Are You Smarter Than a Smart Cabin?/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Are You Smarter Than a Smart Cabin?/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[One morning, Squidward opens the door to his cabin and sniffs, only to find it completely covered in trash.]
Squidward: Huh? Ew! Yecch!
[A pile of trash falls off the bed, revealing SpongeBob sleeping. Squidward climbs a trash pile up to him.]
Squidward: How do you live like this?
SpongeBob: [yawns] How do you mean? [throws trash]
Squidward: Like this? [takes out trash and the pile collapses] Wah! Whoa! [falls and grumbles]
[Squidward is covered in a pile of trash. More trash falls off the bottom bunk, revealing Patrick.]
Patrick: Hey! I just organized that pile.
[A toaster goes off.]
Squidward: [grumbles] That does it! Clean up this cabin immediately or else!
[Squidward slams his door, and more trash falls down.]
Patrick: Ah, he's just trash talkin'.
SpongeBob: [comes down] Yeah, but as Dinghies, we should have cabin pride. Let's get cleaning!
Patrick: Yeah! [puts some trash in a trash can, then looks at SpongeBob] This stinks.
SpongeBob: Yeah, let's try something else.
[Cut to Sandy reading a book in her treedome.]
Sandy: [humming, notices something] Hmm? What in tarnation?
[A giant pile of trash is coming up the dome's tube. It erupts and splatters. Sandy pushes it out SpongeBob and Patrick's hole.]
Sandy: You're crazy as a bullbat if you think you can shove garbage up my tube! [trash splatters them against the wall]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Sandy. We're really good at making messes but bad at cleaning up.
Sandy: You know, fellers, I've been tinkering with a notion that'd be perfect for this here situation. Now close your eyes.
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and shut their eyes. Sawing, drilling, and hammering noises are heard.]
Sandy: OK, you can open your eyes!
[SpongeBob and Patrick open their eyes and gasp.]
Sandy: Or did I? S.A.L., will you show the boys here how to clean up a room?
[The cabin's lamp flickers on and off as S.A.L. speaks.]
S.A.L.: It would be my genuine pleasure.
[Hands come around of a drawer. It takes out a broom and mop and rolls off. A barrel takes a vacuum out of itself. A trash can grows legs and arms and picks up trash. The barrel robot cleans past SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy. The drawer robot cleans the walls. The trash can robot picks up more trash. The drawer robot cleans another corner. The barrel robot sucks SpongeBob and Patrick's skin right off, putting them in their clean, normal clothes. They sparkle and gasp in amazement.]
Patrick: [sees a bit of dirt on himself] You missed a spot. [the robot vacuums his face off. He gives a thumbs up.]
SpongeBob: Now, that's what I call clean! [the cabin gleams] Hey, Sandy, how did a cabin do all that?
Sandy: Boys, meet the [points to letters in the air as she speaks] Sentient Automated Lodge. I call him "S.A.L."
S.A.L.: Oh! Pleased to make your acquaintance.
SpongeBob: Hi, S.A.L. How's it "glowin'"? [laughs] Get it?
Sandy: His mainframe, or brain, is situated cozy as a cub up in my dome.
[The camera zooms through Sandy's tube to reveal a cube with lights shining out of it as a blue lightbulb is on top.]
S.A.L.: My job is to optimize your cabin living experience, from controlling the climate to scheduling your camp time activities. For instance, my sensors indicate that you are hungry. So I took the liberty of making you lots and lots of pizza. [bell dings]
[A compartment on the wall falls down to reveal three pizzas.]
SpongeBob and Sandy: Yay!
Patrick: [amazed] I love you!
[Squidward comes out of his room.]
Squidward: Hey! I thought I told you to clean this-- [sees his reflection in the door] Um, nice job.
SpongeBob: [messily eating pizza] Nom, nom, nom. [offering] Pizza, Squidward?
Squidward: Really? OK! [takes a step, but slips on the floor and faceplants into SpongeBob's pizza] Oh, now I'm a mess!
S.A.L.: Allow me to assist you.
[S.A.L. sprays soap on Squidward and raises him on a pillar. He brushes him, sprays water on him, and dries him with a fan. Squidward is lowered, sparkling.]
SpongeBob: Are you OK, Squidward?
Squidward: Oh, I feel.. wonderful!
S.A.L.: Happy to assist you. Let us dance to celebrate my awesomeness.
[A disco ball appears and lights shine around the room.]
SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick, and Sandy: Whoa! [dances]
S.A.L.: Get down with your bad selves, uh-huh!
[Lights are shining outside the cabin. At night, the cabin unfolds itself and raises a platform. The Dignhies are in sleeping bags.]
S.A.L.: I thought it would be nice to sleep under the stars tonight. Good night.
SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick, and Sandy: Good night, S.A.L.! [lays down] Ah!
Patrick: S.A.L. is awesome.
Sandy: Yep, there's no slack in his rope.
Squidward: And the best part is, we have him all to ourselves.
SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, you're right. We should throw a big party so the whole camp can enjoy S.A.L.!
Squidward: What? No, I meant the opposite! Oh, it's like I'm talking to a wall.
[The next morning, campers are seen walking into the cabin.]
Boy camper: This place is awesome.
Sandy: Greetings, y'all! We invited you here to introduce the Sentient Automated Lodge, who we call "S.A.L."
S.A.L.: Greetings, campers. It has come to my attention that you like to "par-tay."
[The beds fold up to reveal plenty of snacks. Disco lights shine. Everyone cheers and dances.]
Larry: Larry is dancing. [chuckles] Check it.
[Lady Upturn and Rea dance in sync. Four anchovies are seen doing moves together.]
Anchovies: Meep, meep, meep. [breakdances] Meep, meep, meep-meep-meep! Phew! Meep.
SpongeBob: Ooh. These guys seem overheated, S.A.L. Could you adjust their climate?
S.A.L.: It would be my pleasure. [shines light on the anchovies] Coolant applied. [they sigh, then one shivers]
SpongeBob: Actually, S.A.L., that one guy on the end could use a little warm-up.
S.A.L.: Not a problem. [shines a red light on one anchovy]
Anchovy: Meep.
[S.A.L. replaces Upturn and Rea's desserts. A donut rolls past Regigille, and S.A.L. sweeps it up.]
Regiglle: A true butler always anticipates the next mess. [wipes tear]
[Jimmy Blobfish is laughing and dancing in place. S.A.L. picks him up, wipes his slime away, and puts him on a coaster.]
Craig Mammalton: [throws pizza] Pizza Frisbee! Yeah!
[The pizza lands on Patrick's head and spins.]
Patrick: Hmm? What the? [pizza falls] Hmm? Food fight!
[Patrick throws his ice cream, which hits the face of a girl camper.]
Girl camper: [grunts] Huh? Oh? Food fight! [throws hamburger]
Camper: Food fight!
[Campers throw food around the room.]
S.A.L.: Wait! Stop! You're making a mess!
[Regigille slips on gumballs and lands on a board, which flings a bowl of punch onto Rea.]
Upturn: Huh? Phew! [is hit with another bowl of red sauce] Oh!
S.A.L.: Stop! Messy!
[Bubble Bass eats chips. Craig squeezes him to fire chips at the anchovies. A panicked Squidward runs by, Patrick runs around with pizza on his head, and SpongeBob and Sandy squirt condiments at each other. They fill up Squidward's head, making his eyes different colors.]
S.A.L.: No! None of this is helping! Mess too overwhelming! [shows the control cube] My attempts to keep the cabin orderly have failed. Only one solution. [S.A.L.'s lights turn red as an alarm blares]
[The cabin is full of red lights and hands. The hands grab the campers, shove them in garbage bags, and throw them outside.]
Sandy: S.A.L.! What in tarnation are you doing? These are our friends!
S.A.L.: It is clear that you and your friends are the problem.
[S.A.L. puts SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy in bags and throws them out. S.A.L. cleans up the cabin.]
S.A.L.: All better. [cabin sparkles]
[The campers are struggling outside.]
Patrick: This bag does nothing for my figure.
[At night, the Dinghies try to sneak into their cabin. Squidward stands on Patrick and looks in the window. The barrel robot is playing Squidward's clarinet, and the trash can and drawer robots are dancing.]
Squidward: Hey, that's my clarinet!
Patrick: Hey, I didn't know your clarinet played music.
Squidward and Patrick: Huh? [fall down] Ahh!
S.A.L.: [shines lights on each] Hazard detected. [squishes them together and throws them away] Activating lockdown mode. [lights shine and alarms blare from the cabin]
SpongeBob: Oh, what are we gonna do now?
Sandy: Hmm. Ooh, I got an inkling of a notion!
[A bush hops towards the cabin and stays still as a spotlight passes.]
SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick: Shush, shush, shh-shh.
[They come out of the bush, SpongeBob holding a slingshot.]
SpongeBob: All right, here's the plan. We need a slingshot Squidward through the window.
Squidward: Wait, what? Why me?
[Patrick is ready to fling Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Well, 'cause the porthole is small, and you're the most "porthole-iest."
Squidward: Wait. [gets launched] Ahh! [hits wall and grunts]
Patrick: That's not how you hit a wall! [slingshots himself and gets stuck in the window]
S.A.L.: Well, now that you are stuck, you can join my rhythm section.
[The wall rotates. Patrick's butt is slapped repeatedly.]
Patrick: Oh, no! Free-form jazz! [yelling]
[SpongeBob and Squidward pull Patrick free, but pause to appreciate the music.]
Squidward: Hey, that's not half bad. [keeps pulling]
Sandy: [under cabin] That ought to keep S.A.L. distracted.
[Sandy climbs up her tree and takes out a glass cutter. She cuts a hole inside, filling it with water. She swims to S.A.L.'s control box and begins removing acorns from it.]
S.A.L.: Sandy? What are you doing, Sandy? Sandy, stop. [slowing down] I'm beginning to feel loopy.
Sandy: Why don't you sing a pretty little song to make yourself feel better?
S.A.L.: ♪ I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah ♪ / ♪ You're a Goofy Goober, yeah ♪ / ♪ Goofy, Goofy, Goober ♪ [warbles]
Sandy: [rubs lightbulb] Sorry, S.A.L.
[SpongeBob and Squidward are still trying to pull Patrick out.]
Patrick: [notices] Oh. Ooh. Hey, my butt's not a drum anymore, guys! [door lifts up]
[SpongeBob and Squidward re-enter the cabin.]
Squidward: You did it, Sandy!
Patrick: [with torn pants and a red butt] Yay, Sandy!
[SpongeBob and Squidward react in disgust. Sandy comes back in through the tube, holding S.A.L.'s cube.]
S.A.L.: [sighs] Yeah, but I feel horrible about it. All S.A.L. wanted to do was help.
SpongeBob: I wish we could help him by helping him help.
Sandy: [gasps] Ooh, we can! I just got a humdinger of an idea!
[Bubble transition to Plankton's kitchen. S.A.L. is being held by a robot hand, and it and Plankton are facing a pot of stew.]
S.A.L.: Another pinch of paprika.
Plankton: Enough with the paprika already!
S.A.L.: [scans stew] My sensors indicate that this stew needs a little kick. [bounces Plankton] Ooh, a jalapeño. Perfect.
Plankton: I'm not a jalapeño. I'm your boss! [gets picked up] Hey, unhand me at once! [gets thrown in stew] Whoa! [smacks lips] ...Hmm, it does need more paprika.