Born to Be Wild/transcript

[opens up to bikers riding by coral, setting them on fire after they ride by]
SpongeBob: [at Jellyfish Fields] La la la la la. [attempts at catching the jellyfish] Missed ya. Uh-oh. [notices road] You shouldn't play in the street, little guy. You could get run over. [motorcycles approaching. As they do, SpongeBob hangs onto ones jacket] The "Ild Ones"! That's a strange name. [jacket tears] Scallop!! [rolls in the cement] Bye "Ild Ones". I like your silly name. Hmm..."w". Oh, oh, they're not the "Ild Ones". They must be the "Wild Ones".
Fish: [dressed in farmer outfit with a pick-ax in his hand] The Wild Ones?! Tar nation! Don't you know who the Wild Ones are, son?!
SpongeBob: No. I don't know who you are, either.
Fish: Why, they're the most ferocious, bloodthirsty biker gang under the sea. They've destroyed entire cities in an afternoon! [laughs maniacally then jumps back into the hole he was digging]
SpongeBob: Bloodthirsty bikers? And they're headed straight for Bikini Bottom! I've got to warn everybody! I better take the shortcut! [the next scene of bubbles comes up, so does SpongeBob. Bubble pops in the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Where in the blue barnacles did you come from?
SpongeBob: There's no time for that, Mr. Krabs. Grab something heavy! Bar the door! Board up the windows. We've got to protect the Krusty Krab. The Krabby Patties must survive!
Mr. Krabs: Settle down, son. What are you all riled up about?
SpongeBob: Bikers... coming... nasty... ferocious... take... over... town. Destroy... must hide!
Mr. Krabs: What are you going on about? Bikers?
SpongeBob: The Wild Ones are coming, Mr. Krabs. They're the most vicious, ravenous herd of hooligans in the sea.
Mr. Krabs: Ravenous did you say? That's another word for hungry, isn't it? [cut to later where a sign hangs that reads 'WELCOME WILD ONES!'] Welcome Wild Ones! They'll be drawn here like a sailor at a tattoo parlor. With the special biker parking and authentic biker decor, with real bloodstains. And to top it off, a custom chopper patty. And best of all, I'll raise me prices 150%. I'll make a fortune.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this is serious! [crying]
Mr. Krabs: That kid needs a vacation -- unpaid of course. [cut to The Wild Ones 25 miles from Bikini Bottom. Cut to SpongeBob in front of Squidward's house]
SpongeBob: Squidward! [knocks on door]
Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: A horrible biker gang called the "Wild Ones" are coming. We've got to run, hide! [crying]
Squidward: Oh, my. This sounds serious. Luckily, I know just what you should do. Listen closely.
SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
Squidward: Get a good grip on your pants. [SpongeBob does so] Turn around. [SpongeBob does so]
SpongeBob: Like this, Squidward?
Squidward: That's it. [kicks SpongeBob into the air. Cut to SpongeBob landing next to Patrick, who is sniffing under his arm]
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Hello, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: An evil gang of bikers are coming to ravage Bikini Bottom.
Patrick: Huh.
SpongeBob: Patrick, didn't you hear what I said?
Patrick: Oh, I heard you. What I didn't hear was a hello.
SpongeBob: Hello, Patrick.
Patrick: Hello, SpongeBob. Bloodthirsty bikers! We got to hide! [both run and scream then run into each other. Both run and scream again and keep hitting each other till they run through Jellyfish Fields. Patrick and SpongeBob hide in a giant clam until it spits them out. The giant clam uses mouthwash]
Giant Clam #2: Hey, what happened to you?
Giant Clam #1: [groaning] I... I don't want to talk about it, man. [SpongeBob and Patrick fly through some kelp grass. As they hide in it, a mower comes by and mows them over then uses a leaf blower to blow them into a pile. Both reform into their shapes and scream more]
Patrick: [jumps behind SpongeBob] Hide me!
SpongeBob: [jumps behind Patrick] No, hide me!
Patrick: [jumps behind SpongeBob] Hide me!
SpongeBob: [jumps behind Patrick] Me!
Patrick: [jumps behind SpongeBob] No, me!
SpongeBob: [jumps behind Patrick] Me!
Patrick: [jumps behind SpongeBob] Me!
SpongeBob: [jumps behind Patrick] Me!
Patrick: No! No more running.
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: Those bikers think they're so tough. With their leather hats [holds his pants] and their leather pants [points to head]
SpongeBob: [holds up a black sock] And their leather socks.
Patrick: If we dressed up like that then we'd be the big, scary bikers and they'd be little baby doody-heads.
SpongeBob: Say that again, Patrick.
Patrick: Little baby doody-heads?
SpongeBob: No. No,not that part. The part about dressing up like big, scary bikers. [Later, at SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob is seen in his briefs. He then puts on square jeans. Patrick pulls up some jeans also. SpongeBob wiggles his toes for a second, then puts on a boot. Patrick stretches a black jacket over a tank top. SpongeBob puts on a blue jacket with a skull on the back. Patrick puts on a skull belt and a hat on his head. SpongeBbbputs on a skull helmet. They're dressed like brave bikers] What do you think, Patrick? Do I look though?
Patrick: I wouldn't mess with ya.
SpongeBob: Nor I with you, my friend. Let's ride. [cut to later where Patrick and SpongeBob are revving their engines. Zoom out to show Patrick is riding a bicycle. SpongeBob rides a tall bike] Fear not. There is no need to panic. The Bikini Bottom Bad Boys are here.
Harold: Ooh, I feel protected now.
Scooter: Those are some mean looking rides, dudes. [chuckles]
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's working. They think we're...vicious bikers. [cut to the Krusty Krab] Bikini Bottom, you're salvation is here.
Patrick: [drools] See?
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's your salivation.
Patrick: Oh.
SpongeBob: So, Squidward, are you ready to do your part?
Squidward: Does that part include laughing at you? Cause you two look even more idiotic than usual.
SpongeBob: Don't we look vicious and bloodthirsty?
Patrick: I'm bloodthirsty. See? [shows a cup with the word 'BLOOD' on it. He takes a sip] Want some?
SpongeBob: Oh, no thank you, Patrick. I'm drinking diet blood. [both take sips of their drinks] See Squidward? We walk the walk but can we talk the talk? Do you want to join our biker gang?
Squidward: No, I don't.
Patrick: What about our biker club?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: How about our biker organization?
Squidward: No! I don't want to join your biker alliance, outfits, or your fellowships.
SpongeBob: What about our coalition?
Patrick: Ooh, I don't know. That one's pretty exclusive.
SpongeBob: [takes out clipboard] We'll just put you down as undecided. [Squidward groans and walks away] Hi, Mr. Krabs. We're the Bikini Bottom bad boys and we're bad to the bone.
Mr. Krabs: This'll be great. Those bikers can work up an appetite beating you up in the parking lot. Then they can fill up on delicious Krabby Patties then they can beat you up again.
SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Krabs. We're going to run off those bikers and save the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: You're not running off any of me paying customers. You can stay and get beat up in the parking lot if you wish.
SpongeBob: Then can we save the town?
Squidward: Has it ever crossed your mind that you might be getting all worked up over nothing?
SpongeBob: Squidward, when have I ever been known to over-react? [flashback] Squidward! We're out of napkins! [screams] Out of napkins! [another flashback to SpongeBob banging on Squidward's door] Squidward! I accidentally removed the "Do No Remove by Penalty of Law" tag on my mattress! Hide me. Hide me. [another flashback] Squidward! Squidward! I've gone blind. [Squidward turns on lights] Oh. Thanks, Squidward. [back to present]
Squidward: SpongeBob, you always over-react to everything. One of your many annoying traits.
SpongeBob: [gasps] Me? Annoying? [he bursts into hysterical

laughter. Squidward growls] Yeah right.

Squidward: You are so wrong about everything, SpongeBob, that the only thing that I am completely sure about is that there is no motorcycle gang headed this way. [motorcycles approaching] What was that?
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy there, mateys. Motorcycle vehicles headed over the horizon.
Squidward: What? [grabs binoculars] Gimme that. [sees them coming. His eyes pop through the binoculars as he screams] Don't just stand there, save us.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I know this looks like the end, but you and I can get through anything. As long as do it together. [Patrick is already running away] Patrick? Patrick! [Patrick is headed into Jellyfish Fields and to the bus stop where a bus picks him up and takes him to a plane. Patrick jumps out of the plane and onto a rocket ship] Well, it's just you and me, Squidward. But I want you to know that we can get through this. As long as we...
Squidward: Panic! Run for your lives! [customers gasp] The Wild Ones are coming! [everyone screams and runs]
Lenny: The Wild Ones? [jumps into a sardine box] Mable, get the kids! [Mable jumps into the sardine box with Susie and Tyler and then closes it]
Charlie: Honey, I got the napkins. Oh, what I have missed this time?
Squidward: [running out of the Krusty Krab] Please don't kill me. I want to join you. It's been my life-long dream to be to be a member of a motorcycle gang. I even knitted my own Wild Ones jacket. [shows a shirt with a skull on it] I want to ride to live and live to ride. [screams as the bikers ride in a circle around him] I'll do whatever you want. I'll betray my friends and neighbors. Just let me live.
Biker #1: What's that, missy?
Biker #2: What?
Biker #1: Howdy, we're the "Mild Ones".
SpongeBob: Mild Ones? [realizes his mistake as he turns the W upside down] OH!
Biker #1: Gimme back my M. Let's go, boys.
Mr. Krabs: Don't you want to spend any money?
Biker #1: Don't you want to kiss the seat of my pants? Let's ride. [bikers ride off]
SpongeBob: Good-bye. They seem really nice. Hey, where's Squidward?
Squidward: Woo-hoo-hoo! [riding with the biker gang] Ride to live and live to ride!