BlackJack/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "BlackJack" from season 5, which aired on August 2, 2007.

[an envelope is pushed through SpongeBob's door]
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Thank you, Mr. Postman. Thanks, Gary. [throws some popcorn into Gary's mouth] Hm, can't read the return address. [tears the envelope open] Maybe this will shed some light. [reads the paper. The note has the words in different fonts glued to the paper] Hey, SpongeBob, it's your cousin BlackJack. Guess what? I'm out of prison and decided to pay your parents a visit. If you want to see them again, meet me for a wrestling match at their house. Try it little man. BlackJack. [end of letter] Cousin BlackJack's out of prison?!
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: That's right, Gary, the cousin BlackJack! The same cousin BlackJack that used to beat me up all the time when we were kids! [flashback to a younger SpongeBob with a bowtie and blue hat on. He gets his body thrown to a wall, courtesy of BlackJack's brutality]
Young BlackJack: [laughing] Come on, little man! Let's go a couple of rounds, if you think you're tough.
Young SpongeBob: Why should we?
Young BlackJack: Because it'll show what a little man you are. [spins SpongeBob around and plays with him as a jump rope. End of flashback. SpongeBob looks horrified from that experience]
SpongeBob: Oh, no. That was years ago, Gary!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: My sentiments exactly. Just imagine what he must look like now! [imagines BlackJack as a giant]
BlackJack: Hi, SpongeBob. It's been a while. Good to see that you're still a little man. [laughs. Picks up SpongeBob and tears him in half then laughs some more]
SpongeBob: That brute has my parents! I got to get over there! [puts his clothes in a suitcase] Gary, I don't know how long I'll be gone. I don't know if I'll ever come back.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I may get beaten to a quivering pulp but I must do it, for the sake of my parents! [cries and wipes his eyes with a pair of underwear. Cuts to SpongeBob's parents' house where the building has been wrapped around with police tape and plastic] Oh, my gosh, what happened to my parents' house? What's this? "Do not cross"? Is that police tape? There's only one reason for the police being here: a crime has been committed! NO! Get it together, SquarePants! To face BlackJack, you've got to be as tough as nails! [forces himself inside the house] Huh? What?! All the furniture is covered in plastic! The police must have covered everything to preserve the crime scene. What could have happened here? [walks forward a little] What's this? BlackJack smashed my family portrait! Oh, no! What has he done with my parents?! [imagines his parents watching TV]
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, darling, it's so nice to spend quality time with you; what with you in the office all hours of the day. [Mr. SquarePants snorts. BlackJack busts down the door and laughs]
BlackJack: I got a new outfit for ya! [both parents are whimpering]
SpongeBob: That fiend! Where did he take them? I must find more evidence. What's this? Another note? [reads note] SpongeBob, I paid your parents a visit. Now, I'm going to do the same with Gramma! You better hurry, little man-boy. BlackJack. [end of note] He's going to get Grandma, too! I have to stop him! [cut to Grandma's house] Grandma, where are you? Are you okay? Grandma? You in here? Grandma? [sees a gingerbread man on a plate] Oh, no, I'm too late! He burnt you to a crisp! Oh, that animal! [cries]
Grandma: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Grandma? Are you talking to me from beyond the beyond?
Grandma: Well, if you mean from beyond the kitchen table, yes. You're just in time. I've baked a fresh batch of gingerbread men.
SpongeBob: But where's BlackJack?
Grandma: Oh, BlackJack just called and left a message for you. He couldn't make it because he's got some loose ends to tie up.
SpongeBob: Loose ends. My parents! He's tied them up?!
Grandma: And if you don't hurry, you'll miss out on all the fun. [SpongeBob imagines his parents being hung over a boiler by BlackJack. He screams as his head bends and an identical head pops up from his mouth] And when it's all done, he'll need help cleaning up the mess.
SpongeBob: Cleaning up the mess? [his face deflates] I got to get help! I'll go to Uncle Captain Blue's! He'll know what to do. [runs to Captain Blue's where he is mowing the yard. SpongeBob jumps on the lawn mower] Uncle Captain Blue, I need your help!
Uncle Captain Blue: Well, if it isn't little SpongeBob. Plant a firm one on me, Bobby. [shakes SpongeBob's hand, but tears his arm off in the process]
SpongeBob: I need you to help me rescue my parents!
Uncle Captain Blue: Sure, Little Bobby. I could use some help with the lawn, but you're gonna need this to do the job right. [hands back his arm. SpongeBob mows the lawn]
Narrator: 346 minutes later...
SpongeBob: Uncle Captain Blue, I need to help my parents! They're in danger!
Uncle Captain Blue: [turns off the mixer] What? You want to build a fence? [laughs] The boy came to work.
SpongeBob: Actually, I came to try to find my...
Uncle Captain Blue: [shoves wooden boards, hammers, and nails in SpongeBob's face] And when you're done, I've made a tomato and clam juice smoothie to refresh you. [drinks the smoothie out of the mixer] Ah. [SpongeBob builds a fence all the way around Uncle Captain Blue's property. over speaker] And how many candles you burning out there? Over. [indistinct speech and static] Do you copy? Over? [tries turning the knob] Copy? Do you copy?
SpongeBob: Uncle Captain Blue, Uncle Captain Blue! Please help me!
Uncle Captain Blue: Well, of course you can! [SpongeBob cuts off some coral, paints the house, and fixes the boat. When he's done, it's nighttime]
Narrator: Much, much, much later...
SpongeBob: [uses his tongue to crawl to Captain Blue] I AM DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR MY MOMMY AND DADDY! *Uncle Captain Blue: [laughs] Landscaping? Isn't a little dark out for landscaping?

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "BlackJack" from season 5, which aired on August 2, 2007. *Uncle Captain Blue: They let that dangerous miscreant out of prison? Sounds like your parents are in trouble, kid.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "BlackJack" from season 5, which aired on August 2, 2007.