on his tongue, and Cecil swallows him]
Patrick: And zat, Klaus, is vat is going on inside zee body. Klaus? Klaus?
[Another shot of the sputtering engine is shown, and Klaus is seen dancing to the disco in Cecil's heart.]
Klaus: Danke shoen, Herr Patrick.
Rube: [appears dancing with Klaus] That's right. Now you've got it. Amazing.
Klaus: Wunderbar! [camera irises out on them as the episode ends]