Perfect Chemistry/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Perfect Chemistry" from season 7, which aired on February 26, 2011.

[The camera zooms in on Sandy's treedome. There is a silhouette of Sandy in the tree.]
Sandy: [puts down her blowtorch and her mask] Almost done... Could you hand me that wrench, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Nuh uh uh! Lab partner.
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: You called me SpongeBob. I thought we agreed to address each other by our proper titles.
Sandy: SpongeBob! [screams at him with bloodshot eyes]
SpongeBob: Uh ta ta ta! Lab partner.
[Sandy has enough of it and takes the wrench herself in front of SpongeBob. SpongeBob looks sad.]
Sandy: There! It's finished! Now I can hide my nuts back in Texas without leavin' my lab!
[She picks up a pile of nuts and puts them in her machine and pulls a lever. The machine rumbles, and a lightbulb blinks. The camera then shows Sandy and SpongeBob watching.]
Sandy: [A big blast occurs. The nuts were not in the machine.] It worked! Hooray! [hugs SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: [hugs Sandy back] We did it!
[Then the machine rumbles again, and the nuts appear right next to the machine]
Sandy: Aw, nuts!
[The camera zooms on the Chum Bucket, and a shot of Plankton's lab appears. Plankton is seen working on a machine with cloth over it. He puts down his blowtorch and mask.]
Plankton: Finally! The day has come!
Karen: You mean Thursday?
Plankton: No! It's the day I steal the Krabby Patty secret formula from Krabs!
Karen: And why, pretell, is today different from the other days you failed to steal it?
Plankton: [growls] Because today I have completed my greatest invention. Behold! [he said as he took the cloth off his machine]
Karen: What exactly am I beholding? A vegetable steamer?
Plankton: This is no ordinary vegetable steamer, Karen, my computer wife. It's my latest invention! And isn't she a beauty. Meow. [hugs the steamer]
Karen: Oh, brother. [rolls her eyes]
Plankton: Sweetie, you're going to help me achieve my defined purpose, aren't you, yes? And steal the Krabby Patty recipe! Muhahahahaha! [A ding goes off] It's ready! [comes back wearing a pink bath towel and opens a small door in his steamer. Steam goes everywhere.] Oh, boy. [sits down] Whew! Man, is it hot in here?
Broccoli: [A broccoli comes on camera, wearing the same robe] Tell me about it.
Plankton: [pulls a switch, and he comes out the steamer in a gaseous form] It worked! In this new gaseous form, I will be able to silently squeeze through the cracks of the Krusty Krab. [evil laugh]
[He bursts out the Chum Bucket, still laughing, and squeezes into the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is seen, mumbling "Money, money, money, money!". Plankton goes in Krabs' office.]
Plankton: Hehehehe!
Mr. Krabs: Now, how much is that- Mr. Krabs gets cut off by Plankton going through his eyes. [sniffs the air] Eugh!
Plankton: Finally, the moment has come! [Mr. Krabs gets out a fan and blows Plankton away] No, no, no no no! [gets blown out of the Krusty Krab towards Sandy's treedome, and into Sandy's face.]
Sandy: [holds her nose] Eugh. [picks up her blowtorch and uses it all around]
Plankton: Hey! Cut it out!
SpongeBob: Plankton? is that you?
Plankton: Of course it's me, you moron.
Sandy: You were able to convert yourself into gaseous form? Fascinatin'!
Plankton: Huh? Wait!
[Sandy puts him in a jar and puts him in the freezer. Sandy waits, and then takes it out. She shakes Plankton out, and he turns to normal.]
Sandy: I guess I never realized you were such a student of science. Maybe you could help me fix my nut transporter.
Plankton: Eh? Did you say transporter? [cuts to Plankton looking at the transporter] Interesting. [climbs in the transporter] Hey! Maybe if I combine this device with my own invention, the Krabby Patty formula will be mine! I mean, I think I have the right parts in my lab, maybe?
Sandy: We're in business! [cuts to Sandy and Plankton are walking into his lab] Say! This is a dandy lab!
Plankton: Is that good?
Sandy: Hahahaha! Does a pig play poker?
Plankton: I guess...
[Sandy looks through test tubes]
Sandy: I should have visited you before. What, with you and me being the only two scientists in town.
Plankton: Haha, yes.
[SpongeBob comes in, carrying the transporter]
Sandy: Yes, sir. Your lab is amazing.
Plankton: Do you really like it?
Sandy: And how! [SpongeBob falls on the floor by the weight of the teleporter]
SpongeBob: Here's your teleporter, lab partner.
Sandy: [picks it up] Thanks, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Can you please call me lab partner?
Sandy: So where do I hook up my teleporter?
Plankton: Oh, just plug it into that doohickey over there. [points to the steamer]
Karen: Just who are you calling a doohickey?
Sandy: Wowee! Is that a real Mark III Surplus W.I.F.E.omatic? She is beautiful.
Karen: Oh, why, thank you.
Plankton: No, not that doohickey. This doohickey! Just plug your teleporter into my device, and with our combined power we shall conquer the world! [breathes heavily]
Sandy: Uh-huh. Or I can combine your gasifier with my invention and transform my nuts into a gaseous cloud that transports them back to Texas!
Plankton: Heh. Yes, that's what I meant.
[Sandy plugs her machine into the gasifyer and the transporter gleamed light from it]
Sandy: YES! It's working at last, new lab partner! [Plankton hops up to hi-five Sandy]
SpongeBob: Oh, I guess you won't be needing me anymore. [The camera shows SpongeBob's heart breaking. Sandy sees SpongeBob leaving.]
Plankton: That's right. And don't let the door hit you on the way out!
Sandy: Hold on! You can't go, SpongeBob. We need you.
Plankton: What! He'll just get in the way!
SpongeBob: Need me? [sniffs] How could I help? I'm not even a [sniffs] scientist.
Sandy: Why, you'll have the most important job of all! You'll be our test monkey.
SpongeBob: [face lit up] Test monkey, [cuts to SpongeBob putting on a monkey suit and acting like one] Test monkey reporting for duty!
Plankton: A test monkey? [cries] I... I've never had a test monkey before! [cries again. Hops up on Sandy.] There is some mad scientist in you after all! Muhahahaha! [Sandy joins in laughing] Okay, we really have to work on your evil laugh. [cuts to Sandy putting a connector in one of SpongeBob's holes]
Sandy: Ready!
Plankton: Roger! [pulling a lever] Urgh! Just a sec. [has difficulty pulling it. As it goes down, SpongeBob's eyes disappear.]
SpongeBob: Hey! Who turned out the lights?
Sandy: Eugh! We only teleported his eyes!
Plankton: Oh, boy. Try again!
[cuts to Squidward, flipping patties at the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: Where is that idiot SpongeBob, leaving me stuck with all the cooking? This job stinks! [sniffs the air] Eugh. Literally. [looks at SpongeBob's eyeballs, which appeared right next to him; screams and rushes into Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs! [knocks off all of Mr. Krabs' money] You gotta come with me! There's something in the kitchen you gotta see! [cuts to the lab]
Sandy: Oh, well. [SpongeBob walks into a wall]
Plankton: Try again. [Sandy pulls the lever. SpongeBob's eyes disappear. Cuts to Squidward.]
Squidward: See for yourself! Huh? [Mr. Krabs sniffs the air]
Mr. Krabs: [sniffs the air] Eugh! I see. So it was you that befouled me office earlier, was it? [cuts to Sandy and Plankton adding 2 more tubes]
Sandy: Just a few more adjustments...
Plankton: Okay. Let her rip!
SpongeBob: Do you think this is a good look for me? Or is it too flashy?
Sandy: [pulls 2 levers] Stand clear!
SpongeBob: Clear of what? [cuts to Squidward mopping the bathroom]
Squidward: Something weird is going on around here. [SpongeBob's mouth appears]
SpongeBob's mouth: Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: [screams] Mr. Krabs! There's a strange sound coming from the restroom! [cuts to Sandy]
Sandy: Hm. Now only his mouth is missing.
Plankton: Shut it down. [Sandy pulls a lever, and SpongeBob's mouth disappears. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs going in.]
Mr. Krabs: Ugh! For crying out loud, Squidward, what the heck is wrong with you? [cuts to SpongeBob having many tubes on him]
Sandy: Test 3! [pulls two lever]s
[The scene cuts to Squidward walking with orders of six Krabby Patties, one cup of fries, and even cups of soda.]
Squidward: I cannot believe I have to deliver all this junk food myself. [steps on a Krabby Patty and falls] Waahh!
[The scene cuts to a wider shot of customers looking at Squidward laying on the floor, in the center of spilled soda and Krabby Patties. He gets himself up.]
Squidward: [with soda dripping off of him] What the- ["SpongeBob" taps his shoulder] Huh? ["SpongeBob" hands his tray stacks of soda cups and Krabby Patties on each other] Oh, thank you. [his eyes widen, then the camera pans to reveal SpongeBob's body without his head, which does an "a-okay" sign with his hand]
[The scene cuts to Mr. Krabs counting his money, until he hears Squidward screaming and clamoring. Indifferent, he turns up the volume of his radio. The scene then cuts back to the Chum Bucket.]
SpongeBob: Look, no hands! Or feet. [laughs]
Sandy: Well, we're getting closer. [she and Plankton put goggles filled with many, many tubes on SpongeBob] Goggles!
Plankton: Shall we activate it together?
Sandy: Why, sure enough! Three!
Plankton: Two!
Sandy: One!
Plankton: [jumps on the button] Fire! [Sandy presses it with her hand, squashing Plankton] Ow. [cuts to SpongeBob's whole body appears on Squidward's head]
SpongeBob: Ooh, I gotta go to the bathroom. [poofs away, then Mr. Krabs walks by]
Mr. Krabs: Oh. Neptune's trousers, Squidward! Maybe you should just lay off the broccoli for a while. [cuts to SpongeBob back in the lab]
Sandy: [picks up SpongeBob] It worked! We transported his whole body this time!
Plankton: Yes! My plan worked! And now I have no further use for you two goody goodies! [presses a button, trapping Sandy and SpongeBob] Using your technology, I shall teleport myself directly to the Krusty Krab and the Krabby Patty formula [singing in high voice] will be mine! [laughs evilly and he teleports himself]
SpongeBob: [in sorrow] Oh, no! Plankton has finally won! And we, we helped him.
Sandy: Not exactly... lab partner. [presses a button and the trap rose. she then presses another button and the Krabby Patty formula appears.]
SpongeBob: [picks it up] The Krabby Patty formula! But if that's here, where's Plankton? [cuts to Plankton]
Plankton: Fools! I played them like a 32-bit synthesizer! [evil laugh] Now where is that formula? [He looks around and his flashlight goes off] The formula is gone? [yells] No! [cuts to Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Did you hear something?
Squidward: [mopping] Don't hear a thing, but something stinks. [cut back to Sandy]
Sandy: Aw, I knew Plankton was hatching an evil plan the whole time. So I just adjusted the controls to put Plankton where he can't do any harm. Nobody fools a squirrel from Texas! [episode ends with Sandy laughing evilly]