Plankton's Old Chum/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Plankton's Old Chum" from season 12, which aired on November 30, 2019.

[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket in the evening.]
Karen and Plankton: Five, four, three, two, one!
[The chum in the barrel turns brown and explodes all over the laboratory.]
Plankton: [wipes rotten chum off his face] You know, it's remarkable how chum goes bad every week right on time.
Karen: Yeah, just like your underpants.
Plankton: What? They're good for another month. [his underwear pops off his body]
Karen: Now go and get rid of that chum before the Health Inspector gives us a fine. [begins to leave, but turns around.] And don't play with it!
Plankton: [pokes the rotten chum with a stick and laughs] But it makes a funny sound!
[The rotten chum bubbles over and eats the stick. It belches out a foul breath in Plankton's face, making him faint. Plankton takes the barrel of rotten chum out of the Chum Bucket and goes to dump it down the sewer.]
Plankton: Hm. [reads the sign] "No chum dumping. $1 billion fine." Eat chum, sign! [sprays rotten chum at the sign; the rotten chum changes the sign that reads, "Chum Dumping?....Alright fine! (See if I care!)] Ha-ha! [chuckles; tries to open the manhole, but it's stuck] Eugene H. Krabs! [lifts the manhole lid and overfills the sewer with rotten chum] I guess I've used this sewer hole one too many times. [tries to push the manhole lid, but it's too heavy; he paints the chum to make it look like the manhole lid] Those evil painting lessons I took really come in handy. [leaves with the barrel of rotten chum]
Business Man: And so I said to Andy that, uh— [sinks into Plankton's rotten chum] Yeah, Larry. I'm gonna have to call you back.
Plankton: [takes the barrel of chum to a wishing well] Oh, yeah, this old wishing well. I'll just dump some chum in here. [climbs up the well's wall and looks inside; he sees the well is full of rotten chum] Guess I've gone to this well once too often. [gasps] Wait, I know! [takes out a quarter] I wish this well was empty of chum. [tosses the quarter in the well, but sinks into the chum] Lousy rip off. [leaves with the barrel of rotten chum]
[Little did Plankton know, the wishing well magically makes the chum disappear and the business man climbs out.]
Business Man: [coughs out the quarter and calls on his phone] And I'm back.
[Plankton takes the rotten chum to a local snail park. He pushes the hose through the hole in the fence and into one of the holes in SpongeBob's back. Rotten chum sprays out through SpongeBob's holes and he flies all around in the air. SpongeBob finds this very ticklish and laughs in joy. Down on the ground, Gary and the other citizens in the snail park are getting covered in rotten chum. SpongeBob lands on the ground with rotten chum all over his body.]
SpongeBob: That was unbelievable! [sees the rotten chum] Wait a minute. What is this? Chum?
Plankton: No, of course not. It's...it's, uh, a gift!
SpongeBob: A gift? For who?
Plankton: [walks off with the barrel of rotten chum] For you. For everyone.
SpongeBob: Sure looks like chum. [follows SpongeBob]
[Gary comes out from behind the fence.]
Plankton: It's new chum. It's delicious. [eats some rotten chum and gags]
SpongeBob: New chum? Ooh, let me try.
Plankton: [slaps the rotten chum off of SpongeBob's fingers] No! Uh, you have to wait. For, uh, like a holiday.
SpongeBob: Holiday? What holiday?
Plankton: Um. Chum Day...?
SpongeBob: Chum Day. Tell me about Chum Day. What's it like? What do you do?
Plankton: I'll tell you all about it if you help me hide all these gifts.
SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Chum Day. A brand new holiday! [turns to Gary] Okay, Gary. You can go home.
Gary: Meow. [slithers off, gets into a boatmobile, and drives away off-screen]
Plankton: Was that his car?
SpongeBob: No.
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob carrying Plankton and dragging the barrel of rotten chum down the street.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, and does it snow chum on Chum Day? [giggles]
Plankton: Uh, sure.
SpongeBob: Do the kids make chum men? What about icicles? Do you call them [giggles] Chum-cicles?
Plankton: Yeah, whatever. [sees Mr. Krabs' house] Wait a minute. This is Krabs' house.
SpongeBob: Uh-huh. I thought we could hide his chum gifts inside by pumping them through the window. [goes up to the window] Oh, darn, the window's closed.
Plankton: Hey, what's that? [blasts the window while distracting SpongeBob] The window's open.
SpongeBob: Yay! [pushes the hose through the window and sprays rotten chum under the rug]
Mr. Krabs: [yawns] Who's there? Wha— [trips over the lump in the rug and groans; he then falls asleep]
SpongeBob: Aw. [pushes the rotten chum from under the rug to make it more comfortable] Shh. [takes the hose and exits Mr. Krabs' house through the window] I bet he has visions of sugar chums dancing in his head. [giggles]
Plankton: Let's keep moving.
[A montage of SpongeBob and Plankton hiding rotten chum in various places is shown. Bubble transition to SpongeBob hides some rotten chum in Patrick's rock. Then he hides it under the hat of a sleeping cowboy. Then he hides rotten chum in the chimney of a house. Then he hides rotten chum inside a child's teddy bear. Mrs. Puff is on her chair watching television and eating popcorn in the middle of the night. SpongeBob plugs her mouth with the hose and inflates her with rotten chum. Bubble transition to the Chum Bucket at the brink of dawn.]
SpongeBob: And we'll drink chum-nog and sing around the chum-chum tree and there'll be colorful chum lights all over town.
Plankton: Yes. That'd be good. Heh heh. [jumps off of SpongeBob and taps on the barrel] Sounds like there's only one scoop left.
SpongeBob: Ooh, that one's for you! Let me hide it. I want to hide it!
[Plankton groans and gives SpongeBob the last scoop of the rotten chum.]
SpongeBob: Okay now, go home so you don't see where I hide it.
Plankton: Oh, no, I wouldn't want to see that. [quietly as he takes the barrel back to the Chum Bucket] What a numbskull. [walks a few miles away from SpongeBob, then stops and looks back]
SpongeBob: [sing-songy] No peeking!
Plankton: [turns and resumes heading back to the Chum Bucket] Well, Plankton, you got rid of it all. And with no chum-uppance. [chuckles] Whoa. [pauses and looks around before resuming with his evil laughter]
[Bubble transition to a very tired SpongeBob trying to find a place for the rotten chum.]
SpongeBob: [yawns] What time is it? I guess I should hide Plankton's Chum Day gift before Chum Day's all over. [stops at a manhole] Ah-ha! I bet Plankton would never think to look in the sewer. [kicks the lid open and sees it filled with rotten chum] Oh. Chum. Oh, well. Maybe I can get a little more in there. [puts the chum in but doesn't go down; he pushes real hard to get it to go down then he closes the lid; he chuckles until suddenly, the ground shakes]
[Rotten chum erupts from the ground and comes back down as little chum flakes. One man comes out from his house and slips on the rotten chum.]
Man #1: [takes out a sign] Caution wet chum!
[A lady is driving in her boatmobile, but skids off the road due to the rotten chum.]
Lady #1: [crashes into sign and reads it] "Slippery wet chum?"
Baby: Mmm, nummy!
Baby's mother: [slaps the rotten chum off of her baby's hands] Don't eat chum off the sidewalk. Bah!
Various Bikini Bottomites: There's chum here! Ew! [chattering angrily] What's with all the chum? Call my lawyer!
Plankton: [comes out of the Chum Bucket and sees rotten chum snowing down] What has that yellow idiot done?! [becomes surrounded by an angry mob]
Man #1: Our homes have been ruined by you and your stinking chum!
Woman: Your chum ruined my hair!
Patrick: Your chum made me dumb!
Man #2: You were already dumb.
Patrick: Well, it didn't make me any smarter!
Kid #1: Get him!
Angry mob: Yeah! [grab Plankton and prepare to beat him up]
[Suddenly, SpongeBob, who is wearing a Santa hat, appears and is ice skating on the rotten chum.]
Choir: [sings in the tune of Carol of the Bells off-screen] ♪Chum, chum, chum, chum, chum-chum-chum-chum♪
[SpongeBob skids some of the rotten chum on Patrick and the angry mob.]
SpongeBob: We shouldn't be fighting. [picks up two scoops of rotten chum] It's Chum Day.
Man #1: Chum Day?
Baby's mother: What's Chum Day?
SpongeBob: [skates all over the place while singing in the tune of Deck the Halls] ♪ Deck the sea with lumps of new chum / Chuma chuma chum, chum, chum, chum, chum / 'Tis the season to be chum dumb / Chuma chuma chum, chum, chum, chum, chum / Don we now our chum apparel / Chuma chum chuma chum, chum, chum, chum / As we sing this stinky carol / Chuma chuma chum, chum, chum, chum, chum ♪
[Everyone looks at SpongeBob with blank and confused looks on their faces.]
SpongeBob: [takes some chum and makes it into a beard, making himself a chum version of Santa Claus] Chum! Chum! Chum! Hello, I'm Chumta Claus.
[Everyone is still looking at SpongeBob with blank and confused looks on their faces.]
Man #1: So anyway, back to the mob violence.
[Just as everyone proceed to beating Plankton to the bone, they stop and notice all the children having fun. Building chum men, making chum angels and throwing chum balls like how they do it when it snows in the winter. A kid on a sled slides up to the angry mob.]
Kid #2: Merry Chum Day, everyone.
Angry mob: [confused] Huh? [subside their anger and instead greets each other with thanks like how they do it on Christmas] Strong grip, huh? Yeah.
Mayor: I officially declare today Chum Day! [kicks the kid on the sled away by accident]
[Everyone cheers in excitement. Bubble transition to kids decorating a tree with rotten chum like how they decorate a Christmas tree. The purple kid wakes up and a lump of rotten chum comes out of his teddy bear.]
Kid #3: Whoa! Yay!
Man #3: [trying to catch chum flakes on his tongue like how everyone does it with snowflakes] Whoo! Heh. Tastes really bad.
Nancy Suzy Fish: But the holiday spirit is keeping us in denial.
Man #3: [holds up a lump of rotten chum with a toe in it] Gristle toe? [shares a kiss with Nancy Suzy Fish]
[Squidward wakes up from his bed and goes to the window. He gasps in wonder and sees chum flakes falling.]
Squidward: Huh? [sees Morty walking in the sidewalk] Ah. You! Boy! What day is today?
Morty: Today?
Squidward: Such an intelligent boy. A remarkable boy. Yes, today! What is today?
Morty: Why, it's Chum Day!
Squidward: Then I haven't missed it! [pauses] Wait a minute. Chum Day?! That's disgusting! [slams his window shut]
[Everyone is continuing their Chum Day festivities.]
Plankton: You all love Chum Day? [mutters in excitement] It was me! I invented Chum Day! Chum Day is copy-written by me! [gets bumped into the Health Inspector's shoes]
Health inspector: Uh, excuse me, are you responsible for all this chum?
Plankton: Yes, that's right. You're welcome.
Health inspector: Well, as the Health Inspector, [holds up his badge] I've got something for you. [gives Plankton a paper]
Plankton: Hm. [reads paper] $1 billion?! [whimpers and faints]
Health inspector: You know, there is a way out of paying the fine.
Plankton: I'll do it. What is it?
Health inspector: [holds up a spoon] You can eat up all the chum. [scoops up some rotten chum and feeds it to Plankton]
Plankton: [coughs] Isn't there anyone that knows the true meaning of Chum Day?
SpongeBob: I know.
Plankton: Huh?
SpongeBob: Lights, please. [the lights turn off and a spotlight shines on SpongeBob] And lo, there was chum. A food that turned from revolting to festive by magical thinking. And the goodwill of chum clogged the hearts of fish kind and ushered in a new—[gets hit numerous times by chum balls, much to his joyful laughter]
French narrator: Several days later...
[The scene changes to Bikini Bottom all clean and sparkly again. Plankton, who has become fat from eating all of the rotten chum, scoops up the last remaining of the chum and eats it, much to his discomfort, ending the episode.]

ru:Старый чам Планктона/Стенограмма