Outhouse Outrage/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Outhouse Outrage/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[One morning, Mr. Krabs is walking to the outhouse with a cup of coffee in hand and a newspaper under his arm. Harvey is nearby, tying his shoe.]
Mr. Krabs: Time for me morning, ahem, constitutional. [laughs]
Harvey: Ewww!
[Mr. Krabs throws the coffee away and opens the outhouse door. It suddenly explodes.]
Mr. Krabs: [screaming, groaning]
[Mr. Krabs is laying in a crater. SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick run up to him.]
Mr. Krabs: Which one of you campers blew up me outhouse!?
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward rapidly gesture and try to explain, each drowning each other out.]
Mr. Krabs: Hold it, hold it!
Squidward: ...are disgusting! Patrick...
SpongeBob: But half a stick of butter took care of that.
Patrick: And house go boom!
Mr. Krabs: [whistles] Quiet!
SpongeBob: That's how my finger got stuck up my nose.
Mr. Krabs: Camper SpongeBob, zip it.
[SpongeBob zips up his nose, then giggles.]
[Bubble transition to Patrick, SpongeBob, and Squidward sitting on a log. Krabs bangs a gavel and is wearing a suit and standing at a podium.]
Mr. Krabs: [clears throat] As camp master, I'm appointing meself [puts on a wig, and clones of himself appear around] judge, jury, and camp-xecutioner, and whoever is responsible will have to rebuild the outhouse by hand, fin, or tentacle.
Patrick: Oh, I'm all thumbs! [close-up shows his limbs as thumbs]
[duck quacks]
Mr. Krabs: [sighs] Counselor Squidward, you go first.
Squidward: Certainly. I'll tell you exactly what happened.
[Fade in to Squidward's story, where he wakes up in his bedroom and yawns.]
Squidward: [narrating] I awoke to a glorious morning.
[SpongeBob and Patrick are locked in cages, sleeping.]
Squidward: Ugh. Animals.
[A montage shows everyone getting out and holding hands in a circle, singing to Squidward's clarinet playing.]
Campers: [singing] ♪ Come get out of bed, you big sleepyhead ♪ / ♪ And listen to Squidward playing ♪ / ♪ Come gather around the wonderful sound ♪ / ♪ And hear his sweet refrain ♪ / ♪ A magical musician whose Reveille rendition ♪ / ♪ Is worth any admission ♪ / ♪ He is the real McCoy! ♪ / ♪ We all sing along a wonderful song ♪ / ♪ Our ears, they are not worthy ♪ / ♪ At daybreak, we praise each note that he plays ♪ / ♪ Our hearts explode with joy ♪
[Squidward goes back to his cabin, followed by a mob of fans. Bubble Bass holds them off. Squidward blows everyone kisses.]
Bubble Bass: Don't crowd him! He's a genius!
Kevin: We love you, Mr. Tentacles!
[A flood of roses comes in Squidward's door. SpongeBob is out of his cage, while Patrick is bending the bars on his.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles, I have something for you.
Squidward: Oh, no.
[SpongeBob gives Squidward a present. He opens it, and it's an old, dirty rag.]
Squidward: [flatly] You really shouldn't have.
[SpongeBob stretches the rag over Squidward's head, distorting his face.]
Squidward: Thanks for the lovely... whatever it is.
SpongeBob: It's a face mitten. [hugs self] It's like a hug for your head.
Squidward: [sniffs] Oh, what is that smell?
SpongeBob: That's the smell of a clean environment. [takes out oil barrel] I made all of your presents from recycled oily rags.
Squidward: I'll just put this in my treasure chest where I keep your other wonderful presents. [puts it in trash can] I have to go bury my treasure now. See you clowns later.
[Patrick walks in with a rainbow wig, springy eye glasses, and a horn. He honks the horn. he and SpongeBob laugh.]
Squidward: [searching] Um, um... [notices outhouse] ah!
[Squidward dumps the rag and trash can into the outhouse. He walks away, dusting his hands.]
Krabs: Hold it! You filled me outhouse with presents made of oily rags?
SpongeBob: Of course not. Some were made of kindling.
Krabs: Squidward blew up the outhouse! [explosion; he bangs his gavel] I sentence Counselor Squidward to--
SpongeBob: Wait! Don't blame Mr. Tentacles! It was I who blew up the outhouse.
[Fade in to SpongeBob's story. He holds an umbrella, shielding himself from Patrick's drool. Squidward walks outside.]
SpongeBob: [narrating] It was a rainy day. Once Mr. Tentacles had left, I got right to work... on my next gift of camperly love for him.
[SpongeBob jumps out of bed and takes rags out of his head. He sews them together with his teeth, then pulls a gift box out of his mouth and puts it inside. Squidward is pushed inside, but this time by a bunch of trash.]
SpongeBob: Oh, boy, Mr. Tentacles! Another successful performance!
Girl camper: [off-screen, throws a sock at Squidward] You stink!
Squidward: Ow.
SpongeBob: Everyone's throwing you presents. [takes out a present] And someone has one more present for you!
Squidward: Aww, you shouldn't have. [opens the present] A face mitten! [hugs him and puts it on] I've always wanted one. It's like...
Squidward and SpongeBob: A hug for your head!
Squidward: [kisses SpongeBob] Mwah. [dances outside] I love it! I love it! I love it!
SpongeBob: [narrating] After Mr. Tentacles left, it was time for my morning constitutional.
[SpongeBob walks up to the outhouse, carrying a cake that reads "I wish for a solid constitutional. I Heart You."]
SpongeBob: [singing] ♪ I gotta go to the outhouse! I gotta go to the outhouse! I gotta go to the outhouse! ♪ I have a present for you! [drops cake in toilet]
Squidward: What? Why would you throw a cake in the toilet?
SpongeBob: Well, everyone knows it's the outhouse's birthday. We have to give it a cake.
Krabs: How could that blow up the outhouse?
SpongeBob: Well, the cake also had candles on it.
[The candles on the cake ignite as it falls. SpongeBob walks outside, humming.]
Krabs: You dropped a flaming cake in the toilet!? SpongeBob blew up the outhouse! [outhouse explodes, bangs gavel] Camper SpongeBob, I sentence you to--
Patrick: Hold it! Hold it! You're all wrong! I'll tell you what really happened! [takes out two pieces of bread] Allow me to quote from my diary.
[Fade in to Patrick's story, which is animated in a rough storybook style. Events unfold as he narrates them.]
Patrick: [narrating] Ahem... I woke up on my cloud as usual. [alarm clock floats by] Clouds aren't as comfortable as you think. Too wet and lumpy. I flew around the camp, but it was so peaceful I got bored. [yawns] I'm lucky those aliens attacked. [UFOs appear. Patrick makes laser sounds] Run for your lives! [takes off pants] This looks like a job for Super Star! [covers self] Oops. [draws a cape and flexs] Hup-hip! [gets hit by lasers] Those flying saucers were pretty tough. [collects one on a plate and eats it like spaghetti. He burps loudly, and starts spinning] But those dumb aliens were no match for my spinning star attack. [punches the UFOs] I gave 'em a whoosh and a biff and a sock-a-roo! [cut back to reality] And then, funky breath attack!
[Patrick breathes in Squidward's face, making him faint.]
Krabs: What has any of that to do with the outhouse blowing up?
Patrick: Uh... Oh, yeah, yeah.
[Flashback to Patrick walking into the outhouse, carrying a bowl of radioactive waste.]
Patrick: [narrating] After the aliens left, I went to visit my friendly outhouse. I call him Outie. [outhouse bubbles] He didn't! [outhouse bubbles] [laughs] That is so like Mr. Tentacles! [outhouse bubbles] [laughing] After we gossiped for a while, we shared a pot of Plankton's chili. One for me... [sips, and his tongue distintegrates. He pours some in the outhouse] and one for you, buddy.
[Patrick leaves, carrying the chili.]
Krabs: Plankton's five alarm chili!? That'll make anything explode! [outhouse explodes] Patrick blew up the outhouse! It's Patrick's fault! Or SpongeBob? Or maybe it was Squidward?
Patrick: [sucking on hand] That's right. I ain't a revivable gymnast.
Krabs: I'm more confused than when we started.
[Lightning flashes. Krabs screams. Preda Tory spawns in the outhouse's crater.]
Preda: I couldn't help but overhear all of you arguing.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Krabs: Preda Tory!?
Preda: Allow me to help you. You must speak with one final witness.
Krabs: Witness? What witness?
Preda: The most important witness of all, [takes out plunger] the spirit of the outhouse! [evil laughter]
Krabs: There ain't no such thing as toilet ghosts. [lightning flashes and he jumps, falling into SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward's laps.]
Preda: Oh, mighty outhouse! Free us from the clog of doubt! Overflow this camp with truth! [cackling]
[Lightning flashes and the sky goes dark. The ghost of the outhouse rises.]
SpongeBob: T-t-t-t-t-toilet ghost!
Krabs: I believe! I believe! [shields self with SpongeBob] Don't hurt me!
Patrick: Hey, Outie! Good to see ya!
Outhouse: SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick, you all defiled me with trash! But there is a fourth poope-trator--- uh, I mean perpetrator: Mr. Krabs has been dumping Pearl's dirty diapers in me for months! [ghostly moan]
[Fade in to Krabs walking in the outhouse, dumping the diapers in, and leaving. The outhouse explodes.]
Krabs: [sweating] There's no diaper service in the woods.
Outhouse: It was all of your foul and unstable junk that made me explode. Guilty! You're all guilty!
[The outhouse's ghost vomits trash on the campers. The rag lands on Squidward, the cake lands on SpongeBob, and Patrick's pot is filled with garbage.]
Patrick: [laughs excitedly, then trash falls on him]
Krabs: Oh! No, no, no! [a diaper falls on him]
Outhouse: [burps] Farewell!
Patrick: Thanks for the chili, Outie!
Outhouse: No problem, buddy.
[The ghost disappears, and the sky goes blue again.]
Krabs: I sentence all of us to rebuild the outhouse.
Preda: That I won't help you with. Auf wiedersehen! [disappears in a lightning flash.]
[A montage shows SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward rebuilding the outhouse. Patrick hits Squidward with a long board by accident. Krabs puts the final paint job on.]
Krabs: Well, it's been a whole week, but we finally have an outhouse again.
[Suddenly, they all have to go. They run in, but Krabs gets there first.]
Krabs: Camp master is first! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go, go!
SpongeBob: [sees loose nail] Oh, we missed a nail!
Patrick: I got it! [hits nail with hammer]
[Krabs screams in pain and gets launched out of the outhouse. He falls on it, and it explodes.]
Patrick: [grabs board and sobs] Outie!
[The outhouse's ghost rises once again.]
Outhouse: [sighs] Here we go again!