Blorpsgiving/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Blorpsgiving/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with the Star family having a Thanksgiving feast.]
Bunny: In celebration of Thanksgiving, how about we all go around the table and say what we're [ties bib around her neck] thankful for?
Squidina: [thinking] Let's see. I'm thankful for--
Patrick: [pops out of a turkey] Food!
[Squidina shields herself with a plate, Patrick eats the turkey and slides across the table.]
Squidina: I concur. [throws plate, it smashes] Food!
[Squidina smashes her face into a bowl of mashed potatoes. She chomps into a biscuit and a piece of pumpkin pie. Patrick is under her, eating through the table. Patrick chomps at the screen and burps, revealing that the whole family is extremely fat.]
Squidina: Ah. [gasps, jumps up] I just remembered! [runs away] Thanksgiving movie time!
Patrick: [laughs and runs after her]
[They sit down on the couch. Squidina turns on the TV. After some static, we see Captain Quasar & Pat-Tron.]
TV announcer: Captain Quasar & Pat-Tron!
[The S.S. Super Minnow flies up to a salad-shaped ship with a fork and spoon.]
Quasar: [voiceover] Captain's diary: I was negotiating a treaty with the leader of the Saladrian Empire.
[Quasar and King Saladrian growl at each other. They each play rock-paper-scissors.]
Quasar and Saladrian: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
[Quasar gets rock and Saladrian gets scissors.]
Quasar: Yes! Rock beats scissors! I win!
Saladrian: Ugh! [shakes fist] Curse you, Quasar! [begrundingly, folds arms] We accept your terms.
Quasar: Great to hear. Pat-Tron, sign the treaty for me, would you?
Pat-Tron: [with a hat and holding suitcases] Sorry, I'm leaving for my vacation.
Quasar: [growls] Just press the button!
[Two buttons are on the wall behind Pat-Tron, one with a laser gun and the other with a treaty.]
Pat-Tron: [looks at his suitcases, mumbles nervously, extends his butt to hit the laser button] You're welcome. [alarms blare
Ship announcer: Firing blasters.
Quasar: What the? Huh?
[A laser fires and blows up the Saladrians' ship.]
Saladrian: Aah! [glares] You dare fire on the Saladrian Empire after we signed a peace treaty? Arm crouton torpedoes! [disappears from the screen]
Quasar: [blinks, chuckles, then runs around] Abandon ship! Pat-Tron, take me with you! Aah!
[Quasar jumps into the escape pod and squeezes in right as the doors close. A live-action crouton fires out and destroys the S.S. Super Minnow. Quasar watches from the window of the escape pod.]
Quasar: [sighs] So where are we going anyway?
Pat-Tron: My home planet, Tron-Tron. It's Blorpsgiving.
Quasar: [scowls] Terrific. [the rocket lands, Quasar is holding his blaster] Space diary: We've arrived on a strange alien world devoid of [looks through a gear] organic life. Who knows what kind of threats lurk behind every corner. [goes up to a robotic version of the Star house] Hmm.
[Pat-Tron knocks. Robot versions of Bunny and Cecil answer the door.]
Cecil-5000: Pat-Tron! Welcome home, son.
Quasar: Not so fast! [aims blaster]
Cecil-5000: Oh, that is too nice. Pat-Tron's alien friend brought dessert. [takes the gun and blends it up with his head]
Bun-Bot: Cecil-5000, what did I say about [pushes him away] sweets before dinner? Join us. [drags Quasar inside and shuts the door]
Pat-Tron: [waves to a robot version of Squidina] Greetings, Robodina!
Robodina: [waves] Greetings!
Pat-Tron: [waves to a steam engine version of GrandPat] Greetings, Grand-Tron!
Grand-Tron: Greetings.
Cecil-5000: [waving to them] Greetings.
[Bun-Bot stops dragging Quasar in front of Grand-Tron.]
Grand-Tron: [to Quasar] Ooh! Hey, Pat-Tron, your friend has a water reservoir like me. Are you steam powered too? [turns around, horn blows]
Quasar: [screams, helmet fogs up] Ugh. [window wiper cleans it off, whispers into electronic device] Space diary: I have encountered a hostile life-form.
Pat-Tron: Oh, relax. Grand-Tron's not hostile. [sits down on a chair with an electric plug] Why don't you sit down and [pats another chair next to him] recharge a while?
Quasar: Hmm, well, I suppose a little rest wouldn't hurt. Um... [sits down] Ah. [gets electrocuted] Aah!
Cecil-5000: Egad! Captain! [lifts him up]
Quasar: Oh, thank goodness.
Cecil-5000: [turns dial on chair] This power adapter should be more suitable. [the two prongs replace with multiple, he puts Quasar back on]
Quasar: [gets electrocuted, sceams]
Cecil-5000: Error. Perhaps this one. [turns dial to three prongs]
Quasar: No, no, no! Please, please! [gets shocked, screaming, winces] Pat-Tron, I can't take anymore!
Pat-Tron: But we just got here!
Quasar: [grabs Pat-Tron] I'm not like you machines! I'm not meant for this [shakes him] cold metal world. [screams skyward] I'm flesh and blood!
Pat-Tron: Huh?
Quasar: I've got to get out of here!
[Quasar pants and runs away. He runs into Inga-Tron, a Pat-Tron-like robot with pigtails and a dress. He lays on the floor, dazed. He looks up at Inga-Tron as the screen gets a pink filter.]
Quasar: [mumbling gibberish, eyes bounce around like pinballs, falls face-forward]
Pat-Tron: Cousin Inga-Tron! What a surprise.
Inga-Tron: Yeah, I just flew in from Robo-Sweden. [spins propeller] And boy, is my propeller tired.
Pat-Tron: [laughs] Oh, Captain, say hi to Inga before you leave.
Quasar: [laying on floor] On second thought, I could stay a little longer.
[The screen zooms out to Patrick's TV. Patrick is sitting upside down and kicking his legs, while Squidina complains.]
Squidina: Oh, come on! They suddenly have a gorgeous cousin who just shows up out of nowhere?
[Zoom out to show Inga sitting next to Squidina.]
Inga: Yah, very unrealistic.
[Pan up to Cecil-5000's Blorpsgiving feast. Pat-Tron's family and Quasar are sitting around the table.]
Cecil-5000: Family unit, initiate Blorpsgiving dinner!
[One member cuts a chunk of RAM out of a loaf. Another picks up a CD from a rack. Robodina picks some cassette tape like spaghetti. She puts it on a plate and pours oil on it, then eats it.]
Grand-Tron: Hmm, where is my supper?
Inga-Tron: Oh, yah! [takes out bag of coal] I brought these [pours them on a plate] antique energy pods just for you.
[Inga-Tron turns her hand into a shovel and shovels some coal into Grand-Tron's mouth.]
Grand-tron: Whoo, whoo! [blows fire]
[Pat-Tron lifts his head to reveal a disc drive and eats a CD.]
Quasar: Pat-Tron, I can't eat any of this! [grabs him] I'm not like you machines. I'm flesh and-- huh?
Inga-Tron: [holding out paper] Captain, would you care for a sheet of business paper?
Quasar: Of course, darling. [sucks it into his helmet, the ball bounces off his head] Oh!
[The paper prints through a slot in Inga-Tron's body.]
Quasar: [bites paper ball] I got it. [swallows] Mmm, it's delicious.
Inga-Tron: If you enjoyed those, [takes out basket of RAM chips] you will love the RAM sticks.
[She drops one into the suction tube. Quasar bites it and his teeth shatter.]
Quasar: [screams]
Inga-Tron: [holding DVD] Mm, it appears that RAM is incompatible [puts it down] with your outdated hardware. [scoops up coal away from Grand-Tron, who tries to bite it] Perhaps coal would be more suitable.
Quasar: [as Inga-Tron dumps coal into the suction] Mmm. Uh... [bites coal, filling his helmet water black, flushes it and his teeth are black] Scrumptious.
[Everyone except Quasar has a full belly.]
Cecil-5000: Oh, boy. I am stuffed. I am unable to process another nanobyte.
Quasar: [hurriedly] Oh, yes, quite full. No more for me. No-oh.
Bun-Bot: [stands up] I will now commence cleaning protocol.
Inga-Tron: Please, allow me.
Bun-Bot: Well, if you insist.
Inga-Tron: Yah, it is the least I can do as a guest. [picks up all the silverware and holds it]
Quasar: [holds out arms] Oh, please. Allow me. After all, I am a guest too. [laughs]
[Inga-Tron drops one stack in his arms. He groans and struggles. When she puts the other stack on, he collapses and the dishes shatter.]
Inga-Tron: [worried] Captain, is your hydraulic system compromised?
Quasar: [on floor, groans weakly] No. But my spine is.
[Zoom out of the TV to show Patrick face-down on the couch.]
Patrick: [sighs] Food coma.
Squidina: Getting so sleepy. [snores]
[Fade to Pat-Tron and Robodina sleeping on the couch in similar positions.]
Pat-Tron: Power saving mode.
Robodina: Processing so much data.
Grand-Tron: Oh, I feel like I'm about to bust a rivet. [bolt pops out and water spills, screams]
Quasar: [walking in with Inga-Tron] So then I told the alien-- [water splashes on Inga-Tron] sweet solar flare!
Grand-Tron: My reservoir!
Quasar: My lady love!
Inga-Tron: [spluttering, grunts, falls on the floor]
Quasar: I must save her, but how? [thinks] Hmm. Huh? [lightbulb appears over him] Aha!
[Quasar runs back to the escape ship and pulls out a bag of space rice. He comes back to Pat-Tron's house. The family set out a dish and drop Inga-Tron in. Quasar fills it with rice.]
Pat-Tron: [worried] Captain, can we be certain this will dry her out?
Quasar: Nothing is certain in this world, but it sure worked when my space diary took a tumble into the toilet.
Inga-Tron: [gasps, comes out of the rice with static eyes]
Quasar: Careful. [holds her] Careful, my darling. Don't rush. [beeping]
Inga-Tron: [eyes go back to normal] Captain! [eyes reflect Quasar] You saved my life. [Quasar's eyes water, she grabs him] Oh, Quasar. I love you.
Quasar: I love you too!
Inga-Tron: Let's get hitched, yah?
[A bunch of mechanical hearts transition to a wedding outside.]
Quasar: [narrating] Space diary: On this cold metal world, my heart has found warm, warm love.
[Quasar and Bun-Bot are at the altar. Cecil-5000 brings Inga-Tron down the aisle.]
Pat-Tron, Robodina, and Grand-Tron: [happy sobbing]
[Flower transition to Quasar and Inga-Tron holding hands at the altar.]
Quasar: Oh, darling, you look positively-- [a claw comes down] huh? [it screws off Inga-Tron's head and splatters oil on him] Aah! [screaming]
[A wedding dress body for Inga-Tron comes out of the ground and her head is screwed back on.]
Robotic voice: Wedding chassis installation complete.
Quasar: Huh? Is this normal?
Bun-Bot: Affirmative!
Quasar: Oh, phew. [laughs] As I was saying, darling, [holds her hands] you look positively--
Inga-Tron: [happily] Now it is your turn.
Quasar: [laughs] What do you mean?
Inga-Tron: It is [monstrously, voice deepens] your turn.
Quasar: [laughs] Hmm? [gasps, sees claw above his head] Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm organic. You can't take my head off. [chuckles]
[Cut to Patrick, whose head is resting on a cushion, as his body holds popcorn and shrugs.]
Patrick: I don't see what the big deal is.
[His body feeds popcorn to his head.]
Quasar: I would die.
[Cecil-5000 is behind Quasar with a buzzsaw.]
Cecil-5000: Not to worry. [ominously] We have other methods.
[Grand-Tron takes out three saws and Robodina has scissors.]
Quasar: Aah! [ducks under Cecil-5000's buzzsaw] I'm not ready for marriage!
Grand-Tron, Robodina, Bun-Bot, Inga-Tron, and Cecil-5000: The ceremony will continue!
[Quasar screams and runs away. The robots chase after him. He grabs the hose of the house and it takes him to the other side. He hops in a car and tries to drive it.]
Quasar: Come on, come on, come on! [Cecil-5000 and Bun-Bot appear in front of him] Huh? [whimpers]
[Cecil-5000, Bun-Bot, and Robodina hold out their weapons.]
Quasar: [engine turns over] Ha-ha!
[The car turns into a giant, Pat-Tron-like robot, which expels Quasar between its legs. Quasar is covered in oil.]
Quasar: Eww.
[Bun-Bot grabs Quasar and holds him in place for Cecil-5000. Suddenly, something flies overhead.]
Quasar: Oh?
[The Saladrian ship is floating above them. Saladrian soldiers, and then King Saladrian himself, beam down.]
Saladrian: The Saladrian Empire demands you hand over [holds out tongs] Douglas P. Quasar!
Quasar: Oh, thank goodness! [jumps in the Saladrian alien, exhales] Let's blow this popsicle stand.
[King Saladrian grabs Quasar with his tongs.]
King Saladrian: You do know we're going to execute you, right?
Quasar: [casually] Yeah, whatever as long as you get me outta here.
Cecil-5000: No! Quasar must stay here and marry Inga-Tron!
[King Saladrian looks at Inga-Tron and falls in love with her. Inga-Tron sways back and forth.]
King Saladrian: Such a beauty! [kisses her arm] Mwah, mwah, mwah!
[Her arm falls off. He sticks it back on and laughs, only for it to fall off again.]
King Saladrian: Inga-Tron, I am smitten. [Pat-Tron grabs Quasar and drags him away] It would be an honor... [beeping, Inga-Tron scans him] if you would marry me in his stead.
[The text "DIAGNOSTIC: -WASH BEFORE USE -KEEP REFRIDGERATED -COMPOSTABLE" appears on Inga-Tron's analysis. The text "INCOMPATIBLE" then flashes.]
Inga-Tron: [takes his arm] Eh, I can make it work.
King Saladrian: [shouting] We shall wed at once!
[Pat-Tron holds Quasar and takes him back home.]
Quasar: Pat-Tron, you saved me.
Pat-Tron: Don't mention it. [drops Quasar in front of the escape pod and goes in] Now you know why I only visit on holidays. [picks him up and brings him inside]
Quasar: Good man, Pat-Tron. Next year we'll visit my family. [rocket takes off]
[Inga-Tron embraces King Saladrian. Cecil-5000 taps him on the shoulder.]
King Saladrian: Huh?
Cecil-5000: [holding buzzsaw] Time to get you changed for the wedding.
King Saladrian: What? No! Stop! Nooo!
[The camera pans up as Quasar and Pat-Tron's ship flies through the sky. Back at home, Patrick is huddled with his disembodied head. Squidina is in awe.]
Squidina: Wow, what an ending!
Patrick: [puts his head back on] Yeah!
Bunny: [enters with a salad] Anyone for dessert salad?
Patrick and Squidina: [scream]
[Squidina runs away. Patrick runs away without his head, then grabs it back. Bunny looks at the camera, confused.]
Bunny: Okay?
[Iris out on the salad.]