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| ==Quotes== | | ==Quotes== |
| * ''(Squidward is playing his clarinet, doorbell rings)'' | | * Spongebob: "OH NOOOO! THAT GIRL IS WEARING A HIDEOUS JEW SKIRT!" |
| '''Doctor:''' Yeah, uh, we're with the pet hospital down the street, and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.
| | * Patrick: "No silly, that was me." |
| (slams door)
| | * Spuidward: "you both are a couple of imbisuls!" |
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| * ''[At band class] ''
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| :'''Squidward:''' Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now, I want everyone to line up in straight rows of five.
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| :'''SpongeBob:''' Is this the part where we start kicking?
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| :'''Squidward:''' No SpongeBob, that's a chorus line.
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| :'''Patrick:''' Kicking? Oh, I wanna do some kicking! ''[Kicks Sandy]''
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| :'''Sandy:''' Ow! Why you...! Why I oughta...! ''[Sandy begins beating Patrick up. The fight tumbles outside]''
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| :'''Patrick:''' AAAAAAAAAH! ''[awkward silence, then Patrick pokes his head through the door]'' Whoever's the owner of the White Sedan, you left your lights on. ''[Patrick walks through the doors. Revealing that he has a trombone for a neck. The instrument plays a note at every footstep Patrick takes. When Patrick sits down, the trombone plays a long, low note along with Patrick opening his mouth to make the sound. Patrick looks at the trombone]''
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| *'''Squidward:''' People, people, settle down. OK, now, how many of you have played musical instruments before? | |
| :'''Plankton:''' Do instruments of torture count?
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| :'''Squidward:''' No.
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| :'''Patrick:''' Is mayonnaise an instrument?
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| :'''Squidward:''' No Patrick, Mayonnaise is not an instrument. ''[Patrick raises his hand]''
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| :'''Squidward:''' Horseradish is not an instrument either. ''[Patrick lowers his hand]''
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| *'''Squidward:''' Now the drums! ''[SpongeBob and two fish have their drumsticks in their mouths. They blow, which shoots the drumsticks in Squidward's direction, pinning him to the wall]''
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| :'''Squidward:''' Too bad that didn't kill me.
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| *'''Squidward:''' I have a theory, people talk loud when they wanna act smart, right? | |
| :'''Plankton:''' (shouts) CORRECT!
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| :'''Squidward:''' So, if we play loud, people might think we're good! Everybody ready! A-one a-two a-one two three four! (''The band plays really loud, blowing out the windows of the building, and sound worse than before'')
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| :'''Squidward:''' (Squidward's face is blown back by the force, baton breaks in half) Okay, New theory. Maybe we should play so quietly nobody can hear us.
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| :'''Harold:''' Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big meaty claws!
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| :'''Mr. Krabs:''' What did you say, punk?
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| :'''Harold:''' ''Big, meaty, '''CLAWS!'''''
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| :'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well these claws ain't for just attracting mates!
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| :'''Harold:''' Bring it on old man! Bring it on!
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| :'''SpongeBob:''' No, people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
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| :'''Nancy:''' Oh! So now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us!
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| *''[Outside the Bubble Bowl]''
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| :'''Squidward:''' I knew this was going happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that ''[Spots Squilliam]'' SQUILLIAM DOESN'T FIND OUT! SQUILLIAM!!!! AAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!!!!!!! What are you doing here?
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| :'''Squilliam:''' I just came to see you blow it. So, where's your band?
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| :'''Squidward:''' They couldn't come they...died.
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| :'''Squilliam:''' Then who's that?
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| :'''Squidward:''' ''[sees fancy band]'' AHHHHHHHH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!
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| :'''SpongeBob:''' We're ready to perform Squidward.
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| :'''Squilliam:''' Well Squiddy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look. ''[SpongeBob's waving his hands back and forth along with his tongue]''
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| :'''Squidward:''' That's his...eager face.
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| *''[At the Bubble Bowl, looking at the humans]''
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| :'''Patrick:''' These are some ugly looking fish.
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| :'''SpongeBob:''' Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.
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| :'''Mr. Krabs:''' I think I'm gonna be sick!
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| *''[After first talking with Squilliam at his house]''
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| :'''Squidward:''' I've got to drum up a marching band fast...heh, drum. Band humor.
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| ''(driving to band class)''
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| *'''Squidward:''' Stupid music rental clerk made me late! That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow! Heh heh heh...More band humor.
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| *'''Crowd:''' Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah!(repeated line)
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| *'''Squidward:''' Brass section! Go! [some fish with brass instruments repeat his notes for five times] Good! Now,the drums! [Sponge and two other fish try to blow on the drumsticks to make noise for eight times. They fly out of their mouths and hit Squid, two on his shirt and one under his arm, pinning him to the wall.] Too bad that didn't kill me. (Fades out, too bad indeed for Squidward anyway.)
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| *(phone rings)
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| :'''Squidward:''' Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the (blows clarinet).
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| :'''Squilliam:''' Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, old chum?
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| :'''Squidward:''' (gasp) Squilliam Fancyson from band class?
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| :'''Squilliam:''' I hear you're playing the cash register, now.
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| :'''Squidward:''' Um, sometimes. How's the unibrow?
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| :'''Squilliam:''' It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band, now. And we're supposed to play the bubble bowl next week.
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| :'''Squidward:''' The bu-bu-bu-? The bu-bu-bu-? The bu-bu-bu-?
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| :'''Squilliam:''' That's right! I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for me.
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| :'''Squidward:''' Uh... Uh, Ummm...
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| :'''Squilliam:''' I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry, now.
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| :'''Squidward:''' HOLD IT! It just so matters that I DON'T sell fast food, I DO have a band, and we're going to play that bubble bowl! How do you like that, fancy boy?
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| :'''Squilliam:''' Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of ''ibuprofen!'' (hangs up)
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| :*'''Squidward: '''Don't bother showing up tomorrow, I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So "thanks," thanks for nothing!
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| Patrick: You're Welcome
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| ==APM Music Identification== | | ==APM Music Identification== |
