Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie/transcript

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Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie

General information

Movie №:

1 (spin-off)
4 (overall)

Airdate:

August 2, 2024

Chronology

[After the Nickelodeon Movies logo plays, the words "NETFLIX PRESENTS" appear on a black background. It then changes to "A NICKELODEON PRODUCTION." It then fades to a shot of the morning sky. A wide open shot of Bikini Bottom is shown.]
Clam: [crowing]
[The logo of the movie is shown over a shot of Sandy's treedome. A drain in the treedome's entrance shoots out water, which fills the entrance. An alarm blares as a light turns from red to green, and the door opens to reveal Sandy.]
Sandy: [cheering] Yee-haw! Good [jumps] morning, Bikini Bottom!
Man: [off-screen] Go get 'em, Sandy!
Lady: Good morning, Sandy!
Man #2: Pipe down!
Man #3: I'm trying to sleep!
Man #4: Oh, she's exuberant, I can say that.
Sandy: [laughs, waves arm] You sleepyheads. The early squirrel gets the acorn. [puts her hand in her helmet to whistle] Here, Sparky, Sparky, Sparky!
Sparky: [gallops to Sandy, jumps and neighs, then pants]
Sandy: [laughs] Time for our daily roundup. We got a lot of data to collect.
Sparky: [neighs, a robot arm from inside his saddle hands Sandy a guitar, which she grabs]
Sandy: [laughs, mounts Sparky] Whoo-hoo!
Sparky: [neighs]
Sandy: [laughs]
[A compartment opens in Sparky's body.]
Sparky: [neighs, puts a cowgirl hat onto Sandy]
Sandy: ♪ Well, all my neighbors know my name is Sandy Cheeks. ♪
Sparky: [snorts]
Sandy: ♪ Born and raised in [pushes a red button on Sparky, which activates a hologram of a green Texas with a heart in the middle labeled "TEXAS"] Texas, y'all, it's plain to see. [SpongeBob rides by in a bike, and she picks him up to scan him] My speciality is marine biology. [the scanner stops] So I knew Bikini Bottom was a [presses a button on the scanner to show SpongeBob's data] place for me. [cut to her dancing along with other Bikini Bottomites] Hee-hee-hee-here's [camera zooms out] a place for me. [appears with her friends at the Krusty Krab, and they all dance around] Yoo-hoo! I'm like a fish out of water, [squeezes a droplet into a machine, which displays "100%", then "DELICIOUS!"] and it might seem strange, [everyone exits the Krusty Krab] but I if I ain't all that different from [Mr. Krabs, with dollar signs in his eyes, leaps out, leaving a dollar trail] ridin' the range. [juggling urchins] Researchin' all the urchins, [appears on Sparky again] making gadgets is my game. I saddle up 'cause [uses a wrench on Sparky] I love doing [appears at a laboratory] science every day. [the chemicals spread into the air to create colorful clouds that spell out "SCIENCE"; appears on Sparky dancing with her friends again] Hey, hey-hey, hey! She's busy doing science [Plankton laughs and gets crushed by Fred] every day! [with SpongeBob and Patrick] Yoo-hoo!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laugh]
Sandy: ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, [writes equations in the air with green chalk] I'm doin' science every day. [lady fish are seen dancing] Ooh-ooh-ooh, [appears again with Sparky and her friends] this squirrel is leadin' the way.
Mr. Krabs: [laughs]
Sandy: There ain't no denyin', I love doing science every day.
SpongeBob: [with a Goofy Goober guitar, moving side to side] Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip!
Sandy: ♪ Well, nothin' else [a machine, seen attached to Sparky, reads "BIKINI BOTTOM PERIMETER; 8'00"] matters when you're out here collecting data, and the [measures seaweed with a hologram measuring machine] seaweed is swayin' [the machine uploads data] your way. No, there ain't nothin' [looks at tube corals through a telescope, and the corals shoot out money] better than finding scientific treasure, [SpongeBob and Patrick bump their butts into Squidward] to keep this girl happy at the end of the day. [SpongeBob and Patrick dance, and Sandy leaves; the song turns somber as Sandy is seen on Sparky, this time alone] You can bet your Bikini Bottom dollar it's great, but sometimes I get lonesome for the Lone Star State, so when I leave this old poor reef and depart, [camera zooms out to reveal clams and jellyfish making shapes resembling Texas] flying to make I might've grown in all up to the top, for Texas, you have my [slides off of Sparky as fireworks go off] heart. ♪ [Sparky catches her guitar, and the hologram of Texas is displayed again]
[SpongeBob comes out of his house with a jellyfishing net and a toy jellyfish, spinning to Sandy.]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Sandy. Haven't seen you in a while. [laughs]
Sparky: [he and Sandy look at each other, snorts]
SpongeBob: In your absence, I've gained some mad skills. Observe. [flings the net] Throw it up, and-- [the toy jellyfish hits his face and knocks him down] Ow. Wait, heh, heh. Stand by for my learning curve. [pulls the toy off from his face, then frustratedly swings around the net with the toy jellyfish]
Sandy: Aw, chill long enough, and you can crack any nut.]
SpongeBob: [stops playing] Absolutely! Fast and steady wins the race. [spins in the air and fails to catch the toy] Fall eight times, get up seven. Ancient proverb. [spins the net in the air] No, no!
Sandy: Wait! [turns on a display on her helmet] What in tarnation? [looks up to see a claw coming down, gasps]
[The screen turns red as the claw gets closer. Sandy is seen running off as SpongeBob continues playing.]
SpongeBob: Practice, practice, practice, practice! [gets grabbed by Sandy]
Sandy: [panting as she continues pulling a playing SpongeBob, then hops onto Sparky]
Sparky: [neighs]
Sandy: Giddy up and [presses a button on Sparky] thrust to power! [Sparky's foot rockets activate]
SpongeBob: [laughing]
Sandy: Fire them rockets!
Sparky: [starts flying in the air]
SpongeBob: [continues laughing as they narrowly dodge a part of the claw]
Sparky: [jumps and neighs in slow motion as Sandy grabs onto him]
[They all fall down separately.]
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: [finally catches the toy jellyfish] Ooh!
[The claw starts closing in on Bikini Bottom.]
Sandy: Great Neptune!
SpongeBob: [showing off the net] I know, right? 947th time's the charm.
Sandy: [grabs SpongeBob] Look!
[The claw fully grabs onto Bikini Bottom and is lifted up.]
SpongeBob: [screams, sending Sandy backward; tongue lays out as his uvula speaks] What's happening?
Sparky: [neighs]
Bikini Bottomites: [screaming and running around]
Larry: [screaming]
Plankton: Yes! Doom! Terror!
Man: [screams, then Tom slaps him, who also screams]
Bikini Bottomites: [run screaming, then the stoplight changes to stop, and they all stop as another screaming crowd runs beside them; the sign changes to "PANIC" and the crowd continues running]
[A man with his snail falls down as giant crack is made in the road.]
Man #2: [exiting his house] Hey, what's going on out here? [screams as he falls down]
Man: Be careful!
Man #3: [opening his front door] Where's all the darn noise? [screams and falls down]
Man: I said careful! [falls down and screams]
[The claw closes in on them, and the lights on it turn from red to green as it begins rising.]
Sandy: [screams and runs toward the claw] No!
[The claw fully rises up, taking Bikini Bottom with it. Everyone in the Krusty Krab screams and runs around.]
Man: No! [squirts drinks in each of his nostrils, then continues running and screaming]
Two kids: [shoving food into their mouths, and one of them hits himself repeatedly with a tray, then they both scream and run]
Squidward: [in the register, humming while contently reading a book]
Mr. Krabs: [walking out of the Krusty Krab in a military uniform] Don't panic, anyone! [everyone is still panicking; gasping, then screams]
Fred: [climbs up the Krusty Krab pole, and rests at the top, where the clam clamps in on him] My leg!
Mr. Krabs: [gasps, then grabs someone] What is this? A volcano? [tosses him aside and grabs someone else] An invasion? [tosses him aside and grabs someone else] Does Patrick have gas again? [man lets go with his arms] Huh?
Man: [screams and runs off with Mr. Krabs' arms]
Mr. Krabs: [screams]
Patrick: [mumbling as he wanders around aimlessly with a mint chocolate ice cream cone, of which the ice cream balances on the cone; tries to catch it with his tongue, but keeps failing, then whimpers and facepalms; squishes the ice cream] Stop teasing me! [accidentally drops ice cream and yells] This is a disaster! [runs off]
Mrs. Puff: [yelling in her boat, which crashes into the Krusty Krab pole, making her inflate then scream again]
Fred: [clam opens up a little, then yells as it crushes him again] My other leg!
[SpongeBob and Sandy watch as the claw continues rising.]
Gary: [on top of the claw] Meow.
SpongeBob: [eyes filled with tears] G-Gary? [hugs himself]
[Sparky's other half gets on top of the claw and lets out a puff of smoke with a a frown.]
Sparky: [neighs in fear]
Patrick: [on top of the claw] Hey, buddy! You got the jellyfish in the net! [gives a thumbs-up] Congratulations! [his word echoes as the claw continues rising]
SpongeBob: [cries, gives a thumbs-up back] Thank you.
Sandy: What the hey? [holds up a pair of binoculars and looks at the claw] Magnify. [the binoculars zoom into a manufacturing label on the claw with text on it] "B.O.O.T.S., Marine Biology Lab, Galveston, TX." [gasps] B.O.O.T.S. Laboratory? That's the lab that I work for!
SpongeBob: Boots? I thought you made science. You think you know a person. [laughs]
Sandy: [presses the acorn badge on her suit to reveal a laser stick, which she uses to draw "B.O.O.T.S." in the air] B.O.O.T.S. Bureau of Official Texas Science.
SpongeBob: [looks confused at Sparky] Hmm?
Sparky: [snorts]
Sandy: [the letters dissipate] What the heck is going on?
SpongeBob: [walks off] I don't know, Sandy. But except for you and Sparky, [camera pans up to the sky] Bikini Bottom and everyone I ever loved is gone. [sniffles, eyes welling up] And all my streaming videos on demand. I can't demand them anymore. [sobs on the ground, creating water spouts from his eyes]
Sandy: I gotta get to the bottom of this. Better call my fellow scientists at the lab. Computer, call Kyle and Phoebe. [gets hit with SpongeBob's waterworks, then pulls up a monitor from her suit and connects to B.O.O.T.S. Laboratories]
Voice: [screen displays logo] You have reached B.O.O.T.S. Laboratories, [displays another logo] now a division of Gushing Waters Water Parks, and future home [displays Sea Pals logo] of Sea Pals. Owned and operated [shows silhouette of Sue Nahmee] by Sue Nahmee.
Sandy: Water parks? And who in tarnation is Sue Nahmee?
Voice: [screen flashes "TERMINATED," Sandy gasps] I'm sorry, this call has been terminated. Goodbye. [screen turns into flames and malfunctions]
Sandy: No, wait! Kyle! Phoebe! Dag [slaps screen] nabbit! [puts screen back into her suit, and SpongeBob hits her with waterworks again as he continues crying on the ground] [picking up SpongeBob] SpongeBob, lookie here. [SpongeBob shoots more waterworks at her, making her jump rope] I believe I know where Bikini Bottom is. And I swear on the alamo, I'm gonna get Gary, and Patrick--
SpongeBob: And Sparky's hindquarters?
Sandy: Yes, and Sparky's hindquarters, too.
Sparky: [neighs]
Sandy: And the whole dang town, and put 'em right back in this big ol' ugly ditch. [word echoes as a shot of the ditch is shown]
SpongeBob: [abruptly stops crying] Question, where are they now?
Sandy: [sigh] A place I ain't been to in a while. A place I once called home. A place called Texas.
SpongeBob: Texas? [appears in a Texas shape wearing a cowboy hat while using a lasso] Whoo-hoo! We're going to Texas to save our friends! [tosses cowboy hat into the distance] Yee-haw!
Sandy: Come on, SpongeBob. You're comin' with me.
SpongeBob: Yay! [appears with a green cap, a handlebar mustache, and on a tricycle] Ten-four, good buddy. [horn honks, rides off-screen]
Sandy: Hmm, now let's see. [begins writing with the laser pen] If we can propel ourself to 20,000 feet above sea level, then we can hitch a ride on the 10:35 Texas Airlines flight to Houston, but I'm gonna need some Texas-sized proportions-- [she and SpongeBob scream as the ground shakes; SpongeBob ends up in Sparky, and Sandy ends up on the edge of a cliff, of which she climbs up from] Whoa!
[A geyser shoots into the sky.]
Sandy: Well, lookie here! The scoop done severed a volcanic vent! That steam must be gushin' with the force of nearly.. [gasps, writes in the air] 12,000 metric tons of pressure? C'mon, SpongeBob! Let's hightail it down yonder! [pulls SpongeBob with her] Sparky, we'll be back before you can shake a tail!
Sparky: [looks at his rear end, then neighs and waves goodbye]
SpongeBob: [as Sandy carelessly pulls him down the cliff, making him bump his head several times] Whoa! Concussion! Head trauma. Oh, just a fender bender. Ooh, that's a bump. [they land at the bottom, untangles himself] Whoa. [they see the giant geyser]
Sandy: [thinks while looking at the geyser] Hmm. [picks up the cowboy hat and tosses it] Hi-yah! [the hat goes directly up when it hits the geyser; writing in the air] If we can figure out some kinda way to ride those bubbles clear up to the jet liner, which should be passing through in... two minutes and 49 seconds.
SpongeBob: Whoa. What does that mean?
Sandy: [clears the equation] We might just make it to Texas. [approaches some clam shells nearby] Those oughta do the trick. [pulls a clam shell out, which ends up in SpongeBob's mouth, then pulls out another one] Do like I do! [rides a clam shell off the cliff] Yee-haw! [rises in the geyser] It's just like surfin'!
SpongeBob: [deep voice] I got this. [tries to repeat what Sandy did, but trips; normal voice] Whoa! [ends up on top of the geyser and rises while holding the shell with his hands] I don't got this!
Sparky: [watching the geyser, snorts]
SpongeBob: [spiraling in the geyser] Whoa! [screams]
Sandy: [gasps, rises to SpongeBob and grabs his shell, tossing it over her to adjust him] Just [points to her knees] bend your knees, [pulls SpongeBob up by his rear] stick out your square butt, and keep your center of gravity [squashes SpongeBob] low.
SpongeBob: [flails arms] Whoa! Hey, Sandy, watch this. [struts his legs and jumps] Hooray! Whoa. [falls onto the shell, then laughs]
Sandy: [pointing] SpongeBob! Look out!
SpongeBob: [looks behind him, eyes shrunk to see a giant horde of clams heading towards them; screams before the clams ambush them both, then spits out a bunch of them from his mouth]
SpongeBob and Sandy: [laughing, then SpongeBob spits out one more clam]
Sandy: What're we doing?
SpongeBob and Sandy: [as the geyser continues to rise] Saving Bikini Bottom!
SpongeBob: Yoo-hoo!
[They reach the surface as Bikini Atoll is shown, and they continue rising.]
SpongeBob: Yeah!
Sandy: [touches a button on her flower, which retracts her suit and puts her in her normal clothes; looks at a plane through holds in her hands] Yup. [looking at her watch] Right on time. Here comes the 10:35 stagecoach to Houston. [grabs SpongeBob's arm, making him scream; uses a lasso to grab onto the plane, which makes SpongeBob scream again] Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: [faceplants onto one of the plane's wings as Sandy lands normally] Wow, I never knew somebody could do this! [goes back to normal from being squashed, laughs]
Sandy: [laughs] Nobody can do this! It's crazy!
SpongeBob: [gasps for air as he dries out]
Sandy: [gasps] Oops! Oh! I gotcha covered, buddy! [pulls out a spray from her pocket] Somethin' I invented for a drought. [sprays SpongeBob to rehydrate him]
SpongeBob: [inflated] That worked well.
Sandy: Sandy Cheeks Super Hydration Lotion.
SpongeBob: [takes the bottle] Ooh. [reading] Nine out of ten sponges prefer Sandy Cheeks Super Hydration Libation. [puts on reading glasses] Side may effects include mad fry cook skills, porousness, and chronic optimism. Not recommended for non-sponges. [laughs]
French Narrator: 14 hours later...
SpongeBob: [holding up a hot dog with tongs, and uses the plane's engine to cook it, laughs as he is about to put it in] Ooh.
[The hot dog turns into a hallucination of Squidward.]
Squidward: Why?
SpongeBob: [whimpering, turning around to Sandy, who is doing equations] I don't know, Sandy. [uses his long legs to reach Sandy] I was just working on my way back to happy, but then, oh, this weenie reminded me of Squidward's nose. Whatcha doin'?
Sandy: Just calculating our jump.
SpongeBob: Oh, isn't that nice? [stammers, tossing his stuff away] Jump?
Sandy: Yee-haw! [pointing] There's Galveston!
SpongeBob: [fearfully looks down to see Galveston marked with a red star on the map below, gulps]
Sandy: Ready for a kickstart?
SpongeBob: Of course. Uh, what is a kickstart? [Sandy kicks him off the plane] Whoa! Now I know! [Sandy flies after him, screams]
Sandy: [grabs SpongeBob by the arms, then locks him onto her like a seat belt and opens her arms out like a flying squirrel, flying in circles]
SpongeBob: Whoa! Whoa! Whoo-hoo! [now with a cloud beard] Woo!
Sandy: [laughing]
SpongeBob: Wow! Sandy, you never told me you were a flying squirrel.
Sandy: Well, actually it's more like gliding, but I don't like to brag. And, uh, it gives me jiggly arm flaps.
SpongeBob: [touches Sandy's arm flaps, which hit him back] Hmm. Hey, I'm getting flab slapped. [both laugh]
Sandy: Hang on! [flies downward, cheering]
SpongeBob: [screams, then laughs as they fly through a canyon] Take that, gravity! [both laugh] Woo! Woo! Whoa! [laughs]
Sandy: [laughs]
SpongeBob: [laughs] Whoo-hoo! Hooray! [giggles]
Sandy: [pointing down] There it is. B.O.O.T.S.' lab. [the water park is seen] Wait, they added a water park to the lab?
SpongeBob: [spins] Cool! Wait, what's a water park?
Sandy: [pointing] Lookie there! We'll land in that floatin' pool! [dives]
SpongeBob: Whoa!
[They fly over a giant pool filled with people. Suddenly, they get blown backwards.]
Sandy: Hey-hey, why are we slowin' down?
SpongeBob: I think we're going backwards.
[A tornado can be seen behind them.]
Sandy: [as SpongeBob holds onto her in fear] Oh, no! A Texas twister? It's pulling us away from the lab! [they get caught in the twister] Whoa! Whoa!
SpongeBob and Sandy: [screaming]
[The twister can be seen moving away.]
Sandy: We're going too deep into the heart of Texas!
SpongeBob: [screams as they briefly ride a bull in the twister]
Sandy: Yee-haw!
SpongeBob: Ooh! [holds his mouth as if he is going to puke] Oh!
Cowboys: Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans.
Sandy: Good thing we're upwind.
SpongeBob: [as they get pulled again] Whoa!
Sandy: [as they get flung out of the twister] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [SpongeBob holds onto her face] Hang on, SpongeBob! We're comin' in for a landing! [gliding, SpongeBob screams] Whoa! Whoa! [some branches enter her mouth, which she spits out; spreads her arms as she skids along the ground, and trips and falls]
SpongeBob: [screams as he gets flung into a cactus]
Sandy: [runs to SpongeBob, gasps, and pulls him off]
SpongeBob: Ouch.
Sandy: Oh. Sorry there, SpongeBob. Here. Hi-yah! [hits the thorns out of SpongeBob, sending them back onto the cactus]
SpongeBob: Thanks.
Sandy: [salutes]
SpongeBob: [dry] A bit thirsty.
Sandy: [gasps]
SpongeBob: [exhales dry air, his left arm falls off]
Sandy: Well, there's plenty o' water in the desert. If you know where to look. [knocks on a cactus, which opens up to reveal a drinking fountain, which she turns on]
[The spout from the fountain hits SpongeBob, which rehydrates him again.]
SpongeBob: Oh. [gurgles] Ah. [whistles to his arm] C'mere. Give a little sponge a hand. [his arm comes back on, laughs]
Sandy: [closes the cactus] Hmm. [approaches a dirty road sign and cleans the dust off by wiping and blowing on it] "Galveston, 626 miles"? Well, I guess we're walkin'. [both start walking] It's been rollin' around in my brain like a tumbleweed, what could B.O.O.T.S.' lab possibly want with Bikini Bottom?
SpongeBob: [gasps] Maybe they're [takes out his brain] taking out people's brains and [splits his brain in two] making them fight in a terror dome. [the two brain halves slap fight; he tosses them away] [monotone voice, head turns around to reveal robot face] Or maybe they're replacing everyone with robots.
Sandy: [turns SpongeBob's head around] SpongeBob, science isn't all clone monsters and lasers.
SpongeBob: [posh voice] Ahem. [appears on a rock with a graduation cap and monocle reading a comic book titled "CLONE MONSTERS & LASERS"] Let's agree to disagree. [closes book and gets up]
Sandy: [walks off, sighs]
SpongeBob: [stretches a leg to catch up with Sandy]
[Cut to the Gushing Waters water park. An open shot of the B.O.O.T.S. laboratory is shown, then Bikini Bottom in a dome inside the lab is shown. People are seen inside the Krusty Krab.]
Bikini Bottomites: [hushed murmuring]
Mr. Krabs: [he and Squidward emerge from the register] Do you think it's safe to come out?
Squidward: It does seem pretty quiet.
Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [flushing is heard] Huh? [scream]
Bikini Bottomites: [all scream]
Patrick: [exits the restroom, rubbing his belly] Whew! What? I washed my hands.
Mr. Krabs: [pointing] We definitely not in the ocean anymore, Mr. Squidward.
Squidward: Don't you think someone should go out there and check it out?
Mr. Krabs: [wheeling Squidward out] Excellent idea, Mr. Squidward. Why don't you go out there?
Squidward: How about, um, no? [points at Mr. Krabs] Does that work for you?
Mr. Krabs: [grabs Squidward's arm, giggles and turns around] And what about any of you--
'Bikini Bottomites: [whistling and looking away]
Mr. Krabs: Eh, uh. [growls] Alright, you [snatches someone's umbrella] scallywags. [exits the Krusty Krab and yelps, aimlessly aiming the umbrella around, whimpers and looks around the desolate town, then begins walking]
Fred: [stretches out and yawns on the Krusty Krab sign]
Mr. Krabs: [walks past Conch Street, then yells as he jumps over a tumbleweed; he yells again after he walks over a manhole cover being lifted by someone; everyone enters their homes as he looks around, then gasps, then accidentally bumps into a trash can]
Person in trash can: [yells and runs, bumping into another person inside a fire hydrant, then they bump into each other again]
Mr. Krabs: [yells, then stops to catch his breath]
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: [screams, losing his color, then regains it once he sees Gary]
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: Gary, go home.
Gary: [whimpers and slithers away]
Mr. Krabs: [yells as he hears breathing, losing his color again, then screams before seeing Patrick breathing in his face]
Patrick: Pretty scary, huh?
Mr. Krabs: [gets angry as he regains his color] Just like I told Gary, go home! Ya pointy pink eraser head!
Patrick: Okay. [leaves sliding on his belly]
Mr. Krabs: [picks up his umbrella and continues walking, then yells when he hits glass] Ow! [groaning] Hmm? What in the seven seas--?
[Outside of the glass, a woman, Phoebe, puts her hands on the glass as she observes Bikini Bottom.]
Mr. Krabs: [screams and throws his umbrella at the glass, running away] Abandon ship! [screams, closes the Krusty Krab doors, then yells as he uses a hammer and nails to bolt planks to the doors, hyperventilates]
[Everyone looks down onto Mr. Krabs.]
Mr. Krabs: Here be giants.
Phoebe: [looks away from Bikini Bottom] Kyle, where are you?
Kyle: [a file drawer opens] I'm right here. [he appears] Filed under K. [puts his hat on and gets up]
Phoebe: I can't believe you still live here and the boss doesn't know. [Kyle brushes his teeth] I don't see any of them critters. [off-screen as everyone is seen in the Krusty Krab shivering with fear, except Patrick who is smiling] Did you eat them? You weren't sleep-eating again, are you?
Kyle: Not since I ate half my lab coat. [cracks an egg on a pot, continues brushing his teeth]
Phoebe: Computer? [walks to an iMac and begins typing] Is all of Bikini Bottom accounted for?
Pixelated fish: Oh, computer, is all of Bikini Bottom accounted for? Ugh.
Phoebe: [scoffs]
Kyle: The computer hates you since you spilled coffee on it. [puts his hand on Phoebe's shoulder] Let me show you how it's done.
Phoebe: [scoffs]
Kyle: Hey, computer. Is everybody in the glass marble accounted for?
Pixelated fish: SpongeBob and Sandy are currently missing. [visualizer of a toaster pastry stuck in the computer's disc drive appears] Now could you please stop using my DVD drive to [red X appears] heat toaster pastries?
Phoebe: Missing? Oh, the boss isn't gonna like this.
Sue Nahmee: [sliding doors open] Missing? [Kyle gets in front of Phoebe] Who's missing?
Phoebe: [types on the computer and presses the "PLAY/PAUSE" button to turn on some music]
Sue Nahmee: [begins walking while holding her pug]
Female vocals: [Kyle and Phoebe begin dancing as the lights darken] ♪ You see her swimmin' and get outta her way. She's a fish here with a mission and there's something to say. She makes waves. [hung plastic fish come down from the ceiling] She makes waves. [she begins making a kissing face around the fish] She's gonna school you and take in the bait. She's a real big fish and you caught in her wave. She makes waves. [Phoebe turns off the music and the lights go back to normal; takes a chicken leg and looks into a fish tank] Where's my beautiful scaly baby? Hmm? Where-- oh. [teases the fish with the chicken leg] Uh? Huh? Uh. [the giant goldfish emerges from the tank] Nope, nope, first give mommy a kissy. [she and the fish kiss on the lips] Ah, Cuda. [the fish kisses her pug] Don't be a dumb hound. [holds out the chicken leg again] Uh? [the fish eats the chicken wing]
Cuda: [barks]
Sue Nahmee: [walks away and tosses the remaining chicken bone] Now, tell Cuda here who's missing.
[Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy in the desert.]
SpongeBob: [swinging along, giggling]
Sandy: [walking] If Galveson is 626 miles away, [SpongeBob sniffs some flowers and sighs] uh, my strut is about four inches...
SpongeBob: [looking at a mound of poop] Wow! Texas sure is magical. [sniffs the poop and sucks a fly in his nose, which he lets out] Ooh! [bounces back to Sandy, sniffing] Ooh.
Sandy: It would be 3,663,063 inches, which means--
SpongeBob: [sniffs, sighs] Even the smells are amazing.
Both: [stop and gasp]
[A rattlesnake is heard.]
SpongeBob: Whoa, Texas sure smells dangerous all of a sudden. [gasps as a giant boot stomps behind them]
[The camera pans up the boot to reveal a cowboy rattlesnake inside of it.]
Cowboy rattlesnake: [laughs] This is an ambush.
Rattlesnakes: [laughing as they surround SpongeBob and Sandy]
Cowboy rattlesnake: [to SpongeBob] What're ya doin' when death stares you right in the face?
SpongeBob: Me? I tell 'em it's rude and look the other way? [yelps as the rattlesnake shakes its rattle in front of him]
Cowboy rattlesnake: [laughs]
Sandy: How dare you ambush us! You low-down dirty rattlesnakes.
Fat rattlesnake: Oh, they look tasty.
Sandy: [spins in place, glowing red, wearing her karate outfit from "Karate Island"] Hi-yah!
Cowboy rattlesnake: Well, well, congratulations on correctly identifyin' our genus and species. Low-down and dirty. But we're also hungry! [laughs]
Sandy: Now you looky here, snakes.
SpongeBob: [yelps]
Sandy: We're on the trail to Galveston. And if you don't want no trouble--
Bonnie: Oh, no trouble at all. Just hold still. [yells and lunges, but gets kicked in the air by Sandy]
SpongeBob: [groans as Sandy grabs him] Whoa!
Other rattlesnake: Hey, where's Bonnie go?
Bonnie: [falls to the ground]
Other rattlesnake: There she is.
[The rattlesnakes prepare to attack, then they all lunge at once. SpongeBob leaps into the air to dodge, and Sandy gets on top of them, running on Bonnie. She hits a rattlesnake and slams another that tries to attack her, then leaps into the air and grabs two rattlesnakes to bash their heads together. She kicks another two rattlesnakes, and tosses the previous ones at SpongeBob, who lifts his body to dodge them. A rattlesnake enters his body, and he tries to attack it, but it keeps dodging his attacks by re-entering his body.]
SpongeBob: Help! Sandy! [the rattlesnake emerges from his mouth, who dodges his punch]
Sandy: [kicking several rattlesnakes away] Sorry, SpongeBob. I got my paws full over here. [throws a rattlesnake]
Bonnie: Yah!
Other rattlesnake: I couldn't miss it--
Cowboy rattlesnake: [headbutts Bonnie and the other rattlesnake away] I always get the first bite. [lunges at Sandy as the camera changes to his perspective]
Sandy: [tries to kick the cowboy rattlesnake, but he bites her foot] Yow! [pulls her foot out, yells as she begins inflating, gasps and groans]
Three rattlesnakes: [laugh at Sandy from her warped perspective]
Sandy: Whoa, boy. Dadgummit, I'll get y'all next time [falls down] in a bi-big Texas-sized fix now.
SpongeBob: [whimpering as he is caught by a rattlesnake]
Top hat rattlesnake: What have we here? [pokes SpongeBob with his tongue]
SpongeBob: [screams as he gets repeatedly slapped with the rattlesnake's tongue]
Sandy: [getting up] I did not wanna do this, I'm an independent squirrel, but I reckon I have no choice. [twists her hand and whistles through it, annoying the rattlesnakes and making them drop SpongeBob]
[The camera zooms far out as the whistle echoes]
SpongeBob: [bells ring in his ears, pulls his nose to stop them] Hey, that whistle had a nice ring to it. [laughs]
Sandy: [on the ground, groans]
Rattlesnakes: [laugh at Sandy, then look behind them as a vehicle appears]
Rattlesnake #1: Whoa!
Rattlesnake #2: What is that?
[The vehicle stops in front of them.]
Fat rattlesnake: [jumping] What? Let me see!
Cowboy rattlesnake: Mm.
[The driver's door to the vehicle opens.]
Cowboy rattlesnake: What in the Sam Hill? A phantom jalopy. Vintage.
Pa Cheeks: Well, look at who's back from rhiny blue. [camera zooms out to reveal his tiny size] It's our little squirrely girl. [jumps onto the horns on the hood of the vehicle]
Sandy: Howdy, Pa. [groans]
Pa Cheeks: Sandy? You wouldn't have used the Cheeks family whistle for nothin', now. [bangs fist, rattlesnakes look at him] These tapeworms givin' you trouble?
Sandy: 'Fraid so, Pa.
Pa Cheeks: 'Nough said. Cheeks, assemble!
Ma Cheeks: [laughs as she jumps out of a window]
Cheeks children: [laughing as they backflip]
Randy: [jumps out of a hatch] Whoo-hoo!
Granny Cheeks: [on stilts, shouts as all of the Cheeks family members twist their tails together and begin spinning]
Cheeks family: Yeah!
Granny Cheeks: Slither on outta here!
Cheeks family: [running after the rattlesnakes] Yeah!
SpongeBob: Ooh!
Pa Cheeks: [twirls the cowboy rattlesnake around, slamming him on the ground, then twirls him around like a lasso, laughing]
Ma Cheeks and Cheeks boy: [appear between two rattlesnakes, Ma kicks them and laughs]
Other rattlesnake: Hold still. [they move]
Rosie Cheeks and Cheeks boy: [tackle the rattlesnakes]
Pa Cheeks: [still twirling the cowboy rattlesnake as Ma runs on a rattlesnake like a hamster wheel]
Ma Cheeks: [throws the rattlesnake between two rocks]
SpongeBob: Ooh.
Ma Cheeks: [juggling rings while unicycling on the rattlesnake]
SpongeBob: Ah!
Pa Cheeks: [tosses the cowboy rattlesnake into the air, who lands on the windshield and makes the vehicle honk, and pull down its banner]
SpongeBob: [off-screen, reading banner] Cheeks Family Circus. Wow! [camera focuses on the Cheeks family attack the rattlesnakes] Sandy, this is your family?
Sandy: [off-screen] Yep. This is my family.
[The Cheeks family gather around SpongeBob and Sandy.]
Cowboy rattlesnake: Mmm, squirrel buffet. [the snakes get close to the camera] My favorite.
Rosie: Hey. Y'all thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Cheeks family: The rollin' thunderball!
[The Cheeks family all leap into the air and land on a boulder, which they roll. SpongeBob and Sandy press against a wall to dodge it.]
Rattlesnake #1: Hey, don't turn on me.
Rattlesnakes: [yell and slither away before getting crushed by the boulders, their bodies squeezing out]
Rattlesnake #2: Huh?
Rattlesnake #3: Oh, my.
Rattlesnake #4: This is most unseemly.
Fat rattlesnake: Aw, man.
Rattlesnake #1: I'm still hungry.
Cowboy rattlesnake: [as the others have left] Just so y'all know, I ain't leavin' 'cause I'm 'shamed to be in naked, I'm leavin' 'cause, uh, I'm gettin' sand in my innards! [leaves]
Cheeks family: [cheer]
Granny Cheeks: That's how you do it!
Cheeks family: [all jump down]
Rosie: Cheese!
Pa Cheeks: Thank you very much, I'm here all week.
Randy: [laughs] Did you see them [slithers arm] slither away?
Rosie: I gave 'em one of [throws fist] these!
Cheeks boy: I gave 'em one of [throws fist] those!
SpongeBob: I'm more of a lover than a fighter. And I loved the way you kicked their booties! [laughs]
Cheeks twins: Uhh...
Pa Cheeks: Wh-what?
Granny Cheeks: Uhh...
Pa Cheeks: Honey, I think someone done fill this kid full o' [sticks his arm through SpongeBob's head] hole!
Rosie: Naw, that's a swiss cheese boy.
SpongeBob: [body turns into swiss cheese, laughs] Cheese boy. [Pa Cheeks lets go of him, falls]
Sandy: That's not a swiss cheese boy. That's SpongeBob, and he's my friend.
Ma Cheeks: [gasps, approaches Sandy] My baby. [sucks on Sandy to get rid of her swelling]
Sandy: [sighs]
Ma Cheeks: [spits out the water]
Granny Cheeks: Cheeks family, let's roll!
All: [cheering and running to the vehicle]
Ma Cheeks: [cheering and laughing as she runs as well]
Pa Cheeks: [carries Sandy to the vehicle and throws her inside]
Sandy: Guh.
Pa Cheeks: [jumps inside] Next up, Varmint Parade in Tyler, Texas.
Sandy: Now, wait a minute. I can't go with y'all.
SpongeBob: Well, I don't know about [points to Sandy, then himself] her, but I'm in.
Sandy: [growls]
Pa Cheeks: [picks up SpongeBob and puts him in the seat, then puts their seat belt on] Mwah. Everybody ready? Then sound off. [jumps on the hamster wheel steering wheel] Pa on the wheel!
Ma Cheeks: [from a trapeze] Ma on shifter! [swings and hits the shift stick] Yoo-hoo! Whoo! [laughs]
[Real-life drumming plays as Randy is seen using a toothpick for his teeth on a shopping card.]
Randy: Randy on [kicks hook away] gas pedal. [slides down] Whoo! [blows and pops a bubblegum bubble, laughs, and goes through a ring of fire] Yee-haw! [lands on the gas pedal] Oh, and once in a while, [hits the brake pedal] brakes. [clicks tongue and points]
Granny Cheeks: [snoring in a rocking chair]
All: [yelling] Granny!
Granny Cheeks: [gets up] I'm the clutch! [goes back to snoring]
Pa Cheeks: [as Rosie and Rowdy laugh and jump off from the fuzzy dice; off-screen] And Rosie and Rowdy. [Rosie and Rowdy enter a ball pit] Stayin' safe, twin style. [laughs while using a claw, uses it to turn on the ignition]
[Granny Cheeks gets knocked over in her rocking chair as the vehicle starts running.]
Randy: [presses on the gas pedal, moving the RPM arrow from snail speed to cheetah speed]
Ma Cheeks: [backflips on the shift stick, and the car tilts backwards]
SpongeBob: Whoo-hoo! Hooray!
[The car finally starts driving along the terrain.]
All: [cheering]
Granny Cheeks: [laughs, off-screen] We're back, here we come!
Rowdy: Oh, we doin' it now!
SpongeBob: [laughing excitedly]
Sandy: [facepalms, then gets out of her seat to whistle and get everyone to stop making noise]
Cheeks family: Aw.
Sandy: Listen up, Cheeks! The reason I'm back in Texas is because Bikini Bottom--
Randy: Uh, weren't that the town you were spyin' on?
Sandy: [points] I weren't spyin'! I was-- doing observations. Anyway, the whole town will all my friends were transferred to the B.O.O.T.S. lab in Galveston.
SpongeBob: [gasps] Maybe they're sewing them all together into [shows four patchwork sponge faces of his friends] one giant patchwork quilt of living flesh! [all faces cry]
Sandy: That ain't the [squishes SpongeBob to remove the other faces] kinda science I remember at B.O.O.T.S.
Pa Cheeks: Don't you worry now, sweetheart. We'll get you to that lab and help you get your friends back.
[Overlapping dialogue from the Cheeks family members.]
Randy: Heck, yeah!
Rowdy: We will get your friends back!
Randy: With pleasure.
Pa Cheeks: Cheeks family, detour to Galveston!
[ The Amazing Flying Cheeks plays as the vehicle drives ] ♪ Step right up and be amazed ♪
♪ Through the air they fly with ease Ma and Pa on the wire ♪
♪ Randy flies right through a tire ♪
♪ Granny's stilts as tall as trees ♪
♪ Sandy thrills on water skis ♪
♪ Step right up for The Amazing Flying Cheeks. ♪
[Cut to Sue Nahmee and Cuda at B.O.O.T.S.]
Sue Nahmee: Cuda says I can't believe you idiots lost the sponge with the pants! He's the centerpiece to my project.
Phoebe: OMG, Cuda, I am so sorry. It is only temporary and we're gonna find him.
[Cuda growls softly as Sue Nahmee walks to the water tank containing Bikini Bottom and shakes it]
Sue Nahmee: I want that sponge!
[all shouting]
Mr. Krabs: Shorten the sails! Man the lifeboats! Batten down the Krabby Patties!
[Cuda barks]
[Cuda wheezes, whimpers]
Sue Nahmee: I know, Cuda. They obviously don't understand Project Sea Pals yet. I said... Sea Pals!
[eerie music continues]
Sue Nahmee: I think everyone needs a refresher, don't you!
Sue Nahmee: I know, Cuda. They obviously don't understand Project Sea Pals yet. I said... Sea Pals!
[upbeat music plays]
Announcer: Kids love fish! But sales of pet sea creatures have long been hurt by one sad fact. You can't cuddle with the little darlings! Until now! Sea Pals are a revolutionary new consumer product. Ocean creatures that can breathe air and live in your house.
Sea Pals Kid: Oh boy! It's a crab man!
Announcer: That's right, Bobby. Mr. Krabs. And you can collect all of Mr. Krabs' friends! There's Patrick, Squidward, and the anchor product, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Wow!
Announcer: And Sea Pals are genetically modified to stay adorable and compliant even during aggressive cuddling! Sorry, Fido, looks like you're out of a job.
Cuda: [barks]
Announcer: How is this possible? We've designed a three-phase process! Phase one! We feed the critters our special genetic modification paste. This prepares them for phase two! Their DNA is altered by our patented gene machine, turning them into air breathers ready for phase three! Cloning! And soon they'll be on their way to a retailer near you.
[party horn blows]
Sue Nahmee: Now that's production value.
Phoebe: That's a great video.
Cuda: [growls]
Sue Nahmee: Cuda doesn't like suck-ups, darling. Start phase one! Now!
[comical thud and crash]
Phoebe: Oh, come here. No, this way. This... Hold on! [strains]
[loud pop]
Phoebe: Phew!
Sue Nahmee: Find me that sponge!
Phoebe: You got it!
Cuda: [growls]
[Cut to the Cheeks family vehicle driving]
Pa Cheeks: [yawns, grunts, and snores]
Randy Cheeks: Yessiree, Bob Sponge. Not to brag, but I got voted most irresistible wink in Texas. [soft chimes] Eight years running.
SpongeBob: Ooh, ooh! Let me try! [grunts, blabbers]
Randy Cheeks: Wha?
[frightening music plays]
SpongeBob: [strains] Ooh! [laughs]
[plucking to a joy rhythm]
[crash]
[both shout]
Randy Cheeks: Uh-oh! The gum I use to keep the engine together is wearing out.
SpongeBob: Oh! Sandy can fix anything. Let's wake her up.
Randy Cheeks: Now hold your britches there, Mr. Pants. She ain't the only one who's good at mechanical science. I'll put her on cruise and check it out.
[Randy Cheeks comes out of the vehicle and checks the engine]
Randy Cheeks: Oh!
Sandy: [groans and mumbles]
Ma Cheeks: Huh? The sun's coming up. Might as well set up for morning supper. [grunts and laughs]
Sandy: [sighs] Ma, it's called breakfast.
Randy Cheeks: [groans]
SpongeBob: Yo, here you go!
Randy Cheeks: Say, you look like a gearhead.
SpongeBob: Fraid not. Square head. [giggles]
Randy Cheeks: Square head! [laughs] I get it! Oh, that's a good one, Bob!
Ma Cheeks: [grunts]
[soft instrumental music plays]
Sandy: [gasps]
[muffled crowd chants] Cheeks Family Circus!
Sandy: I am kind of hungry for some home cooking.
Pa Cheeks: Think fast, pumpkin! Fire up the grill! Ha-ha!
Ma Cheeks: [humming]
[circus music plays]
Ma Cheeks: [shouts] Woo-hoo! Stuck it!
Sandy: Yep! I still got skills.
Ma Cheeks: [sighs] I always hoped the circus would be handed down through the womenfolk. First Granny started it, then me, then you! Yip! Ha-ha!
[little squirrels laughing]
[family laughing]
Sandy: Oh, Ma, you knew my love of science would always win out over the circus. I'm the first ever scientist squirrel to live in the ocean.
Ma Cheeks: But you were already the first-ever water skiing squirrel. And we miss our little star.
[muffled crowd cheering]
Sandy: [sighs]
[circus music plays]
[crowd chants] Sandy! Sandy! Sandy!
Rowdy and Rosie: [giggling]
Sandy: Aw! Who's a little rascal? Who's a little rascal?
[both laugh]
Ma Cheeks: [laughs] I think they get that from my side of the family. They're a little nuts! Or is it that they like little nuts? They do have small teeth.
[both laugh as Randy and Granny walk down]
Randy Cheeks: I'm hungry.
Ma Cheeks: Hickory nut-crusted apple steaks with roasted pecans.
Randy Cheeks: Mama, you made that just for me 'cause you know that's my favorite.
[both laugh]
Pa Cheeks: Well, who wants walnut milk? I got some!
All: I do!
Pa Cheeks: Whatever Sandy wants to do with her life is okay to by us 'cause we love her. Isn't that right, Mama?
Ma Cheeks: Of coarse we love her.
Sandy: Aw! I love y'all too.
Ma Cheeks: She can do whatever she wants in her life as long as it's right here in Texas.
Sandy: Uh...
SpongeBob: Ahem! I found the problem with the engine. A kitty cat!
[raccoon snarling]
Cheeks family: [all shout in surprise]
Pa Cheeks: All right, you, time to leave.
[raccoon screeches]
Pa Cheeks: [shouts]
[raccoon chittering]
Pa Cheeks: It's best not to handle the wildlife out here. They could have the rabies.
Granny Cheeks: [groans] I've had rabies more times than I can remember!
[everyone laughs]
Randy Cheeks: Granny, you crack me up!
[cut to Bikini Bottom as seen in B.O.O.T.S. laboratory]
Plankton: They've got a cloning machine. Yes!
Karen: Uh-huh, one that actually works, unlike yours.
Plankton: Hmm...
Plankton Lincoln: Blarg, blarg, blarg, blarg... [continues blabbering]
Plankton: Quiet, I'm thinking! If I can get my hands on their machine, I can finally turn myself into an unstoppable army and rule the world! [laughs diabolically]
Karen: Good! Then maybe one of you would take out the garbage.
[cut to the interior of the Krusty Krab]
Patrick: [gasps] Maybe this is one of those, um... um... [rambles] What do you call those scary movies you have when you sleep?
Squidward: Nightmares?
Patrick: No! [muffled] Scary sleep movies!
[loud creaking as genetic modification paste falls into the water tank]
Fred: Whoa! Huh? [licks the genetic modification paste] Mm! Hey, everybody! It's raining Phase Ones! And they're free! [echoes in slo-mo]
[all gasp]
Mr. Krabs: [yelps]
Fred: [groans] My leg again!
Mr. Krabs: Stop it! You're eating into my profits! [sobs inconsolably]
Incidental 107: Oh my! Oh!
Larry: [groaning]
Squidward: [groaning]
Patrick: Are you going to eat that? [gulps]
Patrick: Are you going to eat that? [gulps]
Patrick: Ooh! Are you gonna eat that?! [gulps] [He gets caught with a net]
Phoebe: How about the pink one?
Sue Nahmee: Yes, good market research on pink! Put him in the gene machine! [Patrick laughs while he is being put into the machine] Get me two more.
Kyle: Uh... [He tries to catch a fish with the net. The fish runs away, and he also tries to catch another]
Squidward: I don't work for you in this insane orb! In fact, I'm getting as far away from you as I can get! [Him and Mr. Krabs get caught in the net]
Mr. Krabs: Avast, there!
Squidward: Oh, typical...
Plankton: Wait, wait! Oh... Why won't they pick me? It's just like high school all over again... [grunts]
[Cut to Phoebe and Kyle putting Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs into the gene machine]
Sue Nahmee: Commence Phase Two. [She turns a dial, making Patrick. Squidward, and Mr. Krabs spin]
Squidward: I think I'm gonna hurl!
Mr. Krabs: Take us out of here, you monsters!
Patrick: Again! Again! Oh, can we go backwards this time?
Sue Nahmee: Put them in the play-set, let's test these puppies!
[Kyle and Phoebe both put Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in the playset]
Patrick: Yay, we're back home in Bikini Bottom! Hey, why is it so small?
Mr. Krabs: 'Cause it ain't real, son. It's some kind of unholy simulacrum! Put us back in the water, you landlubbin' demons!
Squidward: Wait, we're not in the water! I feel... I feel... Five, six, seven, eight! [He puts on clothes and a hat] ♪I feel so strange!♪
Mr. Krabs: Huh.
Squidward: ♪I feel so odd!♪
Patrick: [breathes heavily]
Squidward: ♪This is rare, I'm breathing air, someone applaud! Oh, the ox...♪ [He gets trapped in a glass bottle] Huh?
Sue Nahmee: Much better.
Mr. Krabs: Huh, now why didn't I ever think of that?
Sue Nahmee: Bring in the focus group!
Boy: Toys, gimme the toys!
Girl: Where are the toys? Where are the toys? Gimme! Gimme! [She grabs Patrick. Her and the boy both pull him]
Boy: I want him!
Girl: No, I want him!
Boy: He's mine!
Girl: Give me him!
[Patrick is laughing while he is being stretched.]
Patrick: Hey! That tickles!
Girl: Give him to me!
Squidward: Hey! Careful!
Boy: Fly! [He throws both Squidward and Mr. Krabs and both scream. They land on a mirror. The girl squeezes Patrick]
Girl: I love you! I love you! I love you!
Boy: Play chess! [He uses Squidward and Mr. Krabs to knock down the pieces. Cut to Kyle eating pizza.]
Girl: Eat spaghetti! [She uses Patrick to dig on the spaghetti]
Sue Nahmee: Yes, yes! Excellent!
[Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs are on the spaghetti, while Patrick is eating some]
Sue Nahmee: Kyle. Pay them off and return them to their parents.
[Cut to the the car. Pa Cheeks is sleeping on the pedal. Rowdy, Rosie, and Ma Cheeks are in the ball pit room, and Granny Cheeks is trying to shave]
SpongeBob: Hey Randy, will you show me how to do the Cheeks Family whistle like you promised?
[Randy locks the steering wheel in place]
Randy Cheeks: Does Texas chili burn your mouth? Well, just put your fingers in your piehole like so... [SpongeBob tries to twist his fingers and puts it in his mouth] Yeah, you got it. Now, put your lips together, and blow! [SpongeBob tries to do the whistle but is interrupted by a police siren] Uh-oh, that's the fuzz! Hold on, everybody!
[Everyone gasps. Randy Cheeks tries to step on the pedal. Pa Cheeks grabs on to his leg.]
Pa Cheeks: Keep your foot off my face! What the heck are you doin', boy? We gotta pull over!
Randy Cheeks: Sorry, Pa, can't nearly do that!
Pa Cheeks: Why in the Sam Hill not?
Randy Cheeks: Well, I might've stashed a load of stolen nuts in the back...
Sandy: Dag nabbit, Randy! You let me out right here! You're gonna ruin everything!
Randy Cheeks: I've been in lots of high-speed chases, ain't never been caught once! I'll get you there in half the time!
[Sandy jumps on a trampoline to go closer to Randy Cheeks.]
Sandy: Then, do it! Just make sure you drop me off at Galveston before you get hauled off to jail! Huh!
Randy Cheeks: Yee-haw!
[The police car is chasing the Cheeks family's van.]
Randy Cheeks: Hold on tight! [He turns the steering wheel to the left and almost hits the truck.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, that's funny! Looks like we're headed straight for a cliff! [Everyone screams, but Granny Cheeks is laughing. They fall off the cliff, but saved by a tornado]
Sandy: Well, I'll be! If this ain't the same twister that got us before, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob points to three cowboys]
Cowboys: Beans! Beans! Beans!
SpongeBob: [laughs] This time, we're downwind! Ugh, definitely downwind!
[Everyone except Randy Cheeks hide. Sandy goes to the roof of the van. She uses a lasso.]
Sandy: Here's a little trick Grandpa Cheeks taught me.
SpongeBob: Ooh, what happened to him?
Sandy: Uh, eventually, this trick. [She uses a lasso to tie up the tornado. She uses the anchor to throw it on the ground to change directions. The tornado with the police car goes another way]
Randy Cheeks: Yee-haw! They's moving faster than green grass through a goose! Nice work, sis! [clicks tongue]
[Randy Cheeks spins the steering wheel to the right to exit the tornado, making them go back to the road]
SpongeBob: Galveston, eight miles. We're almost there! [More police cars come]
Randy Cheeks: Oh, shoot! We're gonna have to let you off without stopping!
Officer: [on PA speaker] Pull over! We have you surrounded!
Sandy: What are you talkin' bout?!
Pa Cheeks: Sandy, get on back here!
[SpongeBob and Sandy jump. Pa Cheeks makes them wear helmets and snowboards. Pa Cheeks ties them both up. This makes them land into a cannon]
Sandy: I gotta go get my friends!
Pa Cheeks: That's my girl! You go get 'em!
Sandy: Oh, but dang it! I just got here! Ma, Pa, I just want to say...
Ma Cheeks: You can tell us the next time you visit, dear.
[Pa Cheeks presses the blue button on the remote control.]
Randy Cheeks: Water park is comin' up! And sorry, sis, I may have overloaded that cannon just a smidge.
Sandy: Wait, what?
[Pa Cheeks presses the red button. SpongeBob and Sandy scream.]
Randy Cheeks: Huh? I guess it's too late to give them these parachutes.
[Sandy glides while midair]
Sandy: Alright, we're closing in on the water park!
[They both get to the water park.]
Sandy: Woo! I'm back in the circus!
[Sandy and SpongeBob get hit by a floatie. Sandy gets out of the pool, and shakes the water off]
Sandy: I hate what chlorine does to my tail! Makes it all frizzy! [She uses special binoculars , and looks at the umbrella. Text shows up, saying "Not the lab!" in all capital letters. She checks another location. The text appears again. She checks a third location. The text says "Not the lab! But super fun!" in all capital letters] Hmm...
[She is interrupted by people laughing in the pool, which is SpongeBob tickling their feet.]
SpongeBob: Coochie coochie coo! [laughs] Coochie coochie! Coochie coochie! [Scene cuts to more people laughing, and the scene cuts again to SpongeBob underwater, laughing uncontrollably] This place has more legs than Squidward!
Sandy: Let's find the lab. It's gotta be somewhere in this here water park.
SpongeBob: Ooh, I got a great idea for Bikini Bottom. Air park! [His eyes pop, and him and Sandy find Cuda chasing them. They both scream, and run away.] The parks at Bikini Bottom don't have those things!
Sandy: Dogs chasing squirrels? How cliché!
SpongeBob: Don't eat me! I don't taste good!
Sandy: Now you know why I moved to the ocean! Land critters are nuts!
[They go up a slide, and a man came down. He ran into Cuda.]
SpongeBob: Well, I was hoping to make a splash here. [laughs]
[Cuda goes up the stairs. Sandy uses the binoculars to find a location. Text shows up, saying "Bingo! You found the lab!" in all capital letters]
Sandy: Yee-haw! We found it! [Cuda comes. Sandy gasps.] Come on, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Whoa!
[Sandy and SpongeBob glide to the lab, but Cuda is holding a hang glider]
Sandy: Bad dog! [She goes across the volcano, and Cuda gets splashed by the water. She laughs] Woo! This should lead us straight to the lab!]
[They go into the sewers.]
Sandy: Think we lost that dog!
SpongeBob: Do you feel drained? I'm so drained!
Sandy: I feel like a mole.
[Cuda comes into one of the tunnels and SpongeBob and Sandy both go to a different tunnel.]
SpongeBob: Do I look flushed? I feel flushed.
[Water comes into the sewers. They both run away, but get caught by the water and go up a sink drain
Sandy: Huh, now I know what toothpaste feels like!
SpongeBob: [giggles] Wow, Bikini Bottom! I'm so happy!
Sandy: [gasps] I'm so horrified!
SpongeBob: Gary! [laughs]
Sandy: SpongeBob, wait!
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: Good old Gary!
Patrick: Hey, it's SpongeBob [yells] Hello, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: [yells] Hello, Patrick!
Mr. Krabs: Boy-o! You've come to save us!
Squidward: Yup, we're doomed.
Phoebe: Holy sugar cookies, he's here! [grabs SpongeBob] Hey!
Kyle: Hey, I found him. I'm a fan.
Sue Nahmee: Excellent!
[Sandy looks at three views, a cloning machine, three "Sea Pals" posters, and the gene machines.]
Sandy: "Sue Nammy!" You're an embarrassment to scientists everywhere!
Sue Nahmee: It's "Nahmee."
Sandy: Really? I've always said "Nammy." Aw, I'm so sorry. Um, oh wait! You evil villain! How dare you scoop up my friends for profit!
Sue Nahmee: Oh, Miss Cheeks, I'm so glad you brought our prized trophy "SpongeBoy" to us!
Sandy: His name is "SpongeBob!" [She climbs up to Sue Nahmee's body]
Sue Nahmee: Oh! Get off! Get off! This is couture!
Sandy: Couture?
Sue Nahmee: What are you doing in there? [she gets Sandy] Vermin!
Sandy: Oh, you wanna play, do ya? I'll show ya how you play Texas style! Take that!
[Sue Nahmee puts Sandy in a cage]
Phoebe: Hey, girl squirrel!
Kyle: Hey, Sandy!
Sandy: Phoebe! Kyle!
Kyle: How's your science going?
Sandy: How could you turn to the dark side of science?
Kyle: Uh, Sue got us a vending machine for the break room. And, if we're good, she says she just might... fill it.
Sandy: What?!
Kyle: That was a year ago.
Sue Nahmee: Why are you just standing around?! Get the sponge into the cloning machine!
Sandy: Cloning machine?!
Mr. Krabs: That monster is gonna clone us and sell us as pets!
[Sandy gasps. Phoebe and Kyle put SpongeBob into the cloning machine]
SpongeBob: Hope I'm tall enough for this ride! FYI, I usually stick with the kiddie rides. Weak stomach [laughs] Psst! This arm isn't inside the vehicle. Ooh-hoo-hoo! [giggles uncontrollably]
Sue Nahmee: Soon, there will be a "SpongePants" for every household!
Sandy: What happens to the original?
Sue Nahmee: The original will no longer exist, but, he'll be legion!
Squidward: A legion of SpongeBobs? Someone kill me now.
Sue Nahmee: And I never would have known about this porous little treasure if it weren't for you.
Sandy: Why would you do this?
Sue Nahmee: I'll tell you why, Sandy Cheeks. Once upon a time, there was a little girl. A little girl who loved fish. I mean, really... loved... fish. [Transition to Sue Nahmee when she was younger] She wished she could take them out of the water so she could cuddle and sleep with them. [Younger Sue Nahmee picks up a sea creature from the water and puts it in her pocket. Cut to night time. She turns on the lamp and picks up the sea creature] But every time she tried that... [The sea creature shatters.] ...they died. And this made the little girl... [Sandy gets mad, Patrick groans, SpongeBob gets scared, and Phoebe and Kyle look at them]...frustrated! [Sandy gets even angrier] She used her family's considerable fortune, to travel the world, swimming with swordfish in San Tropez, ogling octopi in Orlando, and finally an unfortunate encounter with piranhas in Peru deprived her of her earthly body. And yes, Sandy Cheeks, that little girl... was me! [She takes off her clothes, revealing that she is a robot. Sandy, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward gasp]
Kyle: Uh...
SpongeBob: [whimpers]
Sue Nahmee: I'm doing something great and beautiful thanks to your scientific research, Cheeks!
Sandy: My scien...? But I...
Larry: I thought I knew you...
Mrs. Puff: Oh, Sandy...
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Sandy...
Sandy: Oh! I didn't know that you were using me to spy on Bikini Bottom! Randy was right.
Sue Nahmee: With Sea Pals, I'm giving the whole world a chance to cuddle with creatures of the sea! I am so good! I was going to feed you to Fishy, Cheeks...
Sandy: But...
Sue Nahmee: I think I'd rather see you scamper on your wheel.
Sandy: [whimpers] I reckon you're right... All I'm good for is scampering... [whimpers]
Sue Nahmee: Welcome to the Cloning Popper, "SpongyBoy!" [laughs]
SpongeBob: [giggles nervously]
Gary: Meow. [hides in his shell]
Mr. Krabs: Avast there, land witch! Do not pop SpongeBob It's the only thing I'll ever ask of ye!
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [whimpering] [The roller coaster ejects SpongeBob into the cloning machine.] It's hot in here. [He gets zapped] I feel funny. Hey, what's happening? Whoa! Hey!
SpongeBob clone: Ta-da!
SpongeBob: Hello, little me! [SpongeBob clones laugh]
[His fingers get removed and exchanged for SpongeBob clones, and then his hands turn into SpongeBob clones]
SpongeBob: That's weird! [grunts]
[Mrs. Puff, Fred, Larry, Gary and Sparky all groan in disbelief, and Sandy gasps]
SpongeBob: Which one is the real me? [His teeth turn into SpongeBob clones, and then his pupils]
SpongeBob clones: Hey, good lookin'!
SpongeBob: I don't even know who I am anymore!
[He explodes into SpongeBob clones. Squidward babbles in suprise, and Kyle hides his face with his hat
Sue Nahmee: Perfect, now give it a little time for them to grow to actual size.
Mr. Krabs: Avast, ye land witch! Please! Do not give it a little time to grow to actual size! It's the only thing I'll ever ask of ye. [Cuda barks] Hey, "Blue Hair!" Over here!
[Cut to the SpongeBob clones laughing]
Mr. Krabs: Land witch, hello!
[Cuda tips over the bottle]
Sue Nahmee: No! They needed more time to grow... Cuda! No! Heel! Stop, Cuda!
Patrick: We've got a SpongeBob spill on aisle five. That is a SpongeBob spill on aisle five.
Sue Nahmee: Kyle, Phoebe, do something!
Phoebe: Yeah, uh... [Phoebe and Kyle try to fix the machine. The SpongeBob clones go on the cage where Sandy is in. A SpongeBob clone is babbling]
Sandy: [sighs] Sorry, tiny SpongeBob. 'Fraid I can't hear ya.
SpongeBob clone: Oh! [grabs megaphone] I just want to tell you not to feel bad because this was not your fault!
Sandy: Yeah, it was...
SpongeBob clone: Well, yeah, okay, you got me there but, don't give up on saving Bikini Bottom! Think of everything we've been through! The plane, the twister, the snakes, your family... and those zombie vampire werewolves!
Sandy: Wait, zombie werewolves?
SpongeBob clone: Just checking to see if you're paying attention. Bikini Bottom is your home. It's not something to be reproduced and sold, and all of us sea creatures, We're not just all your friends, we're your...
Sandy: You're my family!
[Phoebe and Kyle take off their hats]
Sandy: And I don't turn my back on kin!
SpongeBob: Yeehaw!
Sue Nahmee: What are you idiots doing? Fix that machine now! And sweep up these SpongeBobs!
Phoebe and Kyle: Yes, boss!
Phoebe: Oh, you're such a suck-up! I can't believe you made us follow Sue's evil plan!
Kyle: Hello! She bought us a vending machine.
Phoebe: With money from our paychecks!
Kyle: We get paychecks?
Phoebe: Oh my God!
[Cut to Sandy running on the wheel]
Kyle: The heck with Sue Nahmee and her stupid empty vending machine!
Phoebe and Kyle: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Sandy: Line me up!
Phoebe: Right about...
Kyle: There.
[Sandy gets out of the cage]
Sandy: Yeehaw! [She knocks Sue Nahmee over]
Sue Nahmee: Nobody knocks over Sue Nahmee with a hamster wheel!
Sandy: Well now, could'a swore I just did! Robojerk!
[Sue Nahmee screams furiously, Sandy goes between Sue Nahmee's legs, to find something to control her]
Sue Nahmee: Get off of me! Rotten rodent!
Sandy: Kyle, throw me a magnet!
[Kyle throws a magnet to Sandy]
Sandy: Got it! [She uses the magnet to get rid of the screw] Science!
Sue Nahmee: Ah! Don't you touch that!
[Sandy cuts the wire]
Sue Nahmee: No!
[Sandy makes Sue Nahmee dance]
Sandy: Wah-hoo!
Sue Nahmee: Sue Nahmee does not two-step!
Phoebe: Oh, I like this!
Sue Nahmee: What's this? River dance? What am I doing?
[Sandy laughs.]
Sue Nahmee: Oh no! No! No! No! Nobody makes Sue Nahmee do the robot!
[Sandy laughs. She uses a lasso to go up, then kicks Sue Nahmee. Her head comes off]
Sue Nahmee: I just wanted to cuddle fish! [She gets eaten by the fish. Mrs. Puff, Fred, Larry, and Sparky all groan in disgust. The fish opens his mouth, revealing Sue Nahmee's head]
Sue Nahmee: I'm a fish! How is this possible? It's a scientific breakthrough! I live it! I love it! I'm finally a fish!
Sandy: Whoa, I didn't see that coming!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, hee-hee! Whoa! [The SpongeBobs collide with eachother, making a bigger SpongeBob]
SpongeBob clone: Huh? [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: Huh? [He squishes more, making the SpongeBob even bigger.] Shiver me timbers! If ya squid 'em together, the little SpongeBobs reconstitute!
Patrick: Let's smush 'em!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you too, Mr. Squidward!
Squidward: Why should this world be different from any other? [sighs heavily]
Patrick: Smush!
SpongeBob clone: Ta-da!
[Squidward kicks, steps, and crushes the SpongeBobs and laughs. Patrick chews five SpongeBob clones]
SpongeBob clone: Ta-da!
[Patrick and Mr. Krabs squish two SpongeBob clones to make a bigger one]
SpongeBob clone: Woo-hoo! Hooray!
[The glass ball tips over and bumps the door, which causes a crack. A lot of people gasp]
Mrs. Puff: The water's leaking out! We're all going to suffocate! [faints]
[Two SpongeBob clones laugh and collide to each other]
SpongeBob: I'm back! Order up!
Patrick: Yay!
Sandy: We gotta get Bikini Bottom back to the ocean! Pronto!
Squidward: Don't look at me, I've got four bad knees.
Sandy and SpongeBob: The Rolling Thunder Ball!
Sandy: But we're gonna need help! [She twists her fingers, but tries to whistle.] Oh, no! I lost a tooth in the fight! [sighs]
SpongeBob: Hmm... [He twists his fingers. He licks his mouth. Sandy gasps in happiness, and SpongeBob whistles. The Cheeks family van comes]
Granny Cheeks: Incoming!
Pa Cheeks: Somebody call for a rescue! Thanks for the lift, twister! It's Cheeks time! Woo-hoo!
Sandy: Ma! Pa! Granny! Randy! You're not in jail?
Randy Cheeks: Not unless you call society and all its rules a jail.
[The Cheeks family hugs.]
SpongeBob: Uh-oh! Uh, Sandy! Whoa! This feels very warm, and fuzzy. But...
Sandy: The sphere! We gotta get our friends back to the ocean before all the water leaks out!
Pa Cheeks: 'Nuff said! Cheeks, assemble!
Sandy: Whoa!
[They tie their tails into a wheel and get on the glass ball.]
Sandy: Yee-haw!
[They run to try to move the glass ball, and get tired.]
Randy Cheeks: It's too heavy, Pa!
Ma Cheeks: We can't roll it!
Pa Cheeks: I'm sorry, nut muffin. It seems like one family... just isn't enough.
Sandy: Wait! How about two families?
Pa Cheeks: Two families?
[Patrick, Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs get confused]
Sandy: The twister left a charged electric field, and if I can use that to generate voltage... G into V, carry the one... [gasps] Hot dog! Toss me up some wires!
[Patrick, Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs try to find wires. Patrick finds some in his pants]
Patrick: I found these in my pants!
Mr. Krabs: Heave ho!
Sandy: Ha! Use what you got!
Pa Cheeks: Y'all don't try this at home. Stand back!
[He goes to the roller coaster]
Sandy: Take that thing apart!
Pa Cheeks: You got it!
[He takes the roller coaster apart, turning it into a circle]
Sandy: That's my Pa!
SpongeBob: [sighs] He's so masculine!
Pa Cheeks: Even my muscles got muscles!
Sandy: Let's move these parts down the line!
[The Cheeks family holds their hands together, and Sandy uses her tail. Pa Cheeks, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs move the items to the top.]
SpongeBob: Hot potato!
Squidward: I'm an artist! I don't do manual labor!
Granny Cheeks: Get to work, ya lazy octopus!
Patrick: Is mayonnaise a wire?
Ma Cheeks: Catch, squirrel girl! "Cheese Boy," you're doin' real good!
Sandy: Y'all, put the positive end over here and the negative end over there.
Ma Cheeks: Ain't y'all ever jumped a car before?
Sandy: Kyle! Phoebe! Lift that Bikini Bottom ball!
Mr. Krabs: You're doing good for two non-crustaceans!
Sandy: Keep her steady, Sparky boy!
Phoebe: Yeah, Sparky!
Pa Cheeks: Put some junk in that trunk!
Sandy: With my family on top of the wheel, and my other family on the bottom, we're gonna super conduct this baby!
Randy Cheeks: Sounds like a plan!
Kyle: I love science.
SpongeBob: Now?
Sandy: Okay, now!
[Everyone turns the wheel.]
Sandy: Y'all about to find out why I named Sparky Sparky! Hang onto your bloomers! Run as fast as you can!
Randy Cheeks: Yee-haw! Faster than greased lightning!
SpongeBob: Yee-hoo! Faster than a sneeze through a screen door!
Sandy: Almost there... Almost there... Now!
[Sparky launches the ball up high.]
Phoebe: Goodbye!
Kyle: Happy vapor trails!
[Cuda barks. Everyone cheers. Sparky runs out of energy. They go to space and around the moon, with an astronaut taking a picture]
Sandy: Slow down, everybody! We've gone too high! [Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Patrick all gasp] We're directly above where we need to be. Jump up and down, y'all! [Everyone jumps, and they scream] We need to put on the brakes! Run! [Everyone starts running and go back to Bikini Atoll where Bikini Bottom was. Sparky is alone. The glass ball shatters, making Bikini Bottom back to normal. Everyone cheers.]
French narrator: Days later...
SpongeBob: Ladies and gentle-fish, Bikini Bottom, and the Krusty Krab prouldly present the Cheeks Family Circus [SpongeBob uses a big disk and spins it] Huh? Huh?
Randy Cheeks: Yeah! Woo-hoo! Ha-ha! [clicks tongue] Thank you! Oh, you're too kind!
SpongeBob: [laughs and clicks tongue] Pew pew!
Randy Cheeks: Thank you! Thank you!
Squidward: Oh, Randy! [sighs and groans]
Randy Cheeks: Mwah! Yeah!
Pa Cheeks: [laughs] We're having a barrel of fun! [Ma Cheeks is shown juggling, and Granny Cheeks is shown walking.
Granny Cheeks: Don't try this at home! Yeehaw!
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patties! Krabby Patties! Get your Texas-style Krabby Patties right here!
Kyle: I'll take one.
[Mr. Krabs takes Kyle's money and laughs]
Phoebe: Cheers to Sandy for making that shrink ray.
Kyle: [tries to eat the Krabby Patty but falls apart] I still don't see why she had to make me shorter than you.
Phoebe: [gasps] Oh my God!
Sandy: ♪Well, it's Texas up top, Bikini at the Bottom. I love two families, and I'm sure glad I got 'em! I'm a surf and turf!♪
Everyone: ♪Surf and turf!♪
Sandy: ♪Blue water, red dirt!♪
Everyone: ♪Blue water, red dirt!♪
Sandy: ♪Got two homes, two neighborhoods. Hey, Ma! Hey, Pa! Your girl done good!♪
Sandy: ♪Sometimes I'm gonna stay, sometimes I'm gonna go. A place is just a place, your heart makes it a home! I'm a surf and turf!♪
Everyone: ♪Surf and turf!♪
Sandy: ♪Blue water, red dirt!♪
Everyone: ♪Blue water, red dirt!
Sandy: ♪Got two homes, two neighborhoods. Hey, Ma! Hey, Pa! Your squirrel done good!♪ Hee-hoo! ♪If I sink...♪
Everyone: ♪If she sinks...♪
Sandy: ♪Or if I swim...♪
Everyone: ♪If she swims...♪
Sandy: ♪Up or down, I'll always come around again! I'm a surf and turf!♪
Everyone: ♪Surf and turf!♪
Sandy: ♪Blue water, red dirt.♪
Everyone: ♪Blue water, red dirt.♪
Sandy: ♪Servin' up science in your neighborhood.♪
SpongeBob: ♪Hey, Ma! Hey, Pa!♪ Your squirrel done good!
Cheeks family: ♪Yee-haw, SpongeBob! Our squirrel's done good!♪
Sandy: ♪Hey, Ma! Hey, Pa! Your squirrel done good!♪
[Screen zooms back to exterior of the Krusty Krab, then pans to Sue Nahmee. She moves up with text fading in saying "The End" in all capital letters as the movie ends.]