The Wrath of Shmandor/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "The Wrath of Shmandor/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with an exterior shot of the Star family house. Cecil is eating trail mix from a bowl while Bunny uses a vacuum to clean up the mess he is making. The scene zooms in on the carpet to reveal a chrome city named Shmandor. Several Shmandorians fly by in their vehicles as the text "The Shmandorians" appears on-screen.]
Narrator: "The Shmandorians"!
[Shmandorians stand on a conveyor belt that moves in increments. Shamdorians on the left, who are in their morning attire looking exhausted, go through a machine that electrocutes them and puts their normal clothes on. The text "WEAR CLOTHES" appears on two monitors above.]
Female voice: Wear clothes. [wipe transition to Shmandorians in a different building eating food at tables with their pinkies up. Monitors display "EAT"] Eat food. [monitors display "BURP"] Burp.
Shmandorians: [all burp at once, then cover their mouths] Pardon me!
[Wipe transition to Shmandorians working in mid-air. Three are at computer desks, and two are welding. A monitor displays the word "WORK" in yellow text.]
Female voice: Work... [text changes to "WORK HARDER" in red] harder. [Shmandorians start working faster as another one comes by on a conveyor belt with a clipboard]
[Wipe transition to a large Shmandorian building being zoomed into as vehicles fly by.]
Shmesident: [lounging at desk] Another perfect Utopian day in my perfect Utopian society, Shmandor. [a beam appears in front of him] Huh?
Scientist: [appearing] Mr. Shmesident, I've invented the perfect thing for our perfect society. [pulls out a remote from his pocket] I call it television. [both walk up to a window, where a giant television can be seen] And I want you to be the first to [gives remove to Shmesident] try it out.
Shmesident: Ooh. Amazing. [presses red button on the remote, turning on the television to a display of Patrick, which makes every other display show Patrick as well]
[As Patrick displays on all of the monitors, the Shmandorians look at him on the screens. Then, they all gather in front of the giant television to watch him.]
Patrick: [waving] Hi, I'm Patrick.
Shmandorians: [all waving] Hi, I'm Patrick.
Patrick: Today, we're playing with [holds up bomb with fuse] bombs!
Shmandorians: [all holding up bombs] Bombs!
[Several explosions go off, causing mass destruction and fires in Shmandor.]
Shmesident: [grabbing onto the scientist] Oh, Shmeptune! TV is destroying our perfect Utopia. And it's all thanks to that [on the screen, Patrick hits himself in the head with a hammer while wearing a helmet. The Shmandorians imitate him] idiotic Patrick entity.
Scientist: Bu-bu-but what can we do?
Shmesident: Send in the Shmamandos.
[Wipe transition to the Shmamandos lined up while a sargeant walks in front of them. Two Shmamandos are playing patty-cake while another has a sleep mask on while holding a teddy bear. Another one is playing on a game console, another is drooling while asleep, and another is eating pudding.]
Sarge: [pacing back and forth] Well, shmen, this is it. Our mission is a dangerous one, [gets in Shmamando 3's face, then shoves him] and you might not come back. So say goodbye to your family while you [walks off] still can.
Shmamando 3: [waving to a mother and her son] Goodbye, son, dear.
Son: Wait a miniute. [pointing] You're not my papa.
Shmamando 3: Huh? My apologies. [walks up to another mother and son as several Shmamandos say goodbye to their families as well]
Shmamandos: Bye, son, dear.
Female voice: [the text "HUG" appears on monitors above]' Hug.
Mothers and sons: [holding out arms] Papa! [all families hug each other]
All: Aww.
Sarge: Enough dilly dallying! Now [points] march! [the Shmamandos all enter a flying ship, which has a hole that opens up] We have an advanced society to save. [enters ship, then its hole closes before the ship flies off and into the living room] Our mission is simple: eliminate the Patrick entity by any means necessary. [turns around] Any questions? [Shmamando 3 raises his hand] Yes, soldier?
Shmamando 3: Yeah. [points ahead] What's that falling out of the sky?
Sarge: [alarm blaring, turns around] Falling?
[Several rocks hit the ship, making it rapidly spin. Everyone is seen inside the ship, with everyone afraid except for Shmamando 3, who is excited. Another is about to throw up. It is revealed that Cecil is still eating the trail mix and is getting crumbs all over the floor.]
Cecil: [Bunny vacuums his head, making him yell and flail his arms]
Bunny: [retracts vacuum from Cecil's head, with his face now completely blank] Cecil Star, you're making a mess.
Cecil: [his face appears on the vacuum head] Whoopsie daisy. [drops bowl of trail mix]
[On the carpet, several soldiers are injured as the Sarge watches the chaos.]
Sarge: War... war never changes.
Cecil: I'm sorry, dear. I-- [face gets sucked back into the vacuum as Bunny cleans up the mess] oof!
Bunny: Now I get to vacuum again.
Sarge: [as everyone grabs onto each other to try to pull Shmamando 7 out from under a piece of trail mix] Heave! [they lose grip]
Shmamando 7: It's no use, Sarge. You have to go on without me.
Sarge: [pointing as a shadow covers them] We Shmamandos never leave a man behind. [looks up to see the vacuum] Huh? Holy shmackerel!
Shmamando 7: [whimpering as the trail mix gets sucked up and he holds onto the floor] Ah! Sarge!
Sarge: Huh?
Shmamando 7: [loses grip and gets taken by the vacuum, screams]
Sarge: No! Shmandorian chain!
[The Shmandorians grab each other's hands.]
Shmamando 7: [screaming] Huh?
Shmamando 6: [grabs onto Shmamando 7's hand] Gotcha.
Sarge: Hold on!
Shmamando 7: Ah! I--I'm slipping! [loses grip, gets fully sucked into the vacuum] Tell my wife I love her!
Shmamando 6: [letting go to go into his pocket and starts to get sucked into the vacuum] Okay. [on a shell phone] Hi. Your husband loves you. [gets fully sucked in]
Sarge: No!
Bunny: [finishes vacuuming as a sparkle is left behind] Hmm.
[Shmamandos 6 and 7 are swirling inside the vacuum.]
Shmamando 7: Whoa! Whoa! [both press a button on their belts, causing electricity to flow from it, and they are both teleported back to Shmandor, dizzy]
Shmamando 6: Shmandor is doomed if we-- [grabs onto Shmamando 7 and points to the ginat TV] hey, look, TV!
Patrick: [wearing a helmet with a faucet] Next, [cranks faucet wheel, causing water to drain from his helmet] I'm gonna drain all the water from this [gives a thumbs-up] helmet. [laughs as his head turns realistic, then he chokes and falls over]
Shmamando 7: [clapping] Yeah! Well done.
Shmamando 6: [clapping] Wow! [both put helmets on, and water drains from them]
[Meanwhile, Patrick is still passed out in front of a stage, which Squidina is recording with a camera.]
Squidina: [giving thumbs-up as Patrick is gasping] We're making TV magic here.
[The Shmandorian ship is traveling along the water towards Patrick's butt.]
Sarge: [as Shmamando 4 uses the controls] Steady. [the screen shows a target being aimed at Patrick's head] Steady.
Shmamando 4: Target locked.
Sarge: Fire!
[Missiles are launched from the ship and break Patrick's helmet open.]
Patrick: [gasps and gets up, then coughs] Whoa! [looking at camera] If that glass didn't shatter, [points at himself] I, the Patrick entity, would have been eliminated.
Squidina: Good thing you weren't, [holds up clipboard showing an image of the Eiffel Tower] 'cause it's time for our next segment.
[Counter-clockwise transition to Patrick in a French outfit breaking through a painting.]
Patrick: Sacré bleu! [falls over, revealing a realistic image with the Eiffel Tower] Whoa! [gets up and holds up a baguette with a beret and drawn face, in an exaggerated French accent] Hohn, hohn, hohn! [plucks mustache, zoom out to reveal the Shmandorians watching on the giant TV] Je suis Patrique.
Shmandorians: [wipe their faces to put on French outfits, then hold baguettes] Hohn, hohn, hohn.
Shmesident: [watching from the presidential building] Oh, great. Now they're French. [walks off] Can it get any worse?
Patrick: Ze French, zey love ze French bread. [shoves baguette in his mouth, making his head tall] And what goes better with French bread than some stinky French cheese? [Squidina, with a nose pincher on, reveals a platter of stinky cheese] Viola!
[Some flies circle around, which are revealed to be the Shmandorians flying with jetpacks.]
Sarge: It's time to engage the enemy in a frontal jetpack assault. [speeds ahead] Move out!
Patrick: For our [grabs cheese from the platter as the Shmandorians fly by] first stinky cheese...
Squidina: [the buzzes vibrate in her headphones] Hmm? Hey, Patrick, just a sec. Your mic's picking up the flies. [on the phone] Mm-hmm. Yep. Send her in. [closes phone]
Shmamando 3: [flying in the air, then screams as he gets swatted]
Shmamando 5: [screams while flailing in the air, then gets swatted]
Bunny: [using flyswatter to swat away the Shmandorians, and a tiny explosion occurs] Foinsap!
Sarge: [dodging several swats from Bunny]
Bunny: [determined] Oh, it's on.
Shmamando 3: [nosediving with Shmamando 4] It was an honor serving with you.
Shmamando 4: [shaking hands with Shmamando 3] You too.
Shmamandos 3 and 4: [get swept away by Sarge] Huh?
Shmamando 3: Sarge!
Shmamando 4: We're saved!
Sarge: Not yet.
Bunny: [trying to hit the Shmandorians] Foinsap! [spinning] Foinsap, foinsap, foinsap, foinsap! [breaks through the wall] Foinsap!
Sarge: [growls, then his eyes bulge out as he screams]
Bunny: [breaks through a hung-up drawing as she holds her flyswatter up] Foinsap! [swings flyswatter]
Sarge: Brace for impact! [all yelling as they get swatted]
[Accordion sounds are heard as the Shmamandos, now injured, move up and down like an accordion. They all stand up.]
Sarge: [pacing] Men, to take down the target, we're down to our last option. [points to Patrick] We're gonna have to attack the unprotected flank of our enemy. Now, let's move! [all running off] Go, go, go, go, go! Hut, hut, hut, [holds a grappling hook] hut, hut, hut, hut! [shoots a hook into the air, which lands on the collar of Patrick's shirt]
[Sarge begins climbing the hook's rope, and the others follow.]
Patrick: [on TV] And that's why eels can't be trusted. [his watch dings, which he looks at and shows the camera] Uh-oh, it's chili dog o'clock, a very special time [Squidina rolls in a batch of chili dogs] where we get to see how many chili dogs I can [grabs a chili dog] eat in one minute. Okay, 60 seconds on the clock. [a digital clock appears on the screen, which he looks at] And... [begins eating chili dogs]
Sarge: [as the Shmamandos continue climbing the rope] Don't look down, boys.
Shmandorians: [eating chili dogs in unison]
Sarge: [all climbing up Patrick's butt] Once we get past this purple canyon, we'll be halfway there.
Patrick: [continues eating chili dogs until the timer goes off, and the number "27" appears on-screen] 27! I beat my old record. [an alarm goes off, and he looks at his watch] Huh? Uh-oh. [looks at camera] Now it's fart o'clock.
Shmamando 4: [as the ground shakes] Sarge? [all three get blasted with Patrick's farts]
Patrick: [blushing as he continues farting]
Squidina: [sighs]
Shmamandos 2-4: [screaming as their clothes and skin get torn off, then they all press the button on their belts to return home]
Shmamando 3: [walking back with the others] I don't know about you, but I'm gonna hit the showers.
Squidina: [facepalming as Patrick continues farting]
Patrick: [stops farting, looks around, on giant TV] Pardon me.
Shmandorians: [laugh, then all fart]
Shmesident: Okay, that was kind of funny. But we're still [shakes the scientist] doomed!
[Wipe transition to Patrick onstage again.]
Patrick: [camera zooms onto rope on his back] Next up on the show, we're gonna... [speech turns into gibberish as Sarge is shown on the rope]
Sarge: And then there was one. [adjusts helmet] Time to take the target down. [bites on rope to tear it apart, then swings onto Patrick's ear and enters it] Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut! [sees Patrick's brain and approaches it] There it is, the control center! [pulls apart the brain's nerves, creating sparks]
Patrick: Stay tuned for-- [sputters, then his eyes turn into static as he opens his mouth and yells]
Squidina: Patrick?
Sarge: [holding clamp wired to a communication device] Time to call in the reinforcements. [wires clamp to Patrick's brain]
Patrick: [goes back to life as the background and his eyes change to blue, and he looks at the camera menacingly]
Sarge: [using phone] Attention, denizens of Shmandor.
Patrick: Attention, denizens of Shmandor.
Shmandorians: [confused muttering]
Patrick: At my signal, you will evacuate the kingdom and destroy me!
Squidina: [glancing at clipboard] Uh...
Sarge: [using phone] Destroy Patrick Star!
Patrick: Destroy Patrick Star!
Shmandorians: [stampeding out of Shmandor and begin marching] Destroy Patrick Star! Destroy Patrick Star!
Patrick: Destroy Patrick Star! Destroy Patrick Star!
Squidina: You know what, Patrick? I'm not sure this improv bit is working.
Shmandorians: [high-pitched as they take over Patrick's body] Destroy Patrick Star! Destroy Patrick Star!
Patrick: [overlapping with Shmandorians] Destroy Patrick Star! Destroy Patrick--! [mumbling]
Shmandorians: [hitting Patrick with mallets]
Patrick: [covered with Shmandorians] Destroy Patrick Star! Destroy Patrick Star!
Squidina: Oh, great. [tosses clipboard] Patrick's covered in bugs again. [walks off, then throws a circus tent over Patrick, and pumps toxic gas into it]
Shmandorians: [coughing]
Squidina: [takes off circus tent, then grabs a magnifying glass and looks at the "bugs"] Hmm.
Scientist: [coughs] Hello?
Squidina: Wait. These aren't bugs.
Scientist: We're Shmandorinas, actually, [adjusts glasses] a highly advanced society. [coughs] Until we were [bangs fist on hand] corrupted by The Patrick Show.
Squidina: I'm so sorry.
Scientist: We had no choice but to attempt to destroy Patrick. There was no other way to stop his stupidity.
Squidina: Why didn't you just turn the TV off?
Scientist: [puts finger on face] Off? That's brilliant! [presses button on his wrist to teleport him and the Shmandorians back] I have the solution! Just turn off The Patrick Show, and save our-- [gets trampled by the crowd of Shmandorians running out of the machine]
Squidina: Anyway, ready to finish the show, Patrick?
Patrick: Affirmative.
[Inside Patrick's brain, Sarge is wearing a gas mask while still on the phone.]