Helter Shelter/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Helter Shelter/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with a shot of the Dinghy cabin.]
Sandy: All right, it's square dancin' time!
[Sandy plays the violin and dances around with SpongeBob and Patrick.]
SpongeBob: Hee, haw. Hee, haw. Hee, haw.
Patrick: [rhythmic grunting]
Sandy: [singing] Take your campmate by the wrist! [Patrick grabs SpongeBob and swings him around] Shake and shake, and twist and twist! [Patrick swings SpongeBob into the wall] And pull his leg! [SpongeBob grabs Patricks' foot and spins him upside down] Hang upside down, [Patrick's head hits the ground] and fall down hard. [SpongeBob and Patrick flop around] And flop around! [zoom out to show lard beneath them] On top of lard. Yee-haw! [Patrick grabs SpongeBob and squeezes him, then flings him into the door] Now spin him 'round and fold and fluff! [SpongeBob and Patrick bounce against Squidward's door] Kick the door--
Squidward: [opens door] Hey, that's enough!
Sandy: [singing, SpongeBob and Patrick grab Sandy] Grab your counselor by the skin! [SpongeBob spins Squidward, and Patrick throws him against the ground] Pull him 'round and break him in!
[SpongeBob and Patrick throw Squidward between them and around the cabin, creating a dust cloud.]
Squidward: [screams]
Sandy: Whoo, wee! Now you're getting it! [singing] Now twist his bones until he moans!
Squidward: Ow! [groaning]
Sandy: [singing, SpongeBob and Patrick exit the dust cloud] Step from the cloud, lookin' proud! Whoo, wee!
[SpongeBob and Patrick bounce in place. The dust dissolves to show Squidward, severely injured.]
Squidward: [groans]
Sandy: That'll do it. [she sees Squidward] Uh-oh.
Patrick: [looks on, concerned, with SpongeBob] Double Dutch uh-oh!
[Bubble transition to the nurse's office. Squidward is in a full-body cast as SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy visit him.]
SpongeBob: Oh, we're so, so, so [squeezes Squidward's hand, causing him pain] sorry, Mr. Tentacles! [puts his hand down, wiggles fingers] When that crazy square dance beat gets in my blood, something happens. I'm not myself! [shakes Squidward] I'm an animal! [sobs]
Squidward: [screaming] Leave me alone!
Nurse Helga: Good Neptune, children! [shakes can of "No Visitor" spray] You must leave patient be! [close-up of can, she sprays it at them and they run out of the room]
SpongeBob: [yelling]
Patrick and Sandy: [grunting]
[An anchovy girl comes in with flowers. Helga sprays the spray at her and she falls over, then twitches. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy leave the nurse's office as the fumes from the spray leave the door. Patrick slides down the stairs, SpongeBob rolls forward, and Sandy runs out.]
Sandy: [gasps] I just realized something. We don't have a counselor now.
SpongeBob: Yeah. And no counselor means no rules. [gasps] We can do anything!
Patrick: Ohh! We're free?
[Their clothes fall off their bodies, exposing their underwear. They all revert to cavemen, roar, and make animal noises. A group of anchovies is walking by.]
Anchovies: Meep, meep, meep, meep! Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep!
[One anchovy lags behind. Another anchovy grabs his hand, but his grip slips and the anchovy falls away.]
Anchovy: Meeeeeep!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy keep running.]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [animal noises]
[Plankton's canteen is shown. Sandy lands on top of it and swings from the rafters. Patrick knocks over garbage cans. SpongeBob jumps off the ceiling and goes to the window. He opens it.]
Plankton: Huh? What the--
SpongeBob: [whooping]
[He, Patrick, and Sandy all run in. Plankton nearly loses his balance.]
Plankton: Oh! Free-range campers!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy run around the kitchen screaming, throwing things around the kitchen.]
Plankton: Back! Back, you animals! [gets hit by a pepper shaker and falls in the stew, screams]
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy keep running around, then lean out the canteen and howl. They keep running and screaming around camp. Krabs opens a cabin door.]
Krabs: [chuckles]
[SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick, crash into the open door. Krabs closes it, and they remain frozen in the air. He grabs them all at once.]
Krabs: Hold on there, you little anarchists. [puts them down] Camp rules state that campers cannot be left alone in the cabin without a counselor. I'll have to split you up between three other cabins.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Huh? Awww...
[Bubble transition to the outside of the Yacht cabin. A bell rings.]
Lady Upturn: Well, if I must take him in. But I don't like the idea of harboring such a "commoner."
[SpongeBob stands on the cabin's deck and tries not to cry. He glances back at Patrick and Sandy, then cries and runs towards them. They all hug and cry together.]
Sandy: I'll miss y'all!
SpongeBob: I'll write you every day! I--I'm not gonna forget you!
Krabs: Very touching. Turn off the waterworks. [pries SpongeBob off and throws him away] Let's go.
[SpongeBob crashes into Lady Upturn, hugs her, and keeps crying. She hesitantly pats him on the back. Bubble transition to the outside of the Pontoon cabin. Krabs is speaking to Bubble Bass while Patrick runs around like a dog.]
Patrick: [barking]
Bubble Bass: Well, if I must take him in. But this cabin is normally reserved for campers with an above-average IQ.
[Patrick licks Bubble Bass.]
Patrick: [panting]
Bubble Bass: Ewww.
[Sandy is heard crying. Patrick runs off and joins her, and grabs onto her helmet. SpongeBob falls out of the air and grabs onto her. They all keep crying.]
SpongeBob: I miss you already!
Krabs: All right, break it up! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick off and throws them away] Back to your cabin! [grabs Sandy] Come on, let's go.
[Patrick lands in Bubble Bass's arms and licks him.]
Bubble Bass: Ewww!
[Bubble transition to the Frigate cabin. Larry is punching a punching bag outside. Sandy looks at a "no glasses" sign on the lawn.]
Larry: [grunting] Well, if I must take her in. But, uh, I don't like having to train a rookie this late in the game. [grunts and throws basketball through hoop]
Krabs: [catches ball] She's no rookie. [throws ball at Sandy] Just take a lookie!
[The ball bounces past Sandy. She puts her hands up, then notices it went past her. An owl hoots. Larry is unimpressed.]
Krabs: All right, so she's a rookie. Think of it as taking one for the team. Huh?
Larry: Oh, yeah! Larry likes taking one for the team.
[Sandy continues crying. SpongeBob and Patrick grab onto her helmet.]
SpongeBob: Don't forget me! Tell me you won't forget me!
Krabs: [facepalms, goes up to them] Oh, for Neptune's sake! No one likes each other this much! [they keep crying as he tries to pull SpongeBob and Patrick off, but they keep attaching back to Sandy] Stop! [multiple clones of SpongeBob and Patrick are in the air] Back to your cabins!
[The SpongeBob and Patricks fall from the air and walk away, sadly. Krabs looks at Sandy, who walks away crying. Larry pushes one of the Patricks out of the basketball hoop with a hockey stick. Sandy walks up the cabin's stairs, and he opens the door to let her in. Bubble transition to the inside of the Frigate cabin. Larry bench presses a weight while Sandy lifts a small dumbbell.]
Larry: Whoo! [rubs arm] What a workout. So, uh, what do you press?
Sandy: Me? [takes out calculator] I press buttons! [shows it to Larry, and it reads "0-77345"; she flips it upside down, points, and smiles] Shell-o!
Larry: Huh? Well, try pressing this.
[Larry gives a heavy dumbbell to Sandy, who falls on the floor. Mo, Craig, and Tall Tail laugh at him. Sandy pushes the dumbbell away, takes out her calculator, and pulls an antenna from it and presses buttons.]
Larry: Huh?
[A robot hand comes out of Sandy's tail. It slowly lifts up the dumbbell, to the cabin members' surprise.]
Frigate members: Whoa!
Craig: She is the alpha bro!
Frigate members: [chanting and dancing around Sandy] Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro!
Sandy: [smiling] Uh-huh!
[Bubble transition to the Yacht cabin.]
Upturn: Are you of the Pacific Basin or Bering Sea, SquarePants? [sips tea]
[SpongeBob is sitting on a chair opposite to her.]
SpongeBob: I'm from Bikini Bottom.
[Upturn spits her tea on Roh.]
Roh: Huh?
Rea: Oh!
[SpongeBob runs and swings on the curtain, then lands on the upper floor.]
SpongeBob: So this is my new cabin? [notices vase] Wow! [sees his distorted reflection in the vase] It's like a fun zone! [laughs and dives into vase, jumps out with dollar bills] Look at me! [dives into another vase] I'm rich! [comes out of the vase with diamonds] Rich, rich! [comes out of the next vase with gold bars, slides down stairs] Rich, rich! [SpongeBob swings around the cabin as Upturn, Rea, and Roh look surprised] I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm ri-- [thud, water splashes as SpongeBob lands in a bathing room] It's good to-- [absorbs water] be rich.
Upturn: Oh, how plebeian! [faints] Oh!
[Rea waves dollar bills over Upturn.]
SpongeBob: [swings in with curtain] I seem to recall a young and green Missy Upturn swinging on these very same curtains her first year.
[He takes out a photo of a young Upturn swinging on the curtains as Regigilled chases after her, and shows it to Rea and Roh.]
Upturn: Hmm?
[SpongeBob pulls the curtains to ring a bell and leaves.]
Rea: [sees photo] Ooh! Fevered scorch.
Roh: Ahem. I believe the term is "sick burn."
Upturn: [rips up picture] Touché, SpongeBob.
[She pauses and she, Rea, and Roh gasp as he swings past. SpongeBob is fighting with Regigilled on top of a chandelier.]
SpongeBob: Oh, it's ever so good to be rich. Oh, yes.
[Bubble transition to the Pontoon cabin. The residents are playing a board game, with Harvey as a knight, Bubble Bass as a wizard, and Kevin as a bard.]
Bubble Bass: Are you a wizard or are you a knight?
[Harvey lifts up his helmet.]
Patrick: [touches his body] Um, I'm just a Patrick.
Harvey: Huh?
Harvey, Bubble Bass, and Kevin: [laughing]
Bubble Bass: Aw, [elbows Kevin] 'tis just a Patrick! [elbows Harvey] The village idiot!
Patrick: [laughs] That's kind of funny, I guess. [wanders off to a wooden sword in a bucket] Hey, you guys mind if I [pulls it out] use this to scratch my butt?
[Close-up on the sword shimmering. Its "blade" glows.]
Kevin: [gasping] He's released the Amber Sword of Drecktopia!
Harvey, Bubble Bass, and Kevin: [kneeling] All hail Just a Patrick!
Patrick: [steps on bucket and raises sword] Who wants their butt scratched!?
Harvey, Bubble Bass, and Kevin: Huh?
[Bubble transition to the Frigate cabin. Rock music plays. Tall Tail, Craig, and Larry watch in awe as Sandy does pull-ups with her robot arms.]
Sandy: [rapidly] 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, ten thousand!
[She wipes her forehead, then takes a hand out of her tail and presses her calculator, which puts a helmet over her. She spins and jumps down to the floor.]
Sandy: Whoa! Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Who's ready for a [punches gloves together] high-impact workout?
[She punches all of the Frigate members through the wal as they scream. They collapse in a heap outside.]
Sandy: [comes outside and gloats] Yee-haw! I'm the jockiest jock of all! [climbs cabin with her robot arms] Row, row, row, row!
Larry: Larry no longer likes taking one for the team. [groans]
[Bubble transition to Patrick as a king as a regal fanfare plays.]
Patrick: [bangs cane] Joust for me, to the death!
[Harvey and Kevin, with a broom and a lute, are facing Patrick, who sits on a toilet.]
Harvey and Kevin: Uhhh?
[Harvey squints and puts his helmet down. He spins his broom and charges forward, yelling. Kevin wields his lute and also runs forward, yelling. Patrick's pupils follow each separately until they smash into each other in front of him. They collapse with the feather from Kevin's hat landing on both of them.]
Patrick: Bored! [bangs cane] Where's my jester? Make me laugh! To the death!
[Bubble Bass, in a jester outfit, looks bored and stands next to Patrick. He hits himself with a squeaky baton.]
Patrick: [giggles, laughs, wipes a tear from his eye] You're funny! [aggressively, poking Bubble Bass's cheek] To the death!
Bubble Bass: [bangs baton in hand] Me believeth 'tis timeth for a revolution.
[Bubble transition to Upturn, Rea, and Roh playing polo on seahorseback in the Yacht cabin. Regigilled holds up a polo ball. Upturn hits it with her mallet, and everyone claps.]
Roh: Oh, good show.
Rea: Nice one.
[The ball lands on top of a vase. SpongeBob, with a mustache and hat, rides up on his seahorse.]
SpongeBob: Ah, polo, the most sophisticated of sports. [adjusts his mallet] Mm-mm-mm. Tally-ho! Whaaa!
[He hits the ball so hard that the vase breaks. The ball bounces around the cabin like a pinball, breaking all the vases. It bounces into the camera. Regigilled gasps and gets out of the way. The ball hits Rea, Roh, and Upturn off their seahorses. It hits a chandelier next to SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: [gasps]
[The chandelier falls, bringing the ceiling down with it. The residents scream.]
Regigilled: And...
[Cut to Regigilled kicking SpongeBob out of the Yacht cabin, with a burst of money.]
SpongeBob: But I'm rich!
[Cut to Larry kicking Sandy out of the Frigate cabin.]
Sandy: But I'm a jock!
[Cut to Bubble Bass kicking Patrick out of the Pontoon cabin.]
Patrick: But I'm a tyrant!
[Wearing their new outfits, they all land in front of each other.]
SpongeBob: [picks up Sandy and dusts her off, speaking in a posh accent] Here, stranger. Let me help you.
Sandy: [voice electronically echoing] Why, thank you, stranger.
Patrick: I'm a stranger too.
Sandy: Huh? [they look at each other with suspicion]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Hmm...
SpongeBob: [gasps] Sandy?
Sandy: [device beeping, takes off outer helmet] SpongeBob?
Patrick: [strokes beard] Hmm. [throws off outfit] SpongeBob and Sandy? But who am I?
SpongeBob and Sandy: You're just a Patrick!
Patrick: Yeah, that doesn't sound right, [puts hands down] but I'll play along.
[The robot arms come out of Sandy's suit. She grabs SpongeBob and Patrick as they hug.]
SpongeBob: I missed you!
[They all begin crying.]
Patrick: [crying] So long!
Sandy: [crying] It's so good to see you!
[The tears cause Sandy's suit to spark.]
Sandy: [gasps] Uh-oh! Stop crying! Your tears are making my suit malfunction!
[Sandy spins around rapidly as SpongeBob and Patrick yell.]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [explosion, screaming]
[A giant crater is left behind. Pan to show them all at the bottom, blown away by the blast.]
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: [groaning]
Patrick: Love hurts.
[Bubble transition to Squidward in the nurse's office. His head bounces up and down. SpongeBob and Patrick are jumping on Squidward's hospital bed, with Sandy continuing her violin song. All of them are injured.]
Sandy: Yee-haw! [singing] Oh, grab a bedpan, stop your chills! Let Nurse Helga cure your ills!
Nurse Helga: Music is for healing! [inhales and plays a giant, bagpipe-like instrument, which plays off-key notes]
Sandy: That'll do it!
Squidward: Well, if you can't beat 'em, [takes out clarinet] join 'em!
[Squidward plays the clarinet badly. SpongeBob and Patrick freeze in place.]