User:Konnichiku/Atlantis SquarePantis, my version

[SpongeBob and Patrick are blowing bubbles]
Patrick: A beautiful specimen, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick, hurry! [Patrick takes a photo of the bubble and it pops] How's it look, buddy? Ready for the old scrapbook?
Patrick: More like the scrap-heap. [throws the photo into a big pile] They never come out right! Oh, well, let's try again.
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, this one's gonna be a masterpiece.
Patrick: I'm ready. [SpongeBob blows a bubble in his image]
SpongeBob Bubble: Hi, Patrick!
Patrick: [takes a photo of the bubble but when he does, it pops] Oh, I missed it again! This darn camera isn't fast enough. [stomps on the camera]
SpongeBob: Hold on a second, Patrick! It's not the poor camera's fault you can't get a photo.
Patrick: It's not?
SpongeBob: No, it is the very nature of the fragile bubble.
Patrick: It is?
SpongeBob: Yeah. Ordinary bubbles are like a gust in the wind. They either get swept away, or popped. Let's make one that lasts... forever.
Patrick: Forever... [SpongeBob blows a HUGE bubble]
SpongeBob: Whoo! Yeah baby! This bubble's gonna break all records!
Patrick: I hope it doesn't break until we get a little closer to the ground.
SpongeBob: Huh? [gasps] What have I done?! [The two start crying for help as the bubble drifts into a cave] We're never gonna get out of here!
Patrick: No! [the bubble is popped by a jagged point of a staglacite] What happened?
SpongeBob: [pointing to staglacite] That's what happened.
Patrick: Whoa, what is it?
SpongeBob: A cave... [the two peer down the hole and see the glitz and glamour down below]
SpongeBob + Patrick: Whoaaaaaa.
SpongeBob: I've got an idea! Let's gather all our friends, and we can all explore down there!
Patrick: Sure!
[cut to Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: [Hears SpongeBob laughing] SpongeBob! How's the sailing?
SpongeBob + Patrick: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! We found a pit in the ground in a cave...
Mr. Krabs: Whoa, slow down there. You found a... what?
SpongeBob: Well, we were blowing bubbles like we always do...
Patrick: And then a bubble ATE us... [makes eating gestures]
SpongeBob: And it took us to this cave, where we saw a super-spooky hole with super-shiny things in it!
Squidward: Neptune's ascension. Are you talking about the great lost city of Atlantis? This is just what the doctor ordered! Let's all go there and find some... [SpongeBob and Patrick run in excitedly, knocking Squidward over] Oh, would you two watch where you're going?
SpongeBob: We were just...
Squidward: You found Atlantis??
SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward! We want to see all the beauty and wonder!
Squidward: Well, take me with you. It's the key to untold riches!
[Mr. Krabs shoves SpongeBob and Patrick over violently and faces Squidward]
Mr. Krabs: Did somebody say untold riches!?
Squidward: Yes, Eugene. The streets are lined with gold, and the street lamps are made with diamonds.
Mr. Krabs: Diamond light bulbs! I wonder what they make the money out of.
Squidward: For reasons unknown, this great city disappeared one day, but no ruins were ever found. All the inventions that you take for granted, were given to us by the Atlanteans. Their advances in art, financial wealth and weaponry were eons ahead of their time!
Mr. Krabs: Financial wealth? MONEY?!
Sandy: [overhears the boys] What's all the hubbub, boys?
Squidward: These two found Atlantis!
Sandy: Atlantis?! Legend says, the path to Atlantis lies in a huge hole in the Cave of Seashells. What are y'all waitin' for? Let's hitch them two dogies up!
[later, the gang are all gathered at the hole]
Mr. Krabs: Hurry up, Squidward, that money ain't gettin' any younger. [Squidward throws the rope down, and they all climb down, seeing the path to Atlantis. Squidward is happy. Sandy is in disbelief. SpongeBob and Patrick exclaim excitedly.]
Patrick: [screams]
SpongeBob: Hoo hoo, yeah, hoo hoo hoo!
[They reach Atlantis]
Squidward: Tap-dancing clamshells! It's beautiful!!
SpongeBob: Pretty!
[We see that it has futuristic blue and purple buildings with spires and bubbles. The gang all let go of the ropes, crashing in some trees in the process. The five emerge from the trees.]
Squidward: You dimwits haven't even been here two minutes and you've already messed up someone's topiary garden.
Mr. Krabs: Go on, SpongeBob. Ring the bell.
SpongeBob: Ring for the king, huh? [rings the bell. A red carpet comes down the stairs and Lord Royal Highness comes out]
Lord Royal Highness: Welcome to Atlantis. I've been expecting you. [Falls down the stairs] Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Lord Royal Highness, but my friends call me LRH.
SpongeBob: My friends call me SpongeBob. I'm here to look around.
LRH: Yes, of course.
Mr. Krabs: What a ripoff! This street ain't gold!
LRH: Oh, if it's gold you want, you'll find it in our vault.
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene. I like money.
LRH: Yes, I can see that. Pleasure to meet you. Come, I'll give you the grand tour of our Atlantean fortress. I'm so glad you're all here.
[they're taking a tour]
LRH: For centuries, we Atlanteans spent, nay, wasted our talents and energy building the most sophisticated weaponry to defend ourselves from invaders. But we abandoned the idea of warfare long ago and now all these weapons gather dust behind this locked door as an example of what must be done if one wishes to live in harmony with all creatures of this, or any, world.
Mr. Krabs: [sighs] Eh, harmony shmarmony. When do we get to see the treasure?!
LRH: But of course, follow me.
Mr. Krabs: Comin' through, boys!
LRH: It is both an honor and a pleasure to welcome you to Atlantis. We haven't had visitors in some time. You see, being in a lost city has certain disadvantages which I digress. Now if you follow me, I'll show you some of our grandest achievements...
[they arrive at the central control room]
LRH: First, I'd like you to meet our central computer, Kraken. He's a hi-tech encyclopedia of all that has passed in Atlantis. [to Kraken] Say hello!
Kraken: [turns itself on] Greetings, Lord Royal Highness. I suppose there are visitors? [off LRH's nod] Okay. [to the five] I'm called Kraken. Allow me to tell you the story of why Atlantis is concealed from the sea.
[a flashback starts]
Kraken: Many millennia ago, the ocean was but a mild wave. However, the rising number of rapid currents made the ground too unstable to live on. Thus, it sunk into the sea. We Atlanteans adapted to this change by developing a new way to breathe: thru our gills.
[cut to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Hey, I can do that too!
Kraken: But how?? Sponges were never welcome in Atlantis.
Patrick: What about starfish?
Kraken: Them, too.
Sandy: Or mammals?
Kraken: Enough. [to LRH] Your highness, take them out--
LRH: Okay, okay. [then] I apologize for our computer's behaviour. Let's get moving.
[they leave the room, and enter another room]
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! You told me the streets were paved with gold. Now that street light better be a 600 karat diamond or else. [Mr. Krabs gets on Squidward's neck and starts unscrewing a lightbulb] Ah, hold still, Squidward.
Squidward: You're standing on my neck!
[They trip and the light bulb smashes]
LRH: Are you all right?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, but I feel odd.
[Mr. Krabs starts acting strange]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? You okay?
[Mr. Krabs sniffs]
Mr. Krabs: I'd know that smell anywhere. [Pockets have mouths and start barking like dogs] Me pockets! They be smellin' loot! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[His pockets drag him into the hall of Treasure and start taking the treasure]
LRH: Those pockets of yours certainly have a nose for treasure.
Mr. Krabs: These are me houndstooth pants.
LRH: What you see here is a glimpse of ancient Atlantean history. Long ago we abandoned our obsession with wealth to focus on the pursuit of knowledge. But we've archived a few treasures, as a reminder.
Mr. Krabs: Mother of Pearl! Can I borrow them?
LRH: Uh, nope.
Mr. Krabs: Please! Me daughter needs a college tuition!!
LRH: Sorry Krabs, no can do.
Mr. Krabs: [to SpongeBob] Give me half your paycheck when we come back.
[later, while they're walking]
Sandy: You know, LRH, I was born with a scientific curiosity and I was wonderin' if I could get a peek at some of your scientific achievements?
LRH: Of course, Miss Cheeks, here we are, the combination of all our technology. I give you the Atlantean Hall of Science.
[Opens a large door]
Sandy: Hoppin' acorns. Look at all this high tech gear! [Looks at an invention] What does this gizmo do?
LRH: It's a biomass converting device. It can take any household object--this comb, for example--and turn it into say, ice cream. Would anyone like to try?
Both: Oh me, me, me, me, meee, mee!
LRH: Go ahead!
Both: Yay!
[The boys eat the ice cream]
SpongeBob: Comb flavored.
Sandy: What else can it turn things into?
LRH: Actually it can only turn things into ice cream. We haven't worked out that bug yet but I can show you the most amazing, fantastic device created by Atlantean hands. Behold, this grand machine allows the user to be broken down to nano-stature, enabling them to battle germs hand to hand.
Sandy: How's it work?
LRH: Please have a seat and I'll explain. Now, here’s how it works…
SpongeBob: Hey, cool.
[SpongeBob disappears]
Patrick: Where'd SpongeBob go?
LRH: Right now, his molecules are being broken down into data which is assembled in this computer and is stored on these tapes, then re-assembled on a much smaller scale...
SpongeBob: Someone help me!
LRH: And finally passes through this tube and into this tank which contains every element known to... [peers closer] Oh, dear heavens! It looks like our scientists were working on a very aggressive case of the sniffles! He could be in trouble.
Patrick: Don't worry, SpongeBob. I'm comin' to help you!
[Patrick disappears]
Squidward: Okay, I've seen enough. Let me out of this thing! [Squidward disappears and reappears into an 8-bit scene] What's going on here? I... Oh no. [screams]
[Squidward sees a giant nose]
SpongeBob: Squidward, don't make any sudden movements!
[The nose sneezes germs and Squidward falls over, jumps quickly and runs]
Squidward: Help! [Screams]
[SpongeBob and Patrick follow while they're being chased by germs, and Sandy enters the game]
All: Help, Sandy!
Sandy: Sounds like them critters is in trouble! [The nose catches SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward, and the germs block Sandy from getting to them] Hold on, fellas! I'll be there soon, as soon as I send these critters to their doom! [A title screen shows like a Nintendo game. Sandy battles germs in a triptych of brief (!) action shots. She hits the nose with a submarine and defeats it, the rest of the gang gets saved, they all cheer, then the game says: "Game Over". Everyone is out of the machine]
LRH: Well, shall we continue on with the rest of the tour?
Sandy: Yeah! That was pretty fun!
LRH: Definitely. [To SpongeBob] Your friend Sandy certainly is an excitable one.
SpongeBob: Quite.
[scene cuts to Kraken, sensing something in the science lab]
Kraken: Security breached. Extreme measures activated.
[Scene cuts to LRH giving the tour]
Squidward: This stuff is wonderful and all, but when are we gonna see some real Atlantean culture?
LRH: Gentlemen, What is art?
SpongeBob: Oh, oh, I know, I know!
[Squidward shoves SpongeBob]
Squidward: I thought you'd never ask! Art is the conscious arrangement of elements in a manner that affects a sense of beauty.
LRH: Not even close! [Squidward looks shocked] Art is what happens when you learn to dream. [Gives SpongeBob a blue paint brush] Go ahead. Dream a little.
[SpongeBob touches the wall with the brush and the paint creates SpongeBob's house door]
SpongeBob: It looks like my front door!
LRH: Behold! The Hall of Arts!
[He opens the door, they step in, and Squidward's mouth opens]
Squidward: Incredible! [cries] The creativity! The artistry! [Walks in front of a painting] This painting is so realistic! It looks like you could step straight into it.
LRH: And you can!
[Throws Squidward into the painting]
SpongeBob: Whoa!
Squidward: This place is amazing! [steps into other paintings, and Sandy and Spongey follow him. They have fun... until Sandy comes across a bear trap.]
Sandy: Hey, what's this doing he-- [she trips and falls into the bear trap, which cuts thru her helmet. She starts choking.]
SpongeBob: Sandy!!
[SpongeBob goes to rescue Sandy. He patches the hole in her helmet with some tape. Sandy begins to breathe again.]
Sandy: What was that about?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Let's get out of here.
Squidward: Are you kidding? I just got here!
SpongeBob: Sandy almost died! We have to get out, now!
[They warp out of the painting.]
LRH: Mind if we continue the tour?
Sandy: Definitely! [later...]
LRH: Now this section of town is known for its advances in the science of fondue cooking.
SpongeBob: Wow, I like fondue!
Squidward: You've never even tried it.
[SpongeBob shakes his head. Sound of Sandy yelping is heard. Squid and Sponge turn round to see Sandy slipping on some soap, with bubbles chasing her.]
SpongeBob: Holy halibut! She's SLIDING!!
[SpongeBob and Patrick chase after Sandy, they themselves slipping on the soap trails.]
SpongeBob + Patrick: Whoaaaaa!
Sandy: [turns round] SpongeBob! Just in time! Y'all know how to get me out of here?
SpongeBob: Well yes, but actually no.
Patrick: [softly] Why don't you ab--
SpongeBob: Wait, I got it! [absorbs all the soap suds and spits them back out, causing them all to skid to a halt.]
SpongeBob + Patrick + Sandy: Hooray!
LRH: [entering the scene] Good Neptune! What happened?
Sandy: I dunno. Ever since I played that game of yours, everything's been trying to kill me.
LRH: What do you mean by that?
Sandy: Well, for starters, I almost died when something poked a hole in my helmet... then I got zapped by laser beams... hit in the gut by a softball... and now, I slipped on soap!
LRH: Well, OSHA doesn't comply with Atlantis, since they think we're a myth.
SpongeBob: Can-- can we just finish the tour?
LRH: Sure. [later, the tour has ended] And that was the end of our tour! I hope to see you again-- [MECHANICAL HUMMING] What was that?
Kraken: [off-screen] Presume.
[the camera rotates to show Kraken, in a robot body that looks like Brainiac (DCAU) crossed over with a mythological kraken.]
Gang + LRH: Kraken?!
Kraken: Indeed. I have come to eliminate you. Especially Sandy Cheeks.
Sandy: Why me?
Kraken: The nano-structural device. It was my doing. [a flashback starts] You see, when Lord Royal Highness was elected ruler of Atlantis, I tried to prevent him from achieving his goals. I invented a device containing every element known to man, in order to completely annihilate all vertebrae life in Atlantis. But Highness caught on to me, and added an... interactive aspect to the process. Consumed by rage, I caused a reaction in the waves to submerge Atlantis.
LRH: That's not true! You told me it was the currents!
Kraken: Temper temper, Lord Royal Highness. Don't believe everything you hear. Now... as for the quintet. I will destroy you.
[Kraken blasts Squidward and Krabs, weakening them. He disappears, prompting Sandy, Patrick, and SpongeBob to follow him]
Sandy: C'mon guys! He's getting away!
[They find him in the science lab, in front of the germ machine.]
Kraken: I want to play a game.
[He enters the machine. Sandy follows him. The two wind up in an empty space, 16-bit graphics.]
Kraken: Everything your immune system can resist is a threat here. Spanish flu.
[An influenza virus appears, attacking Sandy. She starts coughing.]
Sandy: No... not... today... Kraken! HI-YAH!! [smacks Kraken, only for her hand to get hurt. Outside, SpongeBob comes in with ice cream.]
Patrick: Are you sure this's going to work?
SpongeBob: Sure! Just watch!
[SpongeBob enters the game. Sandy has maroon spots on her mouth as the virus circles her.]
Kraken: Farewell, Sandy Cheeks.
[SpongeBob enters]
SpongeBob: Hey mister mister! You know what day it is? [off Kraken's confusion] Ice cream day!! [hurtles the ice cream at Kraken's eyes, blinding him]
Patrick: [outside the machine, blowing bubbles, when he hears Sandy coughing] Huh?
Sandy: [inside, almost about to pass out] Oh... no... [Patrick comes in, blowing a HUGE (!) bubble that traps the virus and Kraken, as they both disintegrate.]
SpongeBob: Patrick! You did it!
Patrick: Did what?
[they warp out, Sandy feeling better, LRH holding Mr. Krabs and Squidward, as a bubble comes floating out of the machine]
LRH: Splendid! I never thought outsiders could help us until today!
Sandy: And you should've known not to trust that jerk.
LRH: [shoots a glare at Sandy, but resuming his stride] How about I keep this bubble till the end of time?
SpongeBob + Patrick: Sure!
LRH: "The World's Oldest Living Bubble," if you will! And, as a gift to all of you, I'll distribute half the riches in our town to everyone in Bikini Bottom!
[Mr. Krabs faints. Later, cut to a history museum]
SpongeBob: [reading a plaque] "Legend tells of five heroes who defended Atlantis from the evil Kraken. The world's oldest living bubble is on display in the city in their honour." [to us] Now isn't that a good ending? [winks.]