User:Konnichiku/Whale of a Birthday, my version

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

Whale of a Birthday, my version
Written by Konnichiku
Network Revision

May 18th, 2025

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Characters

Dialogue

(opens up with Pearl sleeping until the radio wakes her up)
Radio: Good morning, Bikini Bottom! It's a very special day today, because we've got the new single from Boys Who Cry: "It's All About You."

Boys Who Cry: (Sung) It's all about you girl,
On your sixteenth birthday!
Pay attention to you girl,
Everyone has to do just what you say.
You get your very own spotlight tonight,
Cuz it's all about you!
Yeah, it's all about you girl!
You're the birthday girl!

Pearl: (Spoken, to the song's rhythm) Yeah! It's all about me
On my 16th birthday
I want everything that I think is great
So give it up right away
Everybody in the whole wide world
They have to pay attention to me
It's all about me, me...and guess who? Me!

Mr. Krabs: (Pearl crashes through the ceiling and into the kitchen on the ground floor) Neptune's trousers!

Pearl: Morning, daddy!

Mr. Krabs: Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a room on the ground floor?

Pearl: Oh daddy. I'm just excited because today's a very special day.

Mr. Krabs: (gulps) It is? (Pearl stares at him) Oh, I mean it is! Very special. Very very special, indeed.

Pearl: You have no idea what day today is, do you?

Mr. Krabs: None at all.

Pearl: It's my 16th birthday!

Mr. Krabs: I knew that. How could you think I wouldn't know that?

Pearl: But Dad, I'm going to be 16! It's only the most important birthday in my entire life. If I don't have a completely awesome party, my whole high school reputation will collapse. I'll have to drop out; I won't go off to college; I'll never leave home. You'll have to support me for the rest of my life.

Mr. Krabs: (nervously chuckles) Well, I don't want that to happen.

Pearl: (angry) Of COURSE! (normal) Promise me you'll give me a real party this year. And don't be cheap! (Krabs nods)

(later at the high school, Pearl is with some of her friends)

Pearl: Hi girls.

Clara: Hi Pearl.

Pearl: Are you guys coming to my totally coral birthday party today?

Jennifer: I don't know, Pearl. Is this going to be as totally coral as last year, when your dad passed out paper clips as party favors? (3 girls laugh)

Judy: Remember the time we all had to share one balloon? (Flashback to one balloon that floats up) Please.

Tara: Remember the pony ride? (Flashback to a wooden horse with a paint can as a head and a broom stick as a tail)

Clara: I can't wait to see how he ruins this year.

Pearl: Hopefully, he doesn't. (Cut to the Krusty Krab)

Pearl: Daddy!

Mr. Krabs: Darling daughter Pearl! Nice to see you! How was school?

Pearl: Tell me you've got something totally coral planned for my birthday party.

Mr. Krabs: Now, now, don't snap your mizzenmast. Everything is all set.

Pearl: Well, my friend Paige already gave me the party favors. (shows chocolate bars) Candy!

Mr. Krabs: Great! Why didn't I think of that?

Pearl: Because you ruined all my birthday parties! You better not ruin this one. Now promise me you won't be cheap.

Mr. Krabs: I promise.

Pearl: Good, because I made a list. (list rolls out of the Krusty Krab and down the road. Mr. Krabs rolls it up) Now I want everything on this list at my party. (kisses her dad) Bye. I'll be at the mall with my friends.

(Mr. Krabs looks tense for a moment.)

Mr. Krabs: Should I really do it? I mean, she loves me, and I don't want her to drop out... (Pause) SpongeBob?!

SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: I realize I can't do this alone. I decided to call in some of me friends to help me give Pearl the party she deserves. While we plan the party, I want you to buy Pearl's present. (takes out his credit card) Here you go, boy.

SpongeBob: What's this, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: It's me credit card. You use it instead of money.

SpongeBob: I can buy stuff with just this piece of plastic? I don't need money?

Mr. Krabs: Exactly.

SpongeBob: Wow.

Mr. Krabs: Now remember, nothing's too good for me little Pearl. Follow her around and see what she likes. You know, do some detective work.

SpongeBob: Detective work. I'm going undercover.

(Pearl pokes her head out from round the door's corner. She somehow overheard the entire conversation.)

Pearl: Come on, Spongie. We're going to the mall!

SpongeBob: (to Krabs) Okay, maybe not undercover.

(Later at the Bikini Bottom Mall, Pearl is walking with her friends. SpongeBob's with them, too.)

Pearl: So, that's when Marcie told me that Julie said that Angela did like Brad.

Clara: Even after what he did to her at lunch?

SpongeBob: I never understood the importance of gossip in a teenage girl's life.

Pearl: That's okay, SpongeBob! We don't actually care about these people.

(Off Sponge's shrug.)

Pearl: (holding up a purple, plastic comb) Oh my gosh, this is the greatest thing I have seen in the whole world.

SpongeBob: (runs up to the cashier) I'd like to buy that piece of plastic with this piece of plastic. (giggles)

Cashier: (looking at the credit card) Mr. Krabs, huh? Quick--how do you spell "Krabs"?

SpongeBob: Umm...I'm pretty sure it has a 'B' in it.

Cashier: Close enough. (swipes the credit card through the machine) There you go, kid.

SpongeBob: That's it? Hmmm, I'll never understand the workings of high finance, either.

Pearl: (holding up lip gloss) Wow, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen in the whole world. Glitter gloss!

SpongeBob: Oh, no, I bought the wrong present.

Judy: Pearl, you have got to see this great shirt I found.

Pearl: Coming, Judy.

Mary: Oh...hmmm... (mirror flips around revealing SpongeBob. He takes the glitter gloss away from Mary and the mirror flips back around)

SpongeBob: Now this is obviously the greatest present ever.

Pearl: (squeals) I definitely have to get this game!

(SpongeBob sighs)

(back at the Krusty Krab where Mrs. Puff is nailing down a banner; "Happy Birthday Pearl." "Pearl" is scrawled on in Krabs' unintelligible handwriting)

Mrs. Puff: The banner's up!

Mr. Krabs: I've had that for awhile. I got it on sale.

Mrs. Puff: I'm sure she'll love it.

(back at the mall)

Pearl: This sea pony is the cutest thing ever. Do you want to come home and be my pony? (pony imagines Pearl being on its back) Whee! (pony nods its head)

Tina: Pearl, come here. This pillow is so coral. (SpongeBob is disguised as a Dog Fish next to the pony, which causes the pony to back away nervously)

Pearl: Oh my gosh, it's David Rayter.

All: Hi, David!

David: Yo.

(All the girls sigh)

Amy: Isn't he dreamy?

SpongeBob: If I were a girl, yes.

(Cut to SpongeBob taking Billy Fishkin and handing him to the cashier.)

Cashier: Price check on four.

Billy: What the?!

(back at the Krusty Krab)

Squidward: I finished Pearl's portrait, Mr. Krabs. It's a true masterpiece. (reveals an ice sculpture of Pearl) It takes true genius to transform 400 blocks of ice into a work of such majesty.

Sandy: That genius being me! I made the ice with my Insta-Freeze Ray!

Mr. Krabs: That's a great sculpture. Well, it's what Pearl put on her list. Now how about the entertainment? Pearl wants some band called Boys Who Cry...

Squidward: Boys Who Cry? They're the worst band of all time. They charge a million dollars just to show up. And if you want them to lip-sync, it'll run into real money.

Mr. Krabs: How the Davy do you know that?

Squidward: When I was booking the Clamshell Orchestra to play at Bikini Bottom Community College.

Mrs. Puff: And who would want them to lip-sync? I'm sure they have real talent.

Squidward: Make your daughter happy. Waste all your money. I don't care. Nor do I want to.

Mr. Krabs: WHOA! I can't do that! I love money as much as I do Pearl!

Mrs. Puff: What if I pay for it? (gleam in her eye)

Mr. Krabs: ...OK, you can do it.

Squidward: (offhand) It's gonna take alot of Pavarotti to get these next few hours out of my mind.

(back at the mall where Pearl and friends are gazing at a bunch of things and SpongeBob buys them all, including: a dress, sunglasses, a pair of platform shoes, and other gifts)

Pearl: (re: a car) Wouldn't it be cool if my dad got me this for my birthday?

Jennifer Millie: It sure would be. If he was cool, which he's not. (laughs)

Pearl: Yeah, he probably got me another box of staples.

(Everyone laughs.)

(back at the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: It's almost time for the party to start!

SpongeBob: I'm back, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what took you so long? And where're Pearl's presents?

SpongeBob: The delivery truck will be here momentarily.

Mrs. Puff: Here she comes, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Everybody get into position. (Pearl and friends enter)

All: Happy birthday! (everyone, including Patrick, is standing in front of the banner that reads 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY')

Patrick: ...hi, SpongeBob. (Pearl gasps. The friends walk over to the popcorn machine and eat up the popcorn)

Nazz-Mimi: This tastes absolutely great. Who made it?

Mrs. Puff: I did! And I made the punch too. Try it!

(Pearl's friends walk over to the punchbowl and drink)

Tara: It's grape! My favorite!

Squidward: Enjoy your diabetes. Ha ha ha...

Pearl: (notices the sculpture) Is that me? (She takes a good look at the sparkling ice sculpture) It's SO fab!

Sandy: Thank my Insta-Freeze Ray!

SpongeBob: Who all wants some cake?

Pearl: Mmm, it looks good... (all eat the cake) It's chocolate! Yum!

Mrs. Puff: And strawberry frosting.

Angela: 15 lame parties in a row, then this?! That's a groundbreaker.

Pearl: There's more. My dad got Boys Who Cry to play. Tell me you got Boys Who Cry!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes, sweetie. Hit it. (Music plays)

Boys Who Cry: Hello, ladies.

It's all about you girl,

On your sixteenth birthday!

Pay attention to you girl,

Everyone has to do just what you say.

You get your very own spotlight tonight,

Cuz it's all about you!

Yeah, it's all about Pearl!

You're the birthday girl!

Huh!

Tara: Oh my Gosh! He got Boys Who Cry.

Clara: Yeah!

Sara: This is awesome!

Judy: This is great!

Pearl: Daddy, how'd you do it? This is the best party ever! (dances smiling)

Mrs. Puff + Sandy: We're how!

(Pearl's friends all gather round them, taking photos.)

Mr. Krabs: Maybe I can come back from this after all.

Pearl: You stopped being cheap, just for me. I love you, daddy. (Pearl and Krabs hug as the crowd "awwws.")

Mr. Krabs: I love you too, Pearl.

SpongeBob: That's it. Back it up. Right there. Let 'er go! (dump truck full of presents unloads them all, Pearl and Krabs and crowd run outside to see this. Pearl opens a present.)

Pearl: You bought me a boat?

Mr. Krabs: I did? I mean...I did?

Friends: Wow!

Pearl: (rips open some more presents) A Boys Who Cry CD? And a Stingray 5000 CD too? They rock! Oh, daddy, I don't know how it could get better than this. Hit it boys! (More Boys Who Cry!)

Boys Who Cry: It's all about you girl,
On your sixteenth birthday!
Pay attention to you girl,
Everyone has to do just what you say.
You get your very own spotlight tonight,
Cuz it's all about you!
Yeah, it's all about Pearl! You're the birthday girl!

Mr. Krabs: Boy, how much is all this 500 dollars costing me?

SpongeBob: Here's the receipt.

Mr. Krabs: (freaks out) $5 million???

Pearl: Oh, who am I kidding, daddy? I knew it was SpongeBob who gave me everything all along. (Pearl kisses SpongeBob) Nothing's too good for my daddy. (She and SpongeBob dance & laugh so hard. Everyone starts dancing. Krabs and Puff, Angela and Brad, Patrick and Sheila, even Sandy and Squidward. Sandy and Squidward!)

SpongeBob: You're a good dad, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Get your luck, boy.

SpongeBob: And you have a great daughter.

(Pearl blushes, episode ends.)