The Drooling Fool/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "The Drooling Fool/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode begins with a shot of Patrick's belly button protruding from his belly. Patrick sticks his finger in his belly button.]
Narrator: [voiceover] Hey, kid. Tired of picking at your belly button all day?
Patrick: Not really.
Narrator: [voiceover] Want to go somewhere cool and delicious?
Patrick: [stops picking his belly button] Whoa! [pulls the camera up to his face, nodding] Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Narrator: [voiceover] Take a dip, dude, [pan over to an ice cream waterpark] at Frozen Falls! [Patrick appears in front of it] The only waterpark where everything is ice cream.
Patrick: [laughs excitedly, flies towards Frozen Falls while leaving behind a rainbow trail] Whoo-hoo-hoo! [lands in a star-shaped ice cream cone boat floating down an ice cream river]
Narrator: [voiceover] Chill out and chow down [Patrick takes a bite out of the boat and falls into the lake] in the Lazy Cream River!
[Ice cream splashes onto the camera, transitioning to Patrick wearing sunglasses while riding a giant spoon. Patrick slides down the hill.]
Narrator: [voiceover] And carve the bowl on our [Patrick slides down a mint ice cream slide, with ice cream entering his mouth] Banana Split slide! [Patrick is now on the ground again] And top it all off with our tastiest ride...
Patrick: Huh? [ground rumbles] Oh! [a giant shadow casts over him, and he screams]
Narrator: [voiceover] [shot of Baked Alaska] The Baked Alaska! [camera pans upwards to reveal more of the water slide] It's got every flavor known to man, man! [Patrick starts drooling as ice cream falls from the sky] And it's all for you, Patrick. Patrick... [a giant Patrick drools onto Patrick] Patrick... [the giant Patrick has ice cream comes for eyes and several ice creams nearby as it rotates] Patrick... Patrick...
[The sequence is revealed to all be a dream as Patrick is sleeping in his bed on the ceiling, drooling.]
Squidina: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick? [enters room with clipboard] Wake up, Patrick, it's showtime! We've got a good crowd today, so-- [notices drool puddle] huh, why is the floor wet? [looks up at Patrick] Oh, another ice cream dream. [Patrick falls down onto her, mouth first] Gross! [runs and escapes from Patrick's mouth, drenched with drool, which she shakes off] Maybe he'll stop drooling after his [holds up a toy Krabby Patty] breakfast patty. [squeaks toy]
Patrick: [still drooling, his eyes pop out, and he stands up behaving like a dog]
[Squidina throws the toy to Patrick, which he eats.]
Patrick: Thanks, Squidina. You'll never believe the dream I had. There was ice cream! [spitting] And a waffle cone raft! With sprinkles! And--and--and hot fudge!
Squidina: [flinching from the spit] Let's turn down the drooling [cranks Patrick's eyes, which act as a faucet for his drool] for today, shall we?
Patrick: [gibbers, then spews out a giant wave of drool, sending Squidina into the wall]
Squidina: [slides to the floor] Okay, something is definitely wrong here-- [perks up] which makes for great TV!
[Cut to outside the Star house, where a Patrick curtain closes as the lawnies are standing up, watching.]
Squidina: [off-screen] And now, put your fins together for the aquatic acrobatics of [curtains open to reveal Squidina in a swimsuit as Patrick is swimming in a large body of drool] the Dancing Drooler!
Lawnies: [cheers and applause]
Squidina: [blows whistle, prompting Patrick to do a flip in the air while drooling]
Lawnies: Ooh!
[Squidina blows the whistle again, and holds out a red hoop. Patrick emerges from the drool with a ball on his head, using his drool to propel the ball through the hoop. Patrick emerges from the other side of the drool and propels the ball again. Patrick does this a few more times.]
Lawnies: Ahh!
[Squidina blows the whistle once again, and Patrick swims out of the drool, creating a swirl of drool as he flies into the air.]
Patrick: [holds crotch in air] Ooh, I got to go bathroom. [dives and swims towards a door, trying to open it]
Squidina: [dips head under] Patrick, no! Don't open the door!
[On the other side of the door, Cecil walks towards the door, which has its cheeks filled up as it strains.]
Cecil: Well, what's going on here?
[Cecil yells as a wave of drool comes out, filling the entire room with drool. Cecil and Patrick get swept away, and end up looking at each other in the living room, being spun rapidly by the current. They hit each other and start floating upwards. Meanwhile, Bunny is having a bubble bath in the bathroom, next to a panting Tinkle.]
Bunny: Ooh. Only thing that would make this relaxing bath better is a relaxing song. [starts badly playing an accordion, yodeling off-tune]
Tinkle: [yelps, runs to the bathroom door]
[Tinkle steps back as he notices the room is beginning to flood. The door opens as drool floods the bathroom, and Bunny doesn't notice this until she hits the ceiling]
Bunny: [takes off cucumbers] Oh, my.
Tinkle: [swims through drool, then comes up and bites Bunny on the butt]
Bunny: Yowch! [scolding] Tinkle! Now is not the time to play Butt Biting Toilet Shark!
[Zoom out to reveal the scene playing on a TV that GrandPat is watching.]
GrandPat: Is this the episode where Patrick can't stop drooling? [turns off TV with remote] Eh, seen it! [stands up, putting on helmet, approaching flooding door] Old Tidal Wave Mouth ain't gonna flood my room this time! [drops flour bag in front of door, stretches back]
Patrick: [holding out flour bag] Here you go!
GrandPat: Oh, thank you, Patrick. [yelps, eyes bulge out as Patrick releases a wave of drool]
[Outside, the Star family house inflates as it fills up with drool. The house explodes, causing a giant flood. The Star family members all land on the drool surface.]
Patrick: [lifts head] Anyone else feel wetter than usual?
Bunny: Uh, Patrick? [points to damaged house] Your raging mouth water washed us out of our house!
Patrick: [drool wave coming from mouth] Oh! I see! So, I'm the only sea star who's [drool splashes on other family members] ever slobbered slightly! [all wipe drool off themselves]
Cecil: Son, I'm afraid [lifts armpit, removing cork from it, causing water to leak out] excessive moisture just runs in the family. Here, try this. [shoves cork into Patrick's mouth, causing him to quickly inflate] Oh!
Squidina: [pointing, all fearful] Stand back! He's gonna blow!
[Camera changes to static as the scene changes to Perch reporting the news at Bikini Bottom News.]
Perch: [in helicopter] Perch Perkins here, live [camera changes to a wide-open shot of the Star family] at the site of a flooded house. And with me today is a special guest, my great-grandmother. [waving] Say hi!
Old Mrs. Perkins: [driving helicopter, waving] Hello. It's my birthday. [blows party blower, balloons appear]
Perch: 112! Ha-ha! I swear that woman will live forever.
[The cork in Patrick's mouth comes out, which flies into the helicopter, blowing it up.]
Cecil: [yelps, all shiver in fear]
Patrick: [drooling, helicopter falls down and explodes] See, my drooling is totally under control.
Bunny: Of course you are, sweetie. [holds duct tape] Now hold still while Mummy tapes your mouth shut. [wraps tape around Patrick's head]
[Patrick's head starts to inflate, and he smushes it downwards, creating a nose with two holes with drool pouring out.]
GrandPat: [puts arms on Patrick's shoulders] Well, if we can't stop him, at least we can use him. [pulls Patrick with him] Ha-ha! [uses Patrick to shoot water at their neighbor] Take that, Gladys! You nosy gnat.
Gladys: Huh? [gets knocked over with drool]
GrandPat: [pointing and laughing]
[Patrick's nose inflates, then a wave of drool comes out of it, sending GrandPat through a newly created hole in the neighbor's fence. Downtown, the city starts flooding as the citizens take notice and get scared.]
Fred: [something bites him in the drool] Uh-oh. [gets swirled around, then it is revealed that Tinkle has bitten his butt] My butt!
[Squidina, Bunny, and Cecil get onto their van, then pull GrandPat and a drooling Patrick onto it as well.]
Squidina: Okay, I think Patrick officially needs a doctor.
GrandPat: Or a plumber.
[The Star family TV floats by, and an ad is playing.]
Sink: [coughing]
Dr. Plumber: Is your sink sick? [a sick toilet is shown] Is your commode feeling queasy? [star transition to an end card that says "Dr. Plumber; Call Now!!!"] Then let me, Dr. Plumber, diagnose your drain. [TV sinks]
Bunny: Oh, it's Dr. Plumber! He was Tinkle's pediatrician.
Cecil: I bet he can fix Patrick's leak. [grabs Patrick's head, causing the van to move in the flood] We just have to find his van.
[The Star family move along amongst several townspeople holding onto various structures in the flood.]
Bunny: [waving] Hi!
Cecil: [waving] Beautiful day!
Bunny: Have fun!
[Perch and his grandmother are eating cake on their helicopter. They greet the Star family.]
Perch: [chuckling]
Old Mrs. Perkins: Join the party!
Perch: [holds out a cake slice] Wwant some birthday cake?
[Patrick looks at the cake slice, making him drool even more, propelling the van away.]
Perch: [looking down] Huh?
Old Mrs. Perkins: [looking down] Oh!
[Tinkle circles around them, and they both grab onto each other in fear as the helicopter continues to sink.]
Perch and Old Mrs. Perkins: [screaming]
[An action card shows up on-screen that says "CHOMP!"]
[The Star family is shown, with Patrick still drooling heavily.]
Perch and Old Mrs. Perkins: [off-screen] My butt!
Tinkle: [chewing Perch and Old Mrs. Perkins' butts while swimming towards the Star family]
Star family: [all yell] It's Tinkle!
GrandPat: And he's hungry for [points to his butt] heinies!
Tinkle: [tongue extends, gesturing towards himself]
Squidina: Hey, Dad! Make Patrick go faster!
Cecil: [squeezing Patrick's head] I'm giving him all I've got!
Bunny: Drool harder, Patrick! Please!
[Tinkle continues chasing the Star family, then takes a large leap towards them.]
Squidina: I've got it! [points ahead] Take a left!
[They take a left, dodging Tinkle, who dives into the flood and causes a giant wave explosion, drenching the Star family. Tinkle emerges from a bunch of boats.]
Cecil: [huddled up with the others] Oh, no! Isn't there someone who could control this crazed toilet?
[A horn honks as Dr. Plumber appears.]
Dr. Plumber: Did someone say, someone?
Star family: Dr. Plumber!
[Tinkle leaps at them, and the Star family screams. Dr. Plumber sticks a plunger into Tinkle's mouth mid-air as he sets him down. The Star family approaches them.]
Dr. Plumber: [using stethoscope on Tinkle] Hmm. [opens up Tinkle's tank, taking out his brain, which has buttcheeks] This toilet's got heinies on the brain!
Star family: [all gasp]
Dr. Plumber squishes the brain, which makes farting noises, and it goes back to normal.]
Dr. Plumber: Ah-ha! [puts Tinkle's brain back in, and takes the plunger out, as Tinkle goes back to his normal self] [patting Tinkle] Oh, now who's a tidy boy?
Tinkle: [barks]
Dr. Plumber: [gives Tinkle a urinal cake, whic he eats] Enjoy the urinal cake, [picks up Tinkle and sets him back down into the drool, and he happily jumps away] my little Tinkle. [waving] Bye.
Squidina: [tapping on Dr. Plumber] Please, Mr. Dr. Plumber, [points to Patrick] can you fix my brother next?
Dr. Plumber: [approaches Patrick, who is covering his mouth] Huh, what seems to be the trouble, son? [Patrick releases his hands, sending a wave of drool, and Dr. Plumber puts a hand on his mouth] I see. It's a good thing you made it to my van when you did. [grabs kit from his van] Now, let's see here. [grabs scuba gear, and approaches Patrick] I'm going in. [enters Patrick's mouth, doing various things inside of it, then he comes out with a clump of hair] There. I fixed the clog.
Patrick: Yay!
Squidina: Wait! Patrick wasn't clogged! [Patrick starts to drool even more, which lands on the Star family] You made his drooling worse?
Dr. Plumber: Uh... [chuckles] My job here is done, little girl. [enters van, then tosses a urinal cake at Squidina] Have a urinal cake!
Squidina: [growling, tosses urinal cake] What are we gonna do now? Patrick is stuck like this! Huh?
[GrandPat is skiing on the drool, holding onto a string, attached to Patrick, who Bunny and Cecil are surfing on.]
GrandPat: Hey!
Cecil: Whoa-ho!
GrandPat: If we can't stop him, [they return from the other side] at least we can use him! [they laugh]
Squidina: Aha!
French Narrator: [reading flooding time card] One soggy week later...
[Cut to the fire department, where the fire alarm goes off. Four firefighters slide down a pole and get onto the fire truck. The garage door is shown, which has the words "The Patrick Show presents" on it.]
Narrator: [narrating] The Patrick Show presents... [the fire truck is shown as the scene flame transitions to a title card] "The Real Bikini Bottom Fire Department"!
[An explosion occurs as the firefighters drive to a burning building, where a fish is screaming from inside. The fire truck stops, and a firefighter places a ladder on the building. Another sets down Patrick, and the other firefighter grabs his tongue to use as a water hose inside the building. Patrick's tongue snaps off and is removed from his body.]
Patrick: Huh? Oh! I lost my baby tongue! [points to his mouth] I'm cured! [clicks feet] Whoo-hoo! [walks off] I love a happy ending.
[The townspeople scream as all of their houses are on fire. Another sets on fire as the episode ends.]