The Perfect Camper/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "The Perfect Camper/transcript" from season , which aired on .

• [The episode begins with a shot of Perch's watchtower.]
• Perch: Good morning! And what a beautiful day it is for the annual Kamp Koral Summer Games. Let's go down to the field where the competitors are getting ready for the day's events.
• [The campers are seen in different places around a field. There is a judges' table. The Trawlers are gathered near a volleyball net.]
• Rea and Roh: [stretching] Oh, oh, oh.
• Regigille: Allow me. [stretches their bodies out, making them dizzy]
• [Pan to the jock campers.]
• Larry: You got this, bro! [punches Craig]
• Craig: Bro! [punches him]
• Mo: Bro! [punches him]
• Craig: Bro! [punches her]
• [They get into a fight as a dust cloud envelops them.]
• Jocks: Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro!
• Tall Tail: Stop! [punches them]
• [Pan to the Trawlers.]
• Perch: I see the Creepy Trawler cabin getting ready to needle the competition.
• [Roxy, Jimmy, and Kidferatu throw balls of yarn at Preda Tory. She quickly knits them together. She makes a scarf for Kidferatu, who gives a thumbs up, then mittens for Jimmy and a hat for Roxy. Little Roxy comes out of the hat.]
• Kidferatu: [hisses]
• Preda: You are right, Kidferatu. I am faster this year. We can't lose. I can just feel it.
• [Pan up a judge's table, with Mrs. Puff, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton sitting behind it.]
• Perch: And here we have our illustrious judges!
• [Cheering. Krabs sighs.]
• Krabs: All right. Let's get these lame games over with.
• [Cut to Roxy playing badminton against Rea and Roh.]
• Perch: In the badminton event, it's the Yacht Cabin versus the Trawlers.
• [Roh serves. Little Roxy hits the shuttlecock back. Rea hits it, and Little Roxy hits it again. Roh runs to catch it and hits it hard.]
• Roxy: [running up] I got it! I got it!
• [Big Roxy accidentally swats Little Roxy, sending them flying through the net. They roll past, tangled in it. Rea and Roh stand on a podium; Rea has a medal, and Plankton gives Roh one.]
• Perch: First win goes to the Yacht Cabin!
• Plankton: Hooray for you!
• Trawlers: [disappointed] Awww...
• Preda: That's just the first event. We'll get them in the next one.
• [Cut to Craig holding a circular hammer and standing in a hammer toss circle.]
• Perch: Up next, it's the hammer throw. From the Frigate Cabin, Craig Mammalton.
• [Craig spins around and throws it. It lands far away, and Plankton brings a tape measure up to it.]
• Perch: 285 feet! A new camp record!
• Plankton: [gets squished by ball] Ahh!
• Craig: Bro-ho-ho-ho!
• [Kidferatu comes up to the hammer toss circle. As he spins, his hat pops off. He attempts to shield his eyes and disintigrates, and the hammer crushes his ashes. The smoke dissolves to Craig wearing a medal.]
• Perch: Frigate Cabin wins!
• Frigate members: [cheer] Bro!
• Roxy and Jimmy: [disappointed] Awww...
• Preda: OK. That's two. But this next one is ours for the taking.
• [She vacuums up Kidferatu's ashes. Transition to two big balls of yarn. Krabs walks between them, and Kevin and Preda approach from each side, holding knitting needles.]
• Perch: Next event, extreme speed knitting!
• Krabs: All right, you nitwits! Knit!
• [Kevin and Preda rapidly knit scarves and the balls of yarn shrink.]
• Krabs: Knitting doesn't seem like much of a sport to me, but-- [his foot gets pulled by some yarn] whoa!
• Perch: Time's up! Needles down! [Preda stops knitting] An interesting entry from the Trawler Cabin!
• [Preda gasps and sees Krabs completely covered in a scarf.]
• Krabs: [muffled muttering]
• [Cut to the exterior of a yarn castle. A horse neighs.]
• Perch: But what's this? A noble-knitted knight!
• [Harvey rides in on a sea mule, wearing a suit of armor made of yarn.]
• Harvey: Ha-ha! [winks]
• [Kevin stands on the winner's podium. The other Pontoon members hold knitted swords.]
• Pontoon members: Excelsior!
• Roxy and Jimmy: [disappointed] Awww...
• Preda: Don't feel bad, guys. I have a good feeling about this next event. [Jimmy walks forward]
• Perch: And now the final event of the day, the grossest camper competition! This should be a slam dunk for the Trawlers!
• Jimmy: [waves] Thank you! [squishes and squirts slime through his head, and covers his body in it]
• Audience: Eww!
• Perch: A strong showing from the Trawlers.
• Camper: Yuck!
• [As Jimmy celebrates, Patrick approaches him. He holds a plate of pancakes.]
• Patrick: You might want to hold on to that celebration. Mind if I dunk?
• [Patrick rubs the pancakes on Jimmy's slime and eats them. The crowd is disgusted. Patrick burps, disgusting the crowd more. Patrick throws a pancake at Jimmy and it spins into the air, covered with slime.]
• Patrick: Anybody want a taste? [catches it in his mouth]
• [The crowd gasps. A slime transition covers the screen. Plankton gives Patrick his medal.]
• Perch: Looks like I spoke too soon, folks. It's a Hail Mary win for the Dinghies.
• SpongeBob: [jumping up and down] Yay, Patrick!
• Little Roxy: Ohh, we lost every event today.
• Jimmy: If I'm not the grossest camper, then who am I?
• Preda: How are we even going to compete in tomorrow's big event?
• [Kidferatu rattles from inside the vacuum cleaner.]
• Preda: That is a creep-tastic idea, Kidferatu. I love it. [smiles]
• [That night, someone dashes through the bushes. It turns out to be Kidferatu, stealing part of the shell of a sleeping Larry.]
• Larry: [snoring] Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Bro, bro, bro, bro.
• [Bushes part to show the Yacht cabin. Upturn lets her hair free and brushes it, then puts on a sleep mask and yawns. Little Roxy steals a strand from her hairbrush. Jimmy sneaks into Squidward's room and pokes his nose to steal the ink. The ink fills up the screen, showing Preda on Bubble Bass's roof. She steals the retainer out of his mouth.]
• Preda: [quietly] Success.
• [Thunder crashes outside the Trawler cabin. Inside, the Trawlers are looking into a glowing cauldron, and each put their pieces in.]
• Preda: Unite these things that we did borrow to bring us victory tomorrow. Create one who can really scamper, our cabin's champion, the perfect camper!
• [Lightning flashes.]
• Preda: [cackling]
• [The cauldron swirls. A being rises up from it.]
• Trawlers: Ah-ha-ha-ha!
• [The Trawlers react in amazement. A golem stands in front of them, growling.]
• Clay: Call me Clay.
• [At the Games the next day, jellyfish swim in the sky. Pan down to the judges' table. Loud footsteps are heard, catching the judges' attention. Upshot on Clay.]
• Preda: This is Clay. He'll be representing the Trawler Cabin today.
• Krabs: Oh, not so fast. Camp rules state that it must be your cabin's counselor who competes. [gestures and knocks Plankton away] If for some reason they cannot race, then and only then can you use a substitute.
• [The Trawlers think for a moment. Kidferatu gets an idea and removes his hat, evaporating into dust.]
• Krabs: [sighs] Welcome to the games, Clay.
• Perch: Welcome back to day two of the Kamp Koral Summer Games. Let's start with the obstacle course.
• [Bubble Bass, Squidward, and Larry are stretching. Regigille carries Lady Upturn. Clay walks up.]
• Larry: Huh? [to Upturn] These Trawler kids get weirder and weirder every summer.
• Perch: On your mark, get set, go! It's a good start for the Creepy Trawlers.
• [The racers step through a field of tires.]
• Trawlers: Go, Clay, go!
• [Clay squeezes through a stone wall. The other racers try to climb it, but he pushes the stones over onto them. The counselors ride on ziplines, only for Clay to speed past them all and make them spin. Clay is in the lead, and he jumps into a rock on a river. Larry catches up to him.]
• Larry: Huh? [ducks a projectile]
• Perch: Surprise! To juice things up, we added electric chum balls.
• [Anchovies are shocking chum balls with jellyfish and flinging them in jellyfish nets.]
• Anchovies: Meep. Meep. Meep. Meep!
• [The chum balls fly through the air and hit Bubble Bass, electrocuting him. He falls into the river and is washed away.]
• Perch: And the Pontoon Cabin is out of there!
• Larry: [looking around] Huh? Huh? [deflects one with his tail]
• Clay: Hmm?
• [Clay morphs his head into Larry's and grows a tail, then deflects two chum balls to blast the anchovies away and keeps running. Larry follows him.]
• Trawlers: [cheering]
• Perch: And the race moves on to the harrowing hang gliding event.
• [The racers run up to hang gliders. Larry takes the first one.]
• Perch: Counselor Larry plunges into the lead!
• [Clay dives down and morphs his head into Lady Upturn's, then forms his hair into a hang glider.]
• Perch: Now that's what I call a hair-raising maneuver!
• [Clay flies into the distance with Larry. Upturn hesitantly takes a hang glider.]
• Upturn: Ohh!
• Squidward: [looks down] Hmm? [gulps]
• [The Dinghies cheer.]
• SpongeBob: You can do it, Mr. Tentacles!
• [The hang glider drops down as they cheer. However, it goes off-course and slams into a rock.]
• Patrick: Watch out!
• SpongeBob: Oh, no!
• Dinghies: No! Counselor Tentacles!
• [The hang glider explodes. Squidward is shown lounging on a chair and reading a book back on the cliff.]
• Squidward: Oh, yeah. I'm out. [puts on sunglasses]
• [The camera zooms out to show the hang glider still smoking. Larry, Upturn, Regigille, and Clay glide ahead.]
• Larry: [looks around and glides] Whoa. [chuckles] Whoa-oh!
• [They fly ahead. Upturn lets her hair loose, blinding Regigille.]
• Regigille: Pardon me, madam. But your hair may cause me to...
• [The hair wraps around the hang glider and sends them crashing into a coral tree, then hanging upside down, wrapped in Upturn's hair.]
• Regigille: ...crash.
• Perch: Looks like the Yacht Cabin has been hung out to dry!
• [Larry and Clay continue gliding. Clay glances at Larry and morphs into Bubble Bass, bouncing on his butt to land safely.]
• Clay: Ugh! Ugh! [lands on a donkey]
• Perch: On to the final leg of our competition, the donkey dance.
• Donkey: [braying]
• Larry: [gets on donkey] Move it, yo bro!
• [They race towards the finish line.]
• Mo, Craig, and Tall Tail: [chanting] Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry!
• Trawlers: [chanting] Clay! Clay! Clay!
• Perch: They're neck-and-neck as they come into the home stretch!
• [Larry uses his arms against the ground to speed up the donkey. Clay's head morphs into Squidward's. He sprays ink out his nose backwards to propel himself forwards. Clay narrowly beats Larry.]
• Perch: What a finish! And Clay wins by an ink gland.
• [Clay and his donkey stand near the podium. Clay's head turns back to normal. The Trawlers approach him.]
• Preda: You did it, Clay!
• Krabs: [holding trophy] And the trophy goes to the Creepy Trawlers! [gives it to Clay]
• [The crowd cheers.]
• Preda: Let's go put that beautiful winning trophy in our cabin.
• Clay: Uh, no. [stomps] I won't be returning to your creepy, weirdo cabin. [points to self] I just won the Best Camper Award. [holds trophy] And there's no "we" in "I." [points]
• Jimmy: But there is a "we" in "weirdo."
• [Clay dances and shows off.]
• Clay: ♪ Go, Clay, number one! Go, Clay! ♪
• Preda: The spell is only temporary. Should we tell him?
• Kidferatu: [shrugs] Ehh.
• Camper: He looks so happy.
• Roxy: Let him enjoy the moment.
• [Clay explodes into goop. The trophy falls, and Bubble Bass's retainer falls.]
• Bubble Bass: My retainer! [puts it in his mouth] Welcome home, my trusty compadre!
• [Kidferatu picks up the trophy and holds it as the Trawlers all stand on the podium.]
• Camper: Whoo-hoo!
• Jimmy: Wahh!
• Roxy: Yippee!
• Kidferatu: [hisses]
• Preda: Ha-ha-ha-ha!
• [They walk into the distance, Kidferatu carrying the trophy.]
• Perch: And so another Kamp Koral Summer Games comes to an end!
• [The wind blows Kidferatu's hat off, making him disintigrate. The trophy crushes Jimmy, then bounces to crush Roxy and Preda after they scream.]
• Perch: A really weird end.