Firehouse Bob/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Firehouse Bob" from season 15, which aired on March 7, 2025.

• [The episode opens at SpongeBob's house.]
• SpongeBob: Gary! [pops out of the bottom window] Gary! [pops out of the top window] Gary! [pops out of the side pipe] Gary!
• Gary: [off-screen] Meow.
• SpongeBob: [appears three times in all locations] Gary? [exits through the front door] Where are you, Gare Bear?
• Gary: [off-screen] Meow. [SpongeBob runs off-screen to see him stuck in a tree] Meow.
• SpongeBob: Gary! [runs into the tree and falls over] Gary, how did you get up there, you silly snail? [gestures with his hands] Come on, jump, jumpity, jump, jump, jump.
• Gary: [afraid] Meow.
• SpongeBob: Huh. [sees a red box on the tree, reading the text] "In case of pet in tree, pull down." All right. [pulls the lever, causing a fire boat to appear]
• Larry: [jumps out of the boat] Did someone call the fire department? [dramatic shot]
• SpongeBob: [mouth moves around his face] Wow.
• Larry: [picks up SpongeBob and sets him down] Step aside, citizen. [various objects are thrown to him as he requests them] Ladder. First aid. Blanket. Let's hustle, people. Hustle. [the fire boat stops in front of the tree; gives Old Man Walker a thumbs-up as he comes out]
• Old Man Walker: [gives a thumbs-up] Okay, here I come. [begins slowly climbing the ladder] Yep. You're safe now, sonny. Almost there.
• Gary: [bored] Meow, meow. [slithers across the ladder]
• SpongeBob: [swinging on Larry's finger] Thank you for rescuing my little Gare Bear. [giggles] Hey, Larry, I'd like to be a firefighter. Can I be one, please? Can I please?
• Larry: Sorry, SpongeBob. [lets SpongeBob off his finger] There are no openings at this time.
• Old Man Walker: [slipping on Gary's slime on the ladder, yells, and falls to the ground] Oh. I think I shattered my skeleton... again.
• [An ambulance appears, and someone carries Old Man Walker inside as the boat drives away.]
• Larry: Ooh. I may regret this, but it looks like we do have an opening. [walks away as SpongeBob gets excited] See you at the firehouse, I guess.
• French Narrator: [narrating time card] The next day.
• [Cut to SpongeBob in front of the fire department building. The garage door opens as a dramatic shot of Larry is shown again.]
• SpongeBob: [in awe with a goofy face]
• Larry: [snaps fingers] You okay there, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: [shakes his head, blushes] Oh, yeah. [chuckles, salutes] Reporting for duty!
• Gary: Meow! [appears with a dalmatian pattern on his shell] Meow-- [clears his throat, then barks]
• SpongeBob: I brought my own snail-matian.
• Gary: [barks]
• Larry: Okay. Well, welcome to the Bikini Bottom Volunteer Fire Department.
• SpongeBob: [excitedly in a fighting stance] Oh, yeah! Where's the fire? Where's the fire! I'm going to fight it. I'm going to fight it. I'm going to fight it. Where is it? Where? Where?
• Larry: [walks away] Yep, I'm regretting it. [shows SpongeBob inside] Here, we keep the hoses that extinguish the fires.
• SpongeBob: [slurps from a leaky hose] Well, they sure extinguished my thirst. [nudging Larry, laughs]
• Larry: [unimpressed] Upstairs.
• [Bubble transition to upstairs, where several beds are seen.]
• Larry: This is the bunk room, where we rest up between fires.
• SpongeBob: Ohh, should I pick a bunk? [bounces between beds] No, too soft. Too hard. [breaks into pieces; emerges from the next bed with a makeshift tutu] Tutu? [lands on a bed] Too lumpy. [Patrick comes out from the covers] Whoa! Patrick!
• Patrick: [holds out a fiery club] I'm gonna start fires!
• Larry: [puts out the fire with his claw] Put out fires. We put out fires.
• Patrick: [tosses club away] If you say so.
• Larry: [facepalms] Rookie, meet your fellow volunteer.
• SpongeBob: [shakes hands with Patrick] Charmed, I'm sure.
• Patrick: My pleasure. You look familiar.
• SpongeBob: Hey, what's that? [runs off, leaving behind his shaking hand; reading plaque on podium holding a fire in a glass display] "The first fire"? Wow! Is this the first fire in the history of forever?
• Larry: No, it's the first fire we ever got called to. We keep it as a memento.
• Patrick: [yelling off-screen] Hey! Fire poles!
• SpongeBob: [both in front of poles] Wow! Can we slide down the poles?
• Larry: [picks up SpongeBob and Patrick as they latch onto the poles] Hold on there, greenhorns. [sets them down] You need to learn which one to use. [points left] This is the pole to the fireboat. [points to a yellow pole to the right] This one's to the kitchen.
• SpongeBob: [touches the pole] It's slippery.
• Larry: It's buttered. [gestures to a pole with bathroom signs] This one goes to the bathroom.
• Patrick: [now wearing goggles and a scarf] That's my ride. [slides up the pole]
• SpongeBob: [pointing to a pole near some orange warning signs and barriers] Ooh, where does this pole go?
• Larry: [picks up SpongeBob] Oh, that one's the mystery pole. It never goes to the same place twice.
• SpongeBob: I love a mystery. [grabs onto the pole and slides down] Yay!
• Larry: No! Wait!
• SpongeBob: [screams as he slides down into a black abyss, with various live-action things appearing and disappearing such as dancing devils, a skeleton, Santa, a zebra, and Dracula; continues screaming, his body zooming into himself repeatedly, then slides down a winding pole] Whoa, whoa, whoa! [slides through a human firefighter's ears] How do you stop this crazy thing? [slides past a live-action dancing alien on the moon] Hit the brakes! [yells as he turns into a liquid and goes through a test tube] Whoa! [screams as he slides past dancing men at the beach, then climbs a rising stock line in front of a live-action chimpanzee] No, no! [riding a rollercoaster] Huh? [yells as he goes the other way, slides past a swimmer to knock them over, then slides into a space explosion as the earth explodes; he slides down the end of the pole outside, shaken]
• Larry: Do you still love a mystery?
• SpongeBob: Uh, not so much these days.
• Larry: [blows a whistle] All right, line up!
• SpongeBob: [gets in between Squidward and Patrick] Squidward, you volunteered too?
• Squidward: Not me, Mr. Krabs. He was court mandated for this, but sent me in his stead. I'm a proxy.
• SpongeBob: Ooh, hi, proxy. I'm [turns square] boxy.
• Patrick: [bats long eyelashes] I'm foxy.
• Squidward: [walks away] Well, then I'm an escapee. [Larry picks him up and sets him back]
• Larry: All right, listen up. This is the training area. The reason why there are three of you is because one Old Man Walker is worth [holds up three fingers] three good men. And I couldn't find three good men, so I got you... [panning grotesque close-up of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward] Your training starts now, and hopefully ends at some point. First up, [moves out of the way to show a stage with fake houses on fire] fire hose skills.
• SpongeBob: [all three spray their hoses, with him flailing] Whoa! Yipe! Whoa! Whoa! Wow! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [a balloon on the house he is spraying fills up; Larry gives a thumbs-up] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [knocks over Squidward, and he and Patrick fill Larry's mouth with water]
• [Flame transition to Patrick dressed as an old lady yelling from a building with a fake baby.]
• Patrick: [feminine voice] Help! Fire! Someone save my baby!
• SpongeBob: [with Squidward on the fire boat] We'll save your baby.
• Squidward: Careful, SpongeBob. Slowly... [screams as SpongeBob suddenly cranks the ladder]
• Patrick: [normal voice, throws baby which Squidward catches as the ladder goes into the sky] Save my baby!
• Squidward: [on the surface, gets hit by a seagull]
• Baby: Mama.
• Squidward: [trembling] What she said.
• SpongeBob: [quickly lowers the ladder, making Squidward fall back down and hit the boat]
• Squidward: [spits out feathers from the baby doll]
• SpongeBob: Oh. [chuckles, picks up the doll's head] I saved the baby, Chief.
• Larry: And what about the mother?
• SpongeBob: The-the-the-the mother? [hears Patrick screaming and falling, and sets down a small pillow]
• Patrick: [falls through the ground, creating a hole in the shape of him; feminine voice] Oh.
• SpongeBob: The mother!
• Larry: [facepalms with his clipboard] Congratulations, men. You passed your training.
• SpongeBob: Yeah!
• Patrick: Whoo-hoo!
• Squidward: Kill me now.
• Larry: [holding walkie-talkies and fire helmets] You're all volunteer firefighters. [sarcastically as he drops the equipment] Huzzah.
• [SpongeBob and Patrick catch the equipment in excitement.]
• Larry: Sorry, Squidward. We're out of fire helmets and walkie-talkies, but um... [throws Squidward a party hat and party horn] here's some stuff left over from our last party.
• Squidward: [blows the horn, groans]
• Larry: [hears a beep from his walkie-talkie and answers] Another pet in a tree? I've got better things to do, like sleep. Hm? Look alive, men. You've got your very first assignment.
• [Cut to the trio and Gary driving the fire boat as the siren wails. Plankton stands in front of the tree as the fire boat stops nearby. SpongeBob stands in front of Plankton.]
• Plankton: [turns around] It's Spot! He's stuck in a tree! [dramatic shot of SpongeBob with a chiseled face; his mouth moves around his face] Wow. [shakes his head, then a goofy shot of SpongeBob is shown] What was I thinking? It's SpongeBob! Never mind. Sorry to bother you. He can stay in the tree.
• SpongeBob: [moves Plankton aside with his foot] Step aside, citizen. [the fire truck drives away and comes back] Ladder! First aid! Blanket! Hustle, people!
• Patrick: [raises the ladder up to Spot on the tree, then climbs it, and gets hit with Spot's vomit; screams and falls]
• SpongeBob: [using walkie-talkie] Yeah, this is Firefighter SpongeBob to Chief Larry. The rescue subject just regurgitated all over Patrick. [hurling is heard] Squidward got hurled on, too.
• Larry: [snickers] Keep up the good work. [laughs while banging his claw]
• SpongeBob: [coaxing as Patrick and Squidward wipe themselves off] Come on, boy, jump! [Spot shakes his head]
• Gary: Meow. [shakes head, then barks]
• Spot: [barks, then jumps onto Gary]
• SpongeBob: [pats Gary] Good snail-matian. [hears the fire alarm] Huh? Do you hear that? There's a fire somewhere! A real fire! [takes Spot and gives him to Plankton, then gets on the fire boat] Hustle! [the fire boat drives away]
• Spot: [throws up on Plankton]
• Patrick: [tries to sound the alarm, but it sparks and blows up instead; shrugs]
• SpongeBob: Oh, uh, Squidward, the siren is broken, could you uh-- [imitates horn noise]
• Squidward: [blows party horn]
• Driver: [swerves past] Watch where you're comin', bozo!
• [The fire boat stops in front of the fire department, which is on fire.]
• Squidward: A firehouse on fire. Talk about your cheap irony.
• Larry: [breaks the top window] Help! The first fire escaped!
• First fire: [jumps around inside, laughs as it sets more of the place on fire]
• Larry: [flails arms] Save me!
• [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward hold up a large target.]
• SpongeBob: Okay, jump!
• Larry: [jumps onto the target, bounces in the air, and lands on top of the building] Whoa!
• Patrick: [tosses away target] Well, that was a rip-off.
• SpongeBob: [the trio hold the fire hose] Okay, men, fire hose skills. [turn on the fire hose, all flailing and screaming]
• Squidward: Mother of Pearl!
• [They put out the fire, and all land on top of the building with Larry.]
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, you're saved.
• Larry: [laughs] Hey, you know-- [the top of the building collapses, and they all fall screaming, setting the building on fire again]
• Gary: [barks to a walkie-talkie]
• [An ambulance appears with Old Man Walker in it.]
• Old Man Walker: Does somebody need three good men?
• Gary: Meow-meow!
• Old Man Walker: [approaches the front door] Now, hold on in there, you kids. [breaks the front door with an ax swing and carries everyone inside back out, tosses them aside, and uses a hose to extinguish the fire; dramatic shot]
• Larry: [mouth moves around his face] Wow! Ha! [picks up Patrick and Squidward] Didn't I tell ya Old Man Walker is worth three good men?
• Patrick: Hey, where's SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: [dancing while holding the first fire in a glass case] Yes! I saved it! I saved the first fire! [trips and falls over] Whoa! [the fire breaks out of its case and blows up the fire boat]
• Squidward: [screams, then the fire blows up the fire department]
• Larry: I wonder if I can volunteer for something safer. Medical experiments. That sounds good.
• SpongeBob: [appears next to Larry with a doctor's outfit and medical needle] This is your lucky day. I'm also a volunteer doctor. [squeezes the needle]
• Larry: [screams and runs away as SpongeBob chases him]
• SpongeBob: [laughing]
• Squidward: [blows party horn, then a lamppost falls over]