Abandon Twits/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Abandon Twits" from season 13, which aired on January 20, 2023.

• [The episode begins with SpongeBob and Squidward walking out of the Krusty Krab, feeling tired after a long day at work.]
• Squidward: End of another 18-hour shift of misery.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, ahoy there! [closes the doors of the Krusty Krab and walks over to SpongeBob and Squidward] And what do you two laddies have planned for this weekend?
• SpongeBob: I'm polishing Gary's shell! [SpongeBob's face turns into a polisher and he uses it on Squidward]
• Squidward: Well I'm going to a post-post-pre-modern unconstructivist dance performance! [dances as red, blue, and yellow lights flash quickly behind him]
• Mr. Krabs: [narrows eyes] Uh, well, that's uh, fascinating...
• Mr. Krabs: [slides over to SpongeBob and Squidward] Hey! Instead of that malarkey, what would you say to a leisurely sailing trip on me brand new yacht? Huh? [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: The sun in your face? [sun shines down on SpongeBob's face]
• Mr. Krabs: The wind in your uh... uh... tentacles.
• Squidward: [sighs] Well, I wouldn't mind a nice relaxing ocean cruise.
• Mr. Krabs: Great! I'll see you at the dock bright early tomorrow morning.
• French Narrator: The next morning...
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'm all dressed up and ready to snorkel.
• Squidward: What a second!
• SpongeBob: Uh... Mr. Krabs, where's your ship?
• Squidward: Something smells fishy.
• Mr. Krabs: Don't get your missy massy in the twist. I've got your ship right there. Some estimated required.
• Squidward: We have to build the ship?!
• SpongeBob: Yay! We get to build the ship!
• Mr. Krabs: Pre-made vessels are for landlubbers! Real sailors build their own ships! Now get to work you two! And as a old navy man, I'll be responsible for the most difficult part.
• Squidward: And that would be...
• Mr. Krabs: Supervising! [snores]
• Squidward: Old navy mam? Ha! More like old lazy man. [sighs] Oh, boy. Alright, let's get this over with. Now where are the instructions?
• SpongeBob: I'll find them! [gets the instructions] Got them! Hmm... Step one.
• Squidward: Gimme that! Aaah! Now what are we supposed to do?
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward! I know how to handle this situation!
• Squidward: Oh, really?
• SpongeBob: We just need to follow our hearts.