Who's Complaining?/transcript

This article is a transcript of the Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years episode "Who's Complaining?/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[At night, a window in the dinghy cabin is seen as Squidward is heard snoring. It turns daytime, and the sunlight hits Squidward's bedroom. A rooster is heard crowing as he wakes up.]
Squidward: [sits up and stretches] You know, [lifts up covers] I actually think it's going to be a great day. [gets up, then a floorboard plank raises, hitting him] Ow! What the--? [takes another step, another plank hits him] Ow! Well, that didn't last long. [gets repeatedly hit by floorboard planks off-screen as SpongeBob and Patrick are still sleeping] Ow! D'oh! [SpongeBob and Patrick wake up; another floorboard hits him as he exits his bedroom] Ow! [takes another step and gets hit again] Ow! [groans]
SpongeBob: Watch out for those floorboards, Mr. Tentacles.
Patrick: They're loose.
Squidward: [annoyed] Yeah, I noticed. Morons. [a floorboard from the ceiling knocks him out of the cabin screaming, and he lands face-first in the sand, which he spits out] Enough is enough! This place is a death trap! I am going to lodge a formal complaint. [begins storming off, almost stepping on a rake] Huh? Oh, no. [points to the rake] Not this time. [grumbles while walking away, then gets hit by a plank in the sand] Ow! [gets disoriented and steps on the rake, then falls face-first into the sand again]
Camper #1: [zip-lining] Whoo-hoo! [zipline breaks, lands face-first on the ground]
Squidward: [passing by] Hmm. [steps around the camper]
Camper #2: [enters the outhouse, which sinks into the ground] Help! Somebody help me!
Squidward: [stretches his legs to walk over the sinkhole] Blech.
Girl camper: [places a flyer on a pole] Hmm. Hm. Huh? [the pole breaks at the bottom, holds onto it with her hands before it falls onto her, yells] Ow.
Squidward: This whole camp is falling apart! [continues walking as screaming is heard from a burning cabin, and a camper is seen in a broken boat; opens the director's cabin door] Mr. Krabs! [the door is now detached] Eugh. I have complaints.
Mr. Krabs: [reading a book at his desk] Of course you do. Just write 'em down and give 'em to the complain department.
Squidward: Um. [tries to put the door back in its place, but fails, then gets hit with another floorboard plank, twitches]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, and watch out for that floorboard.
Squidward: Yeah, I noticed it, you mor-- Um, camp master Krabs. Can I just tell you my complaints?
Mr. Krabs: [closes book] No. This ain't the complaint department. If you wanna lodge a complaint, you gotta put it in the complaint box.
Squidward: Well, where's the complaint box?
Mr. Krabs: Right behind me office. [cut to him walking with Squidward outside] There it is. Right there.
Squidward: [looks up to see the complaint box lodged on top of a coral tree] Oh, I see. If you can't reach the complaint box, you can't complain.
Mr. Krabs: The perfect system. While it lasted. But you called me out, junior counselor Squidward. [grabs Squidward and pushes him] So complain away. [laughs and walks away]
Squidward: And complain away I shall. [begins climbing the tree, and loses his grip; yelps as he looks down, looks back up, and gulps as he continues climbing, whimpering]
[Squidward finally gets to the box's level, and reaches out his arm to put a piece of paper into it. A bunch of clams come out of the box and startle him.]
Squidward: [screams, grabs onto the branch, whimpering; places the complaint in the box] Got it. [the branch begins to tilt down] Uh-oh. [screams as the branch breaks off and makes them fall; groans in the box]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Several weeks later.
Squidward: [approaches the now-full complaints box, grumbling] Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Camp master Krabs is completely ignoring our complaints. [picks up the box and takes to Mr. Krabs, who is lounging at his desk; dumps the complaints onto his desk, tossing the box away] This is unacceptable. I demand you deal with these complaints immediately.
Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry. You have to bring these to the complaint officer.
Squidward: Well, who's that?
Mr. Krabs: [puts a pin with an angry face onto Squidward's shirt] Nice to meet you, complaint officer Squidward.
Squidward: Me? You're out of your mind!
Mr. Krabs: Or, I could demote you from junior counselor back to regular camper.
[The camera zooms into Squidward's face as it shows a sequence of him next to a snoring SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Patrick: [his drool slowly descends to Squidward's face]
Squidward: [sequence ends; fearful] Uh, I can't go back into genpop. You win. [sobbing] I'll do it.
Mr. Krabs: Great. Your first assignment is to get these complaints off my desk.
[Bubble transition to Squidward holding the box in his bedroom.]
Squidward: A squeaky wheel's supposed to get fixed, not get all [sets the box on his desk] the work. There's got to be some way out of this.
SpongeBob: [off-screen] Is everything all right there, Mr. Tentacles? [pan over to him and Patrick falling down from peeking into the room]
Squidward: [begins to speak, but then his pupils turn into light bulbs as he smiles] Huh? Oh, hello, boys. I'm just upset [sweeps foot] because I have all these ideas for how to make the camp better, and no one to share the fun of doing it with.
SpongeBob: [gasps] You could share with us. [wraps his arm around Patrick] We'd love to make the camp better.
Squidward: Are you sure? It's a lot of work.
Patrick: [instantly leaves] I'm out.
Squidward: But there might be a [Patrick comes back in, hopping onto SpongeBob] badge in it for you.
Patrick: [hops off SpongeBob]
SpongeBob and Patrick: A badge?
SpongeBob: Count us in!
Squidward: Great.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [rush out of the bedroom, moving up and down in excitement]
Squidward: We'll start by fixing these [points] loose floorboards.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [look down, begin dancing]
Patrick: Floorboards must've fixed themselves.
Squidward: What? That's imposs-- [takes a step and gets hit by a loose floorboard]
SpongeBob: Look! Squidward's an awesome loose floorboard finder.
Patrick: A proper tool to do a proper job.
Squidward: Say what now? [Patrick picks him up and uses him to find loose floorboards, which hit him; groans as Patrick moves him around to find another floorboard]
Patrick: Great job, Patrick.
Squidward: [shakes his head]
SpongeBob: [leaves and comes back with a hammer and nails, using them to fix the floorboards]
Squidward: [hesitantly takes a step, and retracts his foot in fear] Hmm. Great. Our next job is [holds a piece of paper] at the Pontoon cabin.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [salute] Yes, sir, sir counselor sir! [excitedly rush out the door]
Squidward: [laughs] Getting those two to do all the work was my best idea ever. [begins walking, noticing one of his tentacles is stuck in a nail, sighs] Or maybe the worst.
[Bubble transition to the Pontoon cabin, where the trio are in carpenter's clothes.]
Squidward: [reading complaint] Says here you have an uneven table?
Bubble Bass: [in front of the table] Yes. [holds out dice] My dice keeps sliding off. [throws the dice at the table, which immediately slide off] Unacceptable.
Squidward: You heard him, boys. Hop to it.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [salute]
Patrick: Hoppy to do it! [he and SpongeBob run off]
Squidward: [sighs, then the ground begins to shake]
Bubble Bass: What are those imbeciles doing?
Squidward: [looks outside to see SpongeBob using a rod from the tower to tilt the cabin upwards]
Bubble Bass: [throws dice onto the table] Huzzah!
Squidward: Wow. Unorthodox methods, but those ding-dongs actually did it. [the door hits him back inside, making him fall onto the wall]
Bubble Bass: Huh?
[Squidward covers his head with his arms as the double bunker bed slides down next to him. Several sharp objects hit near him, as well as Harvey, who falls over.]
Squidward: [chuckles, then a floorboard hits him in the face]
[Bubble transition to Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick in front of the Yacht cabin. Upturn is on the front porch.]
Upturn: The view from our cabin is horrendous.
[SpongeBob and Patrick look behind them to see a bunch of trash.]
Upturn: Fix it.
SpongeBob: [he and Patrick salute] Right away, ma'am! [both run off and come back with paint buckets and brushes]
[Paint covers the screen as it transitions to a beautiful scenery painting.]
Upturn: Magnificent. Now that's a refreshing view.
[SpongeBob and Patrick stand in front of the giant painting, which is hung up in front of the cabin.]
SpongeBob: We aim to please, [he and Patrick salute, dropping a bit of paint before they walk away] ma'am.
Squidward: [grumbling as he emerges from the painting, covered in paint; the paint is knocked off of him by a random floorboard] Ow!
[Bubble transition to Squidward holding a complaint card of a drawing of sad yellow blob and a kite.]
Squidward: The camp doesn't have enough wind for [lowers the card to see Elwood sadly moving around a kite] kite flying. [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Are you guys done yet?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [setting down a giant fan]
SpongeBob: [puts his hand on Patrick's shoulder] Okay, Patrick. Let's let her rip. [they pull a lever on the fan to turn it on]
Squidward: [tosses Elwood's kite in the air, then notices the string is caught on his tentacles] Huh? [screams as he is taken into the air with the kite]
Elwood: This is fun!
Squidward: [circling around in the air] No it's not!
[The scene changes to Squidward looking at a complaint card consisting of a drawing of the lighthouse surrounding a lake and a frozen thermometer.]
Squidward: The lake is too cold.
Camper: [shivering]
Squidward: Huh?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [farting in the lake]
Squidward: Yuck! That's not gonna warm the lake, you idiots.
Patrick: Agree to unagree.
SpongeBob: Give it the ol' toe test, Mr. Tentacles. [a camper swims backwards while spouting water from his mouth] You'll be surprised.
Squidward: Eh. Uhh... [slowly dips his feet into the water and gets hit by a random floorboard, disoriented]
Patrick: [off-screen] Boy, you sure are good at finding the loose floorboards.
SpongeBob: [pulls a complaint card to fill the screen, which consists of a drawing of a cave and a ball] My ball got lost in a dark scary cave.
[SpongeBob is seen with Patrick, Squidward, and the girl.]
SpongeBob: Are you sure you wanna do this, Mr. Tentacles?
Squidward: Yeah, yeah. Every time you two bottom feeders fix something, I get hurt. So I will go in and get the ball since she's afraid of the dark cave.
Girl: I'm not afraid of the dark cave.
Squidward: Whatever, kid. [enters the cave]
Girl: I'm afraid of the sea bear that lives in the dark cave.
[Roaring is heard as Squidward is heard being mauled. He comes back with the ball, injured.]
Squidward: [gives the girl the ball] Here.
Girl: This isn't my ball.
Squidward: [his nose falls off as he re-enters the cave]
Girl: Oh.
Squidward: [screams as he is mauled off-screen again]
Girl: [inspecting the ball] Oh, wait! This is my ball! [runs away while dribbling the ball] La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
[Bubble transition to Squidward lounging next to the complaints box on a table. SpongeBob and Patrick approach, and Squidward gives them another complaint from the box, which SpongeBob takes as he and Patrick take off. They tie balloons onto the outhouse in the sinkhole, making it float back up.]
Camper: [exits the outhouse, coughing]
[The scene changes as Squidward holds up a complaint card with a drawing of a broken ladle. SpongeBob takes it as it cuts to him in the Krusty Kanteen.]
Plankton: [uses SpongeBob's tongue to server the campers' food]
Camper: [walks off] Blech!
Girl camper: [runs off gagging]
[Squidward hands SpongeBob another complaint card, which consists of a drawing of a girl holding her swollen cheek.]
Girl: [yelling as Patrick uses a drill on her mouth]
SpongeBob: [holding a clipboard, gives a thumbs-up]
[Squidward hands SpongeBob another complaint card, which consists of a drawing of a purple person crying as an orange person covers their ears.]
Purple camper: [crying as the orange camper covers his ears]
SpongeBob: [shrugs in between covering his ears]
Patrick: [picks up the purple camper and carries him]
Orange camper: [smiling] Ah?
Patrick: [carries the purple camper onto a cliff and tosses him into the lake]
SpongeBob: [opens a jar for Larry]
Larry: Yay!
[SpongeBob and Patrick pull the pole from earlier upright with a rope. SpongeBob is then seen at the Trawler cabin.]
Kidferatu: [hisses and points at the sun]
SpongeBob: [nods and waves his hands at Patrick]
Patrick: [gives a thumbs-up while driving a crane, which he uses to raise a cardboard drawing of the moon to block the sunlight]
Kidferatu: [moves in a circle, tosses his hat, and hisses happily]
SpongeBob: [walks away]
[Several complaint cards fall onto the screen as the scene changes to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward in front of the Dinghy cabin.]
Squidward: [emptying the box, which is now empty] I can't believe it. [tosses box, making someone scream] We took care of all the complaints!
Mr. Krabs: [walking to the scene] Well done, counselor Squidward. I didn't think you had it in ya.
Squidward: [crosses arms] I just did what you were too lazy to do, camp maste-- [gets hit by a loose floorboard] Ow!
Mr. Krabs: Looks like you missed one.
Squidward: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] I thought you barnacle heads fixed all the floorboards.
SpongeBob: All but that one, Mr. Tentacles. We ran out of nails.
Squidward: Well, find one!
Patrick: [picks up a nail] Found one.
SpongeBob: That's great, Patrick. Where'd you find it?
Patrick: Where we got all the other nails. [points to the watchtower, which begins collapsing]
Squidward: Uh-oh.
[The Pontoon cabin gets launched away, which hits the fan. The fan falls over and rolls down the hill, hitting the Yacht cabin, of which its members are scared.]
Roh: Hm?
[The fan blows the Yacht cabin and its scenery into the sky.]
Regigilled: Not to worry, [holds a parachute] we have four parachutes.
Upturn: Perfect.
[The cabin sways in the air and lands in the distance, creating an explosion. Rea, Roh, Upturn, and a safe all land wearing parachutes.]
Upturn: A good butler always goes down with the cabin. [the safe falls out of the parachute]
All: [gasp]
[The safe lands on the lake dock, sending the dock's nails flying onto the outhouse, pinning a camper. More nails pop the balloons holding the outhouse up, sinking it once again.]
Camper: Not again!
[More nails fly by, slicing the rope holding the cardboard moon up. The moon crushes the Trawler cabin and rolls down the hill.]
Kidferatu: [emerges, hisses, then turns into ash]
Two campers: [scream and run away just before the cardboard moon hits them]
[The moon demolishes the Yacht cabin as it continues rolling, then demolishes the director's cabin.]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps, then turns his head 180 degrees] Oh, Squidward.
Squidward: [uses SpongeBob to shield him]
SpongeBob: Oh, hi, camp master-- [Mr. Krabs tosses him away] Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: I have a complaint.
Squidward: All complaints need to go in the complaint box.
Mr. Krabs: My thoughts [holds up the complaints box] exactly. [brutally smashes Squidward into the box off-screen]
Squidward: [screams] Ow!
Mr. Krabs: [walks off]
Squidward: [in the box again, sighs] Typical.
[A floorboard hits the screen as the episode ends.]