One Trick Sponge/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "One Trick Sponge" from season 12, which aired on April 11, 2020.

SpongeBob: ♪ Ta-dah! ♪ [SpongeBob's house dances around] I did it! I did it! I did it! I did-- Whoa! [slips on something and makes silly noises] [smashes into the door and when it opens SpongeBob falls out and makes a funny noise]
Gary: [slithers toward SpongeBob] Meow.
SpongeBob: [circles around Gary] I learned a magic trick!
Gary: [gets scared and hides in his shell] Meow? [his eyes come out of his shell]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Gary, but I've been trying to learn this trick since I was a SpongeBoy. [gasps as Gary meows] I gotta show Patrick! [starts running toward Patrick's house and hits Norton]
Norton: [spits out mail]
SpongeBob: [finishes running toward Patrick's house and knocks on his rock] Patrick, come on, I got to show you something! [slides into Patrick's rock and makes a silly noise. He then lifts up Patrick's rock.] Patrick? He's not home. [Patrick's rock falls on him and he makes a grunt-like noise] Oh! Squidward! [Squidward goes into his trash can and slides it into his house and pretends like he's not home] Squidward! Squidward, Squidward, Squidward? Squidward? Squidward, Squidward, Squidward?
Squidward: If he thinks I'm out, he'll go away. [SpongeBob continues to say "Squidward" and his eye goes through Squidward's door.]
SpongeBob: [talks through his eye] Squidward! I'm so glad you're home. Got a magic trick to show ya!
Squidward: I hate magic.
SpongeBob: How could anyone hate magic? It's... [close-up of his face] ...magical.
Squidward: [sighs] Okay, show me the trick.
SpongeBob: [gasps in joy as Squidward runs away] Pick a card- oh. [Squidward runs out of his house, closes the door, and swallows the key. Squidward hums] Watch closely, Squidward. The hand is quicker than the eye.
Squidward: [groans and swallows his eyes] Can't watch. No eyes. Sorry.
SpongeBob: [groans and drops his cards] I want to show my trick to somebody. [cries and runs away while Squidward laughs and bumps into his front door]
Mrs. Puff: [scene changes to Mrs. Puff having a student with braces take a drivers test] You're the best driving student I've ever had, Rodger. Kudos. [Rodger laughs]
SpongeBob: [as he's running to Mrs. Puff] Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff: [scared] Rodger, we have to move now! Punch it! [as the boat is driving, she accidentally hits a fire hydrant] I think we lost him. [SpongeBob arrives with the cards in his hand. Mrs. Puff makes a small scream]
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, you got to see my magic trick! [Mrs. Puff and Rodger scream and the boat crashes onto a rock. Rodger's braces break, while SpongeBob stands up with his cards] Pick a card, any card!
Mrs. Puff: Hold on, SpongeBob, I have a trick to show you first. [Mrs. Puff puffs and she floats into the air] Sorry, Rodger, we'll pick this up next week!
SpongeBob: [hanging onto Mrs. Puff] Wait, Mrs. Puff, you didn't see my trick!
Mrs. Puff: [frowns] Okay, show me the trick already.
SpongeBob: [gets off Mrs. Puff and shows his cards] Pick a card, any card! [SpongeBob falls down and slams onto Sandy's treedome. He slides down the treedome happily until he reaches the floor] Sandy! [goes inside the treedome and puts on his water helmet] Sandy, I gotta show you this. [he shows his cards] Pick a card, any card! [SpongeBob screams and drops all his cards as Sandy, who is watering her grass, is missing her head] Sandy? [SpongeBob touches the helmet and it falls off. SpongeBob looks to see where the head is] Where's your head?
Sandy: Oh, sorry, SpongeBob, didn't mean to spook ya. My head's in another dimension, observing. [cuts to Sandy in the Swamp, observing one of the trees. In the background, Bubble Bass and Patrick are on a log, trying to escape a group of crocodiles on their hovercraft]
SpongeBob: [leaving] Uh-huh, okay, I'll come back later when you have a head.
Sandy: It should be back by Thursday. Friday at the latest. [she starts watering her grass again]
Mr. Krabs: [SpongeBob runs to Mr. Krabs' house and rings the bell] Who is it? [opens his door]
SpongeBob: [shows his cards] Pick a card, any card! [Mr. Krabs gets frightened]
Mr. Krabs: [he smashes SpongeBob's head, making him bounce up and down and make music like an accordion] Magic, eh, boyo? [he leans his eyes toward him] Is this by any chance a trick where you produce money coins from behind people's ears? [as he's winking twice] Wink wink, hmm?
SpongeBob: [crouches down a little] No.
Mr. Krabs: Then what's the point? [closes his door angrily]
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob gets upset] Ah! [goes to Fred's home and rings his doorbell, which is a miniature leg] Hi, Fred! [shows his cards] I've got a magic trick that's going to dazzle you!
Fred: [looks with interest] Ooh! Are you going to saw my leg in half, or make it disappear, or pull a rabbit out of it?
SpongeBob: [loses his smile] Uh, no, this isn't going to involve your leg.
Fred: [quickly looks at his watch] Ooh, gotta go, SpongeBob. I'm washing my thighs tonight. [goes inside and closes the door, only to accidentally cut his leg because of the door, while SpongeBob is surprised] My leg!
SpongeBob: [sighs as he walks into a kelp forest] Why won't anyone watch my trick?! [falls onto the ground while the word "trick" flies into the air, causing the leaves on the kelp trees to fall down onto SpongeBob] [SpongeBob gets up, covered with leaves. He slightly pulls his kelp mustache, and then sees two pieces of wood and a rock. A lightbulb appears on top of SpongeBob] Hey, that gives me an idea! [scene cuts to SpongeBob putting the final touches on his rock people] There. Good evening, folks, I am the Great Spongedini! Now watch closely, [reveals his cards] the hand is quicker than the eye. Pick a card. Any card. [SpongeBob inhales all the magic playing cards into his mouth, and then starts his magic trick.]
[The magic trick starts when the kelp forest turns into a white screen as SpongeBob turns into magic playing cards, which then transform into a buzzsaw and cut a copy of SpongeBob in-half, and then a rainbow appears. Then ten cut in half/rainbow-colored SpongeBobs, two green, two yellow, two pink, two red, and two blue, each holding one magic playing card start running out as the rainbow disappears. Then, two other SpongeBobs, one on the bottom of the screen, and the other on top of the screen being upside down, start leading a bunch of card people from the top, and the bottom of the screen. Then, two other card people start going over and under each other five times, becoming SpongeBob, and back to a playing card. Then the camera zooms out to see lots of card people on the screen, which then fade to SpongeBob. wearing a magician's outfit, a magic hat on top of his head, and a magic wand for a nose, which automatically makes some flowers come out of it, The Great Spongedini then takes the magic wand out of his nose and turns it into three metal rings, that are linked to each other. Then, The Great Spongedini puts himself through the rings, and then, the rings transform into a cannon that shoots out three colorful fireworks. One pink, one yellow, and one blue. Then, The Great Spongedini appears on the screen again, and then notices a red ribbon stuck through his left sleeve.]
The Great Spongedini: Huh? [The Great Spongedini pulls the ribbon out of his left sleeve, but then reveals a red, blue, pink, green, and orange ribbon that covers the whole screen. Then the scene becomes spirally and gets put into a magic hat. Then, the white screen turns back to the kelp forest and SpongeBob pulls himself out of the magic hat in a pink bunny suit, ending his magic trick.]
SpongeBob: ♪ Ta-dah! ♪ [notices that the audience he made was fake and didn't respond to his magic trick.] Oh... I still wish Patrick was here to see it. [then he notices Patrick sitting on a mushroom, hanging onto another mushroom.]
Patrick: [off-screen] I saw it, SpongeBob! [on-screen] It was astonishable! [Patrick falls of the mushroom and falls flat onto the ground, and pulls himself off the ground.]
SpongeBob: [hugging Patrick] Oh, Patrick! You showed up just in time! What was your favorite part?
Patrick: Uh... My favorite part was... uh... "♪ Ta-dah! ♪" I missed everything before that.
SpongeBob: Oh, then you haven't seen anything yet! [he grabs a hold of Patrick's hand. The two spin around and then they disappear into a magic hat. Some confetti and a card come out of the hat as the two laugh. Fireworks also start coming out of the hat, while the rock creatures stand inanimate.]