Uncredible Journey/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Uncredible Journey/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode begins at the Star family house as the sun plays the violin.]
Rube: Well hi, everybody! This your old pal Rube here! And boy, have I got a tale to tell you! [fade to inside the Star house] Ahem... [we see Squidina sleeping and hugging her camera] it's morning at the Star family home [Patrick turns in his bed and eats popcorn] and everyone is tucked snugly in their beds. [we hear something crashing in the living room] That is everyone except... Ouchie the sea urchin and Pinkeye the sea bunny. [Ouchie and Pinkeye are laughing and chasing each other all the way upstairs] In the wild, these two are natural enemies. But today is different. [Ouchie and Pinkeye go inside the upstairs bathroom] Today, they're going to visit their best friend... Tinkle, the upstairs toilet.
Tinkle: [barks happily]
Ouchie and Pinkeye: Yay! [hop inside of Tinkle's lid as they all play together]
Rube: And when those three get together, they have nothing but fun.
[Ouchie and Pinkeye flush themselves in Tinkle, then jump out of the lid.]
Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye: Ta-da!
[GrandPat enters the upstairs bathroom and gets toilet paper thrown at him. He sees Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye licking their tongues together.]
GrandPat: What!? Oh, bluefish. I'll have to use the downstairs bathroom. [runs out and trips on a doll on the stairs] Ohhh... I gotta go, I gotta go! [trips down the stairs and lands on the downstairs toilet, making water spray everywhere] I broke the toilet again!
[His eyes fill with water, which sprays on the screen and wash out to the Stars in the car. A plumber drives up.]
Cecil: Hello, Mr. Plumber! The broken toilet is inside.
Bunny: We're taking GrandPat to the restroom at the mall.
GrandPat: [kicks Cecil] Hurry, son! [holds out dentures] My back teeth are floating!
Cecil: Heh. Okay!
[The car flips backwards and down the road. The plumber enters the house and looks around, then turns off the water main.]
Rube: Mr. Plumber doesn't know that the downstairs toilet is the broken one. He only hears the sounds of a toilet flushing [pan to Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye playing upstairs] coming from upstairs.
Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye: [laughing and playing together]
[The plumber climbs up the stairs. The pets are scared as he opens the bathroom door.]
Ouchie and Pinkeye: [hide in Tinkle's lid]
Tinkle: [growls angrily at the plumber]
Mr. Plumber: This toilet isn't just broken. It's dangerous. [holds out a muzzle and puts it on Tinkle, wheeling him into the van]
Rube: Uh-oh, Mr. Plumber thought Tinkle was the broken toilet. He replaced him with a regular toilet and took Tinkle away. [crash, the family's car lands upside down] Are you with me?
Plumber: Toilet's all fixed! I'll send you the bill!
[The family waves from their car.]
Cecil: You're an inspiration!
Bunny: I love you!
Squidina: Thanks, Mr. Plumber!
[The plumber drives away with Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye in the back. Each of the family members enters the house by pushing the door a different way.]
Bunny: Patrick, dear, go upstairs and feed Tinkle. It's past his lunchtime.
Patrick: [laughs and grabs toilet paper from a cabinet, carries it upstairs, then screams] Everybody, come upstairs now!
Cecil: What's the hold up?
Bunny: Oh, no! What's wrong?
Squidina: Patrick, what is it?
[The Stars gasp when they see the toilet.]
Patrick: [pokes the toilet, which is full of toilet paper, with a brush] He won't eat. He won't bark. He won't bite. Did he turn blue? Tinkle is-- d-- d--
Squidina: Dainty?
Bunny: Delightful?
Cecil: Decalcified?
Patrick: Dead!
[The Stars gasp again and pray. Bunny starts to cry very loudly and floods the house.]
Bunny: [sobbing]
Rube: Oh, no. I wish I could tell them that Tinkle isn't really dead, but I'm just the narrator. I'm not supposed to get involved. Anyway, next scene!
[Bunny's tears come out of the house's window. Transition to a dump. Crows caw and the plumber's truck drives in.]
Tinkle: [nervous bark]
[The plumber takes Tinkle out of the van and throws him into the pile of broken toilets.]
Rube: Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye had never heard of a junkyard. [Ouchie and Pinkeye get out of Tinkle's lid] But they knew they needed to get out of there, pronto.
[The pile of junk they are on shakes. They jump down and a red eye appears in the pile. A giant worm rises up]
Rube: Yikes! That old junkyard worm didn't like to be disturbed when he was napping.
Junkyard worm: [roars]
Tinkle, Ouchie, and Pinkeye: [scream and run away]
Rube: And he meant to teach Tinkle and his noisy friends a lesson.
[The pets run away from the junkyard worm. It burrows into the ground and comes up underneath them. In slow-motion, it is about to eat them, but Pinkeye grabs onto Tinkle's lid and uses it to slide down the worm. They crash into the fence and huddle together as the worm advances on them. Tinkle swallows the worm's head as Pinkeye flushes Tinkle and Ouchie pokes the worm.]
Rube: They're giving that old junkyard worm a swirly.
Worm: [whimpering, crying, runs away]
Rube: That is one wimpy worm.
[The pets cheer. Tinkle hops towards the sun as Ouchie and Pinkeye jump on top of him.]
Rube: To find their way home, Tinkle would follow the sun. The uncredible journey had begun.
[The pets hop down the street. Some people run out of their way.]
Tinkle: [whistling]
[Pinkeye stops to look at something. Ouchie stops and looks too. Tinkle jumps on them, and the two come out of his lid. The camera cuts to show Trader Barg'n's Reef Market. The pets press against the window, looking at various foods: carrots for Pinkeye, sausage for Ouchie, and toilet paper for Tinkle.]
Rube: That junkyard rumble led to some rumblings in their tumblings.
[The pets lick their lips and rush into the store. The manager kicks them out.]
Manager: Shoo! [drops them outside with a grabber] No toilets or vermin allowed! [taps building] This is a food store!
[The pets come in with a disguise. Tinkle, as the head, is wearing a hat and trench coat. Ouchie and Pinkeye control him from beneath. His arms are a spatula and a toilet brush.]
Rube: Looks like our friends have come up with a plan to rustle up some vittles.
[The pets go around the store, get a shopping card, and push some food into it. They accidentally reveal themselves as the trench coat opens, then gasp and close it. The manager looks discomforted.]
Manager: That will be 12 bucks even, sir.
Tinkle: Huh? [pulls out his pockets, showing them to be empty]
[Tinkle points away and distracts the manager, who looks away. Tinkle knocks over the cart and grabs the food items.]
Manager: Aah! Halt! Thief! Stop that man in the trench coat!
[Some old people shopping notice, put on police hats, and approach Tinkle. Pinkeye throws a carrot at one and Ouchie throws a sausage at another. Tinkle sprays water at the third one. They escape the store.]
Rube: Pshew, they made it. And now, suppertime. So they ate a hearty meal and rested for a spell. [the pets are now fat and burp]
[Used toilet paper rolls transition to the pets, still in disguise, walking down the street.]
Rube: Our trio soon realized if they stayed in disguise, no one would know they were really just two animals and a toilet.
Fish: Oh?
Policeman: Huh?
Lady: Ah!
[A man with his hair on fire urgently grabs Tinkle.]
Man: Help! There's a baby in that building!
[A baby is crawling on a windowsill in a building on fire.]
Tinkle: Huh?
[Tinkle runs across the street. Two cars that crash into each other cause a live-action explosion. He combat rolls into the building and sprays water to extinguish the flames. He gasps and sees the baby, carrying it out on his lid. He puts his hands on his hips as everyone cheers. He delivers the baby to a woman, tips his hat, and jumps off. Perch runs in.]
Perch: Perch Perkins here. Tell us, how do you feel about that man's incredible rescue?
Woman: I never got a chance to thank him... or tell him, this isn't my baby.
Baby: [babbles into Perch's microphone]
[A live-action soap bar transitions to a jellyfish and a seahorse in the jungle.]
[Ouchie cuts through the jungle. Pinkeye has an explorer's hat and backpack. Tinkle is scratched up. The pets hop in a circle, noticing their footprints.]
Rube: Our heroes were so exhausted from saving babies that they lost their sense of direction. It was then they started to think they might never find their way home.
[The pets starts crying. Rube comes out from the jungle.]
Rube: Hiya, fellas. I know I'm not supposed to get involved, but I can't take it anymore! You're all just too tired to see it, but your house is right next door!
Pets: Huh?
[They leave to the left. They dig up Gladys' flower garden, and she screams. They look at the house and prance around in front of it.]
Rube: So three devoted friends came marching back together. They were finally home, but they weren't quite prepared for what they found when they got there.
[Old Man Walker and another fish carry a casket to the backyard. The pets peek around to see a toilet being lowered into a grave. They sit down, where the rest of the family and a few lawnies are in funeral outfits.]
Rube: Tinkle could not believe what he was seeing. It was a funeral... [zoom in on the grave, which reads "RIP TINKLE"] for him!
Priest: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie, wipe the seatie.
Mourners: [singing] ♪ All clean... ♪
Cecil: [steps at podium] Nearly beloved...
Bunny: [crying]
Cecil: Here we sit, brokenhearted, to pay our respects to the dearly departed. Tinkle was a cherished member of our family. He loved to frolic and play.
GrandPat: You know you're talking about a toilet!?
Everyone: [shushes GrandPat]
[still disguised, the pets sit down in an empty seat.]
Cecil: If you have some memories about Tinkle you want to share, please come up.
[Patrick, Bunny, and Squidina step up.]
Squidina: Tinkle's seat was never cold.
Patrick: He never got clogged!
Bunny: [still sobbing] And he never splashed back! [crying] Oh, you were perfect!
Paperboy: [steps up] When my dad was laid up in the hospital, Tinkle paid our bills for months. He was the best toilet who ever flushed! [cries]
[The audience cries and claps, except for GrandPat.]
GrandPat: It's still a toilet!
[The audience shush GrandPat. The mourners flush Tinkle's grave. Tinkle himself begins crying, right at GrandPat. GrandPat hands him a tissue as he blows his nose and continues crying and hugs Bunny. Squidina and Patrick join by hugging, crying, and sobbing. The trench coat falls down, revealing Pinkeye and Ouchie crying and sobbing too.]
Squidina: [notices the pets] Tinkle? [Patrick, Squidina, and Bunny see them]
Tinkle: Ah heh heh heh heh. [waves with his handle as he smiles]
Squidina: [happily] Tinkle! Oh, [hugs Tinkle] I knew that old toilet wasn't you! I just know it!
Bunny: [happily] Tinkle, my wittle commode! [hugs Tinkle]
Tinkle: [licks Bunny with his tongue and Bunny laughs]
Patrick: Tinkle? [smiles] What are you doing here? [rudely] You get back in your grave right now!
Tinkle: [jumps on Patrick and licks him happily as Patrick laughs]
Cecil: Attention, mourners. It seems that Tinkle is alive and well. So this funeral is officially canceled. [flushes, knocks the tombstone down and washes his hands with soap and water]
[The mourners are disappointed and walk away. Slappy throws his hat on the ground in frustration.]
Rube: [laughs] And so we come to the end of our uncredible journey. I hope y'all had fun today. I sure as heck did. And this funeral pie is amazing! My favorite, straw-burial. [the pets maul him for the pie] Ow! Ow! Hey, stop it! That's my pie!