Arrgh!/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Arrgh!" from season 1, which aired on March 15, 2000.

SpongeBob: Yippee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick! [Patrick gasps in joy] Eight gold doubloons!
Patrick: My turn. [rolls the dice] Five. [makes a raspberry noise while moving piece, then reads a card] "One of your shipmates has been a bad pirate! Send him to the brig!" [starts to think, SpongeBob turns his eyes toward Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob: My turn. [rolls the dice and moves the piece] One, two, three, four. [picks up the card and reads it] "Look for the Deacon's Goose thru the fork in the old tree and head that way." [leans slightly to look through the hole in the green tree]
SpongeBob: [gives Mr. Krabs the dice] Your turn, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: [rolls the dice and moves the piece in front of SpongeBob's eyes] One, two.
SpongeBob: [picks up card and reads it] "You are a real pirate. Go straight to the 'X' that marks the spot." [points at the 'X'] You get to dig for treasure, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Treasure... [SpongeBob gives him a small toy shovel and digs a hole with it to reveal a mini plastic treasure chest in the middle of the board] There it is. [getting more excited] It's the Flying Dutchman's Treasure! [picks up the tiny chest] Gold, gold, gold! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! [starts sweating profusely]
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs is getting all sweaty again.
Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] Avast! Pineapple, ho. [rings bell as SpongeBob wakes up] Heave two, and prepare to be boarded. [rings bell again]
SpongeBob: Aw, you got to be kidding me. [gets out of bed and looks out the window] I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: That's Captain Krabs to you, [shows a real pirate ship] and this is not a game. We're gonna be pirates.
SpongeBob: [excited] Pirates?
Mr. Krabs: Aye! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [Patrick appears from the side of SpongeBob's house] Treasure? [dancing around] We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates!
[The scene wipes to Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Patrick on the ship in midair. Patrick rows the ship in reverse.]
Mr. Krabs: [reads the map] Keep a sharp lookout, SpongeBob. Accordin' to the map, we're close to the first landmark.
[Bubble transition to the crew approaching a seaweed plant.]
Mr. Krabs: This is it, guys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. [the seaweed actually has three leaves] 20 paces east.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has... [Mr. Krabs pulls a leaf off, leaving with two as he mentioned earlier] Which way, cap'n?
Mr. Krabs: Ensign Patrick, which way is east?
Patrick: Uhh... let's see, uhh... [examines the compass needle, which shakily points north. He points what is presumably the wrong direction.] That way, captain!
Mr. Krabs: You'll stay with me then?
SpongeBob and Patrick: We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever!
Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on you guys. [shows his claw] Fun for all!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [place their hands on top of Mr. Krabs's claw] And all for fun!
[Bubble transition to nighttime as SpongeBob and Patrick sleep outside the tent, shivering.]
SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his w-warm, dry tent.
Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't seen Linda for weeks.
SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [entering the tent] Captain Krabs?
SpongeBob: He's not here.
Patrick: Look! The treasure map.
SpongeBob: Oops! Patrick, it opened by itself. [both giggle. Their eyes enlarge and search the map]
SpongeBob and Patrick: The map, the map, the map, I gotta see it, I gotta look at it. [their eyes freeze for a second and then pop back in their heads; their eyes become black]
Patrick: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yeah?
Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map?
SpongeBob: You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?
[SpongeBob and Patrick both realize that the "X" symbol is underneath them.]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Look! It's the "X."
Mr. Krabs: [eyes go into "X" like symbol] "X" marks the spot!
SpongeBob: Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map.
Mr. Krabs: Well, what are you waitin' for, guys? [SpongeBob and Patrick both start digging] Dig! Dig! [the scene fades to minutes later] Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
SpongeBob: We got it, Captain Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hand it up to me, guys. [brings the treasure up] We finally found it. [opens up the treasure chest]
Female Chorus: The Dutchman's Treasure!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow!
SpongeBob: What are you gonna do with your share, Patrick?
Patrick: I don't know. What are you gonna do with your share, SpongeBob?
Mr. Krabs: What shares? You're not gettin' any of my treasure!
SpongeBob: We found it together. So we deserve a share!
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine!
SpongeBob: What about loyalty?
[All three are now fighting over the treasure chest.]
Mr. Krabs: All for one.
SpongeBob: And one for all.
Mr. Krabs: All for one.
SpongeBob: And one for all.
Mr. Krabs: All for one.
SpongeBob: And one for all.
Flying Dutchman: [sleeping] I'm the Flyin' Dutchman.
Mr. Krabs: All for one.
SpongeBob: And one for all.
Flying Dutchman: [sleeping] I'm the Flyin' Dutchman. [wakes up] Who dares wake the Flyin' Dutchman? Keep it down will ya? I'm tryna get some sleep. [noticing them fighting over the treasure chest] Huh?
Mr. Krabs: All for one.
SpongeBob and Patrick: One for all. [lightning strikes]
Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure?
Mr. Krabs: [shoves the chest toward SpongeBob and Patrick] They did!
Flying Dutchman: Arrgh! [picks up the treasure chest] So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [hugging each other in fear] Uh-huh!
Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of diggin' you did. So here's a reward for the two of ya's.
[The Flying Dutchman gives them two gold doubloons.]
SpongeBob: Wow!
Female Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
[SpongeBob and Patrick take the doubloons and the Flying Dutchman puts away his treasure chest in his pocket.]
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm captain of this crew! Where's my reward?
Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you're right. A little somethin' for your trouble. [flicks something to Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! [a tiny plastic treasure chest] Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest!
Female Chorus: Plastic!
Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest. [laughs]
Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs, you're lookin' all sweaty again.
[The Flying Dutchman turns into green smoke and vanishes, ending the episode.]