Who's a Big Boy?/transcript

This article is a transcript of the The Patrick Star Show episode "Who's a Big Boy?/transcript" from season , which aired on .

[The episode opens with a cardboard version of the Krusty Krab. Patrick holds up makeshift toys of SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs to the camera.]
Patrick: [imitating SpongeBob, shaking toy] I'm ready! I'm ready, I'm ready! Ready to work at the Krusty Krab! But first... Sponge smash! [uses SpongeBob toy to smash the toy Krusty Krab, places a papaya, then imitates SpongeBob's laugh] ♪ I live in a papaya under the sea. ♪ Sponge [smashes papaya with SpongeBob toy] smash! ♪ Or a coconut! ♪ [smashes coconut with SpongeBob toy] Sponge smash! Or a skunk fruit! [smashes skunk fruit with SpongeBob toy, releasing a stench] Sponge smash! [smells stench, eyes water, points down] Stinky! Ew!
Squidina: [handling camera] More fruit, Patrick, more fruit. Sponge smash!
Patrick: [laughs, smashes orange with SpongeBob toy, then some grapes, then a watermelon]
Squidina: [as Patrick smashes more fruit] More fruit, more fruit!
Patrick: [watermelon piece on head, imitates SpongeBob weakly] I smashed all of it. [punches himself in the face with SpongeBob toy, then laughs]
Squidina: [fruit splatter is on the camera lens] Aw, barnacles! I got fruit on my lens, and I missed most of that.
Patrick: [imitating SpongeBob] Oh, no! We're fresh out of fresh fruit. Back to the supermarket.
Patrick and Squidina: [groan, disappointed]
GrandPat: [pops out of instrument from above on scooter] Supermarket? Why, back in the 1940s, you didn't have to pay for fruit. Fruit was free, [raises and lowers hand] and it picked itself off the trees, and [points to mouth] fell into your mouth.
Patrick: [jumps] 1940s, got it! I'll be right back with more fruit. [approaches time machine, pressing buttons while humming] 1940s. Boop boop, beep boop bop boop. [time machine displays "1940s" on its screen]
GrandPat: Oh, and I used to [rubs fruit juice on face] squeeze the fruit juice all over my face [rubs butt in fruit juice] and rub my butt in the fruit meat!
Squidina: [fruit juice lands on face, wipes it off] Ew, butt fruit! Yuck.
Patrick: And away we go!
[The time machine activates, and both disappear and reappear in a small town in the 1940s.]
Patrick: [opens door and walks] Free fruit, here I come. [knocks on random house's door, which opens] Ah, oh? [enters house] Hello!
Announcer: [camera zooms out to reveal sign that says "DANCER! KNUCLEAR TESTING AREA"] Warning, warning! [military jeep drives by] If you have entered the knuclear testing area, you are a knucklehead.
Patrick: [inside house with a family of dummies] Hi. Sorry to intrude, but can you tell me where they keep the free fruit around here? Huh? [close-up of father dummy] [annoyed] Oh, I get it, keeping it all for yourself, huh? [close-up of father dummy] I understand. I wouldn't tell anyone either. No hard feelings, I'll let myself out. [silence, slaps newspaper out of father dummy] I said, "No hard feelings!" [head pops off of father dummy] Huh? [picks up head, pats child dummy's head] I guess you're the head of the house now. [walks off] Bye. [child dummy falls down]
[Patrick reenters the time closet with the head.]
Announcer: [camera shows various shots of the town] Three... Two... One... One and a half... One and a quarter... Now, now, now.
[A green nuclear explosion in the shape of a knuckle goes off. The time closet comes back to the present, and Patrick walks in with the dummy head. He hears a knock on the time closet.]
Patrick: Uh? [a green fist punches him and leaves a green glow on his face as it exits, then gets dizzy with radioactive symbols circling over his head] The 1940s were boring.
Squidina: Did you get the fruit?
Patrick: No, but I got something even [shows head to Squidina] better. [laughs]
Squidina: [shrieks]
Patrick: [dancing with head and SpongeBob toy] ♪ Who lives in this severed head under the sea? ♪ [bedroom door knocks]
Bunny: [Cecil opens the bedroom door, both come out] All right, you two, time for bed.
Patrick and Squidina: [slouching] Aw!
Lawnies: [outside] Aw! [Bunny pulls a curtain that closes the stage]
Cecil: [takes head] Come on, son. The decapitated head'll still be here in the morning. [chuckles, walks off] Come on, little girl.
Squidina: [sighs, walks with Cecil]
Patrick: Bedtime! [welcome mat springs him up to his upside-down bed] Night.
Bunny: [pointing up, flicks light switch to turn off lights] Wish upon a star. [leaves and closes door behind her]
[While Patrick snores in his sleep, a green glow pulsates around him. Ouchie is blinded by the glow in his own bed and begins jabbering.]
Patrick: [wakes up] Night light? Oh, sorry. [covers himself with blanket]
Ouchie: [sighs, begins snoring]
[Fade to the next morning, where Patrick is still asleep.]
Bunny: [bell dings, calling off-screen] Breakfast!
Patrick: [wakes up, gasps, and falls down to run to the kitchen] I'm coming, breakfast! [breaks through bedroom door and enters the kitchen, appearing much larger than everyone else, and pushes GrandPat and Squidina out of their chairs] I've got some serious hungries in my tum-gries! [eats all the pancakes on the table]
Squidina, Bunny, Cecil, and GrandPat: [angry muttering]
Patrick: Aren't you guys eating?
Squidina, Bunny, Cecil, and GrandPat: [angry muttering as all but Bunny storm off]
Patrick: Sorry?
Bunny: [uses mechanical lift to get to Patrick's level] Don't be sorry, sweetie. You need food to grow. [grabs Patrick's cheek] Who's a big boy?
Patrick: I'm a big boy! [laughs, stomach grumbles] And I"m still hungry. [eats plates, then walks away, knocking over the table]
[A plumber is working on the kitchen sink. Patrick takes his toolbox and eats it whole. He dabs a napkin on his mouth, then eats it.]
Plumber: [holding out arm] Pipe wrench.
Patrick: [burps out pipe wrench into plumber's hand]
Plumber: [using wrench] Thanks.
Patrick: [enters bedroom, creating a larger hole in the wall]
Squidina: [with camera] Gah! Uh, Patrick? Do you feel any [raises arm] bigger today?
Patrick: No, thanks, I just ate.
Squidina: [watch beeps. gasps] Gotta get you camera ready. [measures Patrick with measuring tape] You're on in five. [uses industrial makeup paint roller on Patrick's face] Yep, okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
[Squidina uses a forklift to lift Patrick onto the stage. She sets up the camera and opens the curtains.]
Squidina: Smile, Patrick.
Lawnies: Yay!
Squidina: You're on.
Patrick: [smiles creepily, his teeth enlarge with radiation] Ee! Hello, everybody, and welcome to the "Patrick Show!" [burps, grows substantially larger]
Squidina: Hyuh! I don't know what's going on here, but [Patrick scratches his butt] bigger Patrick, bigger laughs. [Patrick bumps her out of the way] Ah!
Patrick: [places face on stage window]
Lawnies: [cheering and applauding]
Patrick: [turns around and sits on the lawnies, crushing them] And I'm your host, Patrick! [looks down] Uh, what? Whoopsie-gravy.
Plumber: [next to TV, holding hand out] Needle-nose pliers.
Patrick: [burps out needle-nose pliers into plumber's hand]
Plumber: [works on TV] Thanks.
Patrick: Whew, I'm thirsty. Let's take a coffee break.
[Meanwhile, GrandPat and Granny Tentacles are bathing in coffee in the Star house's glass portion.]
Granny Tentacles: Oh, what a wonderful hot tub, GrandPat. If it was actually hot.
Patrick: [takes coffee pot off of the house and begins chugging it]
GrandPat and Granny Tentacles: Whoa! [land in Patrick's stomach]
Granny Tentacles: It's hot enough, but now it's too humid!
Patrick: Ew, tastes like mothballs. [burps out radioactive gas and grows again]
Cecil: [he and Bunny look out the window, waving] Patrick, you really are growing up!
Bunny: [waving] Who's a big boy?
Patrick: [points to himself] I'm a big boy! [laughs, points to coffee pot] That digusting coffee makes me feel [walks away, stomping] 10,000 feet tall!
Squidina: [records Patrick from behind, giggling] No butts about it, you're watching the "Patrick Show."
Patrick: [turns around, camera moves up to his head, lifts hand] When we last left the Sponge Action Man, he was-- [notices nothing is in his hand] Wait, where's my Sponge Action Man? [grabs SpongeBob near a fresh fruit stand on the street] There you are.
SpongeBob: Huh? Whoa! [gasps] Patrick, you're freakishly huge! Cool!
Patrick: Wow! It's the new talking Sponge Action Man! Who smiled warmly and said... "Sponge smash!" [smahes SpongeBob into fruit stand]
SpongeBob: Wee! Ow! [gets fruit juice on his face] Arrg! [points to "fruit" beard] I'm fruit beard! [laughs, licking fruit juice off]
Patrick: Sponge smash!
SpongeBob: Wee! [gets smashed into an "Orange Ceasar" orange building] Ow! [tips orange peel hat] Orange you glad to see me? [laughs]
Patrick: Sponge smash!
SpongeBob: [gets smashed through an apple billboard] Wee! Ow! An apple a day keeps the-- [banana parade float goes by] Oh, you know, I think I'm sensing a pattern here.
Patrick: Oh? That banana's huge.
SpongeBob: Sponge smash! [laughs]
Patrick: [laughs, runs off]
[Several citizens are gathered around the sidewalks for the parade.]
Patrick: [chasing after banana float, laughing]
[Two reporters with microphones are sitting at a table.]
Clint: Oh, what a beautiful day for a parade, huh, Midge? [chuckles]
Patrick: [next to float] Then Sponge Action Man smashed the banana with his teeth!
SpongeBob: Sponge bite! [bites on banana float]
Patrick: Ooh, that looks good. Patrick bite! [bites on banana float, sending SpongeBob flying off]
SpongeBob: [laughing, lands inside pineapple on an under construction Conch Street, then comes out opening it up while laughing] Hey, this is a nice fixer-upper!
[Cut back to the two reporters.]
Midge: You know, Clint, we have been hosting this parade for 12 years, and I have never seen [gestures to Patrick chomping on the banana parade balloon, while Squidina records him from on top of a building] a parade balloon eating another parade balloon! [she and Clint laugh, then get crushed by Patrick's foot]
Crowd: [screams and runs away]
Clint: That's no balloon, it's a big boy!
Patrick: [continues chewing on the balloon until it pops] Ah! [runs around, making everyone scream as he crushes boats that set on fire, then covers his ears] Loud noises!
Squidina: Oh, ho, ho, yes! This is mindless entertainment gold!
Morty: [appears with newspapers next to Squidina] Extra! Read all about it! Military called in to combat pink monster!
Squidina: [picks up newspaper] They were? [gets run over by military boat, then both appear on top of it]
Morty: Extra, extra! We're okay! [military boat and tanks start driving]
Patrick: [grabbing citizens as they run] Why won't you toys stay where I put you?
Admiral Smash: [on boat] Fire!
[Missiles get shot around Patrick, damaging nearby buildings.]
Patrick: [picks up tanks, dropping its soldiers] Cool! Roller skates! [puts tanks on feet, skates off laughing] Whoa! [crashes off-screen]
Admiral Smash: Oh, those were our best tanks. We'll have to resort to knuclear missiles.
Squidina: [gets up in Admiral Smash's face] Don't you dare hurt my big brother! He's not a monster, he's just big-boned.
Admiral Smash: [puts hand in front of Squidina] Bombs away!
Patrick: [planes from above drop knuclear missiles onto him]' Ow. Ow! [grows even more, rubbing head] Stupid mosquitoes. Make-up!
Admiral Smash: [jumps, badges and hat fly off] Uh-oh!
Squidina: Did you see him grow again? [jotting on notepad] Uh-huh, uh-huh. [sketch animation of Patrick being hit by a missile plays] Patrick must have been hit with knuclear radiation [sketch Patrick grows] on his outside to make him big. [knuclear missile taps Patrick on the shoulder and enters Patrick's mouth, blowing him up on the inside, making him shrink] So we just gotta get him some radiation on his inside to make him small.
Admiral Smash: I'll try anything at this point. [gives Squidina his sword] Takeover, soldier. Hi-- [falls down] Whoa!
Squidina: Atten-hut! [soldiers salute]
[Bubble transition to a crane dropping a missile into a hot dog bun.]
Soldiers: [spraying missile red] Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! [carry hot dog] Huh, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! [place hot dog in front of Patrick playing with two men and get out of the way] Hup, hup!
Patrick: [rapidly shakes man]
Bunny: [using megaphone given by soldier] Who's a big boy? Who's a big boy?
Patrick: Oh! [points to himself] I'm a big boy! [laughs] Hot dog! [swings arms, barking, then picks up hot dog] Hey, where's the mustard?
Squidina: Mustard squad, move in!
Mustard squad: [carrying mustard] Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! [squeeze mustard into Patrick's eyes]
Patrick: [squeezes mustard from eyes onto hot dog, then eats it and sighs] Could've used some relish. [burps out giant bubble, shooting out GrandPat and Granny Tentacles, then goes back to normal size]
GrandPat and Granny Tentacles: Whoa! [land in cot held by soldiers] Ooh!
GrandPat: Aw, I was just getting comfortable.
Granny Tentacles: [reveals bone for arm] I was just getting digested.
Plumber: [holding out hand on sidewalk] Plunger!
Patrick: [burps out toolbox and plunger onto plumber, making him fall into the manhole]
Plumber: Whoa! Ow. Thanks.
All: [cheering]
Bunny: Yay!
Plumber: [raising arm with plunger from manhole] Hooray!
Patrick: Yay! [Squidina records him, suddenly shrinks to a tiny size] [high-pitched] Yay!
Bunny: [picks up Patrick to kiss him] Myah! Who's a shrunken boy?
Patrick: [high-pitched, pointing to himself] I'm a shrunken boy! And we'll see you next time on the "Patrick Show!"
SpongeBob: [appears with orange, picking up Patrick] Ooh! My turn! Patrick smash! [smashes Patrick into orange]
Patrick: [laughing]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughing, camera irises out as episode ends]