Gas Station Vacation/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Gas Station Vacation/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with an establishing shot of the Star home. The family car is in the driveway.]
Cecil: [walking out from behind the house and carrying bags] ♪ Family vacation, family vacation, family vacation! [throws bags into the trunk] Oop! Family vacation, family vacation! [throws skis, a rolled-up sleeping bag, and fishing gear into the trunk] Family vacation, family vacation... [struggles and pushes a couch and cactus into the trunk] Family vacation! ♪ [shuts trunk] Oy! Ah. [chuckles, pulls out megaphone] Attention, Stars, your annual family vacation will be leaving the driveway on schedule in 58 seconds. Allll aboard!
[Patrick and Squidina run outside, excited.]
Patrick: [laughing]
Squidina: Vacation! I'm riding in the front! [jumps on Patrick and covers his eyes]
Patrick: No, I called it! [slams Squidina on the ground]
Squidina: [jumps into the car with him] I did!
[Patrick and Squidina's bodies are tangled up in the front seat. They laugh. Bunny exits the house, walking Tinkle on a leash.]
Tinkle: [barking]
[An oven timer dings.]
Bunny: Oh, I hope I didn't forget to leave the oven on!
[A fire comes out from inside the oven.]
[Bunny slides into the car and buckles her seatbelt, with Tinkle sitting to the right.]
Tinkle: [barking]
[GrandPat comes out of the house on his scooter.]
GrandPat: [displeased] All right, let's get this quality time over with.
Cecil: [shuts door] All right, family, here we go! [buckles seatbelt and shifts the car from neutral to reverse] Hee-hee-hee.
[The car drives backwards over the house and into the driveway, then takes off on the road.]
Bunny: You kids are gonna love this new vacation resort. It looks so fun!
Cecil: Yeah, we saw it on the TV!
[Cut to a TV screen. A fat, shirtless guy is sleeping on the beach. Rube's head pops out of the sand.]
Rube: [grunting] Don't you wish you were here?
[Cut to Rube standing in front of some double doors.]
Rube: Then take a trip, you silly, to Frigate Frolic, [zooms out to show a place themed like a sinking ship] Bikini Bottom's fab family fun park and resort. [cut to Rube surfing] You can ride the waves [cut to Rube being lifted by a whale fountain] or blast off at Beluga Blast, [cut to Rube playing pool] shoot some pool, [cut to Rube jumping off a diving board into a pool] or jump in one. [cut to Rube in a dining area where foods are served on hooks] Whether you're hungry for the buffet at the Taj Marlin [cut to Rube holding a towel next to two old people on the beach] or you just want to sunbathe, [throws towel to cover an old lady] we got you covered. [she slaps him] Ow! [cut to Rube holding a sign in front of the building] So meet me at the amazing Frigate Folic! I'll be waitin'!
[Cut to a "Brought to You By Gas Land" slide.]
Announcer: Brought to you by the gas you won't want to pass. [fart sound effects] Gas Land!
[Zoom out to show the TV on the car's dashboard. Patrick and Squidina throw it out of the way, revealing Gas Land in front of them.]
Cecil: Ooh, look! Oh, there it is! Our vacation destination: Gas Land!
[The family gasp in amazement as they drive up to a gas pump. They walk out of the car.]
Cecil: Wow, this resort looks even better in person! All right, everyone, [takes out megaphone] let's take a vote on what we do first!
Squidina: Yeah, that's great, Dad. [shoves megaphone in his mouth and pushes him out of the way] I'll take it from here. [takes out clipboard] Listen up, people. Before we start the fun, [points left] GrandPat, unpack the trunk. [points right] Patrick, take Tinkle to the restroom. [points to herself] Squidina, [points right] get us some snacks. [points to her parents] Mom, Dad, [does an "I'm watching you" gesture] stay where I can see you. [gently] Big new places can be scary. [pointing down] We rally back here in five. [blows whistle]
[The Stars all run off in different directions. Bunny walks up to a gas pump.]
Bunny: Oh, I'm a sucker for these carnival games!
[She puts a dollar in, presses a setting, and takes out the nozzle. A fish passes by.]
Bunny: Ahh.
[Bunny sprays gas into the fish's mouth, causing him to inflate. He spits it out and flies around the station, landing on a stack of tires. Cecil takes a picture of him.]
Cecil: [giggling] Ahh.
[The Goofy Manager, wearing a mountain hat, walks up to GrandPat, who is still at the trunk.]
GrandPat: Please, kind sir, would you help me open my trunk? I've got [shakes fingers] feeble fingers.
Manager: Why certainly. Helping customers is our policy. [opens trunk as the contents shoot out at him] Ahh!
GrandPat: [laughs]
[Cut to Patrick taking Tinkle into the restroom.]
Patrick: Be a good Tinkle and visit with your toilet friends. [ties leash to a faucet] Good boy! [leaves]
Tinkle: [goes up to a toilet, sniffs it, barks, and pants]
[Cut to hot dogs cooking on a roller. Patrick grabs two. Squidina is drinking a slushie with her arms full of snacks.]
Patrick: Check it, Sis! [ties hot dogs into a dog shape] A sea poodle! [laughs, then burns his hand] Ahh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Ow! Ow! [runs through shelves] Ooh! Ooh! Ahh!
[Patrick walks up to a kid with an ice cream cone. He dunks his hand inside and sighs in relief.]
Kid: Huh?
Patrick: Ooh! [eats ice cream off his hand]
Kid: [cries, runs away]
[Patrick's stomach grumbles.]
Patrick: Huh? I'll make us a family sized vacation feast. [chuckles]
[Patrick grabs some bags of snacks from the shelves. He shoves them into the microwave, along with some slushies and drinks. He closes it, elbows it shut, and sets the timer, then walks away. The kid that Patrick took the ice cream from is talking to the manager.]
Kid: [sadly] And then he ate it! [points to Patrick] There he is! [whimpering]
Patrick: Excuse me, sir, you can't come in here [points to the kid] ruining customer's ice cream cones! [waves finger] That's our policy!
[Patrick looks at the manager's outfit.]
Patrick: [puts hands on head] Whaaa!? [grabs him and runs over the kid] Sis, get a picture of me with the Gas Land mascot!
Squidina: All right, Stars, photo op! [the family members come in] Say cheese poofs!
Patrick, Bunny, Cecil, and GrandPat: Cheese poofs!
[Squidina takes the picture. The manager's pupils turn into stars.]
Squidina: Time for water rides!
Patrick: Yay!
[The family run off in excitement, as the manager grumbles.]
Manager: Good riddance; that's our policy! [slips on Patrick's "sea poodle" hot dog] Whoa! [falls into the hot dog roller] Ah! [his eyes get caught in the roller] Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!
[The Stars run into the car, buckle up, and drive to the car wash.]
Squidina: Whee!
Bunny: Ooh-hoo!
Cecil: Here we go!
GrandPat: Hee-hee!
[The Stars get out of the car and get onto a conveyor belt. They get sprayed with water, laugh, and are cleansed with soap. Some brushes come down, and they do an elaborate dance on top of them. Squidina and Patrick stand on top of Cecil and hold hands, while Bunny and GrandPat pose. Two fish watching the car wash gasp in surprise. In actuality, GrandPat, Squidina, and Patrick are being bashed with brushes repeatedly. Bunny and Cecil slam face-first into the glass and slide down. The manager is angry, then he looks surprised.]
Manager: Wha? Wha!? [looks at the Stars laughing and playing in the car wash] My boat wash!
[The Stars get covered in wax and exit the car wash. The manager runs up to them.]
Manager: This is not a bath house; it's a boat wash! [wiggles finger] That's our policy! [points to wax Patrick] Are you listening to me? [wax cracks, revealing nothing inside] Ohh. [he runs away and gets a broom to clean it up, only to be run over by the Stars in their car] Ahh!
[The Stars back up into the garage and hit Fred, the mechanic. Patrick, Squidina, and GrandPat step out wearing golf outfits. Cecil and Bunny are in bathrobes.]
Squidina: Time for mini golf! Let's hit the links!
Bunny: Your father and I are going to go relax in the spa while you play with GrandPat.
[They put cucumbers on their eyes. A mechanic unscrews a container of motor oil from a boat. Bunny and Cecil climb inside it and bathe.]
Cecil: Essential oil.
Bunny: [squishes her face] So good.
GrandPat: All right, rookies, would you like me to show you a professional golf swing?
Patrick and Squidina: [rapidly nodding] Yeah, yeah, yeah!
GrandPat: Then watch and learn!
[He stretches a bit, then hits the ball. It bounces off a stack of tires on a shelf and off the ceiling, through an engine, and into Fred's coffee cup. Coffee splashes on Fred's face. He has no reaction and sips his cup.]
Bunny: Remember, [dumps out giant barrel of golf balls] keep swinging until your ball goes in a hole!
[Patrick, Squidina, and GrandPat go on top of the golf balls and keep swinging. They hit various mechanics in the garage, while others cower on the floor. Bunny and Cecil are out of the tub.]
Bunny: Oh, that was delightful!
[They get hit by the golf balls and land in the oil upside-down. Squidina stretches and golfs her ball, which hits a bottle of oil and rolls into a boat's exhaust pipe.]
Squidina: A hole in one!
Patrick, Squidina, GrandPat: Yay! Whoo-hoo!
[The car's back engine explodes as the family looks disappointed.]
Squidina: Huh? [looks at watch, then blows whistle] Time for snorkeling! Let's go!
[The family get into the car, now wearing snorkels. They park at a water station, take the roof off the car, and fill it with water. They all surface from the water and laugh, with GrandPat's snorkel appearing on his butt. His head shows and he laughs, and the rest of the family follows. Patrick opens the door and steps out.]
Patrick: Be right back!
[The microwave is still cooking. Patrick opens it and grabs more stuff.]
Patrick: Just a few more items for our feast.
[Patrick punches the items, but they don't go in. He takes another microwave and shoves it with the rest.]
Patrick: That'll cook it faster!
[Patrick laughs and leaves. The microwave shakes and sparks. He runs back into the car.]
Patrick: I'm back!
[He opens the door, causing the water and his family to spill out of the car.]
Stars: [laughing]
[An animal control truck pulls up, with angry worms barking out the back. Marvin comes out, holding his crotch.]
Marvin: You win again, bladder. Public restroom it is.
[He opens a stall to find Tinkle growling and biting at a fish who is huddled on top of the toilet.]
Fish: [teeth chattering] Help me.
Marvin: [gasps and raises net] A feral toilet!
[Patrick and Squidina come across the truck.]
Patrick: Wow, I didn't know they have a petting zoo!
[Marvin exits with Tinkle in his net.]
Marvin: [points] Hey, you kids!
Patrick: [accusatory] What are you doing with our pet, Tinkle?
Marvin: This toilet has no license, and I'm taking it to the pound. Now get your unauthorized hand off my authorized door.
[Patrick raises his hand. The door opens.]
Squidina: Uhhh...
[The worms stampede over Marvin, making him dizzy. Tinkle falls onto Marvin's head and water comes out.]
Marvin: [groans] Ohh, not the swirly!
Squidina: [checks beeping watch] Time for mountain climbing!
Patrick: Yes!
Bunny: Come on!
Cecil: Yippee!
GrandPat: Oh boy!
[The manager puts some garbage bags into a dumpster. He turns around.]
Manager: Whaaa!?
[He sees the worms rampaging and attacking people around the gas station.]
Manager: What's happening!?
[A woman with a worm on her tongue shows up and screams.]
Fred: [removes a worm from his face, with golf balls in his eyes, pointing] They did it!
[The Stars climb to the top of the mountain with pickaxes. They watch the sunrise.]
Bunny: What a beautiful vacation sunset.
Stars: [sighing]
[The manager gets angry, bites a squeegee between his teeth, and climbs up the mountain. He appears before the Stars with redeyes.]
Cecil: [casually] Hey, Mr. Mascot, come to enjoy the sunset with us?
Manager: I want you troublemakers out of my station immediately [intense close-up, he wipes his eyes away with the squeegee] or I will squeegee your faces off. That's our policy. [cackles]
Stars: [unsure] Uh... [cheering] Yay! [laughing]
Cecil: Do my eyes next!
[The family laugh as the manager looks defeated. The microwave continues shaking. It turns off and beeps.]
Patrick: [gasps] Dinner's ready!
[The stuff inside the microwave explodes and bursts through the top of the mountain.]
Manager: Ahh! This isn't our policyyy!
[The Stars slide down the mountain. The manager flies off into the distance.]
Bunny: Wow!
[The manager crashes with a cloud of smoke.]
Stars: [clapping] Yay!
Squidina: [checks watch, blows whistle] Vacation is... over! [points behind her] Time to go!
[Cecil, Bunny, and Squidina jump into the car. Patrick goes with Tinkle on a leash behind him. GrandPat goes up to the trunk, and the manager dizzily approaches him.]
GrandPat: Excuse me, kind sir, but can't you help me repack my trunk? I--
[The manager grunts and opens the trunk, then shoves GrandPat inside and shuts it.]
Cecil: Thanks for a great vacation, Gas Land. See you next summer. [tries to start the car, but the engine makes noise] Huh? [gas light flashes] Oh. [chuckles] Uh, we ran out of gas. All right, everyone, let's get out and push!
Stars: [exit car] Yay!
Marvin: [comes out of Tinkle] Get me out of here!
[The Stars grunt and push the car out of the gas station.]
Cecil: ♪ Family vacation, family vacation... ♪