Wiener Takes All/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Wiener Takes All" from season 15, which aired on December 19, 2024.

[The episode opens at the Krusty Krab, as many customers keep requesting Squidward to solve many of their problems.]
Squidward: [whimpering, takes a customer's cash] Hold on! Hold on! Coming right up!
Bubble Bass: Now!
Squidward: Give me a second!
SpongeBob: [touches the bell three times] Order up-up-up! [gives all of the customers' orders to Squidward]
[Overlapping exclaiming continues.]
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! [appears in bathrobes, angrily points] Why haven't you taken out the trash?!
[The many piles of trash surrounds a customer, disgusting him.]
Squidward: I'm swamped, Mr. Krabs! [looks at Mr. Krabs] Why are you wearing a towel? [gets caught in the enraged customers]
Mr. Krabs: Well, obviously, I was in me sauna! Being a manager is hard work, you know.
Bubble Bass: You have to do better!
Squidward: Can't you help me a little bit?! [Bubble Bass pulls and grabs his nose]
Mr. Krabs: A manager does not do grunt work. That's what Squidwards are for. [walks away while laughing]
[Bubble transition to Squidward walking on the sidewalk at dusk.]
Squidward: [removes the ketchup and mustard from his head] I deserve to be manager and sit on my butt all day. But will I ever get promoted?
Announcer: Are you tired of being a loser?
Squidward: Yes. [shakes his head] Wait. Who said that?
Announcer: [shown to be a weenie bot on a display window TV] Wouldn't you rather be a weenie? [holds up a hot dog]
Squidward: Um, not exactly.
Announcer: [logo displays on the screen] Weenie Hut Jr's is now hiring [the word "MANAGERS" flashes on the screen] managers. [zoom out to reveal a kid with braces as a manager] Your responsibilities will include...
Manager: [gets placed on the lounge chair] Whoa! [a weenie bot gives him a drink]
Announcer: ...kicking back, relaxing, and letting robots do all of the grunt work. [the weenie bots begin cleaning]
Manager: [gives thumbs-up] Righteous. [sips]
Announcer: [logo displays again] Apply now to Weenie Hut Jr's, and become a pivotal cog in the corporate machine. [TV turns to static]
Squidward: A manager!? [jumps joyously] That's for me! Woo-hoo! [shouts gleefully, dances with Mabel and puts his Krusty Krab hat on her before leaving] So long, Krusty Krab!
Mabel: [waving] So long!
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs pacing in the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: Where is that blasted cashier?! [points to watch] He's already an hour late! And who the heck is this old lady?
Mabel: [in the cashier boat] I smell pickles.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, isn't Squidward looking better than ever these days?
Mr. Krabs: What? [points] That ain't Squidward.
SpongeBob: Hmm? [leaves the kitchen to examine Mabel] It's not? Why is she wearing his hat? [gets in the boat and lifts her up] Where is he?! Is he lost?! [rubs her face] Why is he so late?! Squidward! [runs out of the Krusty Krab] I'm coming to find you! Squidward! [skids to a halt as he sees Squidward at Weenie Hut Jr's]
Squidward: [adjusts his weenie hat] Uh-huh.
SpongeBob: [delighted] Ah!
Squidward: Yeah, mm-hmm.
SpongeBob: [attaches to the front doors and slides under to get inside] Squidward! [hugs Squidward] Oh, I'm so glad I found you! [tugs on Squidward's arm and tries to run away] Now let's get you back to the Krusty Krab.
Squidward: [takes off SpongeBob's arm] Oh, I don't think so. [SpongeBob gets his arm back; puts his hat back on] I'm not going back to the Krusty Krab ever. Because now, I am a pivotal cog in the corporate machine.
SpongeBob: Oh, no! That sounds horrible!
Squidward: Oh, no. It sounds like I'm the manager here! [SpongeBob gasps as he holds out his manager badge] Which also means I decide who stays and who goes. Oh, Weenie Bots! [the two Weenie Bots appear by his sides] Kick out this riffraff!
Weenie Bots: As you command, weenie.
[The Weenie Bots kick SpongeBob out of the building, who has tears in his eyes as he whimpers.]
SpongeBob: Whoa!
Squidward: [pacing back and forth] Attention, Weenie Bots! As your new manager, I'll be making a few changes around here.
Weenie Bot: Uh-oh.
Squidward: [puts a Kelpy G record in the jukebox] All music in the jukebox will now be... [snaps fingers] smooth jazz. [moonwalks and replaces a weenie art with his own art] All Weenie-themed art will now be fine art. And lastly, under no circumstances [partly enters the manager room] is anyone allowed to interrupt my manager time. [slams the door, making the "manager" sign fall. He sighs contentedly in his seat] Being a manager is hard work. [laughs]
Weenie Bot: [opens the door, making Squidward fall over] Boss Weenie, you must take out the trash. [holds up a full trash bag]
Squidward: [gets up] Why can't you do it?
Weenie Bot: [goes back into the dining area to show his extension cord is too short] My extension cord won't reach.
Squidward: [grunts as he drags the trash bag] Still better... Than the Krusty... [tosses the trash bag into the dumpster] Krab. [sighs and re-enters the garage. The garage door closes on his foot. His eye shatters, then shouts and pulls his now-deflated legs from underneath; bangs on the door] Hey! Open that door!
Weenie Bots: [laugh]
Squidward: [runs to the front doors to pull them open, but fails]
Weenie Bots: [Squidward presses his face against the glass, seeing the Weenie Bots cheer] Hooray! Celebration! Celebration. [they clink oil barrels and chug them] Glug, glug, glug.
Squidward: Huh? [his face turns red, then he climbs to the roof with his suction cup tentacles, kicks the chimney top off, and jumps inside, screaming and landing in a barrel of weenies]
Weenie Bot 1: Oh, good. You are back.
Weenie Bot 2: Weenie.
Squidward: [growls and falls off the weenie barrel. He comes back with a wrench and breaks the cord, making one of the Weenie Bots fall; drops the wrench and enters his room] All right, Squidward. [begins reading a book] It's time for a little managerial work. "How to Repair Unruly Robots." Hmm.
[The screen fades at night as tools are heard being used, then the time passes to the next morning.]
Squidward: [sighs, dangling plugs] That ought to do the trick. [an extension cord is seen attached to the Weenie Bots' plugs] Weenie Bots, bring me a weenie.
Weenie Bots: [give Squidward a wrapped weenie] Yes, Mr. Manager.
[One of the weenie bots reveals his light and shines on the weenie as the wrapping paper comes off.]
Squidward: [takes a bite out of the weenie] Oh. I did it! They're perfect employees now. Weenie Bots, run the store. [eats the rest of the weenie, tossing the wrapper on the floor, then leaves] I'm having manager time.
Weenie Bots: [salute] Yes, Mr. Manager.
[Weenies transition to a montage of a Weenie Bot taking cash from customers, and the other one shines a light onto the hot dog roller. A Weenie Bot squirts mustard on some hot dogs. Squidward is seen reading a book. A customer puts money into a Weenie Bot's mouth and an ice cream sundae comes out of his stomach.]
Customer: [takes the sundae] Ooh!
[Squidward plays his clarinet off key. A bell is rung, Bertie Fitzpatrick eats a weenie ice cream, the cash register displays "$1.00," several straws are used to drink a sundae, a customer places cash on the counter, a customer slides a weenie into her mouth, and Squidward paints on an easel. The camera zooms out to reveal everyone eating hot dogs and ice cream contentedly. Weenies transition back to Squidward, who is sleeping on his table in sleepwear while sucking his thumb.]
Squidward: [screams and falls over again as a Weenie Bot opens the door]
Weenie Bot: Mr. Manager.
Squidward: Can't you see I'm trying to sleep? I mean, [tosses his teddy bear] manage.
Weenie Bot: The president of the Weenie Hut Corporation is arriving.
Squidward: [panicked yelping, shakes the Weenie Bot] Why didn't you say so? [leaves the Weenie Bot knocked over as he runs to the front doors, then covers his face with his arm] Oh. [a helicopter lands in front of him, and the door opens to reveal a hot dog staircase entrance]
[The Weenie Hut Corporation president emerges from the helicopter.]
Squidward: What a weenie.
Weenie J. Weiner: [uses breath spray] Weenie J. Weiner. [shakes hands with Squidward] The J stands for Junior. You must be Squidward Q. Tentacles. [squirts soap onto his hands and rubs them]
Squidward: [nervously sweating] The Q stands for Quincy. To what do I owe this honor?
Weenie J. Weiner: [a shining background appears behind Squidward as confetti is blown onto him] Your success has been all the buzz down at headquarters. [gives bags of cash to Squidward]
Squidward: Oh! [gasps as he looks at the bags of cash]
Weenie J. Weiner: So I came straight away to offer you the big promotion.
Squidward: Finally, someone recognizes my worth. [the camera flashes and Squidward gets dizzy] Oh.
Weenie J. Weiner: But first, you'll need to take our upper-management course. [takes Squidward's bags of money away]
Squidward: Huh?
Weenie J. Weiner: [tosses the cash into the helicopter] Please, step into my weeniecopter.
[Squidward follows Weenie J. Weiner inside, and the weeniecopter takes off.]
Squidward: [grunts as he tries to buckle his seatbelt made out of weenies]
Weenie J. Weiner: Welcome to Weenie Hut Senior's!
Squidward: Oh, wow. [the Weenie building extends his tongue so the weeniecopter can land]
Weenie Bot Guards: [as Squidward and Weenie J. Weiner walk inside] Congratulations, Weenie.
Weenie Bot: [briefly shakes hands with Squidward] Congratulations, Weenie.
Weenie Bot: Congratulations, Weenie.
Squidward: There sure are a lot of robots working here.
Weenie J. Weiner: Yes, robots are so much more efficient and sanitary. [presses a button to open up an entrance]
Voiceover: [as the two enter the room] Welcome, Weenie.
Weenie J. Weiner: Please, have a seat. [Squidward sits in the seat, which gets reclined] Now lie back and think of weenies.
Squidward: What exactly is this management course?
Weenie J. Weiner: [pulls down a lever and begins pressing buttons] Well, you see, Squidward, we are going to turn you into the most efficient manager you can be... [presses a newly emerged button, tying Squidward to a chair with metal rings]
[A giant bottle of mustard emerges from the ceiling, which opens its end to reveal a claw, hammer, and saw.]
Weenie J. Weiner: By turning you into a... robot.
Squidward: Oh, a robot, well that sounds just... [screams, escapes and bangs on the entrance] Help me!
Weenie J. Weiner: Oh, we are helping you, Squidward. You will be... [reveals himself to be a robot] ...one of us.
[Weenie J. Weiner's body expands to reveal himself as a mutant weenie robot.]
Squidward: Typical. [screams as the robot chases him, trying to hit him with weenie arms]
Weenie J. Weiner: [cackles]
Squidward: [slips on the ketchup and mustard and falls down] Oh.
Weenie J. Weiner: [cackles, squirting ketchup and mustard at Squidward, making him slip and fall down; cackles, then gets hit by a cannonball]
Squidward: Huh?
Mr. Krabs: [seen with SpongeBob and a cannon, a giant hole now formed from their entrance] Ahoy there, Squidward! We're here to save ya!
Squidward: How did you even know I was here?
Weenie J. Weiner: [cackles as he rises back up to chase Squidward]
SpongeBob: I knew you were in danger. [jazzes hands as his pupils turn into swirls] My squiddy-sense was tingling.
Squidward: [still being chased as ketchup and mustard are squirted on the floor] I don't want to know what that means. Just get me out of here!
Mr. Krabs: All right, SpongeBob, load her up.
SpongeBob: She's ready! [puts Mabel into the cannon] Watch your head. [slaps the cannon into position]
[Mr. Krabs pulls the string, and the cannon blasts the Mabel out.]
Mabel: Whoo-hoo! Pinchy, pinchy.
Weenie J. Weiner: [cackles] Huh?
Mabel: [attaches to the robot and pulls its mouth, causing an alarm to go off] Cutie, cutie, cutie, cutie.
Weenie J. Weiner: [screams in agony]
Mr. Krabs: That brat's gonna burst!
[An alarm blares and the robot screams harder, then Weenie Hut Sr's explodes. Mabel rides on a parachute.]
Mabel: [descending with a parachute and weenie] Yummy weenie.
[Squidward catches the robot's head.]
Weenie J. Weiner: Ow.
Squidward: [tosses the robot head in disgust]
SpongeBob: Looks like we got here just in time. Good to see ya, pal. [slaps Squidward's back, accidentally making him land in the chair]
[The mustard machine from earlier re-activates, and Squidward screams off-screen as the screen flashes. Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob's eyes. Bubble transition back to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob rings the bell, holding up a tray with food.]
SpongeBob: Order up, Squidward. Gee, it sure is great to have you back.
Squidward: [now a robot] Sigh. Please unplug me. [The episode ends]