Mooned!/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mooned!" from season 14, which aired on July 17, 2024.

[The words "The Jellyson Group" appear on-screen over a jellyfish background.]
Narrator: And now "The Jellyson Group."
Jeff Jellyson: [sitting on a chair] Good evening, and welcome to "The Jellyson Group," Bikini Bottom's best and only show about jellyfishing. My guests tonight are jellyfishing fashion journalist Fabrica Olay.
Fabrica Olay: [sips tea] Hmph.
Jeff: [looks under chair] Famed jellyfish juggler Fish-O the Clown.
Fish-O: [honks horn]
Jeff: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. [reading a piece of paper] And something called a SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: [turns around in chair wearing a jellyfish hat and holding a pendant, babbles]
Jeff: Tonight we will be discussing the moon jellyfish. Only seen once every 25 years, will soon be migrating through Bikini Bottom.
Fabrica: [holds finger up] If I can just interrupt, there's no evidence this jellyfish even exists. Has anyone seen it, much less caught it? [sips tea]
SpongeBob: Kevin C. Cucumber, the greatest jellyfisher who ever lived, caught the moon jellyfish. Roll his famous moon catching clip.
[The screen turns to static as a recording of Kevin in Jellyfish Fields plays.]
Kevin: [chasing after a jellyfish with a net, laughs, then catches the jellyfish] I caught it! [screen flashes static] I caught the moon [static flashes again] jellyfish! [in front of camera] I love jellyfishing! [screen flashes static before going back to The Jellyson Group]
Fabrica: That video is a fake.
Jeff: Well, it looked real to me.
Fish-O: [honks horn]
Jeff: That fish is real--
Fabrica: It's a fake! A ruse!
Jeff: You big-shoed buffoon.
Fabrica: Anyone could see it.
Jeff: The moon jellyfish is a fact.
SpongeBob: Stop! It's not fake, and I'll prove it to you by catching the moon jellyfish [crosses arms] just like Kevin did.
Fabrica, Jeff, and Fish-O: [laugh]
[In his house, SpongeBob pauses the footage on the TV.]
SpongeBob: [picks up Gary and sets him down] What did I tell you, Gary? [gets up] Maybe if I can get Kevin to help me, [starts walking backwards] I'll have a chance to catch that moon jellyfish. And I know just where to find Kevin.
[Cut to a shot of the Jellyspotters building.]
SpongeBob: [running to the building] At the Jellyspotters Clubhouse. Ooh. [rings doorbell, which electrocutes him and disintegrates his arm]
Anchovy: Meep? [opens window compartment in door] Meep meep.
SpongeBob: [waves] Hello. I'm looking for--
Anchovy: Meep. [closes window compartment, door rises] Meep.
[As the clubhouse door closes, SpongeBob and the anchovy walk to the throne, where a dark silhouette that looks like Kevin's appears.]
SpongeBob: Kevin, is it really you? [bowing] I'm not worthy.
[The silhouette instead is revealed to be Patrick.]
Patrick: Hey there, Not Worthy. [points to himself] I'm Patrick.
SpongeBob: Patrick? [points] You're the president of the Jellyspotters Club?
Patrick: Sure am. We drew straws, and I was the first one to eat 'em all.
SpongeBob: That's great. Is Kevin Cucumber here?
Patrick: [laughs while eating from a container of straws, pointing] You mean the guy that looks like a nerdy pickle? [pan over to a painting of Kevin running away from the Jellyspotters throwing things at him] He got kicked out of the club years ago and mysteriously disappeared. No one knows where he is. [a Jellyspotter hands him a strip of paper] Huh? [takes the paper] But if you want to find him, [holds up the paper] here's his current address. [spits out a straw from his mouth, chews up the paper, and shoots the wad onto a Jellyspotter]
SpongeBob: [takes the wad and reads the address, shown with a crude drawing of the building, SpongeBob, and Kevin in his house] 123 "Shack in the Woods" Lane. [hugs Patrick] Thank you, Patrick.
Patrick: [grabs SpongeBob and lets him go] That's President Patrick to you, Sonny Jim. [SpongeBob leaves, tips straw bucket upside down] Can I get a refill on these?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking in the woods.]
SpongeBob: Well, these are the woods, and this is the only lane I see.
[He sees the shack, and lightning strikes.]
SpongeBob: [walking fearfully] This must be the place. [reaches for the doorknob, but the door opens on its own] Uh-- oh! [peeks inside] Hello? Kevin? You here?
[An eye appears in the dark shack.]
SpongeBob: [screams, the eye is revealed to be from a ragged snail] Oh, phew.
Disembodied face: [groans]
SpongeBob: [screams]
Lady: [the face is revealed to come from a lady, sneezes, holds out a leash] Time for walkies, Miss Marigold. [sees SpongeBob] Huh?
SpongeBob: Um, uh-- [waves] hello, ma'am. I'm looking for Kevin C. Cucumber. Have you seen him.
Lady: Eh, [points over to a trash can] uh--
Kevin: [emerges from the trash can screaming, now with a full beard]
SpongeBob: [flailing arms, screams] Oh, Kevin?
Kevin: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [hugs Kevin] Kevin!
Kevin: [sets SpongeBob down] What are you doing here at my secret forest shame hole?
SpongeBob: Looking for you, [pokes trash can lid] silly. I need some moon jellyfish-catching tips from the master.
Kevin: Master? Ha! I've lost any skills I might have once had. I don't remember how to catch a regular jelly. I don't even remember how to catch a cold. [tries to sneeze, but fails, then sobs from the trash can]
SpongeBob: Well, don't worry, Kevin. [opens the trash can lid] I can get you back in shape. Then we can [uses a tissue to wipe Kevin's tears] catch the moon jelly, and then you'll be on top again.
Kevin: [blows nose]
SpongeBob: Just like the [snaps fingers] old days.
Kevin: You think so? [stands up and tosses the trash can lid, then walks a bit] It's worth a try. Thanks, SpongeBob. This is the best day I've had in years.
Lady: [dumps trash onto Kevin and walks away]
SpongeBob: Um, maybe we'll clean you up first.
[Bubble transition to Kevin sitting in a chair. SpongeBob looks at him, thinking.]
SpongeBob: [tapping foot] Hmm. [shaves Kevin's beard and plucks one of his hairs, and accidentally cuts off his hat, which he haphazardly puts back on after licking it]
[SpongeBob pushes Kevin in a robe and covered in pieces of bloody tissue paper near a ragged curtain. He gives Kevin some clothes to put on, and he drops his robe onto SpongeBob as he appears in his jellyfishing attire. SpongeBob puts a mirror in front of Kevin.]
Kevin: Kevin is back, baby.
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Kevin in Jellyfish Fields.]
SpongeBob: Now that you're looking the part, [twirls two jellyfish nets and gives one to Kevin] let's shake the rust off those jellyfishing skills, shall we?
Kevin: Hmm. [a jellyfish flies by, and he shouts as he tries catching the jellyfish but hits himself in the face with the net, then gets stung]
SpongeBob: Ooh. [seen from Kevin's perspective] Maybe we'll start with something [pinches fingers] a little easier. [pushes baby jellyfish from a hive] Jelly babies. [blows the jelly babies towards Kevin]
Kevin: [swings at the baby jellyfish and misses, then gets stung by them]
SpongeBob: Okay, maybe something a lot easier. [grabs a jellyfish, which stings him] Ow! [jellyfish stings him again] Now, go ahead, Kevin. [gets stung] Ow! Take your-- [gets stung] ow!-- best swing.
Kevin: Mm-hmm. [lifts his net under the jellyfish to catch it] I did it! [runs off to catch several more jellyfish] I'm a jellyfisher again! [laughs, then blows on his net and poses]
[Bubble transition to Jellyfish Fields at night. SpongeBob and Kevin emerge from the sign, then tiptoe ahead.]
SpongeBob: Okay, now for the real deal. What's step one in catching the moon jellyfish?
Kevin: Uh, I know this one. Wait for the moon to come out so we can see it. [yelps as he trips and falls in a bush]
SpongeBob: Ooh, good step one. [twirls his net and jumps in the bush, then both peek from it] Here it comes. [giggles]
[The flower clouds move away from the moon so it can shine. The moonlight shows the moon jellyfish.]
Moon jelly: [buzzing]
SpongeBob: Ah! Okay, Kevin, what's step two? [sees Kevin has left] Kevin?
Kevin: [screaming and running away]
SpongeBob: [chases after Kevin running into Bikini Bottom]
Moon jelly: [chasing SpongeBob and Kevin]
SpongeBob: Tire the moon jelly out by getting it to chase us. That must be step two, huh?
Kevin: There is no step two. I don't know how to catch a moon jellyfish. I faked the moon catching on a soundstage so people would think I was cool.
[Flashback to Kevin faking the moon jellyfish catching. He is seen with a fake jellyfish in his net while standing near a green screen.]
Kevin: I got it! [accidentally swings and breaks the camera equipment] Aw. [stage light falls on him, scene cuts back to him still running, now sobbing]
SpongeBob: [gets in front of Kevin and puts his hand out to stop him] This is your chance to catch it and really be cool. [moon jelly is heard humming] Quick, in here. [throws Kevin in a dumpster, then jumps inside] Whoa! [the moon jelly is seen nearby, both peek out from the dumpster] Our best bet is to surround it. [points left with a half-eaten hot dog] You go left. [points right by squirting mustard onto Kevin] I'll go right. We'll catch it between us. And remember, stealth is key.
[The dumpster lid closes again, then SpongeBob and Kevin jump out to catch the moon jelly.]
SpongeBob and Kevin: [screaming]
Moon jelly: Huh? [lifts its tentacles as SpongeBob and Kevin run around trying to catch it]
SpongeBob: [slips on a banana peel and falls into a trash can] Whoa!
Kevin: [aimlessly swinging around his net and runs int oa police van, which causes its siren to sound, waking people up]
Bikini Bottomite: Some of us have work in the morning. Come on!
Moon jelly: [stings from above]
SpongeBob and Kevin: [scream, dodge the electricity]
All: [looking at the moon jelly as it passes by] Hey, it's the moon jellyfish! [SpongeBob and Kevin chase after it] Look at that. [cheer]
SpongeBob and Kevin: [get repeatedly stung by the moon jelly, then stop, exhausted]
Kevin: I don't think we're going to catch up to that jellyfish, SpongeBob. My knees are getting tired.
Kevin's knee: [wearing a night cap, yawns]
SpongeBob: If we can't outrun it, maybe we can trap it. But we'll need some bait. What would a moon jellyfish like to eat?
SpongeBob and Kevin: Cheese!
Moon jelly: [passes by, then looks in an alley to see a piece of cheese] Hmm? [licks lips, grabs a knife, puts on a napkin, then approaches the cheese]
SpongeBob: [as the cheese, his eyes appear and he puts on his glasses, then turns back to normal] Freeze, moon jelly. [presses button on his net to expand it]
Kevin: [on the other side] Prepare to be caught.
[They both approach the moon jelly, then stop.]
SpongeBob and Kevin: Huh?
[The flower clouds cover the moon.]
Moon jelly: [chuckles, waving as he begins to fade]
SpongeBob: [hand reaching out] We're losing the light! The moon jelly's gonna disappear! Huh?
Patrick: Losing the light you say? Maybe you could use a little moonlight. [pulls down his pants to reveal his big butt, which creates moonlight to stun the moon jelly]
Jellyspotters: [appear] Meep, meep, meep. [show their butts as well to create more moonlight]
Mr. Krabs and Larry: [appear, showing their butts]
Kevin: Look! It's working!
SpongeBob: We need more moonlight! [moon jelly hits the wall]
[Pan up to reveal the citizens of Bikini Bottom showing their butts as well. The three Jellyson Group members appear on top of a building and show their butts as well.
Moon jelly: [rubs its eyes] Huh?
SpongeBob: [screams and leaps at the moon jelly, catching it]
Kevin: [catches the moon jelly as well]
SpongeBob: We caught him! We did it, Kevin. We did it. [Kevin uses a saw to cut the net from SpongeBob, making him fall] Whoa!
Kevin: Sorry, SpongeBob. But there's no we about it. [points to himself] I'm the sole catcher of the moon jellyfish. [laughs as the moon jellyfish flies into the air] Wha? Wait a minute. Where are we going? Where are you taking me? [screams as the moon jelly takes him to the moon, which shines]
Bikini Bottomites: [oohing and awwing]
SpongeBob: Wow.
Patrick: [points] Where's the moon jelly going?
SpongeBob: [puts his arm around Patrick] Home, Patrick. Home. Until it comes back in 25 years, that is.
Kevin: [screams during an open shot of Bikini Bottom]
[Bubble transition to the moon, where Kevin, now with a helmet, is playing Chess with the moon jelly.]
Moon jelly: [places a chess piece, giggles]
Kevin: I hate jellyfishing. [camera irises out in the shape of a jellyfish]