All Bot Myself/transcript: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 19:51, 12 June 2025

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+{{L|''[The episode opens with the S.S. Super Minnow in space. Groaning from Quasar is heard as the ship spins around. Inside the ship, Pat-Tron is giving him a massage.]''}}
-{{PatrickStarShow EpisodeTr|title=All Bot Myself|seasonnumber=3|airdate={{Flag|USA}} {{Time|August 1}}, {{Time|2024}}}}
-*''[The episode starts off with a rocket, giving Captain Quasar a massage with Pat-Tron.]''
 {{L|Quasar|''[groaning]'' You think that's deep enough, Pat-Tron?}}
-{{L|Pat-Tron|Ooh, you want deeper? ''[slamming Quasar]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Ooh, you want deeper? ''[begins bashing his arms into Quasar's back, pulling Quasar's spine out of his mouth]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Too deep, Pat-Tron!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[off-screen]'' Sorry.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[swallows his spine as an alarm goes off]''}}
+{{L|Female voice|''[as Saladrian warships are seen on the giant screen]'' Saladrian warships approaching. Saladrian warships approaching.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[lying exhausted]'' Oh, thank Neptune.}}
+{{L|Announcer|''[as words appear on-screen]'' "Captain Quasar in: All Bot Myself."}}
+{{L|''[The ship flies past the words, hitting them like bowling pins.]''}}
+{{L|King Saladrian|''[on screen, laughing, twisting bacon mustache]'' So, Quasar, what do you think of my new mustache?}}
+{{L|Quasar|It doesn't suit you.}}
+{{L|King Saladrian|''[stretching mustache]'' You'll pay for that. Fire crouton torpedoes!}}
+{{L|''[The Saladrian warships begin firing croutons at the S.S. Super Minnow, to which it gets spun a few times before blasting off.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Quick, Pat-Tron, we need more power.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[sips drink]'' Aww, ''[gets up]'' but I wanted to watch.}}
+{{L|Quasar|Just do your job and help me!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Fine. ''[lowers his drink on a button, sounding an alarm]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[hand on face]'' Pat-Tron, did you just press the surrender button? ''[the ship stops, sending him flying into the screen, breaking it]'' Whoa!}}
+{{L|''[The ship holds up a white flag.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Pat-Tron!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[approaching, nervous]'' Yes, captain?}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[off-screen s Pat-Tron is blasted out of the ship with suitcases]'' You're fired!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|But, but-- Ahh!}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[ship turns around]'' Uh-- he-heh, truce? ''[the warships shoot lasers at his ship, creating an explosion to transition to the next scene]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Wow, we're having so much fun, aren't we, guys?}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[cheering and applauding]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh, I know ''[points to a sea bear in a bonnet and high-chair]'' he is. ''[holds up a steak on a pole]'' Here comes the airplane.}}
+{{L|Sea bear|''[tries to eat the steak, then cries after Patrick yanks it away]''}}
+{{L|''[Pat-Tron lands behind the Star house, creating a mini-explosion.]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[drops steak and pole]'' What was that? ''[pulls a rope to open the window, then tosses steaks from a bucket to the lawnies]'' Hey, hold these for me while I go see.}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[cheering]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[leaving]'' Bye.}}
+{{L|Sea bear|''[cackles, tears off the bonnet and high-chair, roars at the lawnies, and chases after them]''}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[scream and run away]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[crying in a pile of rubble as Patrick approaches]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Wow. ''[pulls Pat-Tron up]'' What's wrong, space junk?}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|It's just that existence is a dismal, meaningless simulation. ''[sobs]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[sobs]'' That is so sad. And I don't even know what it means. ''[sobbing with Pat-Tron]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|Oh, if you're gonna cry like that, ''[pushes Patrick and Pat-Tron towards her garden]'' do it in the garden. My underwater lilies are a little dry.}}
+{{L|Patrick and Pat-Tron|''[sobbing over the garden]''}}
+{{L|''[Wipe transition back to Quasar's now-damaged ship.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Captain's diary, the Saladrians finally got bored of blasting my ship to pieces. Pat-Tron, come clean this-- oh. Right, he's gone. No matter, I'll find a new assistant bot. ''[presses an app icon on his phone and begins swiping past robot listings]'' Hmm, I'm not buying secondhand this time around. Oh, should be here in four to six business seconds. ''[taps on his phone, and a robot package shows up]'' Aha. ''[tries to open the package, his fingers breaking through the suit]'' Confound these impenetrable blister packs. ''[bites on the package]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[from inside the package]'' Opening protocol activated. ''[activates laser eyes, making Quasar fall down]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Whoa! ''[gets up to greet Smart-Tron]'' Hello, I'm Captain Qua--}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[grabs Quasar with its arm]'' Commencing retinal interface. ''[shoots lasers at Quasar's eyes]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[screams]''}}
+{{L|''[In Quasar's retinas, a hologram of a blue bordered cube and Smart-Tron can be seen.]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|Congratulations, you are the fortunate recipient of a brand-new Smart-Tron, ''[several Smart-Trons appear, then a galaxy appears]'' over 2 trillion units sold galaxy-wide. ''[retina hologram ends]'' You have chosen the most efficient product on the market.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[chuckles, rubbing bloodshot eyes]'' Wow. So advanced. Well, you can get started repairing this--}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|I have already identified ''[starts scanning various broken parts of the ship, marking them with X's]'' numerous inefficiencies on this ship.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[patting a broken pipe]'' Well, the old ship does need some work. Let's get started.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|Smart-Tron works faster ''[eyes turn red]'' alone.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[drops broken pipe piece]'' I should have replaced Pat-Tron ''[puts on robe]'' years ago. ''[puts cucumbers on eyes]'' Well, if you need me, I'll be soaking in the jacuzzatron. ''[walks off]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|It would seem we have ''[eyes turn red]'' many inefficiencies to address. ''[hovers away]''}}
+{{L|''[An earth rolls past the screen as the scene changes back to the Star house, where Pat-Tron is still sobbing on the garden outside as a water sprinkler.]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[opens the front door and approaches Pat-Tron, flinches]'' Pat-Tron from the Quasar show? Good thing I took ''[holds a giant wrench]'' Space Plumbing 101. ''[uses the wrench on Pat-Tron to make him stop crying]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[still sobbing]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|And Leaking Dopey Brother 202. ''[uses the wrench on Patrick's head, making him stop crying]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[sighs in relief, then eats the wrench]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Pat-Tron, what are you doing here?}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|My captain fired me because I wasn't helpful enough. Now I have no one to help.}}
+{{L|Squidina|Maybe you could help around here.}}
+{{L|Lawnies|''[still screaming and running away from the sea bear]''}}
+{{L|Sea bear|''[growling]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[points]'' How about you start with that?}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Be back in a micro-jiff. ''[runs off, a blue flash appears]'' Problem solved. ''[wraps arm around the sea bear]'' The big guy was just lonely. ''[the lawnies are now running around the Star house, being chased by multiple sea bears]'' So I cloned him some companions.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Oh. Squidina, why didn't we think of that?}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[walks off]'' I love being helpful.}}
+{{L|Patrick and Squidina|''[wave nervously]'' Hi, bear. ''[Squidina screams as the sea bear mauls them]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[poking out from fight cloud]'' Does look happier.}}
+{{L|''[The S.S. Super Minnow flies past the screen as the scene changes back to space. Smart-Tron is using a blowtorch on the new door while using a laptop.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Ah, the place looks a little different.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|I have optimized the spacecraft for maximum ''[eyes turn red]'' efficiency.}}
+{{L|Quasar|How am I supposed to ''[Smart-Tron turns off the laptop, which disappears]'' steer my ship without control panels?}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|Your inefficient buttons have been replaced with an Intelli-Dial.}}
+{{L|''[The Intelli-Dial glimmers.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[reaches for the dial]'' Ooh, shiny.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[smacks Quasar's hand away]'' Do not touch the Intelli-Dial. It is set to maximum ''[eyes turn red]'' efficiency. You will only set us off course. ''[the ship smashes through several giant objects]'' The most efficient course.}}
+{{L|Quasar|Fine. Now get me some lunch.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[hands Quasar a salad]'' Complete.}}
+{{L|Quasar|Mmm, perfect. ''[uses fork to take a bite]'' Mmm, bacon-y. I'll need nutrients if I'm going to get revenge on the Saladrians.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|Oh, I have already taken care of the Saladrians.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[looks at his salad]''}}
+{{L|King Saladrian|''[voice only]'' What do you think of my new mustache... mustache... mustache...}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[tosses salad, throws up on Smart-Tron, groans]'' I need to relax now. ''[Smart-Tron uses a windshield wiper to clean itself]'' ''[rubbing torso]'' Do you have a massage function?}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|I will relax you in a more efficient manner. ''[aims its arm at Quasar]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Wait. What? ''[screams as he gets zapped, gets turned into a liquid, groans]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|There, consider yourself relaxed. ''[hovers away]''}}
+{{L|''[A handheld vacuum scrolls across the screen as the scene changes to inside the Star house.]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[vacuums some crumbs from the wall, sighs]'' Three less ''[twirls vacuum]'' crumbs in the world. ''[blows on vacuum as Pat-Tron falls to the floor through the ceiling]'' Oh.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Whatcha doing?}}
+{{L|Bunny|Vacu--}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[shushes Bunny with his arm]'' Vac-you or vac-me? ''[vacuums up the ceiling rubble]'' Looks like you missed some spots.}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[brandishes vacuum]'' En Garde! ''[tries to vacuum some dust, but Pat-Tron beats her to it]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[hits Bunny away as he lifts up the couch to vacuum up the dust, but Bunny beats him to it]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|Ha-ha!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[vacuums the dust from Bunny's vacuum, laughs and runs away]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[groans, gets crushed by the couch, then comes back to vacuum dust off of Pat-Tron]'' There. Got the last piece of dirt ''[points to her vacuum]'' right here.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Well done. Put her there. ''[vacuums Bunny]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[screams]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|This is so fulfilling.}}
+{{L|''[A pig squeals as a hot dog swipes across the screen as the scene changes to Cecil carrying a barrel to an outdoor barbecue grill.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Ah, time for some old-fashioned grillin'. ''[opens the barrel and places the hot dogs on the grill]'' Now to settle in while these dogs ''[gets water from the barrel to put in his glass]'' plump to perfection. ''[sips]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[emerges from barrel]'' Did you say grillin'?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Why, yes.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|I could ''[bursts from barrel]'' help with that! You don't need ''[hits grill, sending it flying through Granny Tentacles' house]'' this old thing!}}
+{{L|''[Granny Tentacles' house bursts into flames.]''}}
+{{L|Granny Tentacles|''[running out, screaming]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[head separated, takes the hot dogs and places them on his torso]'' These will cook way faster over my radioactive power source.}}
+{{L|''[The hot dogs begin glowing green.]''}}
+{{L|Cecil|Ooh. ''[eyes melt off]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[holds out a radioactive hot dog]'' Try one.}}
+{{L|Cecil|''[takes a bite, breaking his teeth]'' It-- it's a little crunchy.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[back hatch opens]'' Oops, I think you may be eating one of my uranium power rods.}}
+{{L|Cecil|A-wha? Why didn't you say so? I love Romanian food. ''[eats the hot dog and begins glowing green, contorting into different shapes, ending up as a gooey version of himself]'' Not bad.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|You're welcome.}}
+{{L|''[The S.S. Super Minnow flies by the screen again to transition back to Quasar.]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[still a liquid]'' What? ''[growls at Smart-Tron cleaning a window]'' How am I supposed to do anything like this?}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|It is more efficient if you do nothing. ''[floats away]'' }}
+{{L|Quasar|But I'm-- hey, hey, ''[runs after Smart-Tron]'' don't you float away from me when I'm-- ''[sinks into the ground, then comes back normally via elevator]'' Ahh! ''[as Smart-Tron uses a screwdriver on an object on the wall]'' I am the captain of this ship, and if you don't start showing me some respect I'll-- uh, where's my laser ray?}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|It is more efficient if ''[holds up laser ray]'' I have it.}}
+{{L|Quasar|Oh. I'm just gonna run away now! ''[runs away as Smart-Tron chases after him]'' Ahh! Ahh! Please, stop! I'm begging you!}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[eyes turn red]'' Begging is inefficient. ''[shoots lasers, which Quasar dodge]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[yells and dives at the control panel, groans]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[eyes red, aiming laser]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[sweating]'' No, please don't or I'll-- I'll touch the Intelli-Dial.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[eyes go back to normal, drops laser ray]'' Do not touch it! That dial is set to maximum efficiency.}}
+{{L|Quasar|You know, Smart-Tron, I think we could use a little inefficiency.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|You wouldn't.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[moves dial, making the ship sputter and fall]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[screams]''}}
+{{L|''[Cut to Pat-Tron in GrandPat's room with Squidina, Patrick, and Cecil, who is still radioactive.]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|GrandPat asked me to make him a mobility scooter, so I did.}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[appears as a mobility scooter]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|Pat-Tron, do you even know what helping is?}}
+{{L|''[Loud crashing is heard as the ground shakes violently.]''}}
+{{L|All|''[yell]''}}
+{{L|Squidina|''[points]'' What was that? ''[everyone but GrandPat run off]''}}
+{{L|GrandPat|''[tipped over]'' Wait for me! ''[swerves around, knocking over a clock]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron, Patrick, Bunny, and Squidina|''[move outside to see the commotion]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[screams as he falls out of his crashed ship, which landed on the Star house]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[crosses arms]'' What are you doing here?}}
+{{L|Quasar|Pat-Tron? ''[gets up and wipes himself]'' Oh, um, I was just stopping by to say how great I'm doing without you.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Well, I'm doing great, too. These people actually appreciate my help.}}
+{{L|Patrick, Cecil, and Squidina|Um... eh...}}
+{{L|Quasar|Speaking of help, I've got a new helper bot. Its name is Smart-Tron. It's great. Very smart.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[points]'' Is that it?}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[surprised, looks behind him]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[damaged, eyes red]'' Elimination.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[screams, gets beaten and grabbed by Smart-Tron]'' Help me!}}
+{{L|Squidina|Uh, are you gonna help him?}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Well, don't you guys need me?}}
+{{L|Cecil|Nah, we're good.}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[pops out of Pat-Tron's front hatch]'' You've helped us so much already.}}
+{{L|Patrick|Yeah, we're helpless!}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Well, okay, then.}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[screams as Pat-Tron launches her]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[points]'' I'll help you, Captain! ''[rolls away]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[screams while being zapped with a laser by Smart-Tron]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[with a mug and tower]'' Here's a hot towel and a soothing beverage.}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[screams as he gets zapped with a laser again]'' On second thought, help the robot. ''[gets zapped again]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Right. ''[leaps to be behind Smart-Tron as it zaps again]'' Ooh, you look tense. Have a relaxing massage. ''[grabs Smart-Tron, making it flail]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[rubs helmet, groans]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[screams off-screen]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|Huh?}}
+{{L|''[Smart-Tron is now lying on a massage chair.]''}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Deeper. ''[bashes Smart-Tron with his arms]''}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[screaming, then falls apart]''}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[shaking hands with Pat-Tron]'' Oh, Pat-Tron, thank you so much. Please, come back and be my hapless lackey again.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|Okay. Can I have a raise?}}
+{{L|Quasar|''[laughs]'' Pat-Tron, ''[they walk away]'' I missed your humor mode.}}
+{{L|Pat-Tron|''[laughs off-screen]''}}
+{{L|''[The ship dislodges itself from the Star house and blasts off.}}
+{{L|Bunny, Patrick, Cecil, and Squidina|''[waving]'' Bye.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[head bouncing along the ground]'' No, now I am inefficient. I have no purpose. ''[sobs]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[picks up Smart-Tron's head]'' I've got just the purpose for you.}}
+{{L|Smart-Tron|''[scene fades to its head sobbing while rotating on a pole to water the garden]''}}
+{{L|Bunny|''[vacuuming nearby]''}}