Putt Up or Shut Up/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Putt Up or Shut Up/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The title card appears on a television, then switches to footage from "The Bad Guy Club for Villains."]
Mermaid Man: Careful, Barnacle Boy. He's got nuclear touch!
Atomic Flounder: [lunges and roars]
[The campers are watching the show, on edge.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [in their superhero costumes, holding each other, gasp] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!
Barnacle Boy: [an arm grows out of his shoulder and knocks him over, as the TV changes to the golfing channel]
Man: [swings his club to hit the golf ball, to light applause]
All: [scream]
Squidward: Cartoon time is over.
Campers: [fall down mad, complaining]
Harvey: Hey, we were watching that!
Squidward: [walking to the TV with the remote] Were. The ball game is on. The golf game, that is. [sits down and scoots in front of the TV]
SpongeBob: Gosh, Mr. Tentacles. [shrugs] I never knew anyone who actually likes golf.
Squidward: Are you kidding? I was Peewee Golf Champ at the Driftwood Country Club. [holds up three tiny trophies on his hand] Three years in a row.
SpongeBob: [looks at tiny trophies with a magnifying glass] Ooh, that's pee-wee sized all right. [rimshot, laughs]
Squidward: Golf is way more exciting than your insipid superhero cartoons. [sees everyone ganging up on him] Huh?
Bubble Bass: Explain yourself.
Squidward: [yells, sweating] Well, um, in golf, you're the... eh, [thought cloud with a golf comic book appears] superhero.
Campers: Ooh.
Squidward: [voiceover as the comic's inside pages are shown; the superhero is in a golfing outfit looking at a golf ball] And the ball is your villain. [angry golf ball is shown, then the superhero hits it] And you get to strike your enemy with a club, [golf ball screams] and send it down the fairway in a screaming line drive. [the superhero is shown yelling "FORE!"] And you get to yell "fore!" at the top of your lungs the whole time.
Patrick: I love yelling "fore"! 'Specially at dinner time, [holds up SpongeBob by the arm] 'cause four helpings is better than three.
Campers: [laugh]
Squidward: All right then. [sits in front of the TV] Let's try to pipe down and let's watch the sport of kings.
Golfer: [hits the golf ball, to light applause]
Campers: [stand in silence, smiling]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] 13 seconds later...
Campers: [asleep, snoring]
Sandy: [wakes up, shaking her head] Ooh, hey, [points] that is the definition of boring. What golf needs is some riff-roar rodeo excitement!
Bubble Bass: Like using magic spells to thwart evil golf balls!
Harvey: And using executioners' axes as clubs!
SpongeBob: Let's do golf the Kamp Koral way!
Campers: Yay! [run off and leave]
Squidward: [groans and rolls eyes, continuing to watch TV]
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs digging up sand near the outhouse.]
Mr. Krabs: [digging up sand with a shovel, sighs] Time to move the outhouse. [groans] I hate diggin' a-- [gets hit with a golf ball] Ow! [picks up golf ball] Huh? [spots the campers building and playing a golf course]
Sandy: [repeatedly hitting golf balls with a club] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be. The campers are taking an interest in me old friend. [wipes away tear] Golf!
Squidward: [exits outhouse] Don't get too excited. They just made a lame version of a mini-golf course.
Mr. Krabs: [tosses shovel] Oh, they just need someone to show 'em what golf is all about. You know, back in me Navy days, [pulls apart his torso to reveal a tattoo of him holding a club and golf ball on a ship] I was Lord of the Links.
Squidward: [holds up tiny trophies] I was pee-wee golf champ three years in a row.
Mr. Krabs: [pointing] Oh, that's peewee-sized, all right.
Squidward: [gets in Mr. Krabs' face] I was baron of the birdie.
Mr. Krabs: [gets in Squidward's face] Well, I was earl of the eagle!
Squidward: [gets in Mr. Krabs' face] Well, I was duke of the double eagle!
Mr. Krabs: [gets in Squidward's face] Oh, I shot double eagles with me eyes closed. [closes then opens his eyes to reveal eagles in them]
Eagles: [caw]
Squidward: [gasps] You can't be that good.
Mr. Krabs: Care to find out with a little golf-off? [points at Squidward, then himself] Just you and me?
Squidward: [points] You're on!
Mr. Krabs: And just to make it interestin', [rubs claws together] how about a friendly wager?
Squidward: Okay. If I win, [pokes Mr. Krabs] you have to look after the Dinghy cabin for a week, so I can get some peace and quiet.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughing and swinging golf clubs as several golf balls fly by, walking over Squidward and Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [sigh]
Mr. Krabs: Okay. And if I win, [nudges Squidward] you have to dig the new outhouse hole.
[The outhouse tips over and sinks a bit in the sand.]
Camper: [approaches the outhouse with toilet paper on a stick] Aw, dang it. [walks away]
[Bubble transition to a sign that reads "HOLE 1." A camper hits it with a hammer. Mr. Krabs and Squidward approach the mini-golf course in golfing outfits.]
Squidward: Is this some kind of joke?
[The camera pans over the golf course to see campers working on it. Elwood is at the end of the hole, rapidly waving flags in his hands.]
Elwood: I'm a windmill!
Mr. Krabs: All righty, first hole. Time to start losin', Mr. Squidward. [yells] Kiddies!
Squidward: Ha! You think we have--? [SpongeBob and Patrick land on him]
SpongeBob: [salutes] Reporting for duty, sir.
Mr. Krabs: [holds out claw] My nine-iron, please.
SpongeBob: [salutes] Aye-aye, captain! [places an iron on Mr. Krabs' claw, which melts and falls through it]
Mr. Krabs: [screams, SpongeBob and Patrick move beside him] What the--? I can't play with that!
SpongeBob: Our course, our clubs.
Mr. Krabs: [growls, positions himself, and swings the iron at the golf ball, making it fly across the course; screams]
[The golf ball hits some books, a rubber ducky, some tennis rackets, and runs across the course to the end.]
Elwood: [screams]
Mr. Krabs: [nervous]
SpongeBob: [rapidly chewing fingernails]
Squidward: [rubbing tentacles together with an evil smile]
Elwood: [stops waving flags, waves at the ball] Okay. Bye-bye, bally.
[The golf ball enters the hole.]
Mr. Krabs: Ha-ha! Ace! [taunting] You might as well get the shovel and start digging the hole for the outhouse right now.
Squidward: [holds out his hand] Putter!
Patrick: [puts butter on Squidward's hand]
Squidward: Hm? What are you doing? I said "putter"!
Patrick: Oh! I thought you said "butter." [sucks on Squidward's arm]
Squidward: [takes his arm away] Is there no bottom to your grossness? [holds hand out again] Just hand me a club.
Patrick: [eats the butter and turns around like a statue, the club stuck in his backside]
Squidward: [groans]
Elwood: Now I'm an airplane! [imitating airplane noises while running in a circle]
Squidward: [aiming a pool cue in front of his golf ball] Golf ball in the corner pocket. [hits the ball with the cue]
[The ball hits a piece of toast from a toaster, a camper's head as he reads a book, goes inside a can stacked on boxes, which sends the ball into the hole.]
Elwood: [flies off into the sky, disappearing in a flash]
Squidward: Ha! [points at Mr. Krabs] In your face! Tie game.
SpongeBob: [marking score card] Mm-hmm.
[Bubble transition to hole 2, where Larry jump-ropes.]
Larry: [moves along the hole] For this hole, you have to ricochet your ball off the punching bag, go under Mo and Craig doing push-ups, then under Tall Tail doing squats, and finally past me and into the cup. Let's get it on!
SpongeBob: I recommend the [grabs umbrella from bag] three under par-osal. [opens umbrella, laughs]
Patrick: [holds candy cane] And I recommend the three under candy cane. [takes a bite out of the candy cane]
Squidward and Mr. Krabs: [hit their balls with the clubs]
[The balls hit the punching bag, go under Mo and Craig, and past Tall Tail. Squidward's ball lands under him, and Mr. Krabs' ball rolls near the hole.]
Squidward: [tries to swing at his ball, but gets stuck on Tall Tail's butt as he does squats, yelping]
Larry: [as Mr. Krabs tries to swing] Welcome to the [jump-ropes so rapidly it creates lots of wind] hurricane of hurt, bro.
Mr. Krabs: [screams as he is sent flying into the air]
SpongeBob: [grabbing onto a branch, screams as his body parts fall off]
Patrick: [holding onto seaweed, grabs SpongeBob's leg with his mouth]
Elwood: [in the air] Mayday! Mayday!
Mr. Krabs: [manages to land and hit his ball, which sends it flying into the sky] Whoo-hoo!
[The ball falls down and circles around the hole, then lands inside it.]
Squidward: [sighs, lands on his stomach]
[SpongeBob and Patrick land on the ground, followed by Mr. Krabs, who lands on Squidward.]
Mr. Krabs: Ooh.
[Bubble transition to hole 3, where Squidward and Mr. Krabs are in aiming their clubs in front of a castle. The nerds are on top of the castle in medieval costumes.]
Bubble Bass: Hulk! Mortals are forbidden from entering thy castle of doom. Now, begone by way of me spell of magic! Thou shalt not pass! [levitates, creating a dark storm around him, which is revealed to just be him tossing confetti from a bag] Pass.
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs hit their balls into the castle, and they, SpongeBob, and Patrick walk inside.]
SpongeBob: [laughing, spinning around]
Bubble Bass: [growls as he runs out of confetti]
Squidward: [holds his ax near his ball inside the cardboard castle] Now, watch and learn. [the ground shakes] Uh. Huh?
[Everyone looks as smoke rises to cover a figure of a dragon, which is revealed to be made of cardboard as the smoke clears.]
Bubble Bass: [coughs, wearing a cardboard dragon costume] Roar. Roar! Roar.
Squidward: No dumb cardboard dragon is gonna stop me-- [Bubble Bass breathes fire onto him, yells, then his ax disintegrates; runs away from Bubble Bass screaming]
Mr. Krabs: [holds out claw] Okay, club me. [SpongeBob hits him with a club, growls and takes the baseball bat from Patrick, hitting the golf ball]
[The golf ball ricochets off of Bubble Bass' dragon costume.]
Bubble Bass: [growls and roars]
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. [screams as he is set on fire, turning into a realistic crab]
Squidward: [gets given a new ax, swings at the ball, and hits himself, making him disoriented]
[The ball bounces off of the dragon again, making it burn Squidward and turn him into a realistic octopus.]
Squidward: [groans]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Many, many painful holes later.
[Transition to the Trawler cabin for hole 18, where Squidward and Mr. Krabs are exhausted.]
SpongeBob: It's all tied up, and this is the deciding hole.
Cabin: [glows and turns sentient] Beware of all who enter. I mean, [voice turns normal] welcome to the last hole. [uses its tongue to take everyone inside]
All: [scream]
Mr. Krabs: [turns on a light]
All: [scream as bats fly past]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, [raises fist]they took our clubs!
SpongeBob: [snaps fingers] A-ha! [pulls off one of his legs and holds it out to Mr. Krabs, who is frightened] Here, this'll give you a leg up on the competition. [laughs at Mr. Krabs takes his leg]
Mr. Krabs: [groans as his SpongeBob leg wiggles]
Patrick: [bites his tongue off and gives it to Squidward] You can lick the competition with that. [his tongue licks Squidward's face]
Squidward: [groans]
[Mr. Krabs and Squidward approach their balls with their clubs. They both try to swing, but lose balance, then successfully hit them along the hallway. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs run to the left, and Patrick and Squidward run to the right. Squidward's ball lands on Jimmy walking by. A woman is heard screaming as the camera zooms into the ball in his eye.]
Jimmy: [to Patrick and Squidward, pointing to his eye] You can play through.
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob run to their ball, which lands on a green spotlight.]
Mr. Krabs: [tries to swing] Now I gotcha!
[The light flickers and turns off. They then turn on again.]
Big Roxie: Boo.
Little Roxie: Boo! [both laugh]
Mr. Krabs: [grabs Roxie's cord] Quiet! I need me concentration. [hits the ball, which bounces off of Kidferatu's sleeping bag, waking him up]
Little Roxie: Oh, great! Kidferatu always gets cranky when he's woken from his nappy time.
Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob: [scream and run away as Kidferatu chases them]
Kidferatu: [hisses]
Roxie: [both waving] Bye, guys!
Squidward: [tries hitting his ball through Jimmy, failing each time] Hmm. [scratches his head]
Patrick: [points] Oh, hey! It's Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob.
Squidward: Huh?
Kidferatu: [hisses as he chases after SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: [screams] Run for your lives!
Squidward: [screams, his eyes coming out, runs away]
Patrick: [runs away]
Jimmy: Hey! [takes ball out of his eye socket] Don't you want your ball?
Mr. Krabs: [pushes Jimmy away as he and SpongeBob run off]
Kidferatu: [hisses and chases after them]
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: [scream while being chased]
Squidward: [screams and runs away from Kidferatu with Patrick]
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: [run away from room to room, screaming]
Kidferatu: [hisses]
Squidward: [runs away with from room to room with Patrick running behind, screams]
Kidferatu: [hisses, then quietly hisses as SpongeBob chases him]
Mr. Krabs: [runs away, whimpering]
Squidward: [screams as he and Mr. Krabs run away on the ceiling]
[Two Kidferatus each chase after half of them.]
Nobby: [gibbers as he runs from room to room]
[Kidferatu chases after SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs backwards, and Squidward and Kidferatu run by in opposite directions.]
Patrick: [yells as he stops in the hallway]
Squidward: [screams as Kidferatu chases him]
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: [scream and run away]
[Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs all run into Patrick.]
Kidferatu: [approaches everyone and hisses]
[A trapdoor falls underneath the four as they all scream.]
Kidferatu: [swings at the four and misses as they fall down]
All: [screaming in front of a swirl background, then fall to the ground with the golf balls back at Kamp Koral; whimper as they see Preda]
Preda: [hanging from a string near a web, waves] Hello, darlings. For your final shot, you must bounce your ball off my webbing, and into the mouth of [points to the sleeping kraken] yonder sleeping kraken!
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs hit their balls.]
Preda: [rises to dodge the balls hitting her web] Whoa!
[The balls bounce off her web and into the kraken's mouth.]
Kraken: [choking]
Squidward: Looks like we both won.
Kraken: [spits onto Mr. Krabs and Squidward, then their balls]
Mr. Krabs: Or we both lost.
Wise kraken: I'll tell ya, hittin' golf balls in my mouth, that really tees me off. [crushes Mr. Krabs and Squidward with his fist]
SpongeBob: [laughs while writing on the scoreboard]
Wise kraken: Hey, thanks, kid. I got a million of 'em. How many golfers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
SpongeBob: I don't know.
Wise kraken: Four! [laughs with SpongeBob and Patrick]
[Mr. Krabs and Squidward, squashed on the ground, look at each other as the scoreboard lands on the ground, with drawings of the four of them and jellyfish on the paper.]
Kraken: [off-screen] That's a keeper. [continues laughing with SpongeBob and Patrick]
[Bubble transition to the Dinghy cabin, where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy are heard laughing as Mr. Krabs and Squidward nervously walk backwards.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [hiding behind a treasure chest, hitting water balloons at Sandy hiding behind a barrel, which also hit Squidward]
Squidward: I'm off to dig the new outhouse hole. [walks down the porch steps as more water balloons are thrown] At least I'll get some peace and quiet.
Mr. Krabs: [runs after Squidward] Wait up, lad! I'll go with you!
Patrick: [walks outside with a golf club to a water balloon, calls out] Fore! [hits the balloon, which hits Mr. Krabs and knocks him and Squidward over, laughs] Hole in two! [laughs as the camera irises out on Mr. Krabs and Squidward]