Biddy Sitting/transcript

• [The episode begins with a big baby bottle that says "SquarePants and Star BabySitting". SpongeBob paints on the bottle and Squidward reads the bottle.]
• Squidward: [reading the bottle] "SquarePants and Star Babysitting"? Oh, please. What do you two nitwits know about taking care of babies?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Just watch!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick pull out powder.]
• Squidward: Huh?
• [SpongeBob and Patrick begin to put powder on Squidward while SpongeBob pulls out supplies out of the bottle.]
• SpongeBob: [pulls out a pin] Safety pin! [pulls out a bottle of ointment.] Ointment!
• [SpongeBob and Patrick stop putting powder on Squidward until we see him with a diaper, a rattle, and a bonnet on him.]
• Squidward: Goo. Goo... [crying until SpongeBob puts a dummy in his mouth.]
• [Squidward starts sucking on the dummy.]
• SpongeBob: Aww, such good little squidy.
• Squidward: [realizes] What? What the? [spits out the dummy] No one in the right mind will hire you as babysitters!
• [Patrick starts sucking on the dummy.]
• Mother: Yoo-hoo! Babysitters! I could use some babysitters here!
• [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward look towards to the front of Conch Street where they see a woman waving to them.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, boy!
• [SpongeBob brings the baby bottle with him and runs into Squidward. Patrick hops onto the bottle until Squidward falls on his face. He then crosses his arms. SpongeBob and Patrick makes it to the woman's house in front of Conch Street.]
• SpongeBob: "SquarePants and Star Babysitters" at your service!
• Patrick: We sit on babies!
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Not literally.
• Patrick: Yeah, not in Italy.
• Mother: [waves goodbye with her hat] Now you kids behave and listen to the babysitters. Bye now!
• SpongeBob: Bye! [SpongeBob closes the door and sees all the babies. One baby is climbing the stair railing, another baby is chewing on a football, a baby comes out of the floorboard, a baby comes flying with a balloon until pops and the baby falls into the floorboard, two babies are playing with the lamp, one baby is on the chair, and another baby falls in a TV.] Whoa! A whole liege of little darlings. [SpongeBob and Patrick puts on helmets with rattles on them. They start shaking them.] Alright, Patrick, you take East plank, and I'll take the West, and we'll try to establish a map zone in the middle.
• Patrick: Hahahaha! These babies are no match for my... toddler style! [Patrick pulls out a pair of bottles in chain which they look like nunchucks. Patrick starts whipping the nunchuck bottles around and makes ninja sounds until he falls on his face.] Ow.
• [We cut to Patrick watching the babies cry until he makes a funny face. The babies stop crying and starts laughing. Patrick makes more funny faces until he stops and makes the babies cry. SpongeBob has five spoons on his head until Patrick puts a another one on his head. With six spoons, Patrick lifts SpongeBob up and dips the spoons in baby food. SpongeBob feeds the babies until they stopped crying. A baby is seen on shelf, knocking plates over. SpongeBob is catch the planes, so they won't break. The baby falls off the, SpongeBob screams, and manages to catch the baby. SpongeBob is relieved that he caught the baby, but the plates fall over the floor. The babies now are crying once again until they're diapers stink. SpongeBob puts a close pin on his nose and flips them over with a giant spatula.]
• SpongeBob: [whistles] Bring her down!
• [Patrick uses a claw to grab the babies. SpongeBob removes the diapers with a vacuum cleaner. He puts powder on their butts until he puts new diapers on them. Patrick releases them and SpongeBob flips them on their beds while the babies fall asleep. SpongeBob puts them to bad and high fives Patrick.]
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Shh...
• [Bubble transition to the next scene where the mother comes home. She puts her hat on the coat rack and notices SpongeBob reading a story.]
• SpongeBob: And they all lived happily ever after inside an oyster shell.
• Mother: Aww... Thank you, SquarePants and Star.
• [The mother hands them money. Patrick takes it and puts it in his pocket while he is sleeping. Bubble transition to the next scene where SpongeBob and Patrick are looking for someone for babysitting.]
• SpongeBob: Babysitting!
• Patrick: Skinny or chunky! Clean or funky!
• SpongeBob: We won't get paid if your kids mislave!
• Mary: Oh, boys, right here! Oh, I could use a babysitter!
• Patrick: Yay!
• SpongeBob: Ooh! [They rush towards Mary.] While you go out, and dance, and drivel...
• Patrick: ...We will watch your little devil!