Stuck in an Elevator/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Stuck in an Elevator" from season 15, which aired on December 24, 2024.

[The episode opens with a shot of Squidward's house. Inside, Squidward is sitting at his fireplace, with a cup of tea and a small green book.]
Squidward: [reading] "The belly of inspiration lies in the midst of your gut." [sighs, shuts book] Welp, I better return this wonderful book to the library before it's due.
[Squidward walks outside and sees SpongeBob smiling at him. He yells and trips, dropping the book. When he gets off the ground, the book is smashed into his mouth and opens when he talks.]
Squidward: [grunts] SpongeBob, what did I tell you about standing too close to me?
SpongeBob: Oh, you said... [stretches out his face, morphs into Squidward's head and imitates his voice, shakes fist] If you keep standing too close to me, [motions forward] I'm going to trip over you. [shakes his head back to normal]
Squidward: I rest my case... and my face. [pulls book off his face]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. [clasps hands] I just wanted to invite you to go with me and Patrick. [jumps] We have a really fun day planned. [smiles] Mm!
Squidward: [faking enthusiasm] Oh, shucks and golly gee. I really wish I could come and have big fun with you and Patrick. Eeee! [frowns]
SpongeBob: But...?
Squidward: But I have to return [holds up book] my favorite book of daily affirmations [points to the right] to the library by noon, or I'll have to pay a penalty.
SpongeBob: [takes book] You mean this book? [puts on reading glasses, clears throat] "In life, [Squidward silently mouths what SpongeBob is reading] 'tis better to play hide-and-seek with the trees than checkers with the wind." Hey, that's what Patrick always says.
Squidward: [realizes, grabs book back] No, he doesn't! [walks away] Get your own affirmations.
[A giant blimp labeled "Fun Time Express" with a drawing of SpongeBob and Patrick descends. Patrick opens one of the windows.]
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob!
[He focuses on a point at SpongeBob's feet, creating a red dotted line of sight. He elbows it to form it into a staircase. He takes SpongeBob's hand and he walks up the stairs, then gets in the helicopter.]
Patrick: Here we [pulls lever] go! [the blimp rises]
[Bubble transition to Squidward walking to the library.]
Squidward: [checks watch] Ha, 9:00 a.m.-- plenty of time before the deadline. [looks around] Yeah, you have to get up pretty early in the morning. And I did. [mutters, checks directory] Ah, there it is-- book returns, top floor.
[Squidward steps in front of the elevator and presses a button. The elevator bell dings and it opens. Some fish leave, and only SpongeBob and Patrick are still standing inside.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, Squidward. Going up?
Squidward: Ah! Uh, I'll take the next one.
[Squidward rapidly presses the button, and the elevator closes. He gets into the other elevator, which is empty. It closes, and he gasps, and sighs contentedly. The doors open again.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [off-screen, worried] Squidward!
Squidward: [looks worried] Huh?
SpongeBob and Patrick: [running towards the elevator] Hold the door!
Squidward: [repeatedly pressing close button] Close the door. Close the door. Close the door.
[Squidward keeps pressing the button as SpongeBob and Patrick approach. They jump forward and get caught between the doors as they close. They strain, launch themselves out, and smash into Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Thanks for holding the door, Squidward.
Squidward: [grumbles] I thought you yo-yos had a big day of fun planned. Why aren't you [waves hand dismissively] there?
SpongeBob: We are there, Squidward, [he and Patrick look at each other] because today is...
SpongeBob and Patrick: Elevator Riding Day! Wa-hoo!
Squidward: [gets angry, face turns red, growls, reads book] "I feel my anger. But I am calm like a plate of linguine." Patrick, be a dear and hit the top-floor button for me, please.
Patrick: Top floor! [presses the top button] Going up! [presses all the other buttons except one] Right after we hit all these other floors.
Squidward: [gasps] What are you doing!?
SpongeBob: [worried] Yeah, Patrick, what are you doing? [playfully] You missed one. [presses button] Boop. Every floor counts! [Squidward pushes him and Patrick away, exclaims]
Squidward: [pounds top floor button] Top floor first. Top floor first.
[The button shoots sparks of electricity and shorts out. The elevator rumbles and the sign changes from showing it going up to not moving.]
Squidward: Oh, no, we're trapped! Trapped like sardines!
[SpongeBob and Patrick are now live-action sardines.]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. This happens to us all the time.
Patrick: Yeah, last week we only had to wait five hours.
Squidward: [pushes them away] "Five hours"? That's past the book-return deadline! [gets angry again, face turns red, takes out book] "Like a plate of linguine." [sighs contentedly] Hey, why don't we just use the emergency phone and call for help?
Patrick: Well, if you want to do it the easy way.
[Squidward picks up the emergency phone and Wally answers.]
Wally: Hello?
Squidward: Hello. Oh, thank Neptune!
Wally: Oh, thank Neptune!
Squidward: I didn't think this phone would work.
Wally: I didn't think this phone would work.
Squidward: I'm trapped in an elevator!
Wally: I'm trapped in an elevator!
Squidward: [angry] Stop saying what I'm saying!
Wally: Stop saying what I'm saying!
Squidward: I really am trapped in an elevator!
Wally: [a split-screen shows him trapped on the other side] I really am trapped in an elevator!
Squidward and Wally: [growl at each other]
Squidward: Oh, you're no help at all.
Wally: Oh, you're no help at all.
Squidward and Wally: Idiot! [they hang up]
Squidward: [growls, takes out book] "Relaxation is the tippy toe to tranquility." [sighs]
SpongeBob: Now you relax. Patrick can fix it.
Patrick: Yeah, my dad was an elevator surgeon [folds arms] for a whole day.
Squidward: [puts book down] He was a what?
[SpongeBob is wearing a surgical mask and Patrick has a headlight and gloves.]
Patrick: Screwdriver.
[SpongeBob gives him a screwdriver and Patrick goes up to the elevator control panel.]
Patrick: Hmm... [puts the screwdriver in and hits it with a hammer, pries the panel open, looks inside and takes two wires] And now to connect the right wires. [connects them, electricity fizzling, lights go out] That's not it. [disconnects them, pulls out more wires]
Squidward: [waving arms frantically] Wait, Patrick, don't!
[Patrick connects them. He, SpongeBob, and Squidward are flung to the top and bottom of the elevator.]
Patrick: [growls at wires, takes out two giant clusters of them]
Squidward: [weakly, on floor, lifting a hand] Patrick!
[Patrick connects them. The elevator shoots sideways out of the library, bouncing off the Fun Time Express and puncturing it. It lights on fire and falls as citizens run away screaming.]
Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick away] Enough! [pounds on elevator door] Get me out of here!
[Squidward attaches all his tentacles to the door and pulls, and his suction cups pull it onto the floor. His head pops out from between the doors, flattened.]
Squidward: Why won't these stupid doors open? [elevator bell dings, the doors open] Huh? [he falls into a shaft and grabs onto a rope]
SpongeBob: Squidward! Grab my hand! [reaches a hand]
[Squidward alternates between looking up at SpongeBob and down at the elevator shaft. Eventually, he groans and takes SpongeBob's hand. SpongeBob and Patrick pull him out and Patrick sets him against the wall. Squidward slides onto the floor.]
SpongeBob: [puts doors back] That was a close one, huh, Squidward?
Squidward: [eyes widen, points up] What's that?
[A hatch is seen at the top of the elevator.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [off-screen] A door!
[Squidward smiles as a choir plays. Bubble transition to SpongeBob standing on Patrick and lifting Squidward up.]
SpongeBob: [straining] Hurry!
Squidward: [reaches into the shaft] Good luck, losers! [pulls himself up]
Patrick: Thanks, Squidward.
Squidward: [climbing up the vent] Finally, that book is getting returned on time. [lifts up a floor panel] Thank Neptune!
[Squidward has appeared from the floor of the elevator.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [off-screen] Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: Huh?
SpongeBob and Patrick: You're back!
[Squidward goes back down and falls from the top of the elevator. He looks at SpongeBob in disbelief.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [point up] Now give us a boost!
Squidward: [gets angry, takes out book] "Serenity floats on an ocean of cheese." [sighs contentedly, stomach growling] I'm starving. How long have we been stuck in here?
Patrick: Don't worry, Squidward. [takes out phone] While you were out, I ordered a pizza.
Squidward: [takes phone] Give me that, you pea brain! We can call for help.
[The phone's display says "Pizza Piehole" and "We Deliver!". It beeps to a battery display alternating between red and none. It shuts off.]
Squidward: Of course. [elevator bell dings]
[The door opens to show Patrick getting pizza from a delivery man.]
Pizza delivery man: Pizza delivery.
Patrick: [takes pizza] Thanks.
Squidward: [stops looking at phone] We're saved!
Patrick: [presses the close button]
Squidward: [alarm ringing] Patrick! [straining to open door, collapses]
SpongeBob: All right! [rubs hands together] Let's eat!
Patrick: [has sauce and pepperoni around his mouth] Eat what?
[SpongeBob and Squidward look shocked. Squidward's stomach growls. Patrick kicks the empty pizza box away.]
Squidward: Now I'm starving, and my book is going to be late. [grunts, reads book] "Only when all is lost can you see inside your nostrils and find yourself." [sighs contentedly]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [inhaling, exhaling deeply]
French Narrator: [narrating time card] Much tranquility later...
[Wally digs out of a pile of sand with a spoon.]
Wally: [grunting, lifts head out] Oh, ah. [gasps, laughs] I'm free! After 22 years, I finally got out of that cursed elevator! [insane laughing, hears noise] W-what? Huh? [the sand is in the elevator and has a small metal shack built on it, elevator bell dings] Another elevator?
[The elevator bell dings. SpongeBob and Patrick rise out of the sand, both having stubble. SpongeBob has his tie wrapped around his head like a headband and his pant leggings are ripped. Patrick is wearing only his underwear and holding a gong.]
Wally: [screams]
SpongeBob: Greetings, stranger. Welcome to our island of tranquility.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Going up.
Patrick: [rings gong]
Wally: [looks around, strokes beard] This is a lot nicer than my old elevator. Mind if I stay here a while?
SpongeBob: You'll have to ask... [points up] the king.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Going up.
Patrick: [rings gong]
Wally: The king?
[Squidward exits a shack made of metal on top of the sand. He is wearing a metal crown with an up arrow and has Patrick's pants draped around him as a cape.]
Squidward: Did someone say my name?
SpongeBob: [bowing] Oh, wise King Squidward. This weary traveler wishes to stay with us.
Patrick: [bowing] Please, King, can we keep him?
Squidward: [looks at Wally, who smiles disturbingly] Hmm. Let me consult [takes out book] the book. [up arrow on his hat dings, ethereal singing]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [entranced] The book. The book.
Squidward: [reading] "A friend in need is a servant guaranteed." [closes book, up arrow on his hat dings again] The book says yes!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Going up!
Patrick: [rings gong]
Squidward: [lifts Wally] Of course you can stay with us, my child. We'll teach you the ways of the book. And you'll get to spend every day worshiping [makes gross face, women screaming is heard] me.
[Wally is disturbed. SpongeBob and Patrick grab onto him.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: You'll be just like us!
Wally: Oh, gee. Oh, hey, [pointing around] is that the doorbell? I-I think I left the oven on. [laughs, jumps out of his shirt and back into the hole] Whoo! [screams, thud]
Squidward: Listen, my people, the book says it's time for me to relax. [knocking] Huh?
Police officer: [off-screen] Hello? Are you all right in there?
Squidward: Yes, yes, I'm all right! Get me out!
[Squidward runs to the elevator and the police officer pries it open. He kicks SpongeBob and Patrick out of the way when they approach. He kisses the officer's feet.]
Squidward: Oh, thank you. Thank you for rescuing me from these stupid--
Police officer: Are you Squidward Tentacles?
Squidward: Yes.
Police officer: [leans forward] We've been looking for you. We're the library police. [flicks Squidward's nose] You have a withdrawn book that is [checks his watch] now 30 seconds overdue. And you'll have to pay the penalty.
Squidward: What do I owe you-- like, a nickel? [laughs]
Police officer: [off-screen] You're going to library jail.
[Fade to Squidward making the same smiling face in library jail.]
Squidward: [sighs contentedly] Library jail-- how relaxing. [reads his book] "I appreciate myself by taking time to recharge "with my best friend-- me." [sighs contentedly, elevator whirring, bell dings]
[SpongeBob and Patrick come down the elevator and sit next to Squidward.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, wise king, [hug him] we missed you so!
Squidward: [loses his cool] Why, Neptune!? [bawling] Why-y-y-y-y!?
SpongeBob: We had overdue books, too!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [in a haunting tone] Going up!
Patrick: [rings gong]
Squidward: [runs to jail bars, his eyes become bloodshot, laughs insanely] Going up!
[Elevator doors reading "The End" written in uppercase close.]