The Hankering/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Hankering" from season 12, which aired on November 30, 2019.

[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab.]
Incidental 8: Oh, these are delicious.
[Suddenly, a loud roar is heard and it shook the whole restaurant.]
Incidental 22: What was that?
Incidental 60: Think it came from Krabs' office. Maybe he's in trouble.
SpongeBob: [comes out of the kitchen] I'll save you, Mr. Krabs! [attempts to enter Mr. Krabs' office, but Mr. Krabs slams the door in SpongeBob's face; Mr. Krabs moans and groans as his stomach growls] Ooh, Mr. Krabs, thank Neptune you're okay. [Mr. Krabs' stomach growls really loud] Eww, what was that noise?
Mr. Krabs: Huh? [turns his body around] Uh, I didn't hear nothing. Everything's completely normal. Okay, closing time! Everyone out! [pulls down a rope and makes the floor push SpongeBob, Squidward and the customers out; then he frantically locks the door as everyone looks at Mr. Krabs suspiciously] Eh..o-okay... [laughs nervously] See you tomorrow.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, Squidward and I don't want to leave work early. Right, Squidward?
[Squidward happily runs away from the Krusty Krab.]
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, I could still— [Mr. Krabs and everyone else is gone, leaving with only a nickel] A nickel? [licks the nickel] And it's the same temperature as Mr. Krabs. [picks up the nickel] Ooh, he's gonna want this back. [runs off]
[Mr. Krabs runs all over the streets of Bikini Bottom in a frantic panic. He hides behind the building and sees a taxi pulling over for a customer. He rolls over to the taxi and hides underneath it before it drives away. SpongeBob appears and fails to stop Mr. Krabs. He waves for another taxi.]
SpongeBob: Follow that boat! [crawls under the taxi before it drives away]
[The driver stops the taxi boat at a place that's located outside of Bikini Bottom, the Slop Pail. SpongeBob comes out from under the taxi and is completely beaten up.]
Taxi driver: Sorry about all those speed bumps, kid. And the cactus patch and the demolition derby.
SpongeBob: [dizzily] "Roast moblem, Orfficer." [pays the taxi driver and faints]
[Mr. Krabs is sitting at a picnic table, waiting impatiently for something. He checks his watch and frantically looks around. SpongeBob appears through the wood of the picnic table.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [shrieks as SpongeBob's appearance startles him] SpongeBob, what are you doing here, boy-o?
SpongeBob: [pulls himself out of the table] I brought your nickel, silly. [pauses and looks around] What is this place? And what are you doing here?
Mr. Krabs: Nothing, [takes the nickel] I've never been here before in my life.
[Just then, a man, who is the chef of the Slop Pail, appears and gives Mr. Krabs a bowl full of chum.]
Sal: Eugene, got your usual here: one big steaming plate of chum! Enjoy.
[The chum belches slime in SpongeBob's face.]
SpongeBob: "Usual?" "Chum?" "Enjoy?" Oh, I don't understand, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I suppose there's no hiding it, boy-o. It all started back in me old Navy days. [a flashback of Mr. Krabs' Navy days is shown] I was a young seaman on a dangerous mission deep in enemy territory.
[The flashback shows all of Mr. Krabs' Navy friends having a fun time at the beach. Mr. Krabs is sleeping in a hammock.]
Navy chef: [rings his triangle] Meal time.
[Mr. Krabs Navy friends run over the chef and climb onto the ship to eat their meals. Mr. Krabs continues to sleep in his hammock.]
Mr. Krabs: [voiceover] Somehow, in the madness of battle, I became separated from me crew. [his past self yawns and wakes up from his nap; he goes into the ship and sees everyone sleeping after eating too much] It took hours of fighting and sneaking and scraping to get back to me ship, but by the time I got there, our supplies have been decimated. [his past self sits in a chair and the chef feeds him chum] All we had left was chum...and I hadn't eaten since noon. [his past self starts to eat chum] I was starting to feel peckish. [his past self starts to take a liking to chum] But, oh, that flavor. Sweet and gamy with a cream, chunky mouthfeel. [a chum monkey appears as his past self continuously eats chum] Oh, I've had a chum monkey on my back ever since. [his chum monkey screeches before coming back to the present day] Been eating the stuff in secret for years now. [eats some of Sal's chum] Just got a taste for it. One of them survival things, I suppose. [a piece of Sal's chum gurgles for a bit before Mr. Krabs slurps it in his mouth] Oh, uh, look, SpongeBob, I don't want this getting out, you understand? [laughs] Especially to Plankton. So what do you say, huh? Keep me shame a secret, huh? For old Mr. Krabsy?
SpongeBob: [laughs] You got it, Mr. Krabs. My lips are sealed. [zips his mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Glad to hear it. Okay, see you tomorrow. [pushes SpongeBob away] Sal, I'm feeling hungry tonight. How's about another plate of chum?
Sal: Oh, sorry, Eugene, that was my last plate of chum, ever! I'm closing the Slop Pail permanently. [closes his restaurant]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] What?! [gulps]
Sal: Yep, I'm moving to Shell City to make it big in the pictures. Just imagine this mug on a movie screen 30 feet wide! [a closeup of his face is shown while laughing] See you in the movies! [drives away]
Mr. Krabs: But where will I get me chum from?
[Mr. Krabs is now stranded in the middle of nowhere alone. The scene changes back to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is pacing back and forth about where he'll get more chum.]
SpongeBob: Gosh, Mr. Krabs, I've never tried to make chum before. I don't even know what the ingredients are.
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, well, uh, it's, uh—it's made from... [whispers in SpongeBob's ear about what the actual ingredients of chum are and from what SpongeBob hears, it is really disgusting]
SpongeBob: [gags and groans in disgust] Eww. [as Mr. Krabs is done talking, SpongeBob turns pale and his yellow color melts off; he mops up his color and washes himself with it] Um, I don't think I can make that for you, Mr. Krabs, but I can make you some chum-free chum. You won't even be able to tell the difference.
Mr. Krabs: I sure hope you're right.
French narrator: Later...
[The scene changes to SpongeBob serving three kinds of chum for Mr. Krabs to enjoy.]
SpongeBob: Behold: three takes on chum à la SpongeBob. [Mr. Krabs gives a taste on the first plate of chum] The secret ingredient in this one? Krabby Patties. Well? Huh?
Mr. Krabs: It's delicious! [suddenly gets angry] Too delicious! [swats the first plate of chum away] Next!
SpongeBob: [gives Mr. Krabs another plate full of chum and Mr. Krabs gives another taste] To capture the natural bouquet of the chum, I made this batch entirely from old snail litter.
Mr. Krabs: [gasps, spits out some snail litter and his face shrivels] A little dry. [shakes his head back to normal] Next! [swats the second plate of chum away]
SpongeBob: [gives Mr. Krabs another plate full of chum] Ooh, I think you'll like this one. [Mr. Krabs gives it a taste] I know I do. [giggles] It's made from wishes and love.
[Mr. Krabs belches out hearts and sparkles. His face turns into SpongeBob's face and laughs like SpongeBob.]
Mr. Krabs: [rubs his face back to normal] It's too sweet. Oh, none of these are right, SpongeBob. I think this old chum chewer needs some time alone. [leaves the Krusty Krab and sulks away]
[Later that night, Mr. Krabs stops at a brick wall and wails in sadness. His stomach moans and groans in hunger, giving Mr. Krabs so much pain.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, the Chum Bucket's the only place in town still selling chum, but I can't go crawling to Plankton for help. No, I won't. I got too much pride for that. [cuts to Mr. Krabs invading Plankton's trash can, looking for some chum] Oh, come on, there's gotta be some chum in here somewhere!
Karen: [comes out with a flashlight] Uh, hello? [Mr. Krabs hides behind the trash can] Who—who's out there?
Plankton: [comes out with a bat] All right, miscreant, come over here where I can destroy you! [swings the bat around, but gets crushed by it]
[Mr. Krabs attempts to escape, but Karen catches him.]
Karen and Plankton: Krabs?
Plankton: What are you doing here? [crawls out from under his bat]
Mr. Krabs: Nothing, nothing! I, uh, [takes the shoe out of his mouth] lost my shoe! See? Found it. [laughs] Okay, bye. [his stomach growls loudly]
Plankton: [suspiciously] Hold it. What's going on with you, Krabs? Your clothes are a mess and your stomach's making strange noises.
Mr. Krabs: [wears the shoe] What are you talking—I'm...[stammers until he gives in] Oh, fine! [throws away the shoe] I'm hooked on chum, okay?!
Plankton: Say what?! [his skeleton falls out in shock]
Mr. Krabs: Look at me now! Digging through garbage for scraps! [sobs uncontrollably]
Plankton: [sucks his skeleton back in his body] You actually like chum?
Karen: How is that possible? Nobody likes chum! It tastes terrible!
Plankton: [hops on Karen's screen] Shh! Mute your speaker, Karen. This pathetic display is giving me an idea. [walks over to a sobbing Mr. Krabs] All right, Krabs, old buddy, how would you like a lifetime supply of chum?
Mr. Krabs: [stops crying] Really?
Plankton: Sure, for the low, low price of the Krabby Patty secret formula!
Mr. Krabs: [shrieks] No, no, I can't! Not me formula.
Plankton: You sure, Krabs? [holds up a bowl full of chum] Just breathe in that noxious smell. [sniffs the chum and nearly gags; lassos Mr. Krabs down with the chum fumes and holds up a chum-shaped pendulum] You know you want it. [laughs evilly as he attempts to brainwash Mr. Krabs]
[The chum monkey in Mr. Krabs' head sees and hears everything. He climbs into Mr. Krabs' brain and reactivates it with a steering wheel. Mr. Krabs crawls over towards Plankton and attempts to eat some of his chum.]
Plankton: [throws the chum out of sight] Ah-ah-ah. Not until I have the formula.
Mr. Krabs: [growls] Oh, fine! I'll be right back. [goes to his restaurant, enters his office and opens his safe, only to find SpongeBob sleeping and cuddling with the secret formula inside]
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing here, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, when I can't sleep, I come here to be close to the formula. It comforts me.
Mr. Krabs: Well, comfort time's over now! [grabs the formula] I'm trading the formula to Plankton for a lifetime supply of chum.
SpongeBob: [stops Mr. Krabs in his tracks] I can't let you do that, Mr. Krabs. [tries to pull the formula out of Mr. Krabs' claws] You'll thank me for this later. [grunts as he tugs and pulls] Okay. [gets dragged on the floor by an annoyed Mr. Krabs] Gotta get a better grip. [enters the Chum Bucket while being dragged to the floor; he sighs] Okay, okay.
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, where are you? I got the formula! I'm here to collect me chum!
Plankton: [off-screen] I'm up here, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [climbs up the ladder and sees a whole lifetime supply of chum in an enormous barrel] Whoo-hoo! Just look at all that chum! And it's all for me! [laughs maniacally]
Plankton: Oh, I'm so sorry, Krabs. You foiled too many of my plans over the years for me not to double-cross you now. [holds up a remote] This time, I have the upper hand! [pushes the button and activates a giant robot fist, which crushes Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob; the secret formula rolls over to Plankton and he picks it up. To the camera] Get it? "Upper hand?" [laughs like crazy] I win and you get nothing!
[Mr. Krabs lifts the robot fist up and attacks Plankton. The two get into a massive brawl over the secret formula. But their fighting causes the secret formula to fall into the chum.]
SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton: [gasps] No!
[The secret formula sinks into the chum. Mr. Krabs gasps in shock as he eyestalks become secret formula bottles before disappearing into dust.]
Plankton: [puts on some swimwear] You and SpongeBrain can see yourselves out, Krabs. Ta-ta! [laughs] Alley-oop! [jumps onto the chum to get the secret formula]
Mr. Krabs: Oh no, this is terrible! Oh, my formula's gone! I'm ruined! And hungry! [cries]
SpongeBob: Wait, Mr. Krabs! Plankton is tiny. It'll take him forever to swim through that chum. [the chum bubbles] You can get to the formula before him, but you're gonna have to eat like the wind.
Mr. Krabs: You're right, boy-o! I can do this! [jumps into the barrel of chum]
SpongeBob: Whoo! [Mr. Krabs begins gobbling down on the lifetime supply of chum] Go, Mr. Krabs, go! Whoo! [Mr. Krabs eats some bread] No, don't fill up on bread! The chum! Eat the chum!
Mr. Krabs: [takes out a straw] Right! [slurps on the rest of the chum until he is completely obese and full]
[SpongeBob climbs down, opens the barrel's door, and enters the chum barrel. Mr. Krabs groans and belches out the secret formula.]
SpongeBob: [hugs Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs, you did it! You saved the secret formula.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, and I think I killed me taste for chum too. See? [sticks out his tongue that has tombstones on his taste buds] I'll never touch another bite of this stuff as long as I live. [groans]
SpongeBob: Hey, where'd Plankton go?
Karen: [takes out an X-ray] Hold still. [pulls the X-ray down to reveal Plankton inside Mr. Krabs' stomach] This isn't the first time this has happened. [the X-ray shows Plankton struggling inside Mr. Krabs' stomach] Hmm, could take him a while to get out.
SpongeBob: What should we do while we wait?
[The scene changes to SpongeBob, Karen, Mr. Krabs, and the chum monkey watching Sal's latest movie at the movie theater. He is the star of an action-adventure movie that features an evil mad scientist and a secret agent.]
Sal: You'll never get away with this, Dr. Kelpington!
SpongeBob: [whispers to the chum monkey] Mm, could you pass the popcorn?
[The chum monkey screeches at SpongeBob.]
Plankton: [still inside Mr. Krabs' stomach] Get me out of here!
Karen: Shh! [She, SpongeBob, the chum monkey and Mr. Krabs keep watching the movie and the episode ends.]