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Something Stupid This Way Comes/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Something Stupid This Way Comes/transcript" from season , which aired on .

  • [The episode opens at Boo Lagoon, where thunder crashes. The Star family are seen in various costumes on the beach. Patrick is holding a shovel while the others have only their heads sticking out of the sand.]
  • Patrick: [kicks sand] There. All buried.
  • Bunny: Oh! [laughs] How I love Halloween at the beach!
  • Cecil: [chuckles] Same. One of my favorite Star family traditions.
  • GrandPat: For over 200 years and countin'.
  • Squidina: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  • Patrick: [points to self] And now it's my turn to join in on the fun and bury myself with sand. [shovels sand, which gets in GrandPat's face]
  • Cecil: [gets hit with the shovel]' Oh. Ow!
  • [A bike bell rings.]
  • Patrick: Huh? [tosses shovel, looks with binoculars to see someone in a Goofy Goober costume pushing a cart that reads "Gruesome Goober"]
  • Scary voiceover: Gruesome Goober.
  • Patrick: [puts away binoculars and clears his throat, takes off his costume, and his eyes pop out, which he catches with ice cream cones] Ice cream? [puts his eyes back on, then revs up like an engine and runs away, leaving sand all over the Star family]
  • [A wave crashes onto the sand, and a skeleton with a jack-o'-lantern for head surfs on it with a plank while laughing.]
  • Bunny: [as a clam] Best Halloween ever!
  • Patrick: [running and kicking up clams] Ice cream, ice cream, I want ice cream!
  • Goofy Goober: [pushing the cart, his hat falls off]
  • Patrick: [running and panting on a bridge] Mr. Ice Cream Man! [flails arms] Wait up! [enters some fog, which clouds up the screen] Hello? [opens up the fog with his arms] Hello? [looks around, then closes the fog; he looks around and gasps as he hears an ice cream tune]
  • [The fog clears, and Goofy Goober opens the curtains to a tent. He gestures Patrick to come inside, then goes inside.]
  • Patrick: [giggles, runs inside] Ice cream! One quadruple scoop of mint chocolate chip, please.
  • Goofy Goober: [takes his head off to reveal himself to be Madame Hagfish]
  • Patrick: What the--? [catches Goofy Goober's head] Huh?
  • Madame Hagfish: [behind a crystal ball on a table] You're not here for ice cream. You're here to see your future. [claps twice, turning on the crystal ball]
  • Patrick: Whoa. [sits at the table and points to the ball] Is this ball made of ice cream? [licks the ball]
  • Madame Hagfish: No.
  • Patrick: [gets electrocuted and is shot out of the tent, then dizzily goes back inside]
  • Madame Hagfish: Now, let us look [fog forms inside the crystal ball] deep into my crystal, and certainly not ice cream, ball, and see your fortune.
  • [The fog in the crystal ball forms a silhouette that resembles Pat-Tron's head, and the scene fades to his head seen behind a window.]
  • Pat-Tron: [singing] ♪ Oh! ♪ [the door opens, and he walks in with a plate of computer chips] ♪ You can keep your stale tacos. I love my space nachos. [pulls off the microwave door, which he slams and breaks] Listen, you muchacho. It's the best in all the cosmos. [puts the nachos in the microwave, and sprays cheese on them] Computer chips and space cheese. I always answer yes, please. [tosses the spray cheese and presses buttons on a panel above] Boom, chacka lacka, boom boom. ♪ [the microwave spews out a cheese geyser, knocking him back and making the ship spew out cheese from the back]
  • [Quasar gets covered in cheese and chips.]
  • Pat-Tron: Hey, I think the microwave's broken.
  • Quasar: [uses a windshield wiper to wipe the cheese from his helmet] We don't have a microwave. You just fried our emergency forcefield subsystem!
  • Pat-Tron: [eyes move around] Oops, my bad.
  • [The ship flashes red as an alarm goes off.]
  • Pat-Tron: Huh?
  • Quasar: Now what?
  • Female voice: Spacecraft approaching.
  • [A spaceship is seen approaching.]
  • Pat-Tron: I'll handle this.
  • Quasar: [struggles to get out of the cheese] No, wait, Pat-Tron, no no no no!
  • Pat-Tron: [presses a big red button on the control panel, making the ship fire a laser at the other ship]
  • Quasar: [groans and puts his hand on his face]
  • Pat-Tron: Problem solved.
  • Quasar: That's the mail delivery ship!
  • Pat-Tron: [eyes move around] Oopsie again.
  • Mailman: [angrily walks in with a letter that is sent on fire] Enjoy your barbecued space mail! [tosses two letters on the ground and storms off]
  • Quasar: Sorry! [uses a fire extinguisher on the mail and picks up the envelopes] Oh, let's see what we got here. [hands a letter to Pat-Tron] And, there you go. [both open up their envelopes at the same time; his eyes widen as he reads his] We're being fined a million space bucks, for attacking a mail ship.
  • Pat-Tron: Well, I've got some good news. My great Grandroid permanently malfunctioned and has been deactivated!
  • Quasar: But that's horrible news!
  • Pat-Tron: [holds up his letter] He left me one million space bucks in his will.
  • Quasar: Wait, that's great news! We'll pay off the fine, and our problems are over.
  • Pat-Tron: One more thing. [reads the letter] I gotta spend one night in Great Grandroid's old house to get the money. Well, how hard can that be?
  • [Thunder crashes, and a haunted house on a planet is seen as the ship arrives.]
  • Quasar: Are, uh, are you sure [points] this is the right address?
  • Pat-Tron: [reads letter] Oops, you know what? It's actually the next house.
  • [The ship moves to the next house, which is a modern house with a swimming pool and several shark ladies.]
  • Quasar: Hey, hey, hey!
  • Shark ladies: [waving] Hi, guys.
  • Quasar: Maybe we should stay more than one night.
  • Pat-Tron: [reads the letter again] Oh, wait a nanosecond. This isn't it, either.
  • Quasar: [as the ship blasts off again] What?
  • Shark ladies: [waving] Bye, guys.
  • Pat-Tron: [as they arrive at an intimidating haunted house on a red planet] This is Great Grandroid's house.
  • [Thunder crashes.]
  • Quasar: [stammering]
  • Pat-Tron: Now, let's [presses a "GO" button] go.
  • [The ship opens up its top hatch and extends a bridge to the house. Pat-Tron pulls Quasar along with him.]
  • Pat-Tron: [enters the house] One million space bucks, here we come!
  • Quasar: [the butt of his space suit gets chopped off by a guillotine] What the--? [looks at his behind] Why is this place booby trapped?
  • Pat-Tron: Great Grandroid owned a booby trap factory. That's how he made his fortune.
  • Quasar: Oh, yeah? [points] Well, now explain that furniture over there is moving by itself.
  • [The furniture in the house is floating in the air.]
  • Pat-Tron: We're in outer space. Duh. Let's go. [pulls Quasar with him]
  • Quasar: [yelps]
  • [The doors close by themselves, making the front lights shatter.]
  • Pat-Tron: [walking along a hallway] Isn't this decor charming?
  • [A chandelier falls behind Quasar.]
  • Quasar: [screams, nervously] Yeah, early Transylvania.
  • [A tarantula climbs on a web, which glitches.]
  • Quasar: [screams as he sees a statue turn around as its eyes glow red; gasps]
  • Pat-Tron: [steps on a red button and moves ahead without Quasar]
  • Robot deer head: [prints out a piece of paper with a pixelated skull on it, which Quasar takes; roars and tramples on Quasar]
  • Quasar: [screams, left injured as the deer re-enters the painting with its rear end sticking out]
  • Pat-Tron: [shakes Quasar to fix him] You look beat.
  • Quasar: [groans as Pat-Tron drags him along]
  • Pat-Tron: Let's get you to bed. Come on. [arrives at two doors] Well, here are the guest rooms.
  • [A light shortens out and breaks.]
  • Pat-Tron: See you in the A.M. [enters the right room]
  • Quasar: [nervously waves] Good night. [enters the left room]
  • Pat-Tron: [sighs] Now to recharge my battery. [jumps on the bed] Cozy. [inserts a plug into a socket in his body and sighs]
  • Quasar: [walking to a restroom] Just brush your teeth and go to bed. Just brush your teeth and go to bed. [picks up a toothbrush and toothpaste] Just brush your teeth and go to bed. [squirts a bunch of toothpaste, most of it getting on the floor, whimpers as he brushes his helmet and the lights flash]
  • [A red 3-D skull flashes in the mirror.]
  • Skull: Ha, ha, ha.
  • Quasar: [stammers, toothbrush turns on] What the--? [taps on the mirror to reveal a secret compartment] Oh.
  • Skull: [materializes] Hoo.
  • Quasar: [eyes swell and explode into water, screams and runs away into Pat-Tron's room]
  • Skull: Ha, ha, ha. [turns into red squares and possesses the wall socket]
  • Quasar: [hyperventilates] Is it cool if I crash in here? The AC is out in my room. [gets in bed with Pat-Tron]
  • Pat-Tron: Of course, buddy. Well, good night. [goes into sleep mode and snores]
  • Skull: Ha, ha, ha. [re-materializes from the vent] Ha, ha, ha. [possesses the plug connected to Pat-Tron, therefore possessing him]
  • Quasar: Uh, Pat-Tron?
  • Pat-Tron: [jumps in the air] Ha, ha, ha! [aims a laser] Your time is up.
  • Quasar: Great Caesar's ghost! [dodges lasers and screams, running away]
  • Pat-Tron: [chases Quasar while shooting lasers at him]
  • Quasar: [screaming while running down the stairs] Pat-Tron, don't you know me? I'm your pal!
  • Pat-Tron: Your time is up. Your time is up. [the plug disconnects from him] Your time is up. Your time is up. [hits the wall and falls down]
  • Skull: [leaves Pat-Tron and enters another wall socket]
  • Quasar: You okay there, buddy?
  • Pat-Tron: [approaches Quasar] Never felt better. But why is my emergency death ray activated? [reverts his hand back to normal]
  • Quasar: You got possessed by an evil robot glitch. It's out of you now, but it's back inside the circuitry of the house!
  • Pat-Tron: Sounds implausible.
  • Skull: [breaks free from a light] Ha, ha, ha. [possesses another light and spits flames at Quasar; breaks free from the light and flies away] Ha, ha, ha.
  • Pat-Tron: Nah, you're seein' things. [walks off] I'm going back to bed.
  • Quasar: [grabs Pat-Tron by the arm] Oh, no, you're not. We're got to purge this house's corrupted operating system before we get killed! The mainframe should be in the basement. [points down] I'll lead the way. [puts his arm on Pat-Tron's shoulder] From behind you.
  • Pat-Tron: You are so brave.
  • Quasar: [nervously walks ahead, pushing Pat-Tron in front of him]
  • [They open the basement door, and trip on a laser, making the staircase turn into a slide as they slide down.]
  • Quasar: [yells as they hit the ground and get back up; they begin moving again] It sure is dark down here.
  • [A red light shines on them.]
  • Virus: I can help with that. [as a face on the wall] Ha, ha, ha.
  • Quasar: Maybe we should call an electrician. [points away] My cousin knows a guy-- [gets captured by the virus' wires; flails as he gets caught in the virus' mouth] Pat-Tron! Help! Hit the switch! Hit the switch!
  • Pat-Tron: [playing with a paddleball, tossing it] Oh, all right. [turns off a switch, which turns out the lights]
  • Quasar: [falls down] You know, some days, I'm glad I didn't have you recycled. Turn on the lights.
  • Pat-Tron: And, reboot! [turns on the lights again, and a monster appears behind them] There, the house is back to normal.
  • Monster: [hisses]
  • Quasar and Pat-Tron: [jump and scream]
  • Quasar: It's our old buddy, Al!
  • Pat-Tron: What are you doing here?
  • Al: Believe it or not, I'm in your Great Grandroid's will, too.
  • Pat-Tron: Awesome!
  • Al: [points] Hey, is it cool if I crash in you guys' room? This place is creepy. Gives me the willies.
  • French Narrator: [rooster crows, narrating time card] The next morning...
  • Quasar, Pat-Tron, and Al: [snoring in bed, then all stretch and yawn]
  • Great Grandroid: [appears as a ghost]
  • Pat-Tron: Great Grandroid?
  • Great Grandroid: Nice goin', kiddos. You made it through the night, and you cleared that evil glitch. As promised in my space will, here's your space inheritance. [leaves as holographic checks are given to Pat-Tron and Al]
  • Pat-Tron: Great!
  • Quasar: Well, it was quite a night, but we made it. [sweating] Hoo. Say, Pat-Tron, um, when you rebooted the house, [circles finger] did you reset our artificial orbit?
  • Pat-Tron: I hope so. Otherwise we'd probably crash into the sun.
  • Quasar: [gasps, shouts] Pat-Tron! You idiot!
  • Pat-Tron: [as they crash into the sun] Oopsie.
  • [The sun in the crystal ball fades out.]
  • Patrick: [points at the ball] There was no ice cream in that future.
  • Madame Hagfish: There were nachos.
  • Patrick: Yeah, but it wasn't even about me.
  • Madame Hagfish: Hm, you're right. [throws the crystal ball into a basketball hoop, shattering it] Let's try a different method. [pulls out cards from inside the crystal ball stand] Tarot cards.
  • Patrick: Oh.
  • Madame Hagfish: [lays down three cards] Card number one. [snaps fingers, making the first card flip over to reveal an image of Patrick with a rumbling tummy] The hungry stomach. Card number two. [the second card flips over to reveal an empty refrigerator] The empty fridge. And card number three. [the last card flips over to reveal a mostly empty ice cream cone] What have we here?
  • Patrick: Oh! [points, kicking his feet] Ice cream cone! Oh!
  • Madame Hagfish: [laughs as the camera flips upside down and zooms in on the ice cream cone] Or is it?
  • [The ice cream cone fades into Pat the Hapless.]
  • Pat the Hapless: [roars and runs at the screen, then screams and holds up an ax, running by and chopping off various creatures' heads off]
  • Man: Huh! [gets his head chopped off] Oh!
  • [Pat the Hapless then chops the heads off of three more people, various cloaked figures, then the screen gets sliced and Pat is seen standing on top of a mountain of heads. The scene fades to Pat humming while carrying a sack.]
  • Blue fish: Pat the Hapless, thank you so much for saving our village. [the other two fish nod] How can we ever repay--? [Pat the Hapless slices all of their heads off] --you?
  • Pat the Hapless: Oops. [rubs face with finger] Looks like I got carried away.
  • Blue fish: No problem. We know thy style, and now we must away! Toodles. [all three heads roll away]
  • [The three fish's bodies bow and follow their heads.]
  • Pat the Hapless: [sighs] It's quittin' time.
  • [Clockwise transition to Pat the Hapless walking. He passes by several fish's headless bodies, which are disoriented and confused.]
  • Pat the Hapless: Huh? [sees several people's headless bodies, then a woman's arm grabs him by the leg] Geez Louise, is there anyone I haven't beheaded? [uses his ax to knock down his front door] Home sweet home. [tosses ax and reaches into his sack] A great place [takes out someone's head and holds it up] to lay down your heads. [looking at his collection of heads] Now, let's see, let's see. Ooh, can he go over--? Hm.
  • Tom's head: [unamused] Ya think you got enough trophies there, pal?
  • Pat the Hapless: Well, we'll find somewhere for ya. But for now, I'll just put you in the closet. [opens the closet door, making several heads spill out; puts Tom's head in the pile] Okay, good night. [lies down and sighs, closing his eyes] Nighty night.
  • Blue head: Psst. Psst. [Pat's eyes reopen to see the head staring at him from his stomach]
  • Pat the Hapless: What?
  • Blue head: I'm hungry. [looking around] You got any snacks?
  • Pat the Hapless: [growls, then kicks the head into the sky]
  • Blue head: [screams]
  • Pat the Hapless: [lies back down, sighs]
  • Heads: [overlapping dialogue as they talk amongst each other]
  • Pat the Hapless: [face twitches, gets up, visibly exhausted] What do you want? [scratches back] I'm trying to get my ugly sleep.
  • Woman's head: Uh, us heads were talking, and, well, we wanna hang out!
  • Sandals' head: Yeah, we're bored. We wanna do something fun for a change. Right, gang?
  • Heads: Yeah!
  • Frank's head: You know, like playing a, uh, board game, or bowling!
  • Heads: [talking in agreement]
  • Pat the Hapless: So, you're not gonna let me sleep?
  • Heads: [yelling in Pat's face] No!
  • Pat the Hapless: But if I do stuff with you, [rubs eye] you'll let me sleep?
  • Heads: [yelling in Pat's face] Yes.
  • Pat the Hapless: Okay.
  • [Wipe transition to Pat and four heads wearing singers' hats.]
  • Pat the Hapless: [blows harmonica]
  • Heads: [singing] ♪ We were sailing alone. ♪
  • Pat the Hapless: Bum, bum, bum, bum.
  • Heads: ♪ And moonlight bed.. ♪
  • Pat the Hapless: Bum, bum-bum, bum, bum.
  • Heads: ♪ We could hear the voi-- ♪
  • [Wipe transition to a bowling alley, where several anchovy heads are standing.]
  • Anchovy heads: [meeping]
  • Pat the Hapless: [grabs a head like a bowling ball and rolls it along the alley, knocking the heads over]
  • Anchovy heads: Meep!
  • Pat the Hapless: [slowly blinking, exhausted]
  • [Wipe transition to the night sky, where Pat bounces on a trampoline with some heads. A photo is taken of them. The scene changes to some people watching a puppet show, of which the puppets are heads held by Pat. One of the heads hits the other with a baseball bat, and everyone laughs. Pat gets hit with the bat as it falls over, making the stage fall over and everyone runs away. Pat lifts his head up as another photo is taken. The scene changes to Pat scooping ice cream from a pile into a barrel. The next time he scoops from the pile, three heads emerge, startling Pat and making him fall backwards into the ice cream barrel. The three heads lick the ice cream off of Pat's head, and another photo is taken. Wipe transition to the next morning.]
  • Chicken dragon: [crows like a rooster]
  • Pat the Hapless: [off-screen] Can it! [throws his ax at the chicken]
  • Chicken dragon: [caws as its head is cut off, which hops away]
  • Lime head: [exiting the house as Pat walks away] Hey, wait, it was my turn next.
  • Sandals' head: [all of the heads roll after Pat] We were gonna go kayaking.
  • Head: Can you help me with my master's degree?
  • Heads: [overlapping dialogue]
  • Pat the Hapless: I gotta get their heads back on their bodies. There's only one wizard who can help. [lightning strikes and thunder crashes as a green castle on top of a mountain is shown] Beelzebass.
  • Green head: Is our next adventure in that spooky castle?
  • Heads: [overlapping dialogue of agreement]
  • Pat the Hapless: No! Now pipe down, or I'll--
  • Green head: Or you'll what? Cut our heads off?
  • Heads: [laugh as Pat continues walking]
  • Green head: [off-screen] You'll never get rid of us, Pat the Hapless.
  • [Lightning strikes and thunder crashes as the scene changes to Beelzebass in a chair.]
  • Beelzebass: [using magic from his hand] Presto. Pizza magic-la. [steals a pizza slice from a mirror, where a man is about to eat a slice of pizza]
  • Man: Hey, that's mine!
  • Pat the Hapless: [off-screen, banging] Beelzebass! Open up! [barges into the castle and stomps to Beelzebass]
  • Beelzebass: Oh, no, it's Pat the Hapless! [tries to fit inside the mirror but gets grabbed by Pat and is tossed, screams]
  • Man: [takes back his pizza slice] Hey!
  • Beelzebass: [hits the wall and slides to the floor, then tries climbing up the wall as Pat stands in front of him] No. Stop! Take pity on me! [begging] Mercy! Why are you doing this? [pulls his wizard hat down on his face] Why?
  • Pat the Hapless: I need... your help.
  • Beelzebass: Huh?
  • Pat the Hapless: I need your help to put everyone's heads back on their bodies.
  • Beelzebass: Did you say you need my help? Say "please."
  • Pat the Hapless: [groans, making Beelzebass cower in fear] Please.
  • Beelzebass: Say "pretty please."
  • Pat the Hapless: [snorts] Pretty please.
  • Beelzebass: Say "pretty please with a cherry on top," and then you-- [his head gets sliced off] I see I've asked too much. Well, Pat the Hopeless, I was going to help you, but now you're on your own. Good luck, chump. [uses his magic wand with his tongue] Abracazoo! [disappears]
  • Head: [off-screen] Hey! There you are!
  • Woman head: Hang with us!
  • Heads: [overlapping dialogue as they roll to Pat]
  • Pat the Hapless: [runs away]
  • Head: I wanna do tie-dye!
  • Pat the Hapless: [lands on the seat of a guillotine, and his head gets chopped off, then screams as his head is launched by a catapult] Freedom! Well, at least now I'll get some peace and quiet. [lands on the ground, creating an explosion as three monsters surround him]
  • Purple monster: Hey, fellas! It's Pat the Hapless!
  • Aqua monster: Just in time to hang out with us!
  • Orange monster's middle head: We got the whole month planned out!
  • Pat the Hapless: [screams as the camera zooms out to show Patrick screaming]
  • Patrick: Again, no ice cream! And this time the fortune was about a [bangs table] gosh darn caveman!
  • Madame Hagfish: [pushes Patrick back with her finger] Barbarian, actually, but I see your point. [pushes cards off of the table] Eh, enough with the stupid cards. We'll try palm reading, all righty? Now show me your palm.
  • Patrick: [holds a potted palm tree] Here.
  • Madame Hagfish: [touching her palm with her finger] I meant the palm of your hand.
  • Patrick: Oh. [tosses potted palm tree and holds out his hand] Here. [he unclenches his palm to reveal a palm tree on it]
  • Madame Hagfish: [takes the palm tree and tosses it, then looks at Patrick's palm] Hmm. [the camera zooms into Patrick's palm] Let us look deep into the tiny twisting pathways of your soul.
  • [In Dr. Plankenstein's castle, the words "The Cravin'" appear on-screen. Pat-gor wakes up from his slumber, and moves into different positions as his stomach rumbles.]
  • Narrator: Once upon a midnight rumbling, [gets up] tremors from a tummy [a spider is seen inside Pat-gor's stomach, and shoots around it] grumbling.
  • [The spider gets dizzy as the camera zooms back out.]
  • Narrator: [lightning strikes outside the windows] Outside the skies dark and black, perfect for a late night snack. Though he had dinner mere hours before, Pat-gor yearns to eat some more.
  • Pat-gor: [shrugs] I got a fast metabolism.
  • Narrator: [as Pat-gor rubs his hands together in front of a fridge] To the fridge Pat-gor does tread, [Pat-gor picks up the fridge and squeezes out its gross contents] he empties the contents onto bread.
  • Pat-gor: [roars as he holds eating utensils in front of the sandwich]
  • Narrator: It is not yet time for him to eat.
  • Pat-gor: It's not?
  • Narrator: This monstrous sandwich requires some heat.
  • Pat-gor: [jumps onto the sandwich] Oh! [cut to him spinning around with a toaster] A toaster lacks sufficient volts, so Pat-gor will cook [Pat-gor tosses the toaster] with lightning bolts.
  • [Lightning strikes from above, and Patrick flips a switch while holding an umbrella.]
  • Narrator: Flicking a switch in the dark of his lab, [the lightning strikes the sandwich, giving it life] the sandwich lives! [the sandwich roars] And it is mad. [Pat-gor tosses his umbrella, rubs his hands together, and licks his lips] As Pat-gor reaches for his meal, [Pat-gor holds out his hand in front of the sandwich, who sniffs it] the sandwich bites him, [the sandwich bites Pat-gor's arm] and Pat-gor squeals.
  • Pat-gor: [screams]
  • Sandwich: [shakes Pat-gor in its mouth and tosses him in the air, then roars]
  • Narrator: Let he loose a mighty roar, this sandwich yearns to--
  • Sandwich: [its words appear on-screen] Eat some more!
  • Narrator: Pat-gor is hungry, but he's not crazy. He knows it's time to [runs away upside down] run away-zy. [Pat-gor screams as he is being chased] Chasing Pat-gor through hall and door, [Pat-gor bounces off of the sandwich] the sandwich vows to--
  • Sandwich: Eat some more!
  • Narrator: [Dr. Plankenstein is sleeping in his bed] The chaotic pursuit makes the castle shake.
  • Dr. Plankenstein: [wakes up] What the dickens? [gets crushed by a piece of the ceiling] Ow!
  • Narrator: The monster and doctor too awake.
  • SpongeMonster: [wakes up] Huh?
  • Dr. Plankenstein: [gets launched in the air] Whoa!
  • Narrator: [as SpongeMonster tries to scare the sandwich] He tried to stop this beast on rye.
  • Dr. Plankenstein: [holding a knife on SpongeMonster's hand] I'll cut your crust off!
  • Narrator: But the sandwich eats them both. [opens its mouth and eats the screen] Goodbye. [Pat-gor shivers in fear as he sees his friends being eaten] For Pat-gor, this is the living end. 'Cause no one eats his two best friends.
  • [Olive on a stick transition to the sandwich sitting down.]
  • Narrator: Using all his hungry wiles, Pat-gor traps the sandwich.
  • Pat-gor: [stabs the sandwich with an olive on a stick]
  • Sandwich: [screams]
  • Narrator: And feasts in style.
  • Pat-gor: [dives onto the sandwich with eating utensils and eats it]
  • Sandwich: [screams]
  • [Cut to Pat-gor with a full belly, using a toothpick for his teeth.]
  • Narrator: Total disaster, Pat-gor delivered.
  • Pat-gor: [burps and tosses the toothpick with olive]
  • Narrator: [as Pat-gor imagines a Triple Gooberry Sunrise] But before he can contemplate dessert, [Pat-gor's thought bubble disappears as his stomach grumbles] protest comes from Pat-gor's tummy.
  • Dr. Plankenstein: [opens up Pat-gor's belly button] 'Cause we're still in here, you overfed dummy. [screams as he gets caught in the belly button, then slips back inside]
  • SpongeMonster: [inside Pat-gor's stomach as it stretches from being hit] Get us out of here!
  • Narrator: Pat-gor heaves forth a mighty upchuck.
  • Pat-gor: [sighs and rolls his eyes] Whatever you want, narrator person.
  • [A pair of hands releases the food from Pat-gor's mouth.]
  • Narrator: [as SpongeMonster and Plankenstein are shot out of Pat-gor's mouth] Releasing his chums from his sickly gut. [SpongeMonster and Plankenstein fall to the ground] Once again, they are free. Pat-gor and his friends make three.
  • Pat-gor: Sorry about partially digesting you guys.
  • Narrator: [as Plankenstein uses a key to lock the fridge, which he tosses] Now the doctor will lock the fridge door.
  • Dr. Plankenstein: Darn tootin' I will.
  • Narrator: Lest Pat-gor should dare--
  • Pat-gor: [yelling] Eat some more!
  • [The camera zooms out from Patrick's palm.]
  • Patrick: [touching his palm with his finger] If there's no ice cream in my palm, then there's no ice cream in my future at all. Is that what you're saying? [whimpers]
  • Madame Hagfish: Well, I, uh--
  • Patrick: [begins sobbing, shooting tears from his eyes, then puts his head on the table]
  • Madame Hagfish: Uh, excuse me for a moment. [leaves, unzips the tent, and approaches the Patrick variants from the stories with the Goofy Goober head] Pat, you're up. [tosses the head to Pat, then holds up four fingers] Four scoops, and make it funny.
  • Pat the Hapless: [nods and grunts]
  • Patrick: [bangs his fists on the table while continuing to sob]
  • Madame Hagfish: [points away] I stepped outside, I gazed into the heavens, yada, yada, yada, [lifts up Patrick's head] you're gettin' what you want.
  • Patrick: Ice cream! [runs off]
  • Madame Hagfish: [leans her arm on her head on the table]
  • Patrick: [running out, laughing] Ice cream! [holds out his hands] Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream! [falls over in front of Pat with the Goofy Goober head on] One quadruple scoop cone, please. [gets up, jumps, and giggles as he rubs his hands together]
  • Pat the Hapless: [gives Patrick a cone as he scoops up the heads of Patrick's family]
  • GrandPat: Hey.
  • Squidina: Trick.
  • Cecil: Head.
  • Bunny: Treat.
  • Patrick: [licks his lips, then licks the heads] Totally worth the wait.
  • All: [waving at the camera] Happy Halloween, everybody! [the camera irises out on all of them]
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