Patrick Takes the Cake/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Patrick Takes the Cake/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [One morning at Kamp Koral, Perch's voice comes over the loudspeaker.]
• Perch: Attention, campers, the mail is here!
• [Larry and Mo are bouncing Craig on a trampoline.]
• Larry: Huh?
• Mo: Ooh!
• [They dash off and Craig falls headfirst in the sand. Kevin and Bubble Bass have Harvey laid on a table and are holding knives over him.]
• Perch: I repeat! Mail call!
• Bubble Bass: Huzzah! The correspondence has arrived.
• [They run off. Harvey sits up, wearing an alien mask.]
• Harvey: Hey, you haven't finished my alien autopsy yet!
• [An alien appears behind Harvey and takes out a saw. The kids run up to the mail truck. The mailman gets out and takes SpongeBob, wrapped up in a red ribbon, out of his bag.]
• SpongeBob: My mom always said I was a special delivery. [laughs]
• Mailman: [displeased] Oh... [throws him away]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [The mailman takes out Patrick, wrapped up with a "return to sender" note.]
• Patrick: My mom said "return to sender."
• Mailman: Oh, every week. [takes out box] Larry Lobster!
• [Larry catches his package and takes out a dumbbell.]
• Larry: Ah, adjustable weights. I'll crank up the heavy.
• [He turns the dial to "Sky's the Limit." It grows and the weight causes him to collapse.]
• Mailfish: Bubble Bass!
• [Bubble Bass catches a magazine.]
• Bubble Bass: Finally, I made the cover of Nerdteen! [scratches it] And it's the scratch and sniff issue. [smells magazine and gags] Ah, yes, eau de Bubble Bass.
• Mailfish: [takes out acorn] Sandy! [takes out wrapped diamond] Missy! [takes out glowing purple letter] Maisey! Ooh, that one goes in the dead letter file. [puts it in coffin and takes out a wrapped anchovy] And anchovies!
• [He throws the wrapped anchovy into a pile of other ones, where it unwraps and begins meeping.]
• Anchovy: Meep.
• Anchovies: Meep, meep, meep, meep!
• [The mailman packs his bag and is about to leave, but Patrick comes up to him.]
• Patrick: Please, sir, may I have some mail?
• Mailman: Oh, sure, let's see here.
• Mailman: Here's a box with no name on it. [takes out box] Take it.
• [Patrick takes a purple box and opens it. There's a white sheet cake with pink frosting inside.]
• Patrick: [gasps] Welcome to my tummy! [is about to eat it, but notices something] What- huh?
• [The campers crowd around Patrick, zombie-like.]
• Kevin: Can I have a piece?
• Mo: Can I lick the frosting?
• Boy camper: [holding brother] I'll trade you my baby brother.
• Patrick: [nervously] Oh!
• Bubble Bass: Just a smidgen! [closing in]
• Patrick: My-- ah!
• Larry: I'll take a slice of that, bro.
• [Patrick screams and jumps up.]
• Patrick: No! [screams and runs away] You can't have my cake!
• Bubble Bass: [pointing] The cake!
• [Larry, Mo, and the anchovies are unconcerned, shrug, and leave. Patrick keeps running. He gets bounced between two trees. He trips on a rock and falls down a cliff.]
• Patrick: [sighs] Sorry, cake. That won't happen again. [sees cliff] What a doozy. I gotta be more careful when I'm-- [falls off cliff and screams]
• Patrick: Oh. Cake? Cake!
• Patrick: Aw, cake, you're alright! Oh, I'm gonna call you Cakey. [hugs cake] Don't you ever scare me like that again, Cakey.
• Cakey: I'm sorry.
• Patrick: [gasps] Cakey, you can talk?
• Cakey: Of course, I have many layers.
• [A rimshot plays. Patrick and Cakey laugh. Patrick suddenly pauses.]
• Patrick: I don't get it. [stomach rumbles] My tummy's hungry. I'm gonna eat you! [almost puts Cakey in mouth]
• Cakey: Ooh, ooh, you can't eat me yet.
• Patrick: I can't?
• Cakey: I'm a dessert. You have to eat lunch first.
• Patrick: Well, where am I gonna get lunch out here?
• Cakey: How's about that vending machine? [points]
• Patrick: Huh? [runs up to vending machine] Twigs, grass, seashells, bag of-- ooh, bag of dirt! [pats himself down]
• [Cakey spits out a leaf. Patrick puts it in the machine, gets a bag of dirt, and pours it on his tongue.]
• Sandy: [off-screen] I heard something over there!
• Cakey: Oh, no, the campers are getting close. They want me all to themselves. We'd better bounce!
• Sandy: [calling] Patrick, where are you?
• Bubble Bass: If you're dead, you won't be needing that cake!
• SpongeBob: [off-screen] Hey, guys, I found Patrick's trail!
• [SpongeBob finds a rock with white frosting on it and touches it. Bubble Bass tastes his finger.]
• Bubble Bass: Hm. That cake is five, maybe ten minutes ahead of us.
• SpongeBob: Cake? Don't you mean Patrick?
• Bubble Bass: You have your priorities. I have mine.
• Kevin: We'll never find him in this wilderness!
• Bubble Bass: If you want to find Patrick, you have to think like a Patrick.
• Sandy: Uh, does Patrick even think?
• Bubble Bass: Precisely. Follow my lead. [acts stupid] Doy! Duh, ugh, dee, doy.
• Kevin: [imitates Bubble bass's walk] Duh, duh, duh.
• SpongeBob and Sandy: [shrugs, then does a silly walk] Doy, duh, doy, duh, duh!
• [Elsewhere in the forest, Patrick is walking the same way.]
• Patrick: Uh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
• [Patrick walks off a cliff and hangs in mid-air.]
• Patrick: Oh, I need to get my bearings. [looks up] The sun is up there, [looks down] and the river is down there. I know where I am! I'm in-between!
• SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick!
• Patrick: Oh, huh?
• Sandy, Kevin, and Bubble Bass: Cake!
• Patrick: Huh?
• Cakey: It's them! I suggest we observe gravity and fall!
• [Patrick falls. Everyone else leans over the cliff.]
• Bubble Bass: [gasps and reaches out] No!
• Patrick: What do we do now? They're not gonna stop until they get a taste of you, my delicious friend.
• Cakey: Then we must take the offensive.
• Patrick: Great! Squidward always says I'm offensive. [farts]
• [At night, SpongeBob, Bubble Bass, Sandy, and Kevin are around a campfire in the woods.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, I'm worried about Patrick.
• Bubble Bass: I'm worried about the cake.
• SpongeBob: What if something happened!?
• Kevin: Yeah, like the frosting gets a cut.
• Sandy: And the jelly filling bleeds out!
• [Rustling sounds are heard in the woods. The campers are scared.]
• Kevin: What was that!?
• [Patrick repeatedly appears in different places as the campers nervously look around. They do not see him. Frosting drips on SpongeBob.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, guys...
• Bubble Bass: [eats it] Uh, ah. Frosting.
• [Patrick yells and comes down tied to a vine, but goes through the campfire instead.]
• Patrick: I've come here to kick butt and save cake!
• [He lands and sees his butt on fire. It extinguishes and shows a bone sticking out.]
• Patrick: And I'm all out of butt.
• Bubble Bass: Just give us the cake, you pink plonker!
• Patrick: You cake crooks will never leave here! I've rigged booby traps all around you! [laughs]
• [Patrick falls on a log that catapults other logs onto his head. He gets launched into a vine snare, wraps around a piece of coral, and slams into a tree. He gets flattened between logs, inflates himself with his thumb, and goes through a narrow log.]
• Patrick: Sorry! Pardon me!
• [Patrick gets pulled through a sea bunny's tree. He comes out through the top. The vine pulls him around and into an urchin nest. He spits some out. He crashes into a sea bunny about to eat a carrot, then crashes into a tree and lands. He dusts himself off, but notices that he is standing on a hole and falls. He sees a vine and pulls it, only to cause a rockslide. He is crushed by the rocks.]
• Sandy: Hey.
• Patrick: [weakly] Ready to give up?
• Sandy: Yeah. [chuckles] I think we've had enough.
• SpongeBob: You okay, buddy?
• Kevin: [jumps down from a tree with the cake] I found it! I found the cake!
• Sandy: Let's eat!
• Bubble Bass: Yes! To the victors go the spoils!
• [They run over SpongeBob. The cake is covered in dirt and pinecones.]
• Bubble Bass: [disgusted] Spoils is right. On second thought... [vomits]
• Kevin: Maybe we shouldn't...
• Sandy: Uh, fill up on sweets.
• [SpongeBob helps Patrick out of the hole with a vine.]
• Patrick: Oh, Cakey! Cakey! [takes Cakey] Oh, Cakey, did they hurt you? [shouts to them] Cannibals!
• Sandy: Yeah. I guess we lost our heads.
• Bubble Bass: And our appetites. [retches]
• [Kevin, Sandy, and Bubble Bass go back to camp. SpongeBob calls out to Patrick.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, buddy, well, aren't you and Cakey coming back to camp with us?
• Patrick: [looks at Cakey] Um, okay.
• Cakey: Uh, hang on, Patrick. I believe we were both being selfish. I know you were happy to keep me all to yourself, and I did love being with you, but...
• [Cakey continues talking. The camera zooms out. A girl camper leans to SpongeBob.]
• Girl camper: What's he doing with that cake?
• SpongeBob: [shrugs, unsure noise]
• Cakey: But I was born to be eaten and enjoyed by many, so I'd like you to do something good. I want you to share me with everyone.
• Patrick: [choking up] What? ...Oh.
• Cakey: We'll always have Kamp Koral.
• Patrick: [hugs Cakey] We'll always have Kamp Koral. [suddenly] Hey, guys, want some cake!?
• Kevin: Uh, no, no, no, that's okay.
• [Patrick shoves the cake in Kevin's mouth.]
• Patrick: Enjoy!
• Kevin: Blecch!
• [Patrick shoves the cake in Bubble Bass's mouth.]
• Bubble Bass: [retches] So dirty, but so sweet.
• [Patrick runs through the camp, throwing bits of cake at various campers.]
• Patrick: I'm sharing! I'm doing something good! I'm doing something good!
• [Harvey runs away from Patrick and trips. Patrick leans over him, smiling ominously.]
• Patrick: I'm being unselfish.
• [He shoves the cake in Harvey's mouth and hits him with it. The mailman returns.]
• Mailman: Hey, kid, oh, boy, am I glad I caught you. And you still have that cake!
• Patrick: I'm sharing. Want some, mister?
• Mailman: [collects cake] No, that cake wasn't for you. It's for the president. [takes out another box] Here you go. This one's for you.
• Patrick: Ooh!
• [Patrick opens the box. It contains a talking blueberry pie.]
• Pie: Well, are you gonna eat me or what?
• Patrick: [takes out pie] You've got some attitude, Mrs. Pie.
• Pie: Of course, I'm crusty! [laughs]
• Patrick: [laughs] I don't get it.