Barnacle Face/transcript
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- [The episode begins at Bikini Bottom High School. A kid walking past gets a doughnut thrown on him in which 2 people laugh and then spits on his friends face. Another kid with headphones attempts to say hi to the girls who pass him while chatting but they only remove them and put them on the floor and walk off. A bully does a wedgie to the nerd who screams but the nerd twists his nipple really hard causing him to run off crying. While all this is happening Pearl and her friend is sitting down on a bench talking]
- Pearl: Boy, do I love high school [small laugh]. You know what?. Someday were gonna remember all this and were gonna look back and say.....Remember?
- Pearl's friend: [laughing] Speaking of remembering. You didn't forget the Bikini Bottom High School Dance is tomorrow night did you?
- Pearl: [Joyfully] Of course I didn't forget. I'm so excited.
- Pearl's friend: [laughs] Me too!!
- [They both laugh until Pearl's friend stops in shock]
- Pearl's friend: [In horror] Barnacle
- Pearl: What!?
- Pearl's friend: Pearl I'm gonna say this as touchly as possible. [pointing] There is a hideous barnacle growing out of the side of your face.
- Pearl: [Shocked] Where!?
- [Her friend moves her face so she can see it]
- Pearl's friend: There.
- [Pearl notices the barnacle growing and starts screaming. So much that the entire Bikini Bottom is looking at her.]
- Pearl's friend: Pearl it's not really bad as you...
- [She screams again. The whole Bikini Bottom town is looking at her again. Bubble translation to the Krusty Krab; SpongeBob appears to be whistling while mopping the floors]
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: [stops mopping] Yes, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: Didn't you already mop this area?
- SpongeBob: [laughs] Affirmative, captain!
- Mr. Krabs: Well, then, why would you mop it again?
- SpongeBob: Why wouldn't I? [there is a pause
- Mr. Krabs: Good point.
- [Pearl enters the Krusty Krab in tears]
- Mr. Krabs: Pearl, what brings you in on such a fine afternoon?
- Pearl: Oh, Daddy! It's terrible. The school dance is this weekend.
- Mr. Krabs: Oooh, that is terrible. [he shivers] Makes my shell crawl just thinking about it. Bleugh!
- Pearl: No, Daddy! Don't you understand?! The terrible part is that I can't go to the dance!
- Mr. Krabs: [comes closer] Why ever not?
- Pearl: Because I have a hideous barnacle growing on the side of my face!
- Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho-ho-ho. Now, calm down there, my little Pearl. I'm sure it can't be half as awful as you... [pus is shown oozing out of the barnacle; Krabs screams Great rusty hitchet of Davy Jones' Locker!
- Pearl: We have to get rid of it, no matter what it takes!
- Mr. Krabs:: Anything for me beloved angel!
- Pearl: Oh, okay. I need an appointment with a dermatologist, a trip to the spa, expensive creams and lotions, and probably some other kind of... [Krabs stops her, angrily]
- Mr. Krabs: I meant whatever you need to get rid of your blemish, not liquidate me retirement fund. [this causes Pearl to cry again, soaking a table Harold and Nat are having lunch at]
- Harold: You know what? Let's go across the street to the Chum Bucket.
- Nat: I heard they have better weather over there. [They leave the Krusty Krab]
- [chases after them but fails] No! Wait! [Pearl continues to wail] This is starting to eat away me profit margin. If I don't come up with a solution fast, it's gonna cost me more than a couple cases of cold cream. [He notices SpongeBob mopping past him]
- SpongeBob: Lalalalalalalalalalala!
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob stops] How would you like to... [He salutes] Ease it! [SpongeBob drops his hand] How would you like to do your dear old chum a favor and raid this beautiful daughter of her evil barnacle?
- SpongeBob: I will do you this favor, sir chum, never fear!
- [bubble transition to Pearl walking with SpongeBob]
- Pearl: I don't know, SpongeBob. The school dance is right around the corner, and this barnacle seems to get bigger by the minute!
- SpongeBob: Don't fear, Pearl. We'll get rid of this barnacle in no time! I know just what to do!
- Pearl: Are you sure?
- SpongeBob: One time, my friend Patrick had this barnacle the size of an extra large Krabby Patty right at the center of his forehead! Anyway, I fixed it so we never saw that barnacle again.
- Pearl: How?
- SpongeBob: I took him to see a hypnotist.
- Pearl: You took Patrick to a hypnotist?
- SpongeBob: No. The barnacle. It became convinced it was a pelican and flew south for the winter. We never saw that pelican again.
- Pearl: I thought you said it was a barnacle.
- SpongeBob: What did I say?
- Pearl: Pelican.
- SpongeBob: [pauses for a second] He was a really good hypnotist.
- [bubble transition to Pearl's room]
- SpongeBob: Now just remain calm and it's all over before you know it.
- Pearl: Are you really going to use hypnosis to get rid of the... barnacle?
- SpongeBob: Hold still now. [hits the barnacle]
- Pearl: Is everything okay?
- SpongeBob: [shows broken spatula] I don't think this is going to work. [Brings in a shovel] This ol' shovel is gonna do the work! [hits the barnacle]
- Pearl: Did it come off?
- SpongeBob: [the shovel is stuck in his head] Gettin' there.
- [Next, SpongeBob tries removing the barnacle with a jackhammer.]
- Pearl: SpongeBob, how much longer?
- SpongeBob: Oh... shouldn't be too much longer. [the jackhammer disintegrates] Personally, you could take a break off if you'd like.
- Pearl: Good idea. I'm ging to scrub my face with some soap and water.
- SpongeBob: Okay. [he throws the jackhammer aside, which lands in a pile of other broken tools]
- [In the bathrroom, Pearl is putting some soap on a towel and scrubbing it on her barnacle. She suddenly screams and SpongeBob hears it]
- SpongeBob: [walks into the bathroom] Pearl! [Pearl is seen with soap covering her face] Pearl, what happened?
- Pearl: There's more! [the soap slides off her face, exposing lots of barnacles everywhere]
- SpongeBob: [shrieks] I mean, you're right. There's more.
- Pearl: [puzzled] All I did was wash with soap and water!
- SpongeBob: [examines the soap] Hmm.. Water and... [sniffs] this soap?