Pat No Pay/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pat No Pay" from season 5, which aired on August 2, 2007.

• [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs checks the register, but it's empty.]
• Mr. Krabs: Yeesh, we need some customers in here. [Patrick comes in the Krusty Krab groaning] What's gotten into you?
• Patrick: I don't know. [his stomach turns into different shapes and sizes] What's happening to me?!
• SpongeBob: I think I can explain. [lifts up Patrick's belly] Yes, I've seen this one before. It's a common symptom. Patrick is suffering from Krabby Patty Withdrawal. He needs one, or he'll keep mumbling about it for the next 3-1/2 minutes.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, he needs one, eh? [to the cash register] Methinks a payin' customers in our midst. [to Patrick] Patrick, how's a Krabby Patty with extra cheese sound?
• Patrick: [gasps] Gimme! [acts like a dog]
• Mr. Krabs: Not yet. First, I have to know, can ya pay for it?
• Patrick: Oh, yeah, I can pay for it. [Mr. Krabs pats him]
• Mr. Krabs: Good boy. [cut to Patrick inhaling a bunch of Krabby Patties like a vacuum]
• French Narrator: Ten seconds later... [Patrick is full of a mountain of Krabby Patties snoring]
• Mr. Krabs: My good man, how you doin'? [Patrick mumbles] Excellent. Now let's get down to business. [gets out his long receipt]
• Patrick: What's that?
• Mr. Krabs: It's your bill.
• Patrick: I don't have any money.
• Mr. Krabs: What?! I thought you said you could pay for it!
• Patrick: [referring to how many Krabby Patties he ate] Oh, I'm payin' for it all right. [belches]
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Non-payin' customer! [an alarm blares while the whole place is put on lock down]
• Patrick: [looking puzzled] Huh?
• Mr. Krabs: [grabbing Patrick by the head] You're gonna pay, one way or another. [bubble transition to him and Patrick in the bathroom] All right, Patrick, if you're not gonna pay for your food with money, you're gonna pay with hard, physical labor. I want ya to swab the latrine. [looks at the trash and spiders on the floor] I'll be back in a while to check up on ya. [mumbles] Bottom-feedin' nuisance...
• Patrick: No problem. Tra-la-la-la-la. [pushes the bucket along the floor leaving puddles of water on the ground] Work, work, work, work.
• Mr. Krabs: [coming back in] So, Patrick, how are ya...? [gasps] What in blazes did you do?!
• Patrick: [sitting on the ground with green soap on his belly] I accidentally tried the hand soap. [eats some more and burps] It doesn't taste as good as it smells. [Mr. Krabs grumbles while pushing him into the kitchen. He opens up a freezer door]
• Mr. Krabs: See these ice cube trays? [points to a barrel] I want ya to put 'em in that bucket.
• Patrick: How do I do it?
• Mr. Krabs: Figure it out.
• Patrick: Uh... I have to be very gentle. [does the exact opposite; he closes the doors, picks up the freezer and throws it on the bucket, causing it and the freezer to break into pieces]
• Mr. Krabs: What the...? What are ya doin'?!
• Patrick: [stacking ice cubes on remains of barrel] Almost done, Mr. Krabs. [stacks on last ice cube, causing pile to collapse]
• Mr. Krabs: You've destroyed me refrigerator! [picks up melting ice cubes] You've destroyed many of the things I love. [grabs Patrick by the arm] I got another job that even a nimrod like you couldn't mess up. [Bubble transition to in front of the trash chute] All's ye gotta do is throw all these trash bags down the trash chute, like so. [throws a trash bag down the chute] See?
• Patrick: Yup.
• Mr. Krabs: Good. Because if ya mess this up, you'll never eat another Krabby Patty again! [Patrick screams]
• Patrick: Hurry, hurry, hurry! [throws some sacks into the trash chute fast]
• Mr. Krabs: [to SpongeBob] Here, boy, take this sack of loot and put her in me safe.
• SpongeBob: Okie dokie, Mr. Krabs. [goes by the trash room but here's some crashing so he checks it out] Huh?
• Patrick: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry! [kicks the trash bag several times]
• SpongeBob: Patrick, what's up, buddy?
• Patrick: [a bunch of trash bags are stuck] I have to get rid of this trash, but it won't go down! [Patrick cries]
• SpongeBob: [laughs] That's because you didn't hit the trash compactor switch. [turns the compactor on. All the trash is gone]
• Patrick: SpongeBob, you're a genius! [sees the money bag on SpongeBob's shoulder, mistakenly thinks it's a trash bag] Oh no, there's one left!
• SpongeBob: [Patrick grabs the money bag, desperate] Patrick, that's not a... [Patrick throws the money bag into the compactor] trash bag!
• Patrick: [seeing that the compactor won't suck the money bag] Nooo! Why won't you go down?! [Patrick frantically starts flipping the switch up and down, only causing the compactor to expand]
• Mr. Krabs: Well, well, let's see how the poor boys doin'. Well, did you earn me money back yet, Patrick? [The Krusty Krab explodes. The remains of the trash compactor come down in its original spot and sucked the money bag into the trash compactor and all over Mr. Krabs' face.]
• Patrick: [Mr. Krabs looks at him angrily, knowing this was Patrick's fault] Can I eat now? [The episode ends.]