Something Narwhal This Way Comes/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Something Narwhal This Way Comes" from season 13, which aired on November 19, 2021.

[The episode starts with a rocket zipping through space, and then lands on a planet, with a person on it. It's revealed that it was SpongeBob as he comes out of the suit while he has has a flag and plants it.]
Dream SpongeBob: I hereby franchise this planet in the name of the Krusty Krab! [Laughs, then the planet starts shaking] [Shakes SpongeBob] Didn't you hear that? Wake up!
SpongeBob: [Wakes up, and scratches himself until the house shakes again.] Oh! [Hides under blanket and grabs Gary.] Gary, I think there's someone in the house!
Gary: Meow. [tired] [The house shakes again] Meow!
SpongeBob: Ahhh! [Gary goes inside SpongeBob's mouth and his eyes pops out on his head.]
Gary: Meow, meow!
SpongeBob: It's coming from downstairs. I'm scared, but we gotta go down there.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes. [Grabs toilet plunger] Okay Gare Bear, when I flip on the lights, you bark at the burglars.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: I mean, roar. Roar at the burglars, like the fierce jungle snail you are.
Gary: Meow. [Buffs up] [SpongeBob flips on the lights and roars] Meow?
SpongeBob: Huh? Narlene?
Narlene: [Laughing while hugging Gary] Oh! Well if it ain't my old pal, Gary.
Gary: Meow! [licks face]
Narlene: [Laughs.]
SpongeBob: Narlene narwhal? I haven't seen you since we were kids!
SpongeBob and Narlene: [holds each other with their heads] Memory hug! [Flashback to SpongeBob and Narlene running away from a sea bear with sausages] [They both laugh]
Narlene: Oh, look at ya, SpongeBob! All grown-upified and proper! [touches his check with her toes]
SpongeBob: [blushing] You came to visit moi?
Narlene: [Sitting on Gary's shell and rubbing her feet on SpongeBob's cheeks] Well, you always said, "If you're ever in Bikini Bottom, Narlene, you can stay with me as long as you like! [imitates SpongeBob laugh]"
SpongeBob: Yeah, that sounds like something I'd say. Too bad your little brother Nobby isn't here too.
Narlene: Oh, he's here! Hey, Nobby! Get the horn and get on in here!
Nobby: [speaking gibberish] Howdy, SpongeBob! [comes in with the fridge and grabs SpongeBob to hug him]
SpongeBob: [Coughs] Wow, Nobby! You sure got big!
Nobby: I need some vittles!
SpongeBob: My fridge is your fridge, Nobbert!
Nobby: [eats the entire fridge and burps]
SpongeBob: [sighs] We had a lot of good times riding through the woods in your wagon.[inhales] Aah! I can almost smell the sea mule! [inhaled to the sea mule's butt. It then brays]
Narlene: [moving SpongeBob with her foot] He remembers you too. [everyone laughs with the sea mule eating a piece off of SpongeBob. The next morning, and the sea mule braying on one of the pineapple's leaves.]
SpongeBob: [wakes up stretching and cracks his body. He pets Gary and rolls out of bed. He goes to both his bathroom, shrieks, and covers his eyes] Sorry, Narlene, I didn't know you were in here!
Narlene: Morning, SpongeBob! I just love your fancy whirlpool bathtub! [flushes it and spins, laughs] Would you be a darling and hand me the scrub brush?
SpongeBob: [grabs the scrub brush and tries to give Narlene it until she grabs SpongeBob]
Narlene: Thank you! [rubbing her back with SpongeBob]
Patrick: [knocking on the door] Hurry it up! Other people need to use the whirlpool bathtub! [knocks on it]
[Bubble wipe to the next scene with Nobby cooking pancakes and swipe some to Narlene. She swallows them. Nobby swipes some to SpongeBob. He swallows it. Nobby swipes some to Gary until he falls over. Bubble wipe to the next scene]
Narlene: [shaves off all the wood to a toothpick. She passes the knife to Nobby]
Nobby: [shaves the wood log into a turkey] Ahh, Thanksgiving! [eats the turkey and passes the knife to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: [shaves himself into a banjo and laughs as he jumps out of the chair]
Squidward: [watering his plants until he sees SpongeBob] Huh? [sees a banjo SpongeBob laughing coming towards him. Squidward runs away screaming. Bubble wipe to the next scene]
Nobby: [builds a wooden version of SpongeBob house] Ta-da!
SpongeBob: [impressed] Ooh!
Narlene: Woo! Let's go! [inside SpongeBob's house] I hope you don't mind that we made your house all hill-ified!
SpongeBob: Hill-ified? Why, I'm... [Hans changes his outfit] thrill-ified! Yee-how! [WillyBob knocks on the door]
WillyBob: Howdy! Is Narlene here?
Narlene: It's cousin WillyBob! [She and WillyBob play with their noses] WillyBob, meet SpongeBob. Hey, SpongeBob, meet WillyBob! [chuckles]
SpongeBob: Well, any cousin of Narlene is a cousin of mine, WillyBob! [he and WillyBob spit into their foot and shakes foots with it]
WillyBob: Well, much obliged, cousin Bob! Come on, Nobby! Let's wrestle! [he and Nobby are wrestling until Narlene comes in]
SpongeBob: Hey, cousins! Save some for me! [wipes mouth off, then growls until someone knocks on the door] Huh? [opens door]
Nearwhal: Is Narlene here?
SpongeBob: Welcome, welcome! Any cousin of Narlene is a- [someone knocks on the door] Huh. [opens the door to get pushed by many nearwhals. They start throwing SpongeBob's stuff away. Nearwhals hang up clothes. Transition to night]
Squidward: [trying to sleep until he moves out]
Patrick: Hey, cousin SquidBob! Let's square-dance! [brings him to SpongeBob's house] [A Breaking News sign is on screen]
Fish announcer: Breaking news! Bikini Bottom is under siege from narwhals! Toothless hoards of backwards hillfolk are plaguing citizens with jung-band music, hog-calling, and bad grammar! Citizens are advised to stay indoors, and to avoid stomping your foot to the countrified beat! Ahh! [nearwhals turn the fish announcer into a hillbilly] They's here! Save yerselves! Ahhh!
SpongeBob: Yikes! I-I think maybe it's time to ask your kin to leave, Narlene.
Narlene: They're not my kin! I thought they's was your kin! WillyBob is our only relation.
Nobby: [speaking gibberish] Nearwhal!
Narlene: [scratches her head with her foot] Nobby's right! The rest of them ain't even narwhals! [Nobby grabs a nearwhal and Narlene grabs the fake nose with her foot] They're nearwhals! Phony little varmit! [the narwhal falls over] Kin or no kin, we gotta hogtie this hoedown!
SpongeBob: Well, the good news is, I think I know someone who can help us.
Nobby: [cheering and speaks gibberish]
Narlene: What's the bad news?
Plankton: [thunderclap] Sure! I can get rid of those nearwhal nimrods for ya. [chuckles] Their stupid family has being feuding with my stupid family for years!
Narlene: Oh, I've seen it. Them Plankton sure know how to hold a grudge! [Her, Nobby, and Plankton agree]
Plankton: Ah! [pulls up an old phone and spins the handle] [The next scene shows Clem sleeping next to the phone ringing until he wakes up scared and answers the phone.]
Clem: How do?
Plankton: [terrified yelling] Nearwhals!
Plankton's cousins: Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Nearwhals? Feud!
Plankton: Voilà! Hm, huh? [Plankton's cousins come out of the phone and walk on him] [SpongeBob, Narlene and Nobby hide behind a rock]
Plankton's cousins: Get them nearwhals!
Nearwhal: [dancing until he sees the plankton] Huh? [Plankton jumps and start biting them]
Ma Angler (Plankton): Consagrn nearwhals! [plankton start biting the nearwhal] Give 'em the itch, plankton! [they start biting the nearwhals]
Nearwhal: [The plankton start biting the nearwhals and start scratching themselves] It's a plankton sneak attack. Nearwhals, retreat! [They call the horn. The plankton chase the nearwhals out of town.]
SpongeBob, Narlene, and Nobby: [cheering]
Plankton: [bowing down] Thank you.
SpongeBob, Narlene, and Nobby: [Clapping] Yeah!
Narlene: I think someone deserves a little kiss!
Plankton: Oh! [puckers lips] [SpongeBob kisses him on the head] Ew!
SpongeBob: [wiggling toes] Thank yee, cousin Plankee! [touches his cheeks with his toe and Plankton walks away. Bubble wipe to the next scene with Nobby packing away with SpongeBob's stuff.]
Nobby: Y'all take care now! [chuckles]
SpongeBob: I already miss you guys! Will you come back and visit us real soon?
Narlene: [pats SpongeBob with her foot] Sooner than you think! Ye-yah! [Nobby starts moving the wagon]
SpongeBob: [Chuckles, then waves goodbye with a tissue] Aww.
Nobby: [goes into Squidward's house] Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: What the?
Narlene: Hey, Squidward! Remember back in camp you used to always say, "If you're ever in town, Narlene, you can stay with me anytime!"?
Squidward: I never said that! [sea mule shakes Squidward's house as the episode ends]