Wet Painters: Puppet Edition!/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants Pineapple Playhouse short "Wet Painters: Puppet Edition!," which aired on October 7, 2020.

Mr. Krabs: Now, are you men ready for your super special secret assigment?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [mumbling]
Mr. Krabs: The two of you are to paint the inside of me house.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [jump into the air] Yay!
Mr. Krabs: But let me give you two a warning. If I see even one drop on anything but wall, I'll have your rear ends cut off and mounted over me fireplace! [brings up two mounts with the duo's name on them] So have fun with the job! [shuts the door]
SpongeBob: [pans across Krabs' wall] Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of expensive treasures to drip paint on.
SpongeBob: Well, I guess we should open these cans of permanent paint now. [takes screwdriver and prepares to open paint jar]
Patrick: Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob! Careful, SpongeBob! Careful, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, the lid is already off.
Patrick: Oh. Now it's my turn. [picks up axe and begins hitting can]
SpongeBob: I'm thinking I should do this one, too, Patrick! Okay, Patrick, let's get our brushes ready. [picks up thick red brush] Uh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. [gets a smaller brush, and picks out a nosehair]
Patrick: [gets his small brush, rips out multiple nosehairs, causing him to tear]
SpongeBob: [holds out his hand with his brush, preparing to paint] Alright, Patrick, gotta get started painting this wall. [slowly brushes downwards, but the paint continues dripping.] Huh? [SpongeBob gets a hair dryer to blow it off-direction, but it turns into a giant paint bubble] Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?!
Patrick: Oh, I know. [picks up his bubble blowing stick, dips it into the paint and blows out another giant paint bubble] Two giant paint bubbles!
SpongeBob: [screaming]
[The bubbles collide into one and explode, splaterring paint all over the room.]
SpongeBob: [pans across the room] We did it! We painted the whole house and without getting a drop of paint on anything but the-- Flappin' Flotsam! What's that?! [progressively pans in to Krabs' first dollar with a blotch of paint on it] That's not just a dollar! It's Mr. Krabs' first dollar! His most prized possession! And we got paint on it! Okay, this isn't a problem. Maybe I can just wipe it off. [wipes it with tie, but it gets even more paint-covered, causing SB to make more afraid noises] This is not good, Patrick! This is not good! Mr. Krabs is gonna be home soon, and when he sees what we did to his first dollar... [cuts awau to a shot of SB and Pat's butts nailed to mounts, as Mr. Krabs slurps]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [screaming, holding their butts]
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob, all we got to do is wash the paint off and Krabs will never know!
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs said...
Patrick: Forget what Mr. Krabs said! Every paint comes off with something!
[cuts away to scenes of drying the dollar, washing the dollar, spraying the dollar with a hose (causing Pat to scream), but nothing works. SpongeBob is now about to hit an extremely bruised Pat with a bat.]
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! We're not cavemen! [walks to a computer] We have technology! [picks the desktop up and hits the dollar with it, grunting. That curs to a shot of the dollar with slight crumples, but still not paint-free.]
SpongeBob: It didn't work.
Patrick: This is all Mr. Krabs' fault! If he hadn't hung that stupid dollar in the first place...! I mean, it's not like it looks any different than a regular dollar. Why hang it? You could just stick any old dollar bill up on the wall, no one would even know the difference! You might as well reach in my wallet, put out a dollar, - and put it out on the wall! And it would...
SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick, take out your wallet.
Patrick: [pulls out his wallet] I don't see where you're going with this... [pulls out a dollar] Hey, a dollar!
SpongeBob: Our butts are saved, Patrick! Now all we have to... Patrick, no!
Patrick: [puts his dollar into a vending machine for a chocolate bar]
SpongeBob: [crying] No-ho-ho-ho!
Patrick: Want a bite?
SpongeBob: Okay. Okay. We still got time.
Mr. Krabs: [singing] What the...?
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs. [hanging in front of the dollar frame]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: Oh you know, just hanging around.
Patrick: Boo!
Mr. Krabs: Get down onto the floor, boy.
SpongeBob: No, No, Mr. Krabs! No! Don't look, it's a trick!
Mr. Krabs: Did you two get paint all over me first dollar?!
Patrick: [sad] We're so sorry.
SpongeBob: [frightened] We're sorry, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: [licks the dollar, making it fresh and clean] There we go. Good as new.
SpongeBob and Patrick: But, but, but...
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I lied. This paint actually comes off with saliva. Ha-ha.
SpongeBob: Oh, I get it, Mr. Krabs. You told us the paint was permanent so me and Patrick would be careful and not get paint on anything!
Mr. Krabs: Nah, I just like to mess with you. [laughs]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [leave in frustration]
Mr. Krabs: [laughs crazily as the paint gets wet] Aw, crud. I really gotta learn to say it, not spray it.