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Terror at 20,000 Leagues/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Terror at 20,000 Leagues/transcript" from season , which aired on .

  • [The episode begins at night in Bikini Bottom, with several kids trick-or-treating.]
  • Female trick-or-treater: Candy! [laughs]
  • Kid in monster costume: [comes up to screen] Trick or treat! [laughs and runs off]
  • [Pinkeye jumps by in a vampire costume and hisses. Ouchie, in a garlic costume, barks and chases him away. Old Man Walker is dressed as a mad scientist, laughs, and swallows the screen. We see the inside of the Star house, covered in Halloween decorations. Cecil, dressed as a werewolf, comes out from behind the couch.]
  • Cecil: [meows] Wait, is that right?
  • GrandPat: [rides past covered in toilet paper] I think we're out of toilet paper!
  • [A fishing rod with Bunny's hair, glasses, and shirt floats by.]
  • Bunny: [ghostly] Ooh, I'm the invisible mom! [she is hiding around the hallway, exposing her tattoo] Oh, my! [hides]
  • [The camera goes into Patrick's room. Squidina is filming Patrick, who is sleeping.]
  • Squidina: Okay, Patrick. It's showtime! Up and at 'em!
  • [She pulls of the sheets to see Patrick asleep and drooling.]
  • Squidina: Oh my Neptune, he's dead! [lifts his eyelid to reveal static] Dead tired! [takes out candy bar] Ah! [snaps it] Hah!
  • [She waves the candy bar in front of Patrick's nose. Patrick sniffs it and sits up.]
  • Patrick: Mmm, nougat. Mmm.
  • Squidina: It's Halloween, Patrick! You know what that means!
  • Patrick: Candy!
  • [Patrick reaches for the candy, but falls out of bed. He tries to lick it up, but the Dartfish Family, dressed in costumes, run and pick it up.]
  • Dartfish Family: Trick or treat! [run off]
  • [Patrick looks sad, tears up, and slams his face against the floor.]
  • Patrick: [sobbing]
  • Squidina: [pokes him] Don't be sad, big bro. [Patrick awakes, revealing stubble on his face] We're gonna take our audience trick-or-treating and get tons of candy! But first, you gotta start the show!
  • [Patrick twirls around to put himself in a purple suit with spider decorations and green pants. He now holds a microphone. A scream is heard.]
  • Patrick: [opens curtains] Hi, everyone. Welcome to my Halloween Special. [ghostly] Ooh!
  • [Some kids sit behind Slappy, who wears a Carmen Miranda dress and fruit hat.]
  • Kid: Hey weirdo, lame costume! It's not scary at all!
  • Slappy: Oh, no? [puts broccoli in his basket] Have a healthy Halloween.
  • Kid: Broccoli!? [screams and runs off]
  • [The rest of the kids back up their seats, away from Slappy.]
  • Slappy: [laughing]
  • Patrick: The most important thing about Halloween is the candy, of course! But how do you get that candy? In a costume, duh! Seriously, how did you not know that?
  • [Patrick picks up Squidina and puts her behind a desk.]
  • Patrick: To make a costume, all you need is stuff from around your house.
  • [He dumps a trash can full of garbage onto the desk. Squidina chainsaws through it, revealing herself in a clown outfit.]
  • Squidina: [laughs] This totally beats my princess pony costume from last year! [revs chainsaw]
  • Patrick: Come here! [hugs Squidina]
  • Squidina: [hugs him] Ooh-hoo!
  • [The camera zooms out to show Dr. Plankenstein watching it. Patrick screams. SpongeMonster and Patgor laugh. One of Patgor's pieces of popcorn gets stuck in Plankenstein's eye.]
  • Plankenstein: Huh? Ugh. [growls and slaps Patgor] What is wrong with you?
  • Patgor: [scratching head, making skin flakes fall off] Dry, itchy scalp?
  • Plankenstein: [as flakes fall on him] What? Ugh! No! [bursts out of pile] Can't you two see that this "Halloween" thing is all a ruse?
  • SpongeMonster: Oh, I like to stop and smell the ruses.
  • Plankenstein: Of course you do. [muttering] Last time I buy day-old brains. [gesturing to TV] Look, the candy, the costumes, the happy children! All lies!
  • Patgor: [worried] Say it isn't so, master.
  • Plankenstein: I shan't. Instead, I'll tell you about the spine-tingling terror that is the real Halloween!
  • [SpongeMonster and Patgor hug each other and shiver.]
  • Plankenstein: Ooh, Halloween is a terrible night. [lightning flashes] Disguised villagers lurk around every corner, waiting for their chance to destroy my work, ravage my lab, and use my bathroom without lighting a match!
  • SpongeMonster: [glances at Patgor] Uh...
  • Patgor: Huh?
  • Plankenstein: [pauses] And they take your candy!
  • SpongeMonster: No!
  • SpongeMonster and Patgor: Not our candy! [crying]
  • Plankenstein: Yes, now you see. If we're going to survive the night, [gestures to Patrick and Squidina on TV] we shouldn't be dulling our wits with droll drivel. We should be sharpening our senses with something scary! [takes out TV remote] Prepare yourselves for horrors more terrible than even your darkest nightmares, for Halloween is upon us! [laughs]
  • SpongeMonster: Please, no!
  • [Plankenstein presses the button to show footage of puppies.]
  • Plankenstein: Wha? Oops, sorry. Wrong channel.
  • [He hits the button again. Plankenstein laughs as the TV show goes to showing a village. Granny Tentacles' arm splashes a can on it, forming text that reads "Granny Tentacles' Pantry of Doom."
  • Deep-voiced narrator: Granny Tentacles' Pantry of Doom!
  • [Granny Tentacles, as a witch, steps outside of her house and picks up her newspaper.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Oh my, what a beautiful view... if you don't mind rundown eyesores. [shuts door and cans fall onto her, off a shelf] Oh! That's it! My house is a mess! I can't live like this anymore! [one last can hits her] A little hard work and elbow grease will get my home ship shape. Now I just gotta find a sucker to do it for me.
  • Bunny: [humming happily]
  • Granny Tentacles: Huh? [opens window]
  • [Bunny is handpainting her clothes on a clothesline.]
  • Bunny: ♪ A doo, doo, doo, rhymes with blue! ♪ [laughs]
  • [Granny Tentacles laughs and runs to her cabinet. She picks out a bunch of ingredients and pours them into a cauldron. A smoke beast comes out, and she stirs it. When Bunny is done painting, Granny Tentacles comes up to her.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Morning, Bunny. How goes the laundry?
  • Bunny: Good! I'm just doing the second coat now! [paints coat]
  • Granny Tentacles: [ominously] That's great.
  • [Granny Tentacles takes out a cookie shaped like Bunny and shoves a pretzel stick into it, sending out a purple beam of magic that hypnotizes Bunny.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Now mow my lawn!
  • [A hypnotized Bunny walks around and grazes the grass outside Granny Tentacles' home. Granny Tentacles takes out a cookie of Bubble Bass.]
  • Granny Tentacles: I hope you do windows!
  • [She hypnotizes Bubble Bass, who is pushing a cart. He goes to the walls of Granny Tentacles' house and licks a stain off them, exposing a window. Granny Tentacles hypnotizes Squidina, Cecil, a fish, and Larry. All of them are doing her chores. Larry brings some wood into the house. Squidina goes under Granny Tentacles' bed and comes out covered in dust. Riding on Cecil, Granny Tentacles manipulates the cookies to move everyone. However, she quickly grows tired of moving all of them.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Phew! It's hard work getting other people to do your hard work! My tentacles are killing me! Phew!
  • [She lifts up her tentacle, which turns red and gasps weakly. She sees Patrick outside, struggling to open a bag of chips.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Oh, Patrick? Would you be a dear and rub my tootsies? Not like you got a choice! [laughs]
  • [She sticks the pretzel into the Patrick cookie, firing a beam. The beam bounces around Patrick's empty, brainless head and launches back at Granny Tentacles' voodoo doll. It comes to life and bites her arm at the same time Patrick bites the chip bag.]
  • Granny Tentacles: My curse has been reversed! I guess to control your mind, you need a mind to control!
  • [The Patrick cookie runs after her. She throws things at it, but it surfaces from the pile and throws a book at her. She throws a drumstick, which it throws back. It throws more items at her, ending in a cauldron, which she peeks out of. She grabs Larry and uses him as a shield. Outside, Patrick is also throwing random things. Granny Tentacles runs and tries throwing another fish at the cookie, although it dodges. It growls and rummages through her pantry.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Oh! No, no, please! Not that! Not a [the cookie holds up a spoon] --a spoon? Well, that's just stupid. [the cookie throws it away and holds up a banana] A banana? That's even lamer. [takes out an axe] There! Now that's scary! [the cookie wields it] No, not an axe! Stay away!
  • [The cookie throws the axe, which Patrick catches.]
  • Patrick: Ooh, cookie! [drops the axe, almost hitting her, and eats it] Thanks, Granny Tentacles. Got anymore? [opens pantry and sees cookie] Huh? Ooh.
  • Granny Tentacles: No! You stay out of my pantry! [Patrick eats them] My food-oo dolls!
  • [Scooter is unhypnotized after Patrick eats his cookie.]
  • Scooter: Huh? [sees broom, angry] Hey!
  • [Patrick eats Bunny's cookie. Outside, she stops eating grass, and spits out a giant clump of it. Patrick eats the entire rest of the cookies at once, snapping everyone out of their hypnosis. The angry townsfolk approach Granny Tentacles.]
  • Granny Tentacles: [nervously] Hey, hey. [chuckles and takes prune juice] Prune juice, anyone? It's got extra fiber.
  • [Squidina comes to the front and takes out a cookie of Granny Tentacles. She sticks the pretzel wand into it, firing a beam. Granny Tentacles screams as the camera fades to black. The family are all relaxing on chairs outside. Bunny, laying on her stomach, rings a bell.]
  • Bunny: Oh, Granny Tentacles! Bring me another lemonade, would you?
  • Patrick: I'll have another me-cookie!
  • [Squidina pushes the pretzel into the cookie to launch a beam at the door. Granny Tentacles comes out, holding lemonade and a Patrick cookie on a platter.]
  • Granny Tentacles: Coming right up... along with my lunch.
  • [The text "THE END" appears. After some static, a restaurant that looks like a cowboy hat is shown. A zombie kicks the door open.]
  • Zed: Howdy, I'm Famous Zed, and if you're anything like me, you are hungry for brains! [head jumps onto a table] At Famous Zed's, we've got buckets of brains all for you! [head jumps on body] Enjoy brain eating at your own pace with a visit to our brain buffet.
  • [An old man sneezes on the sneeze guard, launching his head against it. His body collapses.
  • Zed: Or order fresh brains right to your table!
  • [A zombie removes Fred's head and eats his brain.]
  • Fred: My brain!
  • Zed: So remember, the next time you've got a hankering that only brains can satisfy, mosey on down to Famous Zed's Brain Buffet! We'll have you eating brains faster than you can say--
  • Zed and zombies: Brains, brains, brains... [get up to camera]
  • [The camera switches to show Patrick on the street, wearing a traffic cone.]
  • Patrick: Oh, hey there!
  • Squidina: [appears and laughs]
  • Patrick: It's time for the best part of Halloween. We're gonna get candy. Now follow us while we lick your feet!
  • Squidina: [whispering] Trick or treat.
  • Patrick: Exactly!
  • [The show goes back to static. Patrick knocks on a door.]
  • Mama Bass: [off-screen] Bubble Bass, there's someone at the door!
  • Bubble Bass: I'm handling it, mother! [faces Patrick] What do you want?
  • Patrick and Squidina: Trick or treat!
  • Bubble Bass: Ooh, I choose treat. [takes their candy bags and puts hand in]
  • Squidina: [revving chainsaw] Remove that hand if you want to keep it, buster! Now give us some Halloween candy!
  • Bubble Bass: [drops bags] The only holiday I celebrate is the Shell City Comic Convention. There's no candy for you here.
  • Patrick: [inside house] Sure there is! [Bubble Bass finds him eating from a cabinet of candy] It's kind of stale, though.
  • Bubble Bass: [screams] My vintage Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy collector's candy! [sobbing and muttering indistinctly] Thousands of dollars of corn syrup down the drain! [sobs]
  • Patrick: Oh, sorry. I'll give it back. [pulls out giant glob of candy from his mouth] Here.
  • Bubble Bass: [sobbing]
  • Patrick: So close to candy I could almost taste it!
  • [We zoom out to see SpongeMonster and Patgor laughing. Plankenstein grumbles. A knock is heard, and SpongeMonster and Patgor leap behind the sofa in fear.]
  • Patgor: The villagers, master! They've found us!
  • Plankenstein: Alright, SpongeMonster. Go scare 'em off. [pushes him away]
  • SpongeMonster: But why me?
  • Plankenstein: Because you're the biggest, and you're a monster! What, do I have to paint you a picture?
  • SpongeMonster: [clapping] Oh, yes, that would be helpful.
  • Plankenstein: Fine. Patgor.
  • Patgor: [painting a picture of SpongeMonster scaring children] Oh, just finishing, master. [laughs and presents painting]
  • Plankenstein: There! [smashes painting into his face] That's you, that's them, and this us is cheering you on! Now make with the scaring! [kicks his butt] Hi-yah!
  • [SpongeMonster runs out to the trick-or-treaters. He practices a few roars before opening the door and roaring for real. Three kids, dressed as Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and a vampire, are outside.]
  • Trick-or-treaters: Huh?
  • SpongeMonster: [gasps and runs back indoors, then dives behind couch] I couldn't do it! The villagers are too scary! And they had a monster too!
  • [SpongeMonster, Patgor, and Plankenstein huddle together. Raw eggs and toilet paper are being thrown at the castle.]
  • Plankenstein: Sweet Neptune, the ritualistic toilet papering has already begun!
  • Patgor: What do we do, master?
  • Plankenstein: The only thing we can do. Watch more TV and hope they go away.
  • [Plankenstein and his minions watch the TV, which is showing a spaceship flying through space. The movie's title appears.]
  • Sci-fi announcer: Quasar The Movie: Dark Side of the Spoon!
  • [A "Breakfast" sign lights up.]
  • Pat-Tron: Breakfast, breakfast! [comes in and trips over bags] Oh, boy! Breakfast time! [goes up to Quasar's sleeping pod and hits it rhythmically] Wake up, Captain Quasar! It's time for breakfast!
  • [The pod opens, and Pat-Tron continues pounding his fist, accidentally hitting Quasar a few times.]
  • Quasar: Stop! One of these days, Pat-Tron, I'm gonna sell you for scrap!
  • Pat-Tron: Not until after breakfast!
  • [Pat-Tron fries two eggs and ejects them from under his head.]
  • Quasar: Ooh!
  • [Pat-Tron's body rotates and shoots out two pieces of toast. Quasar shields himself, when they stop flying through the air and fall on his plate.]
  • Pat-Tron: Toast.
  • Quasar: Ooh! Huh?
  • [Pat-Tron takes Quasar's cup and turns around, then fills it as though he is peeing in it. Quasar stares in shock. Pat-Tron glances back at Quasar.]
  • Pat-Tron: [putting cup on table] Coffee, eggs and toast. Just the way you like it.
  • [Quasar nervously pushes the cup away with his knife. He eats the toast.]
  • Pat-Tron: [taking out cereal] And a bowl of Logic Loops for me!
  • [Pat-Tron pours cereal into a bowl and puts oil on it. He rips the top of the box off and dumps it all into his body, then dumps the bowl into his mouth, then eats the bowl whole. As he goes away, he starts groaning and short-circuiting.]
  • Quasar: Egad, Pat-Tron! What's the matter?
  • [Pat-Tron goes onto Quasar's table and starts flailing around.]
  • Pat-Tron: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh! Ow, my robo tum-tum!
  • Quasar: [looking at box] What is in this garbage? Let's see, "Logic Loops. Free prize inside."
  • [A crank comes out of Pat-Tron's body.]
  • Pat-Tron: Oh, what does this crank do? [turns it, and "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays softly]
  • Quasar: [still reading cereal box] Robo alien invader? [puts on glasses] "Warning: do not eat. May kill entire crew!" Pat-Tron, wait. Don't turn that--
  • [With a burst of confetti, a robot invader comes out of Pat-Tron's abdomen.]
  • Invader: [screeches]
  • Pat-Tron: Ow!
  • [Quasar runs up to the invader, but is scared off by it spitting acid. It leaps out of Pat-Tron's body and scurries off, but Pat-Tron picks it back up.]
  • Pat-Tron: I'm a mommy! [hugs it and laughs]
  • [Pat-Tron puts a diaper, bonnet, and blanket around the invader.]
  • Quasar: That's not your baby, Pat-Tron. That's a murder machine!
  • Pat-Tron: Don't be silly. He's just a little hungry. Oh, I'll make him a bottle! Here! [gives wrapped invader to Quasar]
  • Quasar: Um, coochie coo?
  • [Quasar offers it a fork. It bites it and grows bigger, outgrowing the clothes and blanket Pat-Tron gave it. It snarls and chases after Quasar, catching up to him and jumping on his back.]
  • Quasar: [screams]
  • Invader: [roars]
  • Pat-Tron: [holding bottle] Now, now, baby. No biting the captain. [feeds bottle to invader] Here's baby's baba. [invader eats the bottle and grows] Time for burpies.
  • [Patrick burps the invader, and it spits up acid onto Quasar's suit.]
  • Quasar: Aah! Is that acid? [screams]
  • Pat-Tron: Oh, dear. I'll get a towel.
  • [Quasar sets the invader down. It roars at Quasar, and he screams. He runs away and throws a TV at it, which it eats. Pat-Tron comes in with a towel.]
  • Pat-Tron: Baby's first steps! Awww, look at him go! [records it with camera]
  • [The invader crashes into a console. Quasar slaps the camera out of Pat-Tron's hands and shakes him.]
  • Quasar: That's it! I'm done with your nonsense! Open the airlock! We're flushing that monster out into space!
  • [Quasar tries to hit an airlock button, but Pat-Tron interrupts him.]
  • Pat-Tron: My baby's not a monster! He's a growing boy! [green flash from off-screen] Look how big he's getting!
  • [The invader has grown massive, and it drools acid. Quasar nervously backs up against the door. The invader hits the airlock button. Quasar screams and is sent outside.]
  • Pat-Tron: Oh! My baby, you're safe. Now I can shower you with a mother's love. [hugs him, and gets eaten] Ow, ow, stop! I can't shower you if--ow! Why won't you let me love you?
  • [Quasar floats outside, disappointed.]
  • Quasar: I got to get a new robot.
  • [Static transition to clouds revealing a full moon.]
  • Madame Hagfish: When the full moon rises and the kelp-bane blooms, werewolves rule the night. [a fish turns into a werewolf] But though fur appears and comes out their ears, they never should look a fright.
  • Werewolf: [howls, then examines self] Huh?
  • Madame Hagfish: How many times has this happened to you? You turn into a seawolf, only to realize you haven't had a trim since the last full moon.
  • Werewolf: Only every month! But what am I supposed to do about it?
  • Madame Hagfish: I'll tell you, friend. You head straight to Madame Hagfish's Were-Hair Boutique! [transition to boutique, where a werewolf is soaked by a shower head spraying water] We'll give you a wash. [a werewolf has its hair cut and turns into a small live-action dog] We'll give you a trim. We'll paint your nails and perfume your tails. [shampoo is poured on a werewolf's head as fleas jump off] We have the latest flea shampoos, and we never use scissors made from silver. [groomers redecorate a werwolf] So come on down to Madame Hagfish's Were-Hair Boutique, and let us transform you!
  • [A disco ball comes down, and Madame Hagfish starts dancing with the werewolves. Back in the castle, Patgor cuts Plankenstein's hair and puts him in a hairdresser.]
  • Patgor: Behold, master. Your new look! [shows him a mirror, he has the Bride of Frankenstein's hair] You're so tall now.
  • Plankenstein: You fool! You've given me the same haircut as my ex-wife!
  • [We see a portrait of Karen dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein.]
  • Patgor: Sorry, master! [runs off]
  • Plankenstein: [chasing him] Why I ought to--!
  • [A loud knock is heard at the door.]
  • SpongeMonster: The villagers! They're back! We're doomed!
  • Plankenstein: Quickly, Patgor! [pointing up and to the right] Battle stations!
  • [Patgor runs up the stairs.]
  • Patgor: Yes, master!
  • [Patgor arrives at the top of the castle and looks down on the villagers.]
  • Plankenstein: Boil up a cauldron of [voice comes through speaker] oatmeal!
  • Patgor: Yes, master!
  • [Patgor takes out a cauldron, pours oatmeal into it, and puts it in a giant microwave. Back downstairs, Plankenstein paces as SpongeMonster watches TV and eats candy. Plankenstein jumps to the door and opens it to reveal Patrick and Squidina.]
  • Plankenstein: Huh? Those are some weird disguises for feudal villagers.
  • Patrick and Squidina: [dumb laughing]
  • [The camera zooms into the candy that SpongeMonster is eating. Patrick and Squidina drool.]
  • Squidina: Okay, this is the last house in the neighborhood, and our last chance to get candy, so let's get it right!
  • Patrick: Right!
  • [They take a deep breath.]
  • Patrick and Squidina: [loudly] Trick or treat!
  • Plankenstein: Trick? Treat? Threaten me and demand a bribe, will you? Patgor, let 'er rip! [smashes door shut]
  • Patgor: Yes, master! [dumps oatmeal off castle, covering Patrick and Squidina]
  • Patrick: Me-flavored oatmeal! [bites self]
  • Squidina: Pull yourself together! We didn't come here for oatmeal! That candy will be ours!
  • SpongeMonster, Patgor, Plankenstein: [dancing] ♪ We did it, we did it, we did it! ♪
  • [They hear more knocking and shiver, then jump behind the couch. Plankenstein opens the door.]
  • Plankenstein: Hello?
  • [Patrick is stacked on top of Squidina, wearing a large coat and a hat. They struggle to keep their balance.]
  • Patrick: Hello, I'm the gas guy. I'm here to check your meter. [leans] Whoa! [re-adjust self] Ah.
  • Plankenstein: Phew. Well, it's about time. The monster's been extra gassy this week.
  • [Patrick and Squidina struggle into the castle. Plankenstein pulls SpongeMonster out from behind the couch.]
  • Plankenstein: Here's his meter. I don't know. See what you can do with it.
  • Patrick: Pfft, I think know how to do my job.
  • [He takes out a wrench and hits SpongeMonster with it. Squidina reaches out from under the coat and grasps around.]
  • Squidina: Come on. Where's that candy?
  • [Plankenstein is about to eat some of the candy. Squidina grabs him instead and looks at him.]
  • Squidina: Ooh, score! A jelly bean!
  • Patrick: Candy? Gimme!
  • [Patrick eats Plankenstein, who screams. Patrick sticks out his tongue and sees him, then screams. Squidina starts screaming. Their disguise falls on top of SpongeMonster, making them all scream. They crash and all fall out of the disguise. SpongeMonster holds Patrick and Squidina as Plankenstein drops out of the sky.]
  • Plankenstein: Good work, SpongeMonster. Now give those interlopers the ol' [making throwing gesture] heave-ho!
  • SpongeMonster: Roar!
  • Patrick: [waving] Hi, I'm Patrick.
  • [Patrick and Squidina are kicked out of the castle by SpongeMonster. Patrick sets a camera on a rock and talks into it.]
  • Patrick: You can't keep me out of your house! I'm on basic cable!
  • [He appears on Plankenstein' TV. Plankenstein is unamused.]
  • Plankenstein: Isn't there something else on? [eats candy]
  • Patrick: [gasping] Candy! [stretches out of the TV and tries to steal it from SpongeMonster]
  • SpongeMonster: [screams] Do something, master!
  • [Plankenstein takes his TV remote and shuts the TV off. Patrick gets sucked in and swirls through a vortex of static. He winds up on a black-and-white show, standing next to a dog on a podium.]
  • Patrick: Hmm. [worried] Candy?
  • [Static takes Patrick into a show where he paints a picture.]
  • Patrick: And right here, just for us, we're gonna paint a little candy. [puts blue paint on sky]
  • [In footage of an aerial dogfight, Patrick rides in a plane with an aviator's outfit. He looks around.]
  • Patrick: [excited] Oh, candy!
  • [Patrick appears on a game show. A host with a live-action fish head runs up to him.]
  • Host: Well, Patrick, what'll it be? Will you take this jar of candy, [gestures to candy as Patrick drools] or will you take the mystery prize? [gestures to a covered boat] It's time... to... negotiate!
  • [Patrick is already eating candy from the jar.]
  • Patrick: Nah, that's okay. All I want is the candy. See you later!
  • [He steals the TV remote from a fish assistant backstage. He presses the remote at himself, teleporting away. He comes out of the TV outside his own house. He presses the remote at the TV, and Squidina comes out, too.]
  • Squidina: Whoa, how'd we get home?
  • Patrick: I don't know, but I got us candy!
  • Squidina: Ooh, oh, boy! I'm gonna eat all the Nut Cracklers first! Ooh, or the Tropical Fruit Fuzzies! No, wait! The Cocoa Chunkers!
  • [She and Patrick eat the candy rapidly and enter the house. A realistic squid and starfish with angry expressions come out.]
  • Squid and starfish: Trick or treat!
  • [Patrick and Squidina scream, dropping the candy behind and running away. The costumes open up to reveal Cecil as the squid and Bunny as the starfish.]
  • Bunny: Gosh, do you think we're doing this right?
  • Cecil: We must be. We've gotten candy from every kid tonight.
  • Bunny: Maybe we should save some for Patrick and Squidina?
  • [They pause for a moment.]
  • Cecil and Bunny: Nah! [laughing]
  • [They dive into the house and eat the candy.]
  • Cecil: Whoo!
  • Bunny: Whee!
  • [SpongeMonster, Patgor, and Plankenstein look out from under their couch. A bell chimes.]
  • Plankenstein: Midnight! We survived Halloween! We're safe! At least until... [jingle bells chiming] Oh, no, it couldn't be! It's too soon!
  • [The TV shows a commercial for Christmas trees.]
  • Commercial announcer: There's only 54 shopping days left! Get your tree now!
  • [Anchovy carolers come at the door.]
  • Carolers: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas... ♪
  • [The castle is already covered in snow.]
  • Plankenstein: [off-screen] Patgor, battle stations! Boil up a cauldron of eggnog!
  • Patgor: [off-screen] Yes, master.
  • [The text "MERRY CHRISTMAS" appears in red.]
  • French Narrator: Merry Christmas. [evil laugh]
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