Bizarro Bottom/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bizarro Bottom" from season 16, which aired on September 12, 2025.

• [The SpongeTom ShortPants theme song plays. A painting of I.M. Poster the Pirate with a bird on his shoulder is shown.]
• I.M. Poster the Pirate: Ooohhh... [scene changes to a variation of Bikini Atoll, where it transitions down to SpongeTom's house, which is a watermelon]] ♪ Who lives in a melon deep under the waves? ♪
• [SpongeTom opens the door, Hans puts a bowtie on him.]
• Kids: ♪ SpongeTom ShortPants! ♪
• I.M. Poster: ♪ He's very well mannered and always behaved! ♪
• Kids: ♪ SpongeTom ShortPants! ♪
• I.M. Poster: ♪ If passing the time is something you wish. ♪
• Kids: ♪ SpongeTom ShortPants! ♪
• Fish Head: ♪ Then go to a deli and eat a knish! ♪
• Kids: ♪ SpongeTom ShortPants! ♪
• Fish Head: Prepared!
• Kids: ♪ SpongeTom ShortPants! ♪
• Kids and I.M. Poster: ♪ SpongeTom...ShortPants! ♪
• I.M. Poster: [laughs]
• [The SpongeTom ShortPants logo is shown, SpongeTom squeezes his head and blows to the sound of a tuba.]
• [The episode title card appears with the opening credits soon after. The episode opens with a shot of SpongeTom's house, which is a giant melon. SpongeTom adjusts his bow tie and stares at the camera as he puts his work hat on.]
• SpongeTom: [approaches his pet slug and pets him] Well, I'm off to work, Barry.
• Barry: [deep-voiced] Meow.
• SpongeTom: [opens the front door] I'm prepared! [exits and shuts the door, then heads to the Krunchy Krab] I'm prepared! I'm prepared! I'm prepared! I'm prepared! [enters the Krunchy Krab]
• Smiling customer: Good morning, SpongeTom.
• SpongeTom: [takes off his hat and puts it back on] Good morning, reliable customers. Morning, Octward. [high-fives Octward]
• Octward: Love that guy.
• SpongeTom: [whistles as he enters the kitchen, grabs a scoop, and begins making a taco by flipping ingredients into a shell; then he squirts hot sauce on it and a bell rings as the taco is finished]
• [The screen wipes to a clock that reads 3:20. A blue crab enters the kitchen.]
• Mr. Claws: Hey there, SpongeTom. On account of it being your day off tomorrow, I thought I'd let you go home early!
• SpongeTom: Thanks, Mr. Claws. Ooh, my pet Barry sure is gonna appreciate getting his dinner early tonight. [he and Claws laugh]
• Mr. Claws: [wipes tear] It's amusing because it's true.
• SpongeTom: [nodding] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
• French narrator: [as the scene changes to a bus driving in a foggy setting] Imagine, if you will, taking your usual bus ride home after a long day's work. [SpongeBob is seen on the bus, snoring] But you are so tired [the bus drives past SpongeBob's house] that you fall asleep and miss your stop, [SpongeBob begins to sleep on the person next to him; the French narrator is on the bus] and head straight for the Tidal Zone, where I can be tiny.
• [The Tidal Zone logo appears as the camera pans to the night sky. The bus makes a stop at SpongeTom's house, and a groggy SpongeBob exits.]
• SpongeBob: [rubbing his eye, groaning, stretches, then approaches the house]
• [SpongeBob pulls out his keys and tries to use them to unlock the front door.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, come on.
• [SpongeTom fills Barry's food bowls.]
• SpongeTom: That should tide you over until I get back from my trip, Barry. [doorbell rings]
• Barry: Meow.
• SpongeTom: Ooh, now that is peculiar. [approaches and opens the front door to see nobody there] Hello? [looks around, scratches his head] Huh, nobody there.
• SpongeBob: [enters through a nearby window and tiredly walks upstairs] Gary, put your shell on. [walks into a wall, then clumsily walks upstairs]
• SpongeTom: [his bus arrives] Ooh, my bus has arrived. [grabs his suitcases] Behave while I'm gone, Barry. [leaves]
• Barry: [suspicious] Meow?
• SpongeBob: [sleeps in Barry's bed as it turns to daytime, then wakes up and stretches] Wow, that's the deepest sleep I've ever had. [grabs the alarm clock] Ahh, the time! [rushes out of bed] I'm late! [tries to open his door, but is thrown off by its different location] Wha? Who moved the doorknob? [opens the door and enters the bathroom, using a toilet cleaner to brush his teeth] What happened to my mirror? [looks at the mirror to the right, then notices what he used to brush his teeth]
• [SpongeBob falls down the stairs and lands in the kitchen chair, where he pours soap flakes into a bowl, pours orange juice into it, then rapidly eats it as his mouth bubbles orange.]
• SpongeBob: [picks up the soap flakes box] Soap flakes? Boy, being late for work has really thrown me off my game. [gasps] Work!
• [SpongeBob enters the Krunchy Krab.]
• SpongeBob: I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!
• Customer: Good morning, SpongeTom.
• SpongeBob: Uh, Bob.
• Customer: [he and his wife's smiles disappear] Bob? Okay, if you insist. [the customers literally bob]
• SpongeBob: [approaches the register]
• Octward: I thought it was your day off.
• SpongeBob: [laughs and points, then puts his employee hat on and walks where the Krusty Krab kitchen would be] Good one, Squidward.
• Octward: Uh, Octward.
• SpongeBob: [walks into the wall, getting dizzy] Ugh, that was awkward. I guess Mr. Krabs moved the kitchen door. [enters the actual kitchen door]
• Octward: Who's Mr. Krabs?
• SpongeBob: [approaches the grill] What happened to my grill? My ingredients have been shredded! [takes a tortilla] Looks like these buns were under someone's buns. [bell dings, looks at order turnstyle to see an order] Huh? An order! Well, I better get to work! [inhales, inflates the torilla, then puts taco meat, duct tape, lettuce, chopped tomatoes, and hot sauce on the "patty"; giggles, puts on the top "bun," then rings the bell] Order up!
• Mr. Claws: [enters while whistling] What are you doing here, son?
• SpongeBob: [his eyes expand to look at Mr. Claws] Uh, why are you wearing a cook's apron?
• Mr. Claws: Because I always cook the tacos on your day off! You know that!
• SpongeBob: Day... off? I've never taken a day off in my life.
• Octward: [enters with the patty] This order is supposed to be a taco. If the customer wanted a Yummy Patty, they would've gone to the Yum Bucket.
• SpongeBob: Wha? [screams] What is going on here? [touches Octward's nose] Squidward! Why are you an octopus? And Mr. Krabs, why are you blue? And-- [stammers] tacos?!
• Octward: Well, for starters, my name is Octward. And I'm a squid.
• Mr. Claws: You know, I give you a day off every week for a reason, son.
• SpongeBob: Day off. [nervously chuckles, then screams and runs off, knocking over the customer's drink]
• Customer: Still bobbing, Tom!
• Mr. Claws: Did SpongeTom seem a little strange to you today? His eyes were on his chest.
• Octward: Yeah, I didn't know where to look.
• SpongeBob: [screams and skids to a halt to look at the Yum Bucket, with a large line of customers] Huh? [rubs his eyes] Customers? At the Chum Bucket? My eyes must be tired. [cut to him exiting an Optometrist building with a new pair of glasses] There. That looks better. [his vision is blurry] Blurry, but in a reassuring way. Oh, wait until I tell Patrick and Sandy what a strange morning I had. [sees who he assumes to be Patrick and Sandy sitting at a table and talking] Ooh, there they are now. [waving] Patrick! Sandy! [boats flip over and crash as he runs across the street] Yoo-hoo! Hey! Sandy! Patrick! Boy, am I glad to see you guys. [takes some straws from a cup] Mind if I have some of your fries, Patrick? [eats the straws] Mm, a little dry. [swallows] Mind if I have a sip of your soda, Sandy? [drinks from the flower vase, chokes and bangs his fist on the table] Ooh, that is off. This day has been bonkers! Squidward was a squid, Mr. Krabs was blue, and the Krabby Patties were tacos! Oh, I'm just so glad to run into my best pals Patrick and Sandy.
• Preston: Who are Patrick and Sandy? [SpongeBob takes his glasses off to reveal the two are not Patrick and Sandy] I assure you, good sir, my name is Preston. I know not of this Patrick you speak of.
• Sammy: Duh, and me am Sammy. Am I be a squirrel folk.
• SpongeBob: Everything is still all crazy! [screams and runs away, then stops to catch his breath and looks around] Harry's Gym? [a Mrs. Puff lookalike wearing a mustache waves as two students ride a bike away] Mrs. Gruff's Biking School? Groovy Groupers? [hyperventilates and grabs his eyelids]
• Young Man Powerwalker: [walks past SpongeBob, knocking him into a Fred lookalike] Young Man Power Walker coming up on your left.
• Ted: My arm!
• SpongeBob: [backs away] Sorry. Must see my parents. Parents make everything okay. [walks over to a lemon house] Oh, look. My parents painted their house a nice, hopeful yellow. [rings the doorbell, which squirts lemon juice in his eye] Ow! [chuckles] The ol' lemon juice in the eye trick. My parents have really developed a sense of humor.
• SpongeTom: [answers the door] May I help you?
• SpongeBob and SpongeTom: Whoa! [point at each other] You look not quite exactly like me! [wave their hands in front of each other]
• SpongeTom's father: Who's your weird-looking friend, son?
• SpongeTom's mother: He looks vaguely familiar. Very vague.
• SpongeBob: [grabs SpongeTom's dad's pants] You're not my parents. [pokes SpongeTom's mom] What did you with to my parents? [gasps] You've replaced everyone with weirdos! [pokes SpongeTom's nose] And you, you think you can replace me? You're all nothing but a bunch of-- of-- evil doppelgangers! Well, I won't let you doppelgang up on me. [screams, his eyes turning red and frothing at the mouth before screaming and running away into a sign] "Welcome to Tankini Top"? You've ruined the whole town, you darn dingy doppelgangers.
• SpongeTom: Poor fella. He got so overwhelmed he fainted.
• SpongeTom's mother: What are we gonna do with him?
• Spongetom's father: I say we give him a sack lunch and put him on the first bus out of town.
• All except SpongeBob: [hold hands] Agreed!
• French narrator: [narrating time card] One bus ride later.
• [At dusk, Squidward, Sandy, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs are all watching SpongeBob asleep on a bus station bench.
• Sandy: This is where I found him.
• Patrick: [laughs as he eats the sandwich from the sack]
• Sandy: I wonder how he got here.
• Squidward: I was so worried! I thought I'd have to cook the Krabby Patties.
• Patrick: [points as SpongeBob wakes up] Look! He's starting to unasleepen.
• SpongeBob: [rubs his eye] Huh? Patrick! Sandy! Squidward! Mr. Krabs! [stands up] Boy, am I glad to see you. I had the strangest dream, where I woke up and everything in Bikini Bottom was different. [points at everyone individually] And you weren't there, and you weren't there, and you weren't there, [Patrick laughs] and you weren't there.
• Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, we get it, laddie. Now back to work, you're late.
• SpongeBob: I'm prepared! [laughs, Patrick falls over]
• [The camera pans up to the sky as the French narrator appears.]
• French narrator: Consider this. Everyone has a doppelganger. But how is one to know if they are the doppel or the ganger?
• Canadian narrator: A question that can only be answered in the Tidal Zone, eh? [rimshot, both yelp as they face each other]