Patty Poo/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Patty Poo/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with Patrick fighting something while sweat runs down his face.]
Patrick: [wiping sweat off] You think you're pretty smart, don't you? [as another version of himself] Yeah, smart and pretty. [he grows fluttering eyelashes] Take this! [as himself] Ew, no! I don't want it. You take it. [draws an "O" on a large tic-tac-toe board on a roll of paper] Hey, ha! Oh, I never lose a tic-tac-solo. [moves to the other side of the paper as he draws on it] Me neither! [moves to the other side of the paper and draws a star on it] Oh, yeah?
Squidina: Patrick, you're gonna have to do something more exciting. Our ratings are in the toilet.
Tinkle: [throws up a piece of paper with a decreasing bar graph]
Squidina: [as she gestures to the two snoring Lawnies and Slappy] We're down to two Lawnies and Slappy.
[One of the Lawnies falls over.]
Patrick: [crosses arms] Oh, fine. [scratches his forehead with a pencil] But what's more exciting than a tic-tac-toe jam? [the tip of his pencil breaks off] Oh, my pencil! [hits his forehead with the pencil two more times] Oh, gotta sharpen it again. [brings out a giant trapdoor handle and pulls it, sending him away, then yells as he dives into it] Whoa! [looks around in the dungeon room] Need something sharp.
Squidina: [holding a pencil sharpener from above a hole in the ceiling] Uh, we have a pencil sharpener.
Patrick: This isn't something meaningless like a test. [holds up the broken pencil] This is live TV. [chops the pencil with an ax, which he tosses away] Not sharp enough.
Squidina: Careful. You could hurt yourself.
Patrick: [uses a swinging ax to sharpen the pencil] Mm. [the ax comes back to hit the pencil again] still not sharp enough! [places himself holding the pencil on a tilted wooden plank with a saw blade]
Squidina: [covering her eyes, holding out the camera] Ah! I can't watch!
[Patrick holds the pencil to a guillotine as he holds the rope with his other hand. Off-screen, the guillotine is dropped.]
Squidina: [whimpers]
Patrick: [falls to the stage floor, gets hit with a plank, and looks around] Ahh! [holds up the sharpened pencil] Now, it's perfectly sharp! [his arm falls off]
Lawnies: [scream]
Patrick: Relax. I'm a sea star. My limbs grow back. [grunts as he grows a tree branch with a nest of chirping birds for an arm]
[The branch falls off, and the birds fly away. Patrick's arm then actually grows back.]
Patrick: [waves arm] See? [chuckles]
Squidina: [looking down, gasps while pointing down] Look! [Patrick's old arm gets up] Your old arm is coming back to life!
Lawnies: [scream]
Slappy: Oh, actually, I kind of like this bit.
[Patrick's old arm grows limbs, and stands up as it now has eyes, a hair on its head, and a bowtie.]
Patty Poo: [waving] Hello.
Lawnies: Aww.
Patty Poo: [laughs as he prances on the stage, then sneezes and falls over] Whopsie-doodle.
Squidina: [approaches along with Patrick] Aw, so cute.
Patrick: [picks up Patty Poo] Wow! Something this cute came off of me? [tickles Patty Poo, making him laugh] Aww, I'm gonna name you Patty Poo. Well, time to go back where you came from. [is about to eat Patty Poo but is stopped by Squidina]
Squidina: Don't eat him! The audience loves him.
Lawnies: Aw!
Patrick: [with Patty Poo in his mouth] Aww, I love him, too. [munching]
Squidina: [grabs Patty Poo out of Patrick's mouth] Hold on. Grab the camera. I've got an idea to save the show.
[The screen turns to static as Patty Poo's version of the theme song is played.]
Patty Poo: [waves] Hi! I'm Patty Poo. And I'm alive because my dad's arm fell off. [wiggles arm, giggles, then falls to the ground] Whoopsie-doodle! [the door shuts on him]
Audience: Aww.
[in the living room, Patrick is sitting on the phone chair fishing in the fishbowl.]
Patty Poo: [with hat and cane] This is my dad.
Patrick: [screams as he reels in Tinkle, who barks at him]
Tinkle: [pants, licks Patrick's face]
Patty Poo: [as Cecil pops out of Tinkle] And this is my dad's dad. [runs into the other room]
Cecil: [flushes Tinkle so he goes down him]
Patty Poo: [comes out of the drawer, where Bunny is waiting for her toast] This is my dad's mom. [a burnt toothbrush and plunger come out of the toaster]
Bunny: [stretching Patty Poo's face] Coochie-coochie-coo!
Patty Poo: [laughing as he runs down the hallway, hitting glass in front of the camera, then turns it around to face Squidina] Whee-hee! This is my dad's sister! [falls on Squidina, falls to the floor, and Squidina picks him up, sneezes on her]
Squidina: [chuckles as hearts made from ink appear] Aww.
GrandPat: [as he rides his scooter in his room] Whee-hee! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Patty Poo: I haven't met him yet, but he looks fun! [gets run over by GrandPat's scooter, then enters Patrick's room] This is my dad's room. [trips on a loose plank and trips to the ground] Ooh! Ooh! [shrugs] Whoopsie-doodle. [laughs] And this is my show!
Audience: [laughs]
Patty Poo: [camera turns around to face him and a "THE PATTY-POO SHOW!" neon sign above him] And this is my show!
Lawnies: [cheering and applauding]
Patty Poo: [curtains open to him licking a lollipop, sneezes] Ah-ah-choo! [his lollipop launches in the air and lands on his head] Whoopsie-doodle.
Growing crowd: [looking at Patty Poo] Aww. [one of them bangs on the glass]
Patty Poo: [singing on a cardboard crescent cut-out] ♪ The itsy bitsy sea star-- ♪ [falls down, seeing stars] Whoop! Oh, oh. Whoopsie-doodle.
Lawnies: [laughing]
Lawnie: Yeah!
Tom: [looking back while driving] Aw, that little guy.
Lady: [her car drives into Tom's, groans as their air bags inflate and two firefighters spray water on an ignited fire] So cute.
Firefighter #1: [looks away and gasps] Is that Patty Poo?
Firefighter #2: [looks away] From TV? [both run to seats in the Patrick Show audience]
Tom and woman: [get into seats as an explosion happens nearby]
Patty Poo: [in a cutesy outfit as he yodels while dancing backwards, then hits a windmill cardboard cutout that falls on him]
Lawnies: Whoopsie-doodle! [laugh]
Don: [points while yelling] That was so cute! [rips open his shirt by flexing, screaming and revealing his Patty Poo tattoo]
Upturn: I am-- Regigilled, what's the opposite of the word "offended"?
Regigilled: Enchanted, m'lady.
Upturn: Oh, I've never felt enchanted. [cries as she uses Regigilled's tie to wipe her tears] Oh!
Regigilled: Very good, Madam.
Slappy: [using a marker to draw eyes on his hand] I must have one of my own. [tosses the marker away] Live, Slappy Poo. [rips his arm off]
Lawnies: [cheering and applauding]
Squidina: [closes the curtain as Patty Poo falls off the stage] Wowee! [looks at a rising bar graph on the wall, which hits her face] Our ratings are off the charts! [grabs the bar graph line]
Patrick: [with Patty Poo dizzy in a high chair, patting his head] Giving the show to Patty Poo was a great idea, sis.
Patty Poo: [falls over, exposing his butt]
Patrick and Squidina: [point to Patty Poo's butt] Whoopsie-doodle. [laughs as Squidina puts Patty Poo in the chair] Aww.
Patty Poo: [sighs] Um, Dad? Sometimes, I wonder if there's more to life than just whoopsie-doodles.
Patrick: Well, sure there is. [spins the high chair] There's those cute little sneezes of yours, too.
Patty Poo: [sneezes snot onto Patrick's face]
Patrick: [uses a window cleaner to wipe the snot, then carries Patty Poo] Time for bed.
[Patty Poo's bed moves across the screen as the scene changes to Patrick putting Patty Poo on the bed.]
Patrick: Nighty-night.
Patrick, Squidina, Bunny, and Cecil: We love you, Patty Poo! [kiss Patty Poo] Mwah!
Patty Poo: [falls out of the upside-down bed] Ooh!
Patrick, Squidina, Bunny, and Cecil: Whoopsie-doodle! [laugh, then fall down to the bottom floor as the top floor collapses]
[The Patty Poo Show's neon signs moves across the screen as the scene changes to the Star house at night, where a large crowd of Lawnies is chanting. A rooster crows as the time turns to day.]
Lawnies: Patty Poo! Patty Poo! Patty Poo!
Sun: [holding a Patty Poo lollipop and plush] Patty Poo! Patty Poo!
Patrick: [carrying Patty Poo] Good morning, Patty Poo. [spins and sets Patty Poo down on the seat] Are you ready for another day of being the cutest?
Patty Poo: Um, [shrugs] I guess so. [falls over, his butt exposed] Whoa!
Patrick: Whoopsie-doodle! Aw! [puts Patty Poo back on the seat as he puts makeup on him] Now, hold still. All done.
Squidina: [off-screen] One minute to showtime!
Patrick: [to Patty Poo as he tosses away the makeup] You wait right here. I'll go introduce you. [kisses Patty Poo and runs off] Mwah.
Patty Poo: OK. [his feet suddenly grow exponentially, then his face] Whoopsie-- doodle?
Lawnies: Patty Poo! Patty Poo!
Slappy: [to Slappy Poo] Why can't you be more like Patty Poo? You don't even have a cute catchphrase.
Slappy Poo: Kill me.
Slappy: That's a good start.
Patrick: [onstage] And now, the teeniest, the tiniest, the cutest little fella you've ever seen, Patty Poo!
Lawnies: Patty Poo! Patty-- [the curtains open to reveal Patty Poo is now massive] Poo?
Squidina: It looks like Patty Poo had a bit of a growth spurt.
Granny Tentacles: [off-screen] Ya think?
Patrick: Aw, that just means there's [hugs Patty Poo] more of him to love! [holds up a top hat and a lollipop] Here's your top hat and your pop lolly. [gives the items to Patty Poo] Perfect.
Patty Poo: [dancing and stomping, crushing Patrick and Squidina]
Patrick: Whoopsie--
Squidina: --doodle.
Patty Poo: [sucks the lollipop and gets it stuck inside his mouth, then screams and coughs with a deep voice]
Patrick: [hits Patty Poo on the back to make him spit out the lollipop]
Squidina: Huh? [gets knocked over with the lollipop] Ugh!
Patrick: [kicks away the stepladder to fall down]
Patty Poo: Uh, whoopsie-doodle?
Upturn: I am disenchanted.
[Regigilled carries Upturn and leaves along with the rest of the Lawnies except for three people and Slappy.]
Slappy: [to Slappy Poo] I hope you're taking notes. [Slappy Poo's head falls off]
[The cardboard windmill moves across the screen as the scene transitions to Patty Poo onstage in a yodeling outfit again.]
Patty Poo: [yodeling as he moves his feet, breaking things and stomping, then the stage light falls into his mouth and the stage lights on fire]
Lawnies: [the stage light blinds their eyes, making them all except Fred yell and cover their eyes] My eyes!
Fred: My leg! Oh, wait, no. [his eyes catch fire] My eyes!
[Cut to Patty Poo swinging on the cardboard crescent moon.]
Patty Poo: [singing] ♪ The itsy-bitsy sea star-- ♪ [the strings break off, making him bounce and fall down and crush the Lawnies] Ooh!
Lawnies: [scream, then groan as Patty Poo gets up]
Patty Poo: Oh. Oh, no. [picks up Slappy] The Lawnies.
Slappy: [slaps Patty Poo with Slappy Poo, then gets down in the shape of an accordion] Whoopsie-doodle? More like whoopsie-brutal. [walks away, making accordion sounds]
Lawnies: [leave along with Slappy]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Later that same whoopsie-doodle day.
[Patty Poo sits sadly as the Star family approaches.]
Squidina: [pulls out a clipboard reading "RATINGS: 0" and sighs] Well, that was a nice show we had once. [tosses away the clipboard]
Patrick: Ah, we'll just have to think of a cuter idea.
[Patty Poo suddenly grows to the size of the stage room.]
Patrick: [gasps] Great idea, Patty-Poo! Another growth spurt!
GrandPat: Sweet Neptune! Whatcha been feedin' him?
Patrick: [strokes Patty Poo] Lots of love-- [holds out a large juice box] and this super-grow plant fertilizer juice box. [giggles and tosses away the juice box]
Patty Poo: Actually, Daddy, I think I've gotten too big for the stage. My whole life has felt like one big whoopsie-doodle. [clenches fists] But maybe I can make the world a better place. I want to help people for real, Daddy.
Patrick: [his eyes welling up] Patty Poo, you've grown into such a big boy.
Patty Poo: [eyes welling up] You mean?
Patrick: Go change the world, my son!
Patty Poo: [as the Star family hugs him] Oh, thank you, Daddy! I will! [his feet break out of the giant stage TV, making the Star family fall down]
Star family: Whoa!
Patty Poo: [walking towards the camera] Here I come, world! [walking to the sunset, his butt exposed]
Patrick: I'm really gonna miss that boy.
Squidina: [waving a tissue] I'm really gonna miss our studio.
Narrator: [as the screen turns sepia] And that's how Patty Poo took his show on the road.
[On a colorful landscape, Patty Poo is seen walking.]
Singer: ♪ Oh, the name is Patty with a Poo at the end. He's a pretty big guy and a bigger friend. [Patty Poo steps on the head of a seahorse; a sea bear chases a man off of a cliff and onto a branch] If you're ever in trouble, I'll tell you what to do. Just holler at the hills. ♪
Man: [yelling] Help me, Patty Poo!
Singer: [as Patty Poo dances] ♪ Patty, Patty Poo. Patty Poo Poo Poo, ooh. ♪
Patty Poo: [lunges away]
Singers: [as Patty Poo arrives at the scene] ♪ Patty Poo Patty Poo. [Patty Poo flicks the sea bear away] Patty Patty Poo. ♪ [the man shakes hands with Patty Poo] ♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo. Patty Poo Poo Poo. ♪
[Patty Poo approaches a worm stuck in a tree.]
Singer: ♪ Spends his time fixing whoopsie-doodles. [Patty Poo moves the worm back down to a man as a crowd cheers] Worm up a tree like a stuck wet noodle. ♪
Man: This isn't my worm. [yells as the worm attacks him]
[Patty Poo walks near an old lady at a crosswalk.]
Singers: [Patty Poo crosses the street, crushing multiple boats] ♪ If something needs doing, he'll get it done. [Patty Poo carries the old lady to the other side of the street; kids play on Patty Poo, all laughing] And the kids just love him 'cause he's so much fun. [they all fall off a cliff and splash into the water below] Patty Patty Poo. Patty Poo Poo Poo, ooh. ♪ [the kids flail before Patty Poo floats in the water to save them] Patty Poo Patty Poo. [Patty Poo walks ahead as a parade of fans follow him] Patty Patty Poo. Patty Poo Poo Poo.
Old Man Jenkins: [at his farm] He watered our crops so they're nice and big.
[Patty Poo sweats on the crops, making the corn grow.]
Old Man Jenkins: Lendin' a hand is his favorite gig. Thanks, Patty Poo! [shakes hands with Patty Poo]
Singer: [a stalk grows up to Patty Poo's face and tickles his nose, making him sneeze and be launched into Old Man Jenkins' barn] ♪ He helped us all and he'll help you, too. Patty Patty Poo. Patty Poo Poo Poo. ♪
Patty Poo: Whoopsie-doodle!
[Old Man Jenkins is covered in snot.]
Singers: [as Patty Poo dances] ♪ Patty Patty Poo Poo Poo, ooh. ♪
Patty Poo: [poses and winks]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Meanwhile, back on The Patrick Show...
Lawnies: [angry] Patty Poo! Patty Poo!
Patrick: People, he's gone! It's The Patrick Show. [crosses his arms] I'm not cutting off another limb.
Lawnies: We want Patty Poo! [hold up weapons]
Patrick: Huh? [screams and runs away from the Lawnies]
Lawnies: Patty Poo! Patty Poo! [chase Patrick the opposite way] Patty Poo!
Patrick: [screams as the curtain closes and weapons clang]
[Patrick's five limbs are seen being turned into mini versions of himself, dancing around Patrick's head.]
Patrick: [laughs] Whoopsie-doodle! [the camera irises out on his butt]