Bunny the Barbarian/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Bunny the Barbarian/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode begins with an open shot of the Star family house, where a horn is being blown. Zoom and cut to the inside of the house, where it is revealed that Bunny is blowing a conch shell.]
Bunny: [blowing conch horn] Star family assemble!
[Several family members travel through a large system of pipes.]
Squidina: Whee! D'oh! [runs to Bunny]
GrandPat: [on scooter, crashes from above floor] Ugh!
Cecil: [gets out of painting, runs to Bunny] Oh! [chuckles]
[Patrick, in a robe outfit, steps out of a stage door, with paparazzi behind him. Patrick tries to shut the door, but the paparazzi takes his robe outfit. Patrick manages to shut the door and walks off.]
Patrick: [taking sunglasses off, humming]
[Patrick and Cecil arrive at the scene.]
Bunny: As you know, tonight is family movie night!
Patrick, Squidina, Cecil, and GrandPat: [cheer]
Bunny: But first, we all have to do our weekly household chores.
[Everyone else looks disappointed.]
GrandPat: Wait, what?
Cecil: Do we have to?
Bunny: [points to Cecil, then GrandPat] Ah-ah. No back sass now. Chores are something we do for [jumps] fun! [points to Cecil] Cecil, you've got the grass cutting. [points to GrandPat] GrandPat, put away that radio. Squidina on floors.
GrandPat: [groaning] Ah!
Bunny: [to Patrick] And, Patrick, garbage duty.
Patrick: [salutes] Oh-hey!
Bunny: And I'm gonna [twirls, holds vacuum] vacuum! [gasps] Just think, the dust-free bric-a-brac... [vacuums Patrick's eye, which he takes out, then it sags]
Bunny: [vacuuming cookie crumbs fron GrandPat as he eats a cookie] And the spotless, speckless spots. [vacuums GrandPat's beard, making it puff up]
GrandPat: Mm!
Bunny: [gasps]
GrandPat: Eh- [Bunny vacuums cookie] -hm.
Bunny: Nature may abhor a vacuum, but I love it! [others walk away]
Cecil: [walking outside, sits down and laughs] Ah, it's [putting bib on grass blade] great to see real Kentucky bluegrass after all that [combs grass blade] artificial turf I've been cutting. How's that fertilizer tratin' you? Ha! [chuckles, trims grass, holds up mirror] Eh? Your clorophyll's looking great! [holds up another bib] Next!
[Scene transitions to GrandPat trying to lift up a giant radio.]
GrandPat: [attempting to lift radio, straining, arms rip off] Ah-ooh. Mm, that should've hurt! [kicks radio into closet, leg falls off] Oh. [loses balance, head falls off] Whoa! Oh! [claps hands] A job well done. Heh!
[Transition to Squidina, who is driving a Zamboni. She bumps into the fridge, making it fall over. She then knocks over various pieces of furniture, and breaks through a wall as the floors sparkle.]
Squidina: That floor's clean!
[An ice skater fish comes into the room and starts skating. Transition to Patrick taking loads of laundry to a dumpster.]
Patrick: Huh, [tosses laundry into dumpster] so much garbage in mom and dad's room. [comes back to toss pillows into dumpster, then a bed] Huh! [pushes dumpster and hums]
[Transition to Bunny with a vacuum cleaner.]
Bunny: [humming, vacuuming]
[Bunny vacuums inside a zombie foot dresser's toes.]
Foot: [laughing]
[Bunny uses her vacuum cleaner to propel her forward, but bumps into the time closet door. She falls to the ground.]
Bunny: Ooh! Patrick's time closet. [gets up] Hmm, hm. [holds up vacuum cleaner] I finished cleaning a little early. I could use a break. Maybe a little adventure before movie night? Should I? Oh, why not? [puts vacuum cleaner away, laughs, pushes buttons as an image of Paris is displayed] Paris in the 1800s, been there. [dials knob, screen displays barbaric desert] Now this place looks positively barbaric! [gasps, display turns off] Adventure and a little cleaning up? [gasps, opens door] Here I come. [exits door, looks around to see she is in the barbaric desert] Ooh.
Vulture: [screeching]
Bunny: [walking] Ooh!
Three-eyed lizard: [sitting on skull, screams and runs away from Bunny by hiding in skull]
Bunny: Ooh, I like this [skin cracks] dry heat. [sheds skin, sees green spiral building up ahead] Ooh. That's an attractive attraction that I'm attracted to. [continues walking, humming] ♪ Ooh-di-doo, duh-do-do-doo ♪ [approaches two barbarians, taps on one's shoulder] Ahem.
Female barbarian: [turns around] Huh?
Bunny: How much does it cost to get in?
Female barbarian: It could cost you your life. What manner of armor are you wearing?
Bunny: Oh, this old thing? It's just something I threw together.
Female barbarian: [whistles, startling Bunny]
Bunny: [lizard roaring as it passes by her] Ooh! [gets hit by lizard] Oh, ow! Oh, ow! [lizard flies away, Bunny and the barbarian swap clothing]
Female barbarian: Ooh, this armor is so soft and breathable! [spins around] I feel so light!
Bunny: And it's 100% machine-washable.
Female barbarian: [giggling, dancing]
Bunny: Aren't you going in?
Female barbarian: I was gonna steal the [points ahead] bejeweled treasure from the Dust Demon inside, but now I just wanna [dances away] dance and dance and dance! [laughs]
Bunny: Bejeweled treasure? [gasps] Adventure! [walks up ahead]
Gatekeeper: [in door, Pat the Hapless approaches as well] Next! Who or what are you to think you can enter this realm?
Pat the Hapless: Hm? Animal or mineral?
Gatekeeper: Wrong.
Pat the Hapless: [floor drops below him as he falls into pit of fire] Ah!
Gatekeeper: [Bunny approaches, pointing to her] Who or what are you to think you can enter this realm?
Bunny: My name is Bunny Star, and I'm from Bikini Bottom. I work as a greeter at a local prison, but if I was to say what I am most proudest of, that would be being a mother.
Gatekeeper: A mother? [whimpering, sniffles] I never had a mother. I was conjured from [cow moos] sea cow pies by an evil spirit. [slams trapdoor, opens door as Bunny enters] May I call you "mum"?
Bunny: Aww. [kisses gatekeeper on forehead] Mwah! [begins climbing spiral staircase]
Gatekeeper: Beware of the [points] Dust Demon's spawn, mother.
[Scene transitions to the Star family TV, where Squidina, Cecil, and GrandPat are sitting by.]
GrandPat: [crickets chirping] Oh, let's get the show started!
Patrick: [head emerges from Cecil's popcorn bowl] Oh, no you don't! [leaps out of bowl, guards TV]This is not family movie night until the whole family is here!
GrandPat: Oh, come on!
Cecil: Patrick!
Squidina: Are you serious?
Patrick: [chained to TV] I ain't movin' till mom gets here.
Squidina: [puts on weld mask and holds welder]
Cecil: [holds and uses hedge trimmers]
GrandPat: [holds out and turns on chainsaw, growls]
Patrick: [gulps]
[Cut back to Bunny, still climbing the stairs.]
Bunny: [humming] ♪ Doo-doo, doo-di-do-do ♪ [a Dust Demon child appears] Ooh.
Dust Demon child: [roars in Bunny's face]
Bunny: Aww, you must be one of the [pokes demon] Dust Demon's children.
Dust Demon child: [raises ax] Grr... [sniffles]
Bunny: Oh, you've got a runny nose. [holds vacuum] Well, we can't have that. It's messy. [vacuums demon's face, removing his snot] There. Isn't that better?
Dust Demon child: [nodding] Mm-hmm.
Bunny: Now get out of here! [demon walks down stairs, waves] Have fun doing your carnage! [continues climbing stairs, humming] ♪ La-la-lah, doo-do-doo-do-doo ♪ [hops onto top steps, which hold a door with a lock] Ooh! [vacuums lock, then all of the bolts on the door, making it fall over with dust, coughs] [enters doorway] Doesn't anyone dust around here?
[Pan up to the top of the castle. Bunny lifts the trapdoor and sees a shiny bejewled object at the top.]
Bunny: [gasps] Oh! [giggles, lifts herself up]
[Bunny goes over to the shiny object and picks it up.]
Bunny: [gasps] So shiny. [looks at shiny object and vacuum cleaner] Hmm. [attaches shiny object to vacuum cleaner, making it conduct electricity]
Dust Demon: [off-screen] So, that's what that's for. [forms]
Bunny: Yes. It's an attachment that allows you to vacuum into crevices between couch cushions and make 'em clean! [gasps] Wait a minute. [points to Dust Demon] You're Dust Demon!
Dust Demon: Hm, how do you know so much about cleaning? Wait a minute. You're a clean freak. [chuckles] I know how to deal with an obsessive cleaning disorder.
Bunny: Oh!
Dust Demon: [laughing and yelling, carpet appears on ground]
Bunny: Shag carpet. [lies on carpet, gasps] Heaven!
Dust Demon: [points to Bunny] Give it back! Or else.
Bunny: Or else what?
Dust Demon: [raises muddy foot, chuckles]
Bunny: [gasps]
Dust Demon: [lowers foot] Hm?
Bunny: [points to Dust Demon] Oh, no you don't, mister. [Dust Demon's muddy foot steps onto the carpet, gasps]
Dust Demon: [walking around with muddy feet] And I stepped in poo-poo. [laughing]
Bunny: Real good thing my vacuum is [spins] also a [long stick appears from vacuum] power scrubber. [twirls vacuum] Hyah! Get a load of this. [power scrubbers appear on vacuum, begins cleaning and humming]
[Bunny cleans up the brown liquid on the carpet, making it sparkle.]
Bunny: [blows on vacuum] Ta-da!
Dust Demon: Neatnik! [shaking head, blubbering]
[Dust Demon summons a storm above him, which grabs the attention of a birdlike creature from a distance. An iron maiden rises to the floor.]
Bunny: An iron maiden? [walks up to iron maiden] No way. I use those to relax.
Dust Demon: [opens iron maiden to reveal food inside, taking milk carton] [points to Bunny] Give it back, or else. [chugs carton]
Bunny: Hey, mister, use a glass. [vacuums milk carton]
Dust Demon: Huh?
Bunny: [pours milk into a glass] There. [Dust Demon takes the glass] Now drink it down.
Dust Demon: [chugs glass, tosses it, then gets milk on his mouth] Heh. Ooh, a milk mustache. [Bunny gasps as curtains appear] How ever shall I wipe it off? [grabs curtain]
Bunny: [gasps] You wouldn't dare.
Dust Demon: [wipes milk off face with curtain] Hah! So much for your tidy powers.
Bunny: Look, I'm a reasonable woman. [approaches] I don't wanna hurt anybody. So if you would just step aside.
Dust Demon: No, [crosses arms] you step aside. Mm.
Bunny: [gasps] Was that back sass? By Neptune's broom... [raises vacuum] charge me!
[Lightning strikes Bunny's vacuum cleaner.]
Dust Demon: Huh?
[The electricity runs through Bunny's body, and she angrily approaches the Dust Demon. The Dust Demon turns into a bunch of dust on the castle walls.]
Dust Demon: [laughing] Can't get me. [Bunny points vacuum at him] No, no, no! [gets vacuumed] Ahh!
Dust Demon's children: Hey! Where's our dad?
Bunny: [chuckles, takes out bag from vacuum] Just shake him out. He'll be fine.
Dust Demon child: [takes bag] Ah.
Bunny: [jumps onto flying dinosaur's foot, riding it away, waving] Thank you for the adventure! Onward to movie night!
[The scene is shown on the Star family's TV. A door is heard closing, and Bunny comes into the room with her armor. She peeks from behind the couch.]
Bunny: Ooh, what are you guys watchin'? [gets on couch] Dah! [starts eating Cecil's popcorn]
Squidina: [unimpressed] Some cheesy barbarian movie.
Patrick: [mad] I told them to wait for you.
Bunny: [gasps, spits popcorn at GrandPat]
GrandPat: Ow, ow, ow! Ah!
Bunny: [looks at TV] Oh, I missed a spot. [runs off] I'll be right back. [panting]
Cecil: Huh?
[A door is heard closing again as Bunny is seen on the TV, climbing up the spiral staircase. She begins vacuuming the top floor again.]
Patrick: This again? Let's not wait for Mom.
Squidina: [squeals]
Patrick: Change it to something funny.
Squidina: [changes TV channel]
Announcer: [as "The Sir Urchin & Snail Fail Show!"'s title card appears] And now back to "The Sir Urchin and Snail Fail Show"!
Snail Fail: [hits Sir Urchin in the head with a vase]
Sir Urchin: [raising fist] Why, you!
Snail Fail: [shrugging] What'd I do?
All: [laughing hysterically]