Free Samples/transcript

File:Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI The Motion Picture 123.png	"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'" This transcript is in need of repair. Please help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by fixing this transcript. Please remove this message when finished.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Free Samples" from season 8, which aired on April 6, 2012.

[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket. Plankton is heard laughing. Cut to the kitchen, where Plankton squirts out chum onto a plate.]
Plankton: Ha! [smells the chum and laughs again. Karen comes out of the door.]
Karen: [sarcastic] What do I owe the excessive volume of this giggling?
Plankton: [chuckles] You may thank my new and original idea, darling. Free samples! [cut to Karen, who has a confused look on her face. A question mark is seen on her screen]
Karen: New and original, my exhaust fan.
Plankton: [angry] Okay, so I didn't invent the concept, [smiles] but I have improved upon it by removing the only obstacle to chum's success!
Karen: You mean the smell? [starts laughing] Smell. [Plankton is annoyed that she doesn't get what he says]
Plankton: No. I mean getting the public to try some! Once everyone gets a taste of my delicious chum, they'll tear this place apart to get some. Plus it's free, and who can resist free?! [cut to him sitting on a bench near the store with free samples. Incidentals pass by] Step right up for your free samples of delicious chum!
Incidental 41: [to Incidental 46; not getting what Plankton said to them] Hey, what did he just say to us?
Plankton: [angry] I just said they're free!
Incidental 41: Oh... I thought he said freaks. In that case... [enters the line, and everyone else follows suit; to Incidental 46] So glad I actually left my house today.
[Everyone gets some chum.]
Plankton: That's the spirit, people. Step on up, [zoom in on him] but please take your time and be orderly. I wanna savor this whole "Putting-Krabs-out-of-business" business.
Incidental 47: What is it?
Incidental 45: Oh, who cares silly-big-milly? It's free!
Incidental 47: Oh, it's going to be so good 'cause it's free!
[Everyone starts putting the chum in their mouths then gets surprised. Incidental 47 starts, followed by Incidental 45, Incidentals 102 and 103, then Incidentals 41 and 46.]
Plankton: Eat up. [laughs as Incidental 45 holds her stomach. Incidentals 7 and 155 turn green, and the former's hair stands on end. Incidentals 41 and 46 turn nauseous after eating the chum, and the former falls flat on the floor face down. Everyone else is nauseous out of food poisoning] Ugh. I have no idea that chum was this rotten. I better not be here when all this agony turns to anger. [runs away with the tray]
Incidental 41: [believing Plankton robbed them, he gets up and is angry] Hey, he's making a run for it! We can't let him get away with this! Let's get up and... [becomes nauseous again and retches; speaks in a deep voice] get him.
[Everyone, still sick, chases Plankton, with Incidentals 41 and 46 following the others. Patrick comes up to the stand.]
Patrick: "Free samples." [eats one of the chum and enjoys it] Yum! [eats more chum]
[Bubble transition to the Chum Bucket. Everyone is standing outside. Frank pounds on the door.]
Frank: Hey, you! I know you're in there!
Plankton: It's not fair! If Krabs gave away free samples, he wouldn't get this treatment!
Karen: If Krabs gave away free samples, he probably wouldn't poison people, thus tarnishing the good name of his restaurant.
Plankton: Yeah, I suppose you're right, Karen. [get an idea; cut back to the store. Incidentals 7 and 46 pass by, while others approach Plankton speaking through a megaphone] Free Krabby Patties! Step up, step up, you'll never get this chance again, folks!
Incidental 40: Free Krabby Patties?!
[Everyone runs to the stand again. Incidental 46 stops to talk to Incidental 41.]
Incidental 41: Hey, what's all the hubbub?
Incidental 46: Oh, didn't ya hear? Someone's giving away free Krabby Patties!
[More Incidentals rush to the stand. One by one, their hands grab a "Krabby Patty."]
Plankton: That's it. [laughs]
Frank: [before everyone starts eating; suspiciously] Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you the same guy what was giving away those rotten chum samples before? [Incidental 37A looks at his patty]
Plankton: [sweats nervously; lies] Oh, that wasn't me. That was... uh... my... brother-in-law, yeah, er, Flankton.
Frank: Oh, okay.
[Everyone eats the patty, then Frank's eyes pop out and his arms and dorsal fin fall out.]
Frank: [dolphin chirp]!
[Everyone else falls on Frank. Incidental 107 sees them, while eating chum, feeling fine. He shrugs and joins in anyway, by tripping over and falling as well. Plankton comes out of the sewer.]
Plankton: Krabby Patties, anyone?
[More hands reach out for the patties, as Plankton laughs mutely. They eat the patties, as Incidental 47 hurls. Three others do the same. The next day, SpongeBob goes to work.]
SpongeBob: [singing] I'm off to work, off to work, ready for grilling and fulfilling. [sees people by the Krusty Krab. At first, he sighs and calms down, believing they're hungry and impatient customers] Those customers can't get enough Krabby Patties. Settle down folks: I'm here; I shall have your Krabby Patties before you shortly.
Incidental 41: [points to SpongeBob] You!
Frank: [furious to SpongeBob for thinking he made the awful patties] You made those awful Krabby Patties what made my eyeballs fall out!
[The people start to get furious. SpongeBob gets scared and slides into the Krusty Krab.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Over here boy. [SpongeBob, confused, sees him hiding by the table]
SpongeBob: What is going on out there?
Mr. Krabs: The whole town has turned against me! And I have no idea why. [Frank throws a brick through the window. It has a note attached to it, which Mr. Krabs reads] "Because the Krabby Patty is terrible." [gasps in shock] Krabby Patty? Terrible?! [zoom out a bit to show SpongeBob] How do those words even go together?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but we have do something to turn this situation around.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're right. We got to do everything in our power to bring those customers back. [holds the Galley Grub and holds a pencil in his hand] We'll triple the prices.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if we wanna get customers in here, shouldn't we lower the prices?
Mr. Krabs: [upset] Fine. [lowers the price from $2.99 to $2.98, due to his cheapness] How about that? [one of the customers throws rocks as the customers continue protesting] I'm ruined! [starts crying]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want your customers back, we're gonna need to take more extreme measures.
Mr. Krabs: I'm all ears.
SpongeBob: We simply give Krabby Patties away for fr- [Mr. Krabs grabs his lips, completely shocked by this and is very reluctant to do this]
Mr. Krabs: Don't you say it, boy!
SpongeBob: It's the only way, Mr. Krabs. [a few minutes later, SpongeBob and a very reluctant Mr. Krabs are in the town. SpongeBob is pushing a stand with wheels] Alright, sir, it's time.
Mr. Krabs: Time? But it's too soon. [jumps to the stand, whimpering] I'm not ready to let them go free.
SpongeBob: But you said to go ahead with the plan no matter how hard you fight me.
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] I... I don't remember saying anything like that.
SpongeBob: I do. [pulls the sheet off, and Mr. Krabs screams] Free Krabby Patties! Get your totally and completely free of charge Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Nooo! [tries to run to stop him from doing so, but his claws are suddenly in chains, which SpongeBob complied to do this to stop Mr. Krabs from stopping him]
SpongeBob: It's for your own good, Eugene. [on the loudspeaker] Free Krabby Patties, come and get your free Krabby Patties! [the word "patties" echoes. There is no-one there]
Mr. Krabs: Whew, for a second there, I thought we were gonna have to give away a ton of Krabby Patties, but it looks like free ain't even enough to jumpstart me business. [suddenly has a nasty thought] Wait, free ain't even enough? Me business is doomed! [starts crying again]
Plankton: [watching from atop a trash can] I really can't believe how well this is turning out for me today! [laughs]
SpongeBob: Hmm... Looks like it's time to pull out the big guns. [opens the small doors and plays the calliope] No one can resist the sweet sounds of a calliope.
Incidental 45: Hey look, Billy, a calliope.
SpongeBob: [opens the door, revealing Squidward in a suit with a monkey tail] Okay, Squidward. Here's your cup just like we rehearsed.
Squidward: Argh, I can't feel my legs.
SpongeBob: Here let me help you, Squidward.
SpongeBob: [pulls Squidward's nose, tossing him in front of Billy] Hello.
Baby Billy: Look, mama, a monkey! [throws a penny at Squidward] Dance, monkey, dance! Dance, monkey!
[Squidward takes off his suit and gives it to Baby Billy.]
Squidward: I quit!
[Squidward leaves in annoyance, while stomping on despondent Mr. Krabs, who is still crying.]
SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't leave! We can't give up yet!
[Plankton laughs.]
Plankton: Sweet and delicious victory, you are mine!
[SpongeBob pulls up Mr. Krabs.]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, we'll fix this.
Mr. Krabs: [heartbroken] Not this time boy, it's all over for the good old Krusty Krab. It's probably best if you [sniffles] start looking for a new job, boy. Maybe in a different line of work.
SpongeBob: [sadly] New... Different... [gets an idea] That's it! [runs off]
Mr. Krabs: Well, that went better than expected. Well only one thing left to do now. I'll have to move back with me ma. Hopefully she kept me posters up in me room. [walks with the shackles still in his hands]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Five minutes later...
SpongeBob: [calls on loudspeaker] Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe. [close up of five Incidentals looking at SpongeBob] All new, all different, all delicious. Try them for [holds up a real Krabby Patty] free!
Incidental 46: [to Frank] He can't be serious.
Frank: [sighs] I'm so hungry, I don't care. I gotta eat something.
Incidental 46: No! Wait!
Incidental 41: [touches her shoulder] Let him go, it's too late.
SpongeBob: All new free Krabby Patties!
Frank: Hey, buddy, I'll try one. What have I got to lose? [everyone gasps as he eats half of the Krabby Patty. Incidentals 41 and 46 hold each other] Dear Neptune gill sacks, this is the best thing I ever put in my mouth! Yay! [Incidental 105's shirt turns pink, as he and three other Incidentals wonder]
Incidental 46: Did he just say it was good?
[Frank finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty.]
Frank: Woohoo! [dances]
Incidental 41: [as Incidental 105's shirt is back to normal] Wow, Frank never dances, they must be good!
[Everyone eats the Krabby Patties. Incidental 9's eyes turn into a thumbs up, and money comes out of his skin.]
Incidental 9: I can't eat something this amazing for free! How much will this buy me? [throws money on SpongeBob]
Incidental 105: Yum yum! Yum yum yum yum! Yum yuuuum! [Frank goes like a rocket. In Bikini Atoll, he turns into a live-action fish, then comes back down to his normal 2D self] Hey you, patty boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Incidental 105 goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]
[Incidentals 41 and 46's heads turn into arms and give a high-five.]
Incidentals 41 and 46: Now that's what I'm talking about!
[Incidentals 41 and 46's head turn back to normal, they get a briefcase from their pockets.]
Incidental 41: Here's our life savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [he and Incidental 46 dump the money on SpongeBob]
[Cut to Plankton talking on a cellphone.]
Plankton: Don't worry, Karen, I'll be home before lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] Ooh. What the... huh?! [gasps; he sees Incidentals throwing money at SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: It's working!
Plankton: No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties, remember?
Dump truck driver: Wowee, this thing is right tasty.
Plankton: [the Incidentals who threw money at SpongeBob walk away. The dump truck prepares to dump money] Uh-oh. [the money lands on Plankton]
[Incidental 41 presses a button inside a helicopter. The helicopter dumps a bag full of money on SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs is just walking, breaking free of the shackles, but then a dollar lands on his nose. His eyes pop out and as he screams so loudly, Plankton comes out of the money breathing for air.]
Mr. Krabs: [runs towards the mountain of money] Money, money, money, money, money, money! [jumps on the money and a screaming Plankton without noticing and laughs]
SpongeBob: We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! And all I did was sell the same old Krabby Patties, and call them new!
Mr. Krabs: [making a money angel] Do you mind? I'm trying to make a money angel here.
SpongeBob: Ooh, money angels! Can I make one?
Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in! [he and SpongeBob laugh. Plankton screams because Mr. Krabs is sitting on him. He hears Plankton] Did you hear that?
SpongeBob: [hears nothing] Hear what?
Mr. Krabs: Hm. Good point. [he and SpongeBob continue laughing as the camera zooms out to reveal all the money the Incidentals and transportation gave him. The episode ends]