Abandon Twits/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Abandon Twits" from season 13, which aired on January 20, 2023.

• [The episode begins with SpongeBob and Squidward walking out of the Krusty Krab, feeling tired after a long day at work.]
• Squidward: End of another 18-hour shift of misery.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, ahoy there! [closes the doors of the Krusty Krab and walks over to SpongeBob and Squidward] And what do you two laddies have planned for this weekend?
• SpongeBob: I'm polishing Gary's shell! [SpongeBob's face turns into a polisher and he uses it on Squidward]
• Squidward: Well I'm going to a post-post-pre-modern unconstructivist dance performance! [dances as red, blue, and yellow lights flash quickly behind him]
• Mr. Krabs: [narrows eyes] Uh, well, that's uh, fascinating...
• Mr. Krabs: [slides over to SpongeBob and Squidward] Hey! Instead of that malarkey, what would you say to a leisurely sailing trip on me brand new yacht? Huh? [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: The sun in your face? [sun shines down on SpongeBob's face]
• Mr. Krabs: The wind in your uh... uh... tentacles.
• Squidward: [sighs] Well, I wouldn't mind a nice relaxing ocean cruise.
• Mr. Krabs: Great! I'll see you at the dock bright early tomorrow morning.
• French Narrator: The next morning...
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'm all dressed up and ready to snorkel.
• Squidward: What a second!
• SpongeBob: Uh... Mr. Krabs, where's your ship?
• Squidward: Something smells fishy.
• Mr. Krabs: Don't get your missy massy in the twist. I've got your ship right there. Some estimated required.
• Squidward: We have to build the ship?!
• SpongeBob: Yay! We get to build the ship!
• Mr. Krabs: Pre-made vessels are for landlubbers! Real sailors build their own ships! Now get to work you two! And as a old navy man, I'll be responsible for the most difficult part.
• Squidward: And that would be...
• Mr. Krabs: Supervising! [snores]
• Squidward: Old navy mam? Ha! More like old lazy man. [sighs] Oh, boy. Alright, let's get this over with. Now where are the instructions?
• SpongeBob: I'll find them! [gets the instructions] Got them! Hmm... Step one.
• Squidward: Gimme that! Aaah! Now what are we supposed to do?
• SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward! I know how to handle this situation!
• Squidward: Oh, really?
• SpongeBob: We just need to follow our hearts.
• Squidward: [sighs]
• SpongeBob: Squidward! I got the first piece!
• Squidward: Uh... SpongeBob, you clam head, you don't put up the mast first!
• SpongeBob: What's that, Squidward?!
• Squidward: I said SpongeBob, you clam head... You have to start with the frame. [bubble transition] Alright now, bend it into a boat shape. [bubble transition]
• SpongeBob: Tickle, tickle, tickle!
• Squidward: SpongeBob, wood planks are not... [the wood plank laughs] Uh... Ticklish.
• The French Narrator: Many frame-building attempts later...
• SpongeBob: We did it, Squidward! Put 'er there!
• Squidward: Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Huh? [growls] What in the name of all the salty are you doing? Your wasting expensive lumber-er-er!
• Squidward: We're trying to build a ship's frame, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs spits]
• Mr. Krabs: Building the frame?! They give you one already to go!
• SpongeBob: Ooh!
• Mr. Krabs: Take a gander, boyo.
• SpongeBob: I'm ship-shaped, Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: Now get back to work! The tides going out.
• SpongeBob: A stubborn one, eh? Squidward! Did you see an anchor?! I think I dropped one!
• Squidward: Why don't we switch places? You work down here, and I work up there! [sighs] Much safer. Never work below and idiot.
• SpongeBob: Oops! Look out above!
• Squidward: Above? That's it! [He hooks SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward. Have you seen a safe up here? I think I dropped it.
• Squidward: From now on, you're working next to me. Where I can keep an eye on you.
• SpongeBob: Aww! That's so sweet, Squidward. [He hugs Squidward]
• The French Narrator: Even more boat-building attempts later...
• SpongeBob: Wow. Mr. Krabs! Your ship is finished!
• Squidward: We use the turn ship very seriously.
• Mr. Krabs: Hmm... A little off the beam. Hmm... [gets an idea] I know! All she needs is a nice shiny coat of paint! [He paints the ship] The S.S. Sea-Cret Formula is ready to set sail! As soon as you two drag her into the to go. Mush!
• Squidward: Well, at lest this weekend isn't a total waste.
• Mr. Krabs: Not so fast, Mr. Squidward! You still have work to do.
• Squidward: Work?!
• Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the grand opening of the Krusty Krab of the high seas! And even I of the high seas. Agh-agh-agh-agh-agh!
• Squidward: Huh! Forget it! I am not moving from this spot!
• Mr. Krabs: No problem.