Patnocchio/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Patnocchio" from season 11, which aired on August 8, 2018.

[The episode begins with a storybook entitled "Patnocchio." The book opens and the screens zooms into the picture of Karen in a beautiful fairy outfit holding her wand. She is seen standing outside of Bikini Bottom at night.]
Karen: [to the viewers] Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom. I am Karen the Computer Fairy. [waves her wand and a scallop flies on her hand; she sings really loud, which causes the scallop to shatter into bits, acting like glass.] And I have a magic tale to tell. [waves her wand and a picture of Patrick appears on her screen] Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star [Patrick appears in a puppet outfit and looks a lot like the character, Pinocchio] who was about to stuff his fat face. [waves her wand with the word "Magics" fly by; her screen shows the Krusty Krab]
[At the Krusty Krab, Patrick comes out through the doors with a plate full of Krabby Patties. He takes a seat on a table and goes to eat his meal. Little did Patrick know, Plankton was observing him through a magnifying glass about his restaurant.]
Plankton: Hee, hee, hee. That idiot has such a huge pile of patties. I don't think he'll notice if one walks away. [laughs]
[Patrick continues to eat his lunch. Plankton flies into the patties and peaks out.]
Patrick: Aw, I need more ketchup. [hops out of his chair and runs back in for ketchup]
Plankton: Hmm... which patty to choose? This one? Nope. Too small. [throws away small patty] This one? Nope. Been chewed. [throws away chewed patty] This one? Nope. The seeds are missing. Hmm...
[Suddenly, the sun shines bright through Plankton's magnifying glass and burns him. Plankton screams and his body is on fire. Patrick comes out with a ketchup bottle and sits on top of Plankton.]
Plankton: Ow! Stand up, you moron!
[Patrick squeezes the ketchup bottle too hard and ketchup explodes everywhere. The ketchup flies in Patrick's eyes. Patrick panics and knocks over the table and the patties.]
Plankton: Get me an ice pack, you idiot!
Patrick: Where are you, Voice? [stretches his face and his eyes stretch out] Where are you? [sees SpongeBob, who is coming out of the restaurant]
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick?
Patrick: [screams and his eyes pull back into his face] Oh, it's you, SpongeBob. I thought you were this crazy voice who keeps telling me what to do.
SpongeBob: Oh, that's probably your conscience.
Patrick: What are conscience? Are they bad?
SpongeBob: No. A conscience is a tiny voice inside you that tells you the difference between something that's right and something [gives Patrick a wedgie] that's wrong.
Patrick: So, I should do what the voice tells me to do?
SpongeBob: [pats Patrick's head] Now that's a smart little sea star. [leaves]
[Patrick giggles and gulps down the plate full of patties. Plankton grins and gets an idea. He decides to take advantage of the opportunity by posing himself as Patrick's conscience so he'll get a Krabby Patty and now the formula. Plankton peels himself off of Patrick's butt and runs off. Patrick sips down some soda just as Plankton climbs up his shoulder in conscience disguise, which is the similar clothing to the character, Jiminy Cricket.]
Plankton: Patrick, this is your conscience speaking.
Patrick: Huh? [sees Plankton on his shoulder] Oh. [bows and drops Plankton in his soda] Nice to meet you, Conscience.
Plankton: [comes out of the soda] So stupid. So, Stupid, the first thing you need to do is buy some more Krabby Patties on the double. Hi-yah! Hey-yo!
Patrick: That'll be the first thing I do, Conscience!
Plankton: Yes!
Patrick: Right after I run some errands.
[Patrick pulls out a to-do list from his fupa and reads it.]
Plankton: Huh? [flings himself out of the cup] No! [kicks the soda] I'm calling the shots here. Now, get that Krabby Patty!
Patrick: I—I—It's just a little list! Please, Conscience?
Plankton: Alright, Pea-Brain. Make it quick.
Patrick: Number 1: High-five everyone! [waves his arm around with Plankton like he's playing a guitar] Huh!
Plankton: No, put me down first!
Patrick: High-five! [high-fives a civilian with Plankton in his hand] High-five! [high-fives another] Low-five! [low-fives a civilian] High-five! [high-fives SpongeBob] High-five! [high-fives a tough guy] High-five! [high-fives another] High-five! [high-fives another] High-five! [high-fives a realistic hand that punches Plankton]
[Plankton is squished and beaten up by the high-fives each person gave to Patrick. He liquifies into a puddle. Patrick slips on Plankton and falls on his face. Patrick giggles. Karen waves her wand to the next scene. The scene changes to Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat. The kids are in there eating ice cream sundaes and Goober meals. The mascot, Goofy Goober is greeting a little girl with a bowl of ice cream. Patrick and Plankton go up to the counter.]
Patrick: Number 2: Ice cream! Yeah! [waves his arm around with Plankton again and does his victory screech] One double chocolate molar blowout, please.
Goofy Goober waiter: One molar blowout, coming up!
Plankton: No! [pulls Patrick's tongue] You hate ice cream. You only want Krabby Patties. [hops into the soft serve ice cream machine] Hey you! Cancel that order!
[The Goofy Goober waiter pulls down the lever and swirls Plankton into a soft serve ice cream cone. He gives the cone to Patrick. Patrick begins to eat Plankton. Plankton bites Patrick's tongue.]
Patrick: [yells in pain] Ow. You hate high-fives and ice cream? Are you sure you're my conscience? [looks at Plankton]
Plankton: I, uh, I'm absolutely positively your conscience. [his nose grows into Patrick's eye]
Patrick: Hey, doesn't your nose grow when you tell lies in fairy tales?
Plankton: Nope. Noses only grow when you make up the truth. [his nose grows longer] See?
Patrick: Ah-ha-ha! Oh, oh, I wanna make up the truth, too! Uh, I ate a hot air balloon for breakfast. [nothing happens] I—I—I mean, um, I did not eat a hot air balloon for breakfast. [his nose grows longer] Hey! I got a big nose too! Nose fight! En garde! [hits Plankton with his long nose]
[Patrick and Plankton engage a nose sword fight and the kids cheer. Plankton hits Patrick and makes him knock over a table. The triple gooberberry sunrise sundae flies into the Goofy Goober waiter's face. He is covered in ice cream.]
Children: Uh-oh.
Goofy Goober waiter: Hooray!
[The kids, Goofy Goober, and Patrick cheer. Patrick and Plankton resume their nose sword fight. Plankton pokes Patrick's butt with his nose and sends him rolling towards the counter. Patrick crashes into the counter and splatters ice cream all over the place. The Goofy Goober waiter is covered in ice cream and looks like a snowman.]
Children: Uh-oh.
[The ice cream melts off of the Goofy Goober waiter. He looks down and sees Patrick and Plankton.]
Patrick and Plankton: Sorry.
[The Goofy Goober waiter is really angry and his ice cream cone pupils melt in fury. He kicks Patrick and Plankton out, sending them flying into the street. Patrick and Plankton fall on their noses and they break off.]
Plankton: Time to let your conscience be your guide. Give me that list! [goes into Patrick's fupa, grabs the list, crosses out everything and writes something down] Here! [gives Patrick the list]
Patrick: Hey, only one errand left! [leans back and forth and plays his air guitar] Gotta give Plankton a Krabby Patty! [fireworks explode above him]
Plankton: [shakes his hat off, waves his blond hair and plays his air guitar] Oh, yeah! Yeah!
[The scene changes to Patrick and Plankton arriving at the Chum Bucket with a Krabby Patty.]
Patrick: I wonder why I wanted to give Plankton a patty?
Plankton: Why not Plankton? He's a sweetheart. [his nose grows long and Plankton clips it off] And as your conscience, I demand you toss that patty in the mail slot!
Patrick: Oh, I love mail slot toss! [attempts to throw the patty in the mail slot, but he misses as it bounces upwards]
Plankton: Not so hard! [slaps Patrick] Huh? [sees the patty land on Pearl's picnic basket who is going to the beach with her friends]
Pearl: I've been wanting to hit the beach all week. [laughs]
Pearl and her friends: Goo Lagoon! Goo Lagoon! [drive away to Goo Lagoon]
Plankton: Huh? [his mouth falls in shock; Plankton forms another idea and a lightbulb lights up above his head. He pastes his mouth back on] Ah-ha! Patrick, please promptly pursue Plankton's patty! [points to lightbulb] Get the idea?
Patrick: Uh, uh. [strains himself as a lightbulb appears on his head; but it burns out and Patrick drolls]
[Plankton groans, grabs a ladder, and climbs up to Patrick's head.]
Plankton: How many plankton does it take to change a lightbulb? [unscrews the burnt lightbulb and replaces it with a new one] One. [climbs down, pulls Patrick's tooth and the lightbulb lights]
Patrick: [wakes up] Huh? Now I get the idea! Whoo! [waves his arm around again] Gotta follow that patty!
[Patrick runs off to follow Pearl and her friends to Goo Lagoon. Plankton is trampled by Patrick's feet and gets up.]
Plankton: Wait for me, you pink pinhead! [gets blown away by the wind]
[The scene changes to Goo Lagoon. Pearl lays by to rest in the sun. Patrick and Plankton arrive by digging under the sand. They tunnel past several beach goers along the way. They hit Tyler's beach umbrella. They hit Fred.]
Fred: Ow! Hey, watch it!
[They hit another beach goer who is sipping a drink. Plankton pops out of the sand and spit some of it out. Patrick pops out of the sand and spits out a volley ball. Pearl nearly sucks her umbrella in her mouth while she sleeps.]
Plankton: There's Blubber Mouth.
[Pearl sucks the umbrella in her mouth and swallow it in her sleep.]
Patrick: There's Plankton's patty!
Plankton: You know what to do.
Patrick: Do I? [gets slapped by Plankton] Oh yeah!
[Patrick digs towards Pearl and goes to grab the patty. The patty falls off the picnic roll into Pearl's mouth. Plankton escapes and falls on the sand. But Pearl has swallowed the patty whole.]
Plankton: [groans] Oh, well. No patty for Plankton. [sobs]
Patrick: Huh! I'm going in! Hi-yah! [jumps into Pearl's mouth and goes down her throat]
Plankton: Ugh. Just being near a whale's mouth gives me the creeps. [gets and pulled into Pearl's mouth by Patrick; Patrick and Plankton fall deep down Pearl's throat and Patrick screams until Plankton hits his mouth] Quiet, you fool! You'll wake up Pearl.
[Patrick and Plankton land in Pearl's stomach. Pearl feels a bit of painfulness and goes back to sleep. Patrick gets scared and cowers in fear.]
Patrick: This is snug.
Plankton: Mother always said I'd end up in a whale's belly. Or prison.
Geppetto: Hey! Who-a goes-a there?
Patrick: Who goes where?
Geppetto: [comes out from his tent] The name's-a Geppetto. Take off your hats and stay a while.
Plankton: We don't have time for a visit, old man. We're just trying to find a sandwich.
Geppetto: Sandwich? No, I haven't seen anything like that around-a here in months. [his nose grows]
Patrick: Hey, Geppetto, what's that behind your back?
Plankton: Is that our Krabby Patty?
Geppetto: Nope. [his nose grows longer] Oh! [punches his nose back in his face]
Plankton: [jumps on Geppetto's shoulder and grabs the patty] Ah-ha! I got the patty!
Patrick: [grabs Geppetto's wig] Ah-ha! I got the wig! [puts it on his head]
Geppetto: [goes in his tent] Son, they're-a stealing our food!
[Geppetto pulls out an unfinished wooden puppet he calls Pinocchio.]
Pinocchio: Who's stealing our food, Pop? Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!
[Patrick and Plankton look at each other in puzzlement.]
Geppetto: Get 'em, Pinocchio!
[Patrick, Plankton, Geppetto, and Pinocchio get into a brawl. Geppetto ties Plankton and Patrick in puppet strings. They brawl again and they all get tangled up in puppet strings. They brawl again and they all play jump rope like children. They stop and resume their brawl. Their fighting causes Pearl to get a horrible taste of indigestion and her stomach growls in pain.]
Pearl: [to the viewers; as she is talking in a commercial parody.] Oh, no. A stomach ache at the beach? That's no fun! I wish it would go away.
[Karen magically appears next to Pearl.]
Karen: Your wish is granted. Hold out your hand! [waves her wand and poof up a bottle of Gush and Flush stomach reliever]
Pearl: Wow! What is this?
Karen: For fast relief of indigestion, try Gush and Flush. And wash your pain down the drain. [whispers] And my stupid husband, while you're at it.
Pearl: [drinks the stomach reliever] Ah.
[Pearl's stomach growls. Patrick, Plankton, Geppetto, and Pinocchio continue to fight until they get caught in a torrent of stomach reliever. Pearl blasts the stomach reliever out from her blowhole, sending Patrick, Plankton, Geppetto, and Pinocchio out of her body.]
Pearl: Thank you, Extra Strength Gush and Flush! [giggles and winks]
Geppetto: Pinocchio, we're-a free-a! Free-a!
[Pinocchio waves his arm around while Geppetto sings his heart out. Suddenly, a giant clam comes out and swallows them both.]
Plankton: Huh? [gets up] Don't worry about the patty, Patrick. I'll take it to Plankton myself, like a good little conscience. [picks up the patty] See ya!
[Plankton goes to return to the Chum Bucket with the patty, but bumps into a small yellow starfish who turns out to be Patrick's real conscience.]
Patrick's conscience: Oh, uh, hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Eh, my conscience?
Plankton: Your wha?
Patrick's conscience: Yep, I'm Patrick's conscience. But I overslept.
Patrick: Well, if you're my conscience conscience, then who's that?
Patrick's conscience: It's a bug! Step on it!
[Patrick rapidly steps on Plankton with his foot.]
Karen: [to the viewers] And they all lived happily ever after. So, until next time, this is—
Plankton: Karen!
Karen: The Computer Fairy hoping all your dreams come true.
[Karen waves her wand and her screen goes back to the storybook. The last page says "All Your Dreams Come True" on it. The scene zooms in Karen's screen to go to the storybook.]
Pinocchio: [appears on screen] Let me at 'em, Pop! Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em! Let me—
[The book closes onto Pinocchio and the cover says the title, "The End" on it. Then the episode ends shortly after.]
Pinocchio: Ow.

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