The Dirty Bubble Bass/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Dirty Bubble Bass" from season 14, which aired on July 22, 2024.

[The episode begins with an open shot of Near Mint Comic Books. Inside, SpongeBob and Patrick are fingering through comic books.]
SpongeBob: [humming, gasps and pulls out a Dirty Bubble card pack] Look, Patrick!
Patrick: Ooh.
SpongeBob: Dirty Bubble trading cards! The rarest trading cards in existence.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [giggle and laugh]
Bubble Bass: [emerging from a box] Ooh. I invoke the ancient right of dibs. [uses his butt to knock SpongeBob and Patrick out of the way and takes the cards]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream as they fly out of the exit doors]
SpongeBob: Can't argue with that!
Bubble Bass: [approaches counter] Yes. [puts card pack onto counter] My collection of Dirty Bubble memorabilia will finally be complete. [repeatedly raises eyebrows]
Cashier: [sarcastic] Congratulations. You're the coolest guy here.
[Zoom out to reveal three other sloppy comic book nerds in line. Bubble transition to Bubble Bass sliding down the basement stairs and onto his couch with the cards. Stink lines appear around him.]
Bubble Bass: [sniffs cards] Ah. There's nothing like the smell of vintage dust.
Mama Bass: Bubble Bass! [covering nose from the stench] Have you been in that [waves hand in air] musty comic book shop again? [points to Bubble Bass, then inside] You march yourself upstairs and take your bath.
[Bubble transition to Bubble Bass in the bathtub with a bottle of Dirty Bubble soap.]
Bubble Bass: While we're here, [opens bottle] why not make the most of it? [pours the bottle into the tub, filling it with brown suds] A little official Dirty Bubble bubble bath. [tosses bottle, blindly reaches for cards] Now, where are those cards? [rips open card pack and pulls out a brown stick of gum] Ooh! They come with a stick of Dirty Bubble bubble gum!
[Dirty Bubble's laugh is heard during an ominous close-up of the gum.]
Bubble Bass: [chews the gum, which is very brittle, then coughs some of it out and manages to swallow] Eugh. [belly rumbles] Oh, dear. The nostalgic flavor has given me a case of dyspepsia.
Dirty Bubble: [laughs while rising from the tub]
Bubble Bass: [gasps]
Dirty Bubble: Yes! I'm free!
Bubble Bass: The Dirty Bubble!
Dirty Bubble: You chewing that crusty gum has freed me from Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap! What's your name, my bulbous buddy?
Bubble Bass: B-B-Bubble Bass?
Dirty Bubble: What a perfect name for my new sidekick. Or should I say, in-sidekick? [swallows Bubble Bass and the tub whole, then spits out the tub]
Bubble Bass: [screaming, stretching in the Dirty Bubble] Let me out!
Dirty Bubble: [laughs as he retracts to fit Bubble Bass' shape] Oh! As a reward for releasing me, you're my new partner in crime.
Mama Bass: [opens bathroom door while holding a basket of laundry] What's going on in--? Huh? Bubble Bass! You're even filthier than before you took a bath!
Bubble Bass: It's not my fault, Mother. I'm trapped inside this foul felon!
Dirty Bubble: [expands to his original size] I hate to come between a manchild and his mama, but it's time to grime! [rolls over Mama Bass, laughing]
Mama Bass: [screams as she is run over and lies on the floor]
Announcer: [as an action card appears] Filthy!
Mama Bass: [trying to escape from the sticky goo] Ugh, it'll take forever to get out of this goop.
Bubble Bass: I'm sorry, Mother.
Dirty Bubble: [takes Bubble Bass outside, laughs] Okay, let's get busy. [retracts to Bubble Bass' size]
Bubble Bass: Please! Remove yourself from my person!
Dirty Bubble: Sorry, fella, but you'll be the perfect cover for my crimes. And don't get any funny ideas. The Dirty Bubble is in control now. [forces Bubble Bass to run away]
Bubble Bass: Physical activity? No! Anything but that!
[Several boat drivers swerve away from Bubble Bass.]
Bubble Bass: Please do something!
Dirty Bubble: [expands to float above the drivers, laughs]
Bubble Bass: [wipes forehead] Phew. [Dirty Bubble goes back to his size, making him fall to the ground face-first]
Little girl: [runs over Bubble Bass with her bike]
[Bubble transition to Bubble Bass walking, exhausted.]
Bubble Bass: [sits on the ground]
Dirty Bubble: Now that you know who's boss, let's start our grime spree. [zoom out to reveal the First Nautical Bank nearby, laughs; laughs as they approach the bank] I haven't bagged a bank in ages.
Bubble Bass: Eugh.
Dirty Bubble: [makes Bubble Bass kick the doors open]
Citizens: [gasp]
Dirty Bubble: Nobody move! This is a stink-up! [blows a stink cloud onto the floor, disgusting everyone]
Receptionist: Ew!
Customer: That's disgusting.
[Everyone runs out of the bank screaming as the alarm sounds.]
Bubble Bass: [walks out of the bank smugly]
Dirty Bubble: We may need to do a little [holds out money with his tongue] money laundering.
Bubble Bass: Ooh. [fingering through money stack] I guess crime does pay.
[A police siren sounds as a police car parks nearby.]
Officer: [using megaphone] Freeze, you filthy felon!
Dirty Bubble: Thanks for the compliment, officer. [expands, then chases after the officer while rolling]
Officer: No!
Dirty Bubble: [laughs]
[The screen fades as another action card is shown.]
Announcer: Mucked!
Bubble Bass: [running as the Dirty Bubble retracts] I'm beginning to enjoy this... [pants] felonious... [pants] excursion. [pants and stops as his belly rumbles] I need sustenance. I know the perfect crime to fill our bellies.
Dirty Bubble: I like your moxie. Show me what you got, sidekick.
Bubble Bass: [bounces to the Krusty Krab, to Squidward] Give me all your Krabby Patties, post-haste.
Squidward: [looks up from reading his magazine] Keep your shirt on. Uh, goop on.
Mr. Krabs: [barges in from office] All our Krabby Patties? [picks up Squidward and sets him on a stool with his magazine, patting him on the head] I'll handle this charming customer, Mr. Squidward. [looking into kitchen] SpongeBob! We need a Krabby Bucket, pronto!
SpongeBob: [exiting the kitchen with a giant bucket of Krabby Patties] Order up! Love the Dirty Bubble [Bubble Bass chugs the patties] cosplay, Bubble Bass.
Bubble Bass: [burps]
Dirty Bubble: Oh, yes! This greasy grub is most invigorating. [laughs]
SpongeBob: Wha? The real Dirty Bubble?
Bubble Bass: [pats belly] It was a delightful repast. But I'm afraid I still require a refund. [takes the cash register]
Mr. Krabs: Me money!
Bubble Bass: [pours money from the register into the Dirty Bubble's mouth]
Dirty Bubble: [laughing]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Bubble Bass! [points] Get out of me restaurant! But first, gimme me money back. [some of the money is spat out onto the wall in goo; gasps, growls]
Bubble Bass: Sorry. We won't [throws register into the kitchen, which Mr. Krabs enters through the window] be leaving.
Dirty Bubble: Until we're done [they run off] thieving.
SpongeBob: Oh, no! [dodges a goo shot and hides near a barrel]
Patrick: [is about to eat a patty]
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Whoa! [pulls Patrick onto him so he doesn't get hit by another goo shot]
Bubble Bass: [lifts a table to pour food into his mouth]
Customer: [sees Bubble Bass' butt] What? Hey, I'm trying to eat here!
Bubble Bass: So is my sidekick. [inhales the customer's patty] Here's another one, partner. [laughs as Bubble Bass takes the patty]
Customer: Hey, find your own patty to suck on! [gets knocked back with a goo shot, as well as several other customers]
Bubble Bass: [takes off a girl's gas mask and hits her with goo]
Customers: [storming out of the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: Wait! Don't go! [screams as he jumps to dodge another shot of goo]
Dirty Bubble: [laughs]
Mr. Krabs: [opens his office door, gesturing for SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward to get inside] Hey, quick, get in! [everyone the office just before the door gets shot with goo]
All: [panting heavily]
SpongeBob: Oh, if only Mermaid Man were here.
Mr. Krabs: [walks over to a wardrobe] I think we can handle this ourselves. [presses a red button, chuckles as the wall rises to reveal four superhero costumes]
SpongeBob: Wow.
Mr. Krabs: Let's go pop that bubble.
All: [dramatically exiting the office in their superhero costumes]
SpongeBob: [pointing] Stop right there, Dirty Bubble.
Bubble Bass: [puts his patty away as they turn around]
Dirty Bubble: What are you supposed to be, a Mermaid Man tribute band? [chuckles]
SpongeBob: Say hello to Mermaid Pants.
Mr. Krabs: Captain Tightwad.
Squidward: Doctor Negative.
Patrick: And affordable car.
SpongeBob: Don't you mean Barnacle Star?
Patrick: What he said.
[The superheroes all split up.]
SpongeBob: [tosses sea star on his nose] Sea star swipe!
Announcer: [the word "SWIPE" appears on-screen during the fast motion sequence] Swipe!
Dirty Bubble: [blows on the star, sending it back]
SpongeBob: [defends himself, yelps as he gets hit back by the star]
Dirty Bubble and Bubble Bass: [laugh]
Mr. Krabs: [pinching claw] Feel my penny pinch! [tries to pinch the Dirty Bubble]
Announcer: [action card appears] Pinch!
[Mr. Krabs' claw gets stuck inside the Dirty Bubble.]
Dirty Bubble: Watch the claws, Crabby.
Mr. Krabs: [takes out his claw, screams, and runs into the restroom to wash his claw] No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Announcer: [action card appears] Disinfect!
Squidward: Try my negative vibes. [a yellow laser shoots from his visor]
Announcer: [action card appears] Vibes!
Bubble Bass: Your negativity is no match [deflects laser, turning it purple] for my disdain.
Announcer: [action card appears] Who Cares?
Squidward: [gets hit with the laser and gets knocked back to the wall] What a bummer. [faceplants on the floor]
Announcer: [action card appears] Bummer!
SpongeBob: [weakly on the ground, reaching out his hand to Patrick] You're our last hope, Barnacle Star.
Patrick: [strains] Sorry, I got nothing.
Announcer: [action card appears] Nothing!
Dirty Bubble: [laughs, spews brown goo]
Announcer: [action card appears] Icky!
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: [groaning as they are stuck in the goo]
Mr. Krabs: [exits the restroom and sees the trio, gasps]
Bubble Bass: [points and laughs] Now that those counterfeit clowns are pulverized, what nefarious misdeeds should we commit next?
Dirty Bubble: [sighs] My filthy powers are running low, partner. I need a recharge.
Bubble Bass: Hmm. I know the perfect place to invigorate your noxious batteries. [exits the Krusty Krab and walks to the Chum Bucket] The Chum Bucket. [enters]
[Plankton is cleaning the order window with a window squeegee.]
Bubble Bass: Bring out as many buckets of chum as you can.
Plankton: Show me the money first.
Dirty Bubble: [inhales, then blows a bubble of money]
Bubble Bass: And keep it coming.
Plankton: Ooh. [grabbing the bubble of money] Why, certainly, sir. [jumps from the order window and wheels out several buckets of chum, laughs then walks away with the money]
Dirty Bubble: Oh. [slurps some chum] Mmm, disgustingly delicious.
Bubble Bass: The Chum Bucket served the [picks up a chum bucket] foulest fare in Bikini Bottom. [pours the chum into the Dirty Bubble's mouth]
Dirty Bubble: [swallows, growing] Oh, yeah!
Bubble Bass: [picks up several more buckets to feed the Dirty Bubble, making him significantly larger]
Dirty Bubble: I can feel its putrid power coursing through my bubbly body!
Announcer: [reading time card] Many buckets later!
Dirty Bubble: [burps, revealing himself to be gigantic, with chum filling the lower part of his body] I must have more! [stomps into the next room]
Plankton: [counting money on the floor] 382, [Dirty Bubble Bass breaks through the wall] 383-- huh? [gets stepped on, screams]
Dirty Bubble: [breaks through another wall to reveal a massive barrel of chum] Jackpot! [climbing the ladder to the top of the barrel] Or should I say, chumpot. [laughs]
Bubble Bass: I may have made a slight [gulps, camera zooms out] miscalculation.
Dirty Bubble: [falls into the chum, eating it all]
Bubble Bass: [whimpers as the chum rises to the top of him]
Dirty Bubble: [laughs, which gets gradually deeper as he is now a giant bubble of chum; breaks through the ceiling and laughs] This chummy chow will make me invincible. [laughs, then spots a leak of chum from his body] Ooh, leftovers. [licks the chum and swallows, making his body rumble as several spots on his body leak] Huh? [grumbles] Uh-oh. [explodes]
Bubble Bass: [screams and falls to the ground, chum lands on his body, then gets up] Eugh. [takes off a piece of chum] Ew. From now on, [flicks chum] I'll stick to villains who don't control my life.
Mama Bass: Bubble Bass!
Bubble Bass: Mother!
Mama Bass: [drags Bubble Bass by his shirt] You come home right this instant and finish your bath!
Bubble Bass: Right away, mother.